This is already turninf into One Irritating day.
I smoke, for one, to help control my craving for the Crimson, and for two... to KEEP my sense of SMELL Dulled. Not to amplify the sense.
I took a short little walk, just a few minutes ago, and on my way back (granted, I already saw, but I was up-wind, at first) I am half finished with my cigarette, and I smelled the person, their "dog" and still the odor of dog shit. In fact, I got a Full Blast of it, even though it was cleaned up.
This is one reason I tell people they are absolutely insane if they think they want to be Vampyr. (Half of the people around here only look at the sex, 'Immortality', and all the alleged 'power' that would come with it.)
And yet, I tell some people what brand and scent they are wearing, when I'm no less than twenty feet away from them, and the first thing they say is "how the Hell can you tell, all the way from THERE?!"
None of them ever consider the fact that the Sanguinarian side can smell just about Anything, no matter how faint it may be. (Idiotic people... those who won't accept 'proof' of anything even if it may come and slap them in the face. I hate dealing with them.)
Some of the things I do, almost daily, simply because I can...
I have a little problem, which leads to excessive boredom; I havetoo much time on my hands. In fact, nearly all I have is time. In which cases as always having time to 'kill', I need to do things just to keep myself from getting bored out of my mind.
I tend to make my own clothing (yes; Make my own clothes.) Not pants or shirts or the like. But I use whatever I feel goes together, to make something new for myself. Mainly outerwear, such as coats, jackets and headwear. (Hence how I have my current hat.)
I also make my own tools, at times, to do something I may be yet ill-equipped to do. This primarily includes blades, sewing needles, or if the project calls for such, I will make something that creates a flame.
If I have the materials at hand, I will also make my own boots. (I can't wear regular shoes, because my feet don't like them much, and I'll wear them out too quickly.
Obviously, I write, Allot.
I will also read just about anything that seems to catch my attention (as long as it isn't too fictional or too "cheesy").
I do some sketch art, from time to time.
But I am thinking of getting into another 'profession', since not many of the things I can do can make money, as I mainly do them to keep myself from running out of usable and much needed articles.
Would wood carving/burning be a possiblity? it takes time flame and uses much of what you would use to create your clothing depending on how traditional you would want to get :)
I do some wood burning, from time to time, as well. The last thing I did was on the stocl of a 30-06, for someone that I haven't spoken to in over a month. I haven't done the like for awhile, now, though, but I know I still have the trade as strong as my other 'talents'.
I think it may be time to call up an old friend of mine. I'm not sure if he'll be happy to hear from me, or not. And I don't know if he'll remember me. But it's worth a shot. The crazy bastard does owe me a little bit, after I helped him, almost six years ago, though.
The funny thing is that he is my one tie to a rather interesting part of my past, with whom I share quite a respect. The only thing is that I'm not sure my 'Twin Brother' or my sister would like the idea of with whom I would be associating.
I used to hold ties with some people who were not really of pleasant repute. By that, I mean that this man is the affiliate of a rather well-known gang. The "Cripps", actually. Most gang members are about as scared to death of Me as some "Christian" people are of the Devil and their "god". The "Cripps" and I, however, have a past-formed mutual respect. Although, looking the man up may entail me having to do something for his friends, in return. But to be honest, I think I'm fine with that. As long as it gets Me what I require, in the end, I don't much care. It just means that I'll have to 'resurrect' my old reputation. But I would rather deal with his friends than with the bullshit that I am being presented with, now.
"Oh, to be the one upon whom the anvil falls in times of duress."
I hate to say this. But after tonight, I no longer have a mother. My mother died when "I" was a child.
There is no reason for which to betray your own Goddamn son. If this woman wants to "play hard ball" or attempt to control a lone wolf, then she does not know who she is fucking with.
You try to prevent me from meeting my own sister, after I find out about it. You have already fucked up, there, bitch.
You put me in a legal trap, from which I can't escape unless I choose to vanish like I did the last time.
You tried to keep me as a prisoner, because I won't take care of you like I did before I disappeared.
You were the one who convinced me to make amends with the very man who tried to kill You... whose biggest mistake was not killing ME, first. I still look back on that in disbelief.
You treat all others around you like shit because I won't come running back to you, crying (sorry, woman. But the last time I cried over you was the day I lost my Soul, to keep you in this world, and your first born risked his own ass to do the same.)
These are only a few of amongst the many reasons I am finally turning my back to you.
Mark my words, my Mundane, Human "mother". Once I meet my sister, I will not so much as even acknowledge your existence. You have stabbed me in the back, for the last time. I only know of one other person who has done something as vile as you have done. Consider yourself swiped from the few I call my "family". The only family I now have is my sister and 'twin' Brother. Don't like it? Too bad. You shouldn't have betrayed your own kin as you have.
Family looks out for family. They back each other, and are honest with each other. Family does not stab family in the back as you have done. I may never see my Brother's physical form ever again, as I did long ago. But He, at least, has been there for me, as my sis, since the beginning.
I would rather burn in Hell, for eternity, than look at you and call you my "mother", ever again. You seem to forget why your whole "family" is so fearing of me. I think it's about time you were reminded of that "oh, so terrible" side of me.
You do not believe in forgiveness?
I have no forgiveness for what this woman has done. I've only once been stabbed by someone that I once held so close, before. I haven't known forgiveness since I was stabbed, the last time, and I was "left to the wolves", in another state.
well i will always be here for you you know that !
I hope perhaps you do forgive her one day. Not for her sake or benefit, but for yours.
Thank you, sis.
But as for the latter as forgiving what's been done-- that won't likely happen, for a Very long time.
It doesnt matter how long it takes..just dont let her betrayal remain your burden.
I had someone ask me, recently, why i seem to smoke so much. The same individual told me that I meed to quit "before I get addicted".
Please, bud. The one problem that I have with quitting smoking is that it's the only thing that controls my constant thirst, and in turn, my cravings for blood. It also keeps my migraines eased, so I can think. I can easily drop the tobacco, if I want or need to, so I know I'm not addicted. Besides, I have gone days, months, and years without it, before, considering I've smoked for the better part of sixteen years and going.
But I guess I will humor the individual, and drop my tobacco for awhile, just to show them what it really does. Yes, I k.ow, obviously, it's detrimental. But I really could not care less, for the most part. I have had nothing to lose for years, and I've already shown that the nicotine doesn't even give me the "buzz" that it gives others. It barely has any effect, ar all, really.
I think I've had this posted before, but I don't recall. I only remember telling my sister about it, some time ago. It's a reminder, to me, of why I don't go near some certain stones...
Obsidian is, as one may call it, my 'power stone'. It's the one and only stone with which I hold quite a strong and odd connection.
It doesn't so much "amplify" my energies, but acts more as my strongest 'channel', through which I can focus my mind and my Soul into either a 'shield, sword,' or a healing/regenerative point, by which I can use more or my energy more efficiently.
As I was told by most who know their stones well, the very color of obsidian symbolizes, quite obviously, a few things, as do other stones and colors. Obsidian, itself, (evidently) symbolizes mystery, darkness, 'mastery', strength, protective nature, lethality (and a few other things I don't quite remember) - all of which are things about Myself, which have been pointed out, by others. Oddly enough, considering by my original birth, I happen to be Libra (which holds the element of air), my stronger points are in more than just one element; earth, fire (air, according to my Astrology), and one other, which isn't even classified as an element - shadow/darkness (obviously, the very absence of light (don't ask. I'll explain that at a latter time)).
Interestingly enough, I remember a very particular 'incident' from my "childhood", which brought me to find out about my connection with this stone--
I was with my 'grandfather', somewhere in the Dakotas (thinking we were in Minnesota, still), as we were walking around in the woods, on what we thought was only an old reservation. I didn't realize what I was walking on, at the time, since I wasn't yet aware of what was going on. The only thing I was aware if was that every time my feet touched the cold stone slabs and small hills, I could feel my nerves, as they seemed to be vibrating, more and more, with each step I took. This continued for awhile, as we walked on.
After a few hours, we came up to a large wall that was made entirely of quartz crystal (this being part of the reason for which I won't touch said stone), blocking our path. My 'grandfather' wasn't a small man, by any means. Seven-foot six inches tall, and he weighed three hundred pounds, about the semblance of the strength of sheet metal. He was also a veteran of two wars. Yet, for how strong he was, he couldn't get anything to budge, worth a damn. (Mind you, I was only about six or seven, at the time.)
I don't know what, exactly, but something 'possessed' me to step over to where he stood, at the wall, and I had just had some silly idea to try hitting the wall enter my mind. I was completely barefoot, of which, in hind sight, was not a bright idea, in the first place; and I didn't realize I was standing on one Really Big Slab of obsidian. I thought it was just a really smooth piece of a mountain side.
I could still feel my feet vibrating like I was standing on a foot massager, and my entire body seemed to be vibrating even more, now, as I stepped closer to my 'grandfather'. I barely even came in contact with the quartz, before the entire damn wall exploded into smokey blackish-gray shards, and came down quite literally around us. Most of it, however, went flying in the other direction, to my front and away from me. My whole body was still vibrating, at this point.
He told me to wait there for him, while he went to fetch the forest trooper, to see if we could get some manner of explanation as to where we were (and yes. We were just that damned confused).
I sat down, and started meditating, while I waited, and I did something I wasn't even close to realizing: In my meditative state, I was focusing so much energy, that the chunks of quartz were vibrating violently enough to actually levitate around me. I wasn't aware of this, until he came back, apparently half an hour later, with the trooper in tow. He called for my attention, of which obviously broke my concentration. When I opened my eyes, the shards of quartz, around me, hit the ground, seeming to obliterate on contact, and almost immediately, turned into something that looked like stone ashes- black, gray, and some pieces looked like they were smoking.
This is one big reason, as I've found, for which I don't touch most crystals. I know there are some I MAY be able to touch, but it's a little unlikely, because almost every time I touch only quartz, it shatters, and is thus rendered useless for anything (as my 'grandfather used to say, "Some things are better off left to be, left alone").
Needless to say, the experience spooked the Hell out of me, at the time.
I still stand by what I said you are using the quartz for all it's worth hence the ash. And you are doing it rapidly it's not a slow trickle but a bam all gone as most are only able to access little by little. Obsidian I am very convinced is your stone and quartz just can't handle the energy you have and it burns up. I am now reminded of a person I used to know that did same thing to amythist he couldn't even be in the same room with it without something happening to the poor stone
To be honest, this only has me a little tempted to attempt getting a piece of obsidian to wear or use as a pendant.
Goddamn "FCM". My head is pounding so damn bad my perception of depth is fucking warped. I almost broke the door down, trying to get in, while only walking. And nothing works for me to get rid of them, so I am essentially "SOL", with it.
I have never really realized just how much I really write. It's no wonder I have such nasty migraines; my mind never gets a break.
Well, I have my new hat, now.
Now, I just need to do a couple alterations on it, and I'll be posting a new photo or two, of it. I have already had to do one bif alteration on it (and when I say "big", I mean a BIG alteration).
But at least it's just the width I need (shoulder-wide), but it's a little shy for height. Ih, well, though, I suppose. It still works for why I need it.
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