EstrangedOne's Journal


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11 entries this month

''"The Mind of Madness'' (Latest Publishing) [Preparing To become A Ghost Again]

11:28 Apr 30 2014
Times Read: 663

Well, I've just recently officially published some new and old works of mine, to Kindle... not entirely sure how it may go, but then again... for some reason I don't find myself too worried about it.

I've already published one short story to Amazon Kindle, prior to this piece of work - which frankly... it may be a little bit 'rough', for the most part. But that's because in this most recent publishing, each and every piece of it is the original writing; no editing done to it, whatsoever.

On top of it all, it's a compilation of just about all my writings of poetry and 'songs', over about the past seven or eight years. And considering the notion that when I started writing, it was merely emotion and semi-primitive thought being put into it all, my earlier works are a little bit "stiff for taste", so to speak.

Since I left my old 'Hell', my works (in my own opinion) feel as though they've come a long way in their intricacy and use of virtually everything. Some of them, I can tell, I must have written when I was essentially 'dead' or half-awake, because unless I put myself into the state of mind I used to constantly be in, they nearly seem to bring me back to my "childhood", which is one of the few things about them that I don't like. But "oh, well", I suppose.

Cutting short and to the chase, fully published "The Mind of Madness" should be available on Amazon Kindle, very shortly, as is the first piece of a series of short stories to come; "Primeval Brethren".

Mind you, "Primeval Brethren" is obviously much 'lesser', since it's nowhere near the length of my many works of poetry and 'songs' (compiled over the span of (again) roughly seven or eight years), but I'm hoping that it at least proves to be an interesting read for anyone seeking the entertainment of it. I'll be attempting to post a link to each, in the end of this entry, so if it takes awhile, then you will have to bear with me, since the way this site is built... site links of any kind have a tendency to show up as mere plain text. And I know as well as everyone else, just how frustrating that can be.

Frankly, one of my... personal favorites, no matter how many times I review the many poems and 'songs' I've done... happens to be titled "Call of The Crow". It isn't so much a Religious piece, nor a piece about nature, but more... Spiritual. Being Physically, one-part Native American, and holding a strong grasp on my Native heritage, this one tends to speak to me, allot. but more so, than that reason, even, is the fact of what "Call of The Crow" is really about. Mind you, I would rather not 'spoil' the mystery of it, so I'm going to leave it alone. But I think that just about any person who reads it should gain an interesting 'sight' into the way I think, at times, when certain things happen.

To be honest, there are more than just that piece that I still enjoy reading, myself, but... I'm simply somewhat hoping that other people will enjoy reading the whole compilation.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Meanwhile, though I slightly doubt many honestly care, I am in the process of 'packing' again. This time, however, I'm going to be visiting a couple of people - my dear sister being one of them, along with "AngelicaRose". But I'm not going to be stopping at that, though I will say this much... for the few who may be 'concerned' about me, I can only say "Don't Worry So Much".

For one, I'm a survivalist - a hunter-and-tracker-born and a Soldier-taught. I can survive in places where no one else I know of would be able to. And yes, I have tested this. Lol

I have had to put my survival skills to the test more than once in the past. It isn't always easy, but it's the life that I feel the most prepared for, to be brutally honest.c However, I would, indeed, be lying if I said that a 'Simple, domestic' life is not amongst the things I wish to have. Because, well... I would love such a thing. but at the same time, I don't like being confined or restricted to one place. I never have been one to stay in one place for too long. I've always enjoyed traveling, no matter where to (oddly, even if others tell me "it's too dangerous").

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In any case, hopefully, for one, those who decide to read "The Mind of Madness" will find it enlightening and intriguing enough to tell others about it. To be honest, I rather look forward to hearing peoples' comments and opinions about it, since it should be available within the next 24-48 hours. And perhaps some may even be interested in reading "Primeval Brethren" (I can only hope for that one, actually), though a continuation to That one is still in the process of being worked on, given the fact that I haven't really had any time to work on it (things seem to be just a little too socially and psychologically chaotic, at the moment, for any progress to be made).

For any who might be interested in 'delving into' "Primeval Brethren":


(I will have to post for "The Mind of Madness" at a slightly latter time, it seems. But I believe that visiting my page (which is still also in the works), then people should be able to find it with ease.)

And yes. Now, you who read my journals (and any who read my works) know my 'legal' name.




''Living Upon The 'Fringe' '' (Incomplete as yet)

11:34 Apr 29 2014
Times Read: 676

Yes; I know that it's viewed as "fringe". But in all honesty, I don't give a damn. I also know that I am seen by some (as an individual) as either "insane" or just as somewhat of a "tale-teller". Well... to be honest, I don't care much about That, either. Actually, to a point, that's the way I prefer it to be. Where the word of one or several people may tell that I'm "not right in the head", there is also the word of a few, here-and-there, to attest to something else, entirely. But either way one looks at it, I'm in no way worried about how people view me. I never really have been, to be perfectly truthful.

There is, however, a slight difference between "acclaiming to the 'fringe' of society" and stating that you have a specific trait that most may not believe, even if they seem exactly the same.

Trust me... I've learned more, in my time of research, than I care to admit, at times.

Unfortunately, too many people still seem to be convinced that a 'Real Vampyre' is literally, well... something out of Bram Stoker's "Dracula". I know that, just from what I've run into, on HERE, alone. And to be blunt about it, that notion is just about too embarrassing to state. But sadly, it's the truth.

A 'Real Vampyre', by scientific/physiological fact (essentially pointing to what it really is, at the core of the subject), is a person who cannot produce enough of or Any of the energy/energies that they need to go about their day, by their own means, and thus they need to draw that energy from another source.

Now, granted, there are many of these said people who require blood, for that energy (yes, myself included - and believe me... if you could see me when I'm in dire need of it, you would be looking at me like I need a hospital. And no. I'm not kidding). But there are also those who draw their energy from other, differing sources; for example, those known as "Pranic" (or in greater technicality, 'tantric' feeders), or 'psi' Vampyres... well, in all actuality, the term "psi" is merely a derivative of the word "psychic", which is divided into multiple Sub-Categories, which, screwed up as it is, in my opinion... is publicly considered, also, to be a form of 'Psionic' (which trust to believe... 'psychic' and 'Psionic' are absolutely Nothing alike, beyond the fact that they both require a brain/mind to control).

Between the known facts about Vampyrism, and the obvious Hollywood/fictions of the Vampyre Subculture, I see what I feel is Far Too Many people who think that 'vampires' of Fiction are the Vampyres of the Real World. And unfortunately, some people seem absolutely determined to believe that a Real Vampyre is the same thing as either "Twilight" (a mere pathetic mockery of legend and history, in my personal opinion) or Bram Stoker's "Dracula", which is essentially little more than a 'dark/Gothic'-twisted romanticism - the 'demented fictions' - of the imagination of a mid-19th-Century Irishman [and yes... that is the way I look at the book and movies of "Dracula"].

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Now, personally, I may not hold PAPER 'proof' of what I am - but then again, the way I see it, such a thing isn't really possible, because some things can only be shown or seen with either a camera lens or the naked eye.

As an example, as some people would say, I "claim to be" a Vampyre, myself, of not only Sanguine/Sanguinarian nature, but also of both Psychic and Psionic origins.

Now, for those confused or unaware. there is a notable and obvious difference between a PSYCHIC and a PSIONIC 'feeder'

- 'Psychic' (otherwise publicly known as "psi", for short, which in my opinion, should simply have the last letter changed) pertains to the Mental/Psychic energies, which are retained by the Mind, itself. In other words, these /psychic' energies are known for their 'telepathic bond' between people. Hence, only a 'psychic' Vampyre can feed on the said energy.

- Psionic energy, on the other hand, refers to the energy directly given off by the Soul/Metaphysical Essence of an individual. To be even More accurate, it's the very CORE of the life force that drives a person. And though this energy also takes some mental focus to 'feed' from, it's much more focal around the Metaphysical Mind (yes, there is such a thing, if you really look at the physiological side of the Soul/Spirit. The Metaphysical 'body' is what feeds and fuels much of the Physical Embodiment of the person/being).

However, most people don't really know much of anything about a Real Psionic Vampyre, because, well... not many of them exist, to-day. By fictional perspective, the only way to be one of these is to be BORN one. But, looking at it from an, again, Metaphysical point of viewing... there are technically (and this pertains with Religion, as well, odd to say) Two ways to be a Psionic Vampyre; By Birth or... 'Re-birth'. and by "Re-birth", I mean physically dying (as a Vampyre) and coming back to life (whether almost right away, or after a dangerously extended period of time). "Impossible", you might say? Guess again. It's most often called an "NDE" or "Near-Death Experience". But sometimes, a person can physically die, even be dead for hours on end, and Still return from the dead. The only drawback to that is that, well... usually, a good CHUNK of the person (brain-wise speaking) will die, in the process. Very rarely does a person ever come back from the dead, be it by "sheer happenstance" or by outside 'forces'. But when it does happen, you can almost guarantee that they are Still a completely changed individual (I personally know this, because it's happened to me, as well as to a few friends of mine, AND my "mother". And even for all my research and studying, I Still have absolutely No idea how it's happened to any of us. Least of all, in my own case. but, in this said case, it really doesn't matter).

Now, in the case of Vampyres of Fiction, it's obvious that the Writers of these Fictions tend to twist history, Allot (that is, if their writings are 'history-Based'). Yet, going by 'Legend', alone, Vampyres are almost always typically the same, in a sense, even whilst having otherwise varying traits.

Hell... I'm willing to bet that most people aren't even aware that Vampyres, originally, didn't have 'fangs'/canines, like people see in fiction. that one began with a series of short stories, called "Varney the Vampire; or The Feast Of Blood", in which the main character, "Varney, the vampire" had 'fangs'. That was the first Fictional vampire that ever had 'fangs'. Prior to that, Even Fictional Vampyres didn't have those. Most Vampyres - Fictional or Real - had either 'saw-like'/serrated teeth or long, sharp fingernails. And how they obtained the blood they consumed? Well... let us just say that you wouldn't want to know, if you're squeamish in any way. Lol

But... you won't likely hear or see any fan of common Fictions admit to that little notion of fact, even if they believe it. They are far too determined to believe that Real Vampyres are literally the stuff of movies. Well, I hate to break it to you, folks, but... WWRROONNGG.

The truth is never quite so easy to take, when it comes to comparing the thoughts and ideas of Fiction to the Facts of Reality. And while some might say that "by fact" Psionic Vampyres don't exist, trust to believe that even THAT... isn't quite so simply defined away by mere "proof" of thought or opinion.

((Will Be Continued and Finished Later...))



11:47 Apr 29 2014

Though I believe that the Spirit resides in the Mind?", I do not embrace it as being telepathic. Telepathy is the communication connection between and amongst different minds. The Spirit is connected with the enhanced ability to think. I am not saying it is special or superior, but coupled with the predatory urges one has, this evolution of the Spirit comes to a fruition. Telepathy is a different thing altogether. *shrugz* just my point of view. :)

11:49 Apr 29 2014

Though I believe that the Spirit resides in the Mind, I do not embrace it as being telepathic. Telepathy is the communication connection between and amongst different minds. The Spirit is connected with the enhanced ability to think. I am not saying it is special or superior, but coupled with the predatory urges one has, this evolution of the Spirit comes to a fruition. Telepathy is a different thing altogether. *shrugz* just my point of view. :)

11:50 Apr 29 2014

Oops. Apologies for the repeat post.


A Positively Twisted Notion...

11:01 Apr 26 2014
Times Read: 714

I was talking to someone about this, just a little bit earlier, to-night, when we were talking about medical problems that need attention, and to be brutally honest... This one is something that Stumps Me, To This Day...

You see, after having been to numerous doctors, I still have absolutely No idea what my blood type is. And though it may seem equally as 'far-fetched' as many of the other things I've mentioned, prior (even I still can't understand how this one works)... some people I know would look at this one, and wonder "just how weird IS this guy's body?"...

Every time that I have visited the doctor's office, to have a checkup or something looked at, they have taken blood, (for which I still can't understand) mainly to see if I have any drugs or other substances in my system. Supposedly, it's simply a "precaution" they take. Well, unfortunately, when it comes to MY body... it's a better idea to look at my blood under a plain-old-fashioned microscope, because the technology that they use, to-day... something there, My 'essence' doesn't seem to like much.

I say that because every time I have had my blood taken - even to simply find out my Blood Type... no sooner do they begin running electronically-guided tests on it, the damned machines are the first thing(s) to completely shut down/break down, and then Half The Damned BUILDING 'goes down'.

Now, beyond a few people calling This one "utter BS", I can think of almost nothing that anyone would or Could say, that would be able to explain Why The Hell something like this should happen. and trust me, it isn't because of "faulty" equipment. Every time I walk in, the equipment is Brand Shining New, and everything is tested, Prior. And it always happens when My blood is being tested.

The only thing that I can really think of, to explain this one, is that there must be something about my blood that either "Just Doesn't WANT to Be Found", or isn't MEANT to be found. Mind you, I've been trying to find out what my blood type is, for Years, now. And I still have no answer to that question... as if it's simply "not supposed to be known or found". It's only led some doctors I've met to believe that "there must be more anomalies than how many creatures have come to be born in Chernobyl".

Don't ask me how, "if this is true or possible", I haven't come to be some sort of 'experiment' to people, because I honestly have not a clue. I only know that it stumps me so much, that it's more like a complete and utter IRRITATION, now. I've even asked a few doctors if it's possible to find a person's blood type without the use of some of the technology, and, well... of course - just my "luck" - ... 'nadda'.

Frankly, I would be asking people for advice on this one, but I would rather spare everyone the oddity of it all. I've asked every doctor I've been to virtually Every qeustion I could possibly think of, and they Still cannot come up with any kind of explanation. Kind of discouraging and a little... disheartening, isn't it? And let us not forget how Truly Twisted it would be, all things considered.



14:56 Apr 26 2014

It was a good talk. I hope you find out your blood type soon. :)

05:14 Apr 27 2014

I would have to question the legitimacy of this entry, simply because if it was as you say, then it would have been published in a Medical Journal by now. It is just not that compelling, or persuasive.. no matter how dressed up it is with verbiage. Unless you are trying to veil fiction as fact for effect, then you are well written.

07:05 Apr 27 2014

Well, considering the fact that (at times) I have been extremely "lucky", in a way - though I do somewhat understand your statement, "madscientist" - I will ask you this one little question...

Have you Any Idea just how flawed mankind really is?

People like yourself (and even old "dabbler", though I must say that I somewhat understand HIS points of view, to an extent, even (shocking as Hell, though it may be)) always doubt what you can't see on "official" paper, and yet... you don't even know, beyond the tips of your noses, just how twisted or "beyond the 'norm'" this world really is.

Think about this, for a moment...

the Shroud of Turin, for example, has been proven to exist, because it was found and they tested IT for numerous things. The blood of Jesus being one of them. That alone, scientifically proved that Jesus truly did exist.

And though you won't likely hear allot of people admit to it... even "zombies" have 'supposedly' (somehow, beyond my current knowledge) been proven to exist, because the government 'found evidence' in Germany.

Well, I know that Germany did experiment with numerous things... the "walking dead" and what myth and Hollywood call "Undead" reportedly being amongst them. But the thing is, as I stated before, the FEAR that people retain, of such beings is still so strong, that they don't want to accept the fact that if ONE side of the line can exist (i.e., Jesus Christ being the "Son of God"/Divine), then why not the OTHER side of said line? Is it really so hard to believe that things can be possible, of which simple human understanding can't fully explain?

14:09 Apr 27 2014

Oops put this in the wrong entry..

Actually the Shroud Of Turin has been repeatedly officially exposed as a ancient perpetrated hoax.http://www.skepdic.com/shroud.html

As far as your other claim that there has been evidence of Zombies, I sincerely look forward to any links or sources you may have for such data, or info.

Because it is very obvious you like making baseless claims to bolster your far fetching claims.

09:19 Apr 28 2014

"Baseless and far fetched claims"? My apologies. I guess I just spend too much time with my eyes glued to the pages of a book and doing online research. But then, I did also get some of my information from books that are no longer in print. So giving you a decent reference will be admittedly difficult. But I will set a post with such links and quotes, once I find them, little man.

And by the way, you really need to find a new hobby. Perhaps actually Reading, instead of spending ours just listening to your own one-sided skeptic banter.

22:26 May 02 2014

You really are showing yourself to be a spoon in a box of knives by argueing that the Shroud is authentic. Just do yourself a solid, and man up to this folly, you failed this round.

Old.. outdated reference books.. ? Is that the straw you grasp?

BTW thanks for not blocking me, at least I give you credit for that.

23:45 May 02 2014

Well if I have gotten under your skin I'll save you the need to block me. I am done with you. It is evident you are welded into your delusions. It is just now more obvious for others who needed to see just how irrational, and illogical you would become under adveristy, and scrutiny. My task is done here. Thanks again for being tall enough to not delete the conflicting comments. I leave you to your Fallacies.

00:59 May 03 2014

"Fallacies"... lol I haven't heard anyone use that word in awhile. Are you sure you didn't have to look in a dictionary, to find it?

A True 'fallacy' is believing that this world is entirely One-Sided, when it's not.

You make it sound as if, by 'non-religious' means, that there is only man and beast in this world. 'Religious' beliefs often try to say that there is "only god and the Devil".

Unfortunately... there is, always has been, and always Shall be the "gray area". Amongst man and beast, there are also the birds and insects (all creatures that make up the world the naked eye sees).

And even religiously speaking, there is "God" the Devil, and then there is Man. In perfect technicality, Mankind is the gray area, there. However, there is also 'color'... all things in between.

The 'Shroud of Turin'? That is one of those things that shows - though proof of one thing - that Science and Religion simply never will see eye-to-eye. Me? I'm not religious, by any means. But I know also, that the understanding I possess, is something you would never and likely never will come to know, yourself.

Technology, for one, is a show of man's technical knowledge, bringing metals and other materials together, to create something that keeps the world "connected". But what happens when technology eventually falls/fails? Most people will be utterly lost without it.

My point being that it is dangerous to see only one side. I am a person who sees ALL sides of things. I always have and I always will. Though logical, I will admit, I do have my... "strange" side. But that is something that one/others can either deal with, or they've no business speaking to me.

and if you honestly think that you've gotten 'under my skin', then you're sadly mistaken, and I will remain disappointed in you, simply for that assumption. And that is all there is to it.


My Latest Forum Response--

08:06 Apr 24 2014
Times Read: 744

I've recently left a response in the Rave forum, for people to think about... and though I will admit that at times, it is better for me to not open my mouth, because people don't like it when I do, I will say - not in "defense" of myself, but as a little added notion, that I think I will refrain from making any further comment on the said post. Primarily because if I Do... then I guarantee that not many people will like me for it. ((ROFLMAO))

Mind you, I do say that, partially "with tongue planted firmly in cheek". But still, I have noticed that I do have plenty of enemies, on here, just as I do in the rest of the world, beyond the Rave. And I can tell anyone who reads this that if you think I'm joking, then just look at how many people really 'like' me, on here, alone. Not many do.

Part of that is due to my (admittedly odd and impossibly twisted) nature. I've been through and seen things that most people would never believe, yet I still walk this world, and thus I continue to make enemies. However, I will admit that the main reason many people on here don't care for me is just as simple... I tend to enjoy my mind games, perhaps a Little Too Much. (My own family can attest to just how 'sick' I can be, in that regard. Lol)

All things considered, I will say that I do have a rather interesting sense of humor, and it does tend to show, the more people attempt to get to know me - and even more, should they succeed.

Anyone who has viewed my journals, prior to the deletion of most of my poetry would be able to tell that what I really have in my mind... This is just not quite enough for me to really get it all out. I would be writing for months, without rest or fail, if I did.

But the reason for which I think I should keep any further commentary on the latest post to myself is simply for the fact that many people here would see a mild 'taste' of just how interesting my sense of humor can be, and furthermore... one would learn, REAL fast, just how many people don't quite care for me, even if they don't realize it, yet. Frankly, I have far too much lying in my mind, to even be able to put it all to that select post. And it would get more people's blood boiling that anyone really knows. The sad thing of the matter is the fact that I wouldn't even intend it to sound as it would likely be taken. I would simply mean it as it would be said.



10:33 Apr 24 2014

People will always hate. :( I guess we're just built that way. We handle it somehow. A natural defense? *shrugz*

I liked your forum post. :)

05:59 Apr 25 2014


05:21 Apr 27 2014

Yea Narcissistic people always say how unappreciated they are. They always use such verbiage, and word dressing to do it as well. Nothing brings them greater joy then to imagine themselves as someones enemy, or friend.. (Confidant.) when the truth is that Narcissists don't want friends, or enemies.. they just want themselves to be puffed up on themselves. Along with a pathetic attempt to gain astonishment from others with fringe, and reaching claims. But you will probably delete this comment asap.

06:48 Apr 27 2014

You might want to try again, my "mad" little friend. I really cannot count how many times I've been called a "narcissist", and yet... I don't even think you fully know what a narcissist really is. But you're obviously not the first person to call me that. In all brutal honesty, I find it a little humorous.

Though, I am a little bit disappointed that people would call me a narcissist, considering the fact that I HIDE myself from nearly everyone. By the very definition of a "narcissist", they have an overly strong 'ego', or a "love"/sexual desire for their own body.

I'm no narcissist, buddy. I'm simply considered by some to be a little "prissy", in a sense, whilst being (though not without reason) perhaps a little "arrogant" in my own views. But that only goes to a certain point, even to Me. I'm a little surprised you haven't noticed that yet. But more over, I'm a little disappointed about it. It only goes to show how little you really know of me, even as a person.

And I never said that I was "unappreciated". I simply said that people don't like me. I know, much better than you do, that I have more enemies than I have friends. But I won't claim to have no 'friends'. The few friends that I DO have, I would be more than proud to die for. Family, on the other hand... well, that's another story, altogether.

Besides... I would really love to know where you get the idea that I "attempt to gain astonishment" from others. The way I grew up, it was considered as being "life's lessons". Things to be used as experience, in latter times.

But of course, you're going to view me as you will. It isn't any "skin off my back". and deleting your comment? Why would I want to do that, when I find it so humorous? Lol

"Narcissist"? Not even close. "Arrogant", maybe. But again, my friend... if you were to meet me, face-to-face, then you would understand Why For that I am so "arrogant" and seemingly "out of my mind" at times. To be perfectly blunt, my friend... you would not even survive a fraction of the things I have survived. And unfortunately, that is just the cold, hard, undeniable truth.


'Trolls' and 'Spammers'... Good Christ...

10:14 Apr 21 2014
Times Read: 767

Finally, I think I understand, completely, why they are called "trolls" and "spammers"-- annoying, pathetic, and idiotic to boot. One would think that people have better things to do with their time - maybe actually LEARN something, instead of playing the same old 'game' of hollow-head tag.

Now, I understand more of why there are so many 'dead' profiles on here. Utterly ridiculous.

I, especially, have a little too much on my palette to be bothered with this level of stupidity.




Is Someone Finally Listening To Me?...

09:37 Apr 17 2014
Times Read: 784

I can barely believe this... it seems as though someone is Finally listening to me, and accepting the truth. Possibly Two people, as it seems. Although, there is really only one way to be sure.

On one hand, I have someone who hasn't wanted to accept that she isn't Human, from the start... the woman I love. I may have finally gotten through to her, on the night of the Blood Moon (ironic, in my opinion... given what the Blood Moon represents, yet what actually transpired, that night, though nothing will be said of it (and with due reason)).

She hasn't wanted to accept that she is of my technical genetic difference from others, but even my best friend, here, can tell that she is quite literally like Me. Though I won't mention her name, for the moment, let us just say that she thought herself only to be a "Demonic Medium"... I'm sorry, love... but a 'Medium' IS generally Human. Not always, but usually. However, what You are capable of, my dear, is not the sole extent of a 'Medium'. I'm just waiting for the right time to open your eyes, 100%, and show you what really lies inside you. Frankly, whether what you and I are be a "Blessing" or a "Curse", I still don't fully know. But then, no one ever really will know. Such things are based out of opinion, as far as I can see. But frankly, it is about time that you accepted it, and embraced it as the rest of our 'House' and I have. You know, full well, that I'm here, always; and I have no intention of ever leaving. Period. Though technically an 'Ancient' Soul, like myself, you have acknowledged that you are in need of guidance. And though I hate to sound "arrogant", as I may seem to some, it might as well be Me that guides you, and helps you to accept it fully and embrace it, as I've dealt with it since I can remember. After all, I know what to expect the most, and I know how to handle it. the only question of it is... Will you be willing to cooperate and not fight me? I know you didn't fight it, on that given night. So now, we need to make the time to establish how to help you come into it, in a way that you can handle it. And if you feel 'lost' in any way... well, that is why I am helping you. I'm already here, as it is. And I'm not leaving your side. Nor will I let you deal with it on your own, as I had to do. (Trust Me... I know just how hard it may and most likely will be.)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Now, on the other hand, I have someone else, who has fought me, nearly every step of the way - granted, I will admit that the way I approached the situation may have been a little 'unorthodox', but such was necessary - and hasn't listened to a word I'd said... NOW, they evidently return... ironic enough, as it is... openly admitting that I was right, from the start.

Now, frankly, though I absolutely HATE being right, some days (because I'm almost never wrong - when I am, I'm almost grateful), what I hate more is when people don't listen to me, and it winds up being detrimental to them. This one happens so often that it's not even funny, anymore, because almost every time someone finds out I'm right... they blame Me for them being hurt by it.

Well... finally, it seems that this certain someone is listening to me, and is beginning to accept it. Apparently, finally beginning to actually FEEL their 'change' and 'awakening', they finally end up returning (funny enough; some time after pissing me off to the point of them thinking that I've turned my back on them... *tisk, tisk* is all that I can say, here. I have always been a man of my word. And unfortunately, that tends to get me into ALLOT of trouble, even to-day), to seek out my help.

Now, given that 'I Am what I Am', most would think that i don't know much about this particular 'genre' of kindred... but unfortunately, I know more than i care to, to be brutally honest. However, (and yes, I know this sounds "arrogant") from time to time, I do tend to be grateful that I know what I do, about it. Sadly, the last time that I dealt with one of YOUR 'kindred', I ended up getting stabbed in the back, to the point at which I was not only FORCED to do the one thing that you seem to think I've done (i.e., walking away), but I have also come to loathe most of the kindred, almost as much as I despise the Human race. However, due to our past history, I am, in a sense, 'obliged' to help, given that I was there for you, when you needed me before, when you were at the weakest point you thought was possible. Funny enough, however, that I was also the one who showed you a very mild glimpse of what you have finally come to call 'MY world'.

Frankly, I still say you're an absolute idiot, for not accepting it, before, when it would've made things easier for you. But still, I'm not about to turn my back, because it's not in my nature. I may still be a little pissed at you, but not for what you think you did to me. My reasons are far different.

In my opinion, you should have accepted what I told you, before, when I gave you that little glimpse, because it would've likely been a little easier for you. But I admit that I know damn well I scared the living Hell out of you, with the little bit that I showed you- it doesn't matter how much you would like to deny that fact. Your fear of it practically still emanates from you, like what I am does, from Me (Living in a different state, now, I can barely go out the door and walk five blocks, around town, without people Sensing what I am, and I know it scares them half to death).

But if you're finally ready to accept it and embrace it, then it's time that your finally-opened mind remembers two things:

1) You may Think you're delusional. But if our past history has shown you anything, at all, then it should be that you're Not. Keep in mind, as always, that when speaking to Me, you speak to someone who will defy even the laws of existence, if I must. I've done it before, and believe me... I hold no fear of doing it again and again. I don't even fear death, because I've already been there (several times- in fact, so many, that I've completely lost count) and back. Belief in "God" and/or the "Devil" makes little difference, although it helps. I believe in "God" and the Devil, yes... but I don't worship either one, because of my own past. I'm no more welcome in Hell than I am in the Heavens. But I'm fine with it.

TRUE delusion is seeing the world (almost literally) in Black & White - in the So-Called "Christian light", this means believing that there is only "God" and the Devil... but the 'gray area', there, is Mankind, himself. NOTHING is Ever in pure Black & White. Nothing.

2) The 'world' that you fear is not necessarily to be feared. That is why you have 'Feelings', to tell you what is 'good' and what is not. Your deeper intuition has already finally begun to 'kick in'. Now, it's time to sharpen it and learn to use and control it. When you are 'Human', your intuition is weaker, because it's much less 'tuned' to everything. But when you are "Otherkin", as it's called, your intuition becomes much sharper and much stronger, because your mind and Soul are, in themselves, 'tuned' to a completely different level of feeling that Humans associate with "animal nature".

Why do you think I hold no fear of that said 'world'? It isn't merely because I was born into it, or forced to walk in a world that I don't fully understand. It's because, over time, my own intuition has become much sharper than any Human will ever know. That's why I sense, see and feel things that other people are blatantly oblivious to.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

All in all, I must say... though I really do hate it when people don't listen to me, from the start, at least two people may finally be opening their eyes (or at least, they seem to be). But for both of them, I have to use a completely different approach. One of them is only Now 'awakening', which, frankly... the latency of it, alone, poses a slight problem, given the fact that it's easier for children and teenagers to accept these things, because their minds are still fresh. But if the person is finally ready to accept it and embrace whom and what they are, then I give them nothing but my best, as I know it's difficult to grasp something that you don't understand or fear more fiercely than anything you've seen.

But for the other... a person who has grown up KNOWING she is different, but not fully knowing HOW different, and yet still denying not WHO she is, but WHAT... that one poses an interesting 'dilemma' of its own. But still, I won't say that I'm not 'up to the task'.

Frankly, I've watched more people turn around and say "What In The Everliving Hell?" to what I've shown them than I can properly count. And there are still people that are too afraid of just the 'basic' concept of what I've done, to wish to accept that it's not something from out of a movie, but Is, Indeed, as real as it gets.

Mind you, I'm not talking about "vampires turning into mist", or any of the other Hollywood-fictional BS. I'm talking about something that people fear more than they could ever fear something like that. When something is Truly 'fictional', you Know it. but when it's Real... you don't just "know" it. You FEEL it.

I guess it's time to see just how far some people can expand and extend themselves - Mind, Body AND Soul.




Is It Not Obvious?

11:04 Apr 06 2014
Times Read: 808

I would think it would be a little more obvious than that- someone being on a site for vampires/Vampyres, and they begin to ask someone the question "how do you know this?"...

I've honestly lost count of how many times I've done and said practically the same thing, over and over again, and yet people still don't seem to understand it...

I know I tend to drive people a little "crazy" when I either get into their heads, or I decide to be an "ass" and play mind games so obvious to me. But still, it should be obvious, if one really looks deep enough (referring to my journals, in this case) to see what someone is or what they're like, or how they do or can do certain things, that there is a little more to the person than what meets the eye. Personally, I find it a little annoying, at times, and yet almost comical at other times. I still have yet to meet more than three people, in a row, who can tell, upon first glance, as to whom/what I really am - within And without.

The world really is full of numerous, strange oddities and ironies, is it not?




Finally Working On It...

08:17 Apr 06 2014
Times Read: 810

Finally, I'm working on my book, and getting it published... although, I'm not really sure how well it will do. But if it works out well, since I'm doing it somewhat as Edgar Alan Poe and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle did theirs, then hopefully, it will "take off" a little bit.

Although, to be honest, I wonder just how many people will really read it, and even more so... how many will know it's me... boy... being where I have been really does have a tendency to make the mind become one Hell of a 'maze', when it comes to doing things as others would do them.

My book is in the process of being published through Amazon, but I still wonder just how well it will do, since I have to do it as numerous short stories... 'Heaven asunder'... I almost feel like I'm doing things exactly like the two authors I adore the most... and I haven't even fully STARTED it, yet. My mind never seems to get nor take a break, no matter how hard I try. the thoughts are always going at a thousand speeds at once, and always more than one thought at a time. Irritating, really. But I do hope that the book is good enough that it draws somewhat of a crowd, as my songs and poetry writings always seem to do... maybe I should do a sonnet, as well...




Another Reminiscence...

11:54 Apr 05 2014
Times Read: 819

Over the past few days, as I've been re-constricted to the same place, which frankly... is one thing I hate - I never have liked being in one place for too long - with a blood-churning passion, I keep finding myself reminiscing about something that makes me wonder why people think so feeble of me.

When I was in training, under my 'grandfather', Clifford, among the many things he taught me was survival... and one lesson and notion that he always told me, sometimes several times a day, whilst he passed his knowledge on to me; "If you are a true survivor and a survivalist, then you will always have a way to live, a place to call 'home', and a way to get food."

Over the years, as I've watched people become so attached to their need for technology and so many luxuries, I've learned just how true those words are. I have to say that I have seen and met far too many people who "need" all these luxuries of technology, and people who complain about not having a "home"...

Well, frankly, I can't really say much about that, in my own regard, because over time, there have been many days under which I've sought one of those said luxuries- a place to reside. Though in all reality, I don't actually need it... sometimes, it does help, but most of the time, it's just a hassle, for someone like me.

I'm not really a "drifter", as some people I know think I am. I merely like to travel- I don't like being confined. I suppose you could call it a "Soldier's instinct", in a way. I grew up in a place where if I didn't have something, then I most likely would have to either fight for it, make it, or practically 'break my back' to earn it. And believe me, I have more than 'earned' quite a few of the things I have had, in my time. But still, I prefer to make the things that I need, or simply alter/fix what I already have. In that sense, I'm somewhat of a minimalist in my survival. And many people that I know could never survive as I have had to. And in that regard, I will say that I belong, much more, out in the world, than I do amidst the Mundane world. Too many people, today, treat necessities such as Honor, Truth, Respect, and the things that mankind needs to LIVE... in most cases, that would be food and hydration... too much like they are casual luxuries. Well, maybe not so much food and hydration, but by the Code by which I was taught to live, Truth, Honor, Respect, and even Love and Loyalty are all necessities, to maintain who a person is. I know that every time I felt like going against the Code I've lived by, I have had more than a fair share of Fate's 'slaps on the face'... and I know it doesn't feel good. Some people call it "karma". I call it "Fate", for a reason.

There is a saying that has fallen into disuse, over the many ages: "Karma is a bitch when she is provoked. But Fate is is the devil you don't know."

Well, I've learned enough about Fate, myself, to know that that saying is more true than people give it credit for.

People really do cling, far too much, to things they don't really need. Me? Well, I know that I don't fully "need" my computer, nor my phone. I don't fully need the things that keep them going. As far as I am concerned, if it were not for the few people that I care about, or if I had one of the said people at my side when I decide to "go survivalist", then I would have absolutely no need not use for any of it. All I really need is my 'best friend' at my side, and the things that I've learned to use, to survive. I grew up living off the land - and no. I'm not kidding - and learning what was safe and unsafe to eat, drink, or touch. I was taught to hunt for my 'food', to make my own wardrobe, and to build any shelter required out of what I have all around me. And that knowledge has stuck with me, every day that I walk.

Personally, the day that the world falls and technology fails, I'll likely be one of those select few people laughing my ass off, as others are going crazy because they don't have their computers, cell phones, television, vehicles, and electricity. Guess what, everybody... you don't really need television, and you don't really need electricity. Electricity only makes things a little easier to work with... until you get yourself cooked by it. Lol

Television? Cell phones? They aren't even commodities. They're mere luxuries. I guarantee, most people would likely perish if they tried to live the way I can. The only reason that I don't is because I don't want to worry the few that I love. Granted, if they were to listen to me, once in awhile, I think they might learn something REAL quick. But as the saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water. But you can't make it drink". True, is it not?

Well, not to sound "arrogant", as I'm sure some may be bound to assume, but for what I may seem to be, I have more built up in my mind than most people can imagine. Is it any wonder why I've just stopped trying to help most people, and remain in the shadows of society?




Typicality? Or Simply Ironic?

21:54 Apr 03 2014
Times Read: 824

I will say this much... being in need of your own sustenance, while you are up in a tree, using professional climbing gear, and you are WEAK and ILL from the lack of your needed 'substance'... that is not a pleasant feeling.

I ended up collapsing in a damned "practice climb", just yesterday, and I had one Hell of a time getting out of the accursed thing.

There are no "two ways" about it... I need to find another line of work. This "feast or famine" thing just is not right, in my case.

((Perhaps I should be a 'hunter', after all. Lol At least then, I could put My knowledge and 'skills' to use... I should find out what my big sister and my Brother(s) think about it...)




Learn About Yourself, First...

01:25 Apr 02 2014
Times Read: 833

I hate to say it, but people really do not seem to use their brains much. Even when they claim to, it still shows - especially when they deny that they aren't using their brains.

"What might I mean by that?" Well, before you assume, let me 'break it down' for you, for a moment... this is where the differences between the 'Mundane' mind and the mind of another who has 'been through it' a few times comes to stand and holds allot of ground to show., if anyone catches my meaning...

Let me start it off with a few things that people have said to Me, over the course of this 'modern day', as it were~~

"I know you put that on. You might fool everyone else, but you're not fooling me."

For the one who said this, though they will likely never see this post, allow me to 'clear the air', so to speak. They were referring to my alleged European "accent", mind you. Frankly, I never even notice any kind of "accent" in my voice, though others seem to notice it allot. Why that is, I haven't a clue. But it seems to 'come and go' as it will. I can't exactly control that one.

Now, another one - this of which, I don't even want to repeat, because it's just not my "forbidden", so to speak - my Tone Of Voice... yes. My tone of voice.

Allot of people seem to be almost mesmerized by this one. Well, unfortunately, in what those like myself call the "Mundane world", I have to disguise my natural voice. And I have to do that ALLOT. Some people might ask "why?", because they have yet to hear it. Hell, even those directly around me tend to ask that question allot. And the answer, though for some, impossible to believe, is very simple: My natural voice, as some have seen, has a way of holding a very... 'strange' effect on others. Especially those who are nothing like me. And by that, I think anyone who uses their brain knows Exactly what I mean. If you're genetics make you Completely 'Human' by default (and no... that is by no means a "slam" at anyone), then my voice has a strange way of holding some manner of sway over you. It's happened before, and for some reason, it especially affects those who have even a slightly weaker will than my own. Mind you, I know the reason for that better than almost anyone, but I'm not about to say it, now. The reason? That's easy... Too Many Mundane Minds Read Something And Assume.

Now, here is another one-- "How can someone be so weird and still survive for so long?"

Well, the answer to that one is something that can only be answered by the one who has survived "for so long". And trust to believe, I'm not only referring to myself, in this case. I refer to ANYONE who holds a genetic 'similarity' to myself (I would even go so far as to call those said people My "Kin", in a sense of speaking), or even have lived more than one lifetime.

In My case, the answer is even still quite easy: As some might say, "I am just too stubborn to die". But in the words of one man I know, I'm simply "too demented" to die. My code says "Fight All You Can, Even When Your Will To Fight Gives Out. And When It Does... Keep Fighting." Plain and simple. I've fought to survive, my entire "life"/existence. And I don't give in easily. I simply bide my time, and look for a loophole.

Frankly, there are a few too many questions for me to post here, and I don't quite have the patience for it, given how pathetic technology likes to be. That and I don't particularly like to share too much, because many people don't understand things well enough. Hence, where judgmental personality comes into play. Too many people enjoy being so.

All I can or will say in this matter is that when people assume they know, when they haven't even given the proper time needed for something, to be able to fully comprehend it... that is what shows Me that they aren't being quite honest. And yes, I know that to some, I may appear to be "condescending", in this manner, but take my word for it... "You have no idea what 'condescending' really is", if you judge merely by one thing. This is why I labeled this post "Learn About Yourself, First..."

Some people, I'm sure, think that I'm being either "condescending" in my words, sometimes. Or they may think that I'm being "judgmental", in my own terms... No. I'm not. I simply observe people. And trust me- the way someone speaks, types/writes, acts and presents his or herself says allot about a person.

Want an example? Take the way I dress... each day. I know that many people wouldn't know this, lest they see me, in person, or on the webcams, but I almost always dress the same. Black clothing - but trust me, I Am Not "Goth", by any means - a long, dark coat (often leather, or just a very thick fabric, or even Both). I also tend to stay away from what most people would call "casual" clothing forbiddens, because they don't suit me, in the least. Now, given this, and to be more concise about my appearance;

I wear what is most commonly referred to as either "Dress" or "Semi-dress" clothes. But they're almost always dark - usually black. Why? Because I live by a form of Code, myself, unlike many people that I encounter. The Code that I live by is more like a phrase, however, that I was raised with; "Good Guys Wear Black". Well, amongst the many things that I've also learned, in this twisted world, there is another saying that I was raised with... "Those Who Intend The Best Are Almost Always Misunderstood". And unfortunately, that one is more true than people give it credit for. "How do I know?" Because I've lived That Exact Life. Ever since I can remember, I have been one of those misunderstood, no matter how I present myself. Thus, some I know say that I have both quite Literally and Metaphorically... "Lost My Will To Give A Fuck". Comical, in a way, maybe. but not so much when you are one like myself. And I know that there are some here who will understand this perfectly, while others will be looking at me even more "cross-eyed" than they usually do.

In short, though this has been one long post, I will say this, to finish what I've been saying-- there is a difference between being judgmental and being observant, just as there is a difference between Knowing someone and Knowing OF them (mind you, the main reason for which I say all this isn't because of anything on here, so much as it is, out in the Real world. And trust to believe, that I've seen more than I care to admit, some days. Hell... why else do you who read this think I enjoy my mind games so much, and yet retain my blunt nature?)



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