EstrangedOne's Journal


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11 entries this month

''The Right Hand Doesn't Know What The Left Hand Is Doing''... THIS Is Just Stupid Ridiculous...

16:30 Oct 30 2023
Times Read: 162

I really cannot figure this out. - -
I just got done with a FOURTH phone call, since Friday, with an agency that apparently wants me to take on some of their nearby cases. Excellent, right? Apart from One BIG Problem...

The last time I had heard from these halfwits, Prior to Friday, I was told that my application wasn't selected and that they chose to move on with another applicant. Yet, I just had to go through all these phone calls, only to find out that supposedly, they DID select mine, and I was never aware of it.
So, apparently, here I am/have been, wasting my fucking time, applying to further jobs like wildfire, wearing out my damn cranium with it, for several days on end... all when it would've simply taken a person with their head screwed on at least somewhat correctly, to let me know that I could have started AT ANY BLOODY GIVEN TIME.

I only have one question, at this moment... What Am I Missing?
NOW, I have to figure out my way through this debacle of either getting up THIS agency's ass about "What The Fuck Is Going On" and getting shit straightened out so I can get fucking started... OR... I stick with the (staffing) agency that has a funky schedule to boot (and I do mean funky - Full OR Part Time, either way, requiring every other weekend AND every other holiday, regardless of shift, location, etcetera... which tells Me it's even less organized than when I was working as a tree "surgeon"/arborist, which was pretty damn ridiculous).

Another kicker of this one is that, in terms of the Staffing agency with which I was at orientation on Friday, the only thing still currently in the way is that I have to go in for yet another background check... which also makes little sense, because, somehow, all these other agencies actually manage to keep up on that shit, themselves... why an agency that started in one of the country's 'biggest' and most historically "important" locations, and has spread out fairly quickly over only the past few years, cannot keep THAT detail on-track is also beyond me.

I swear, at this point, this stupidity has me feeling like I'm simply rambling like a lunatic. Now, I have to wait for these idiots to get back to me, just so I can work out my next move. Gotta love it when 'you' seem to be the only one in your field with your head on straight.

I really don't know what the Hell to say, here, apart from my usual... Oy-fucking-Vey...




This is Going to be Interesting... to Put it Lightly...

09:03 Oct 26 2023
Times Read: 198

Where to start, with this one...

After I-don't-know-what happening, recently, some of my new songs ended up completely corrupted. Initially, I thought I might be able to fix the problem, but apparently not. Now, I have to completely re-record the ones that went FUBAR, which even include some that I've already released. And the best part of that is that at least one of them is a three part song... yeah... not too thrilled, there.
So, at least three - possibly four or five - songs I have to completely redo.

Next up... boy, someone at the insurance office(s) is going to catch fire, with this... and I'm talking damn near literally.
Just to make sure things went through, this month, due to some rather interesting trouble, I made a point of paying my insurance several days in advance. And these fucking idiots are suddenly telling me that my insurance will be cancelled on the 13th of next month, for supposed "non-payment", THIS month.
Now, I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but it damn well doesn't make any sense to me. So, I get to call these assholes up and set their asses on fire for the fuckery being played at. And I literally just got ANOTHER issue with these jokers straightened out LAST week.

Lastly, some... at least, Partly Good news... I finally have orientation for a part-time job as of tomorrow/Friday... after dealing with about two or three days worth of filling out "pre-screening" forms (some of which barely made sense, even to me). I'm just kind of hoping it's paid orientation & training, there.
Although, this is where said Partly Good news turns a little.. funky.
I am also having to search through my mail, still, after nearly twelve hours of just that, to find a specific email pertaining to another part-time job. It took two days for this other party to send me the PDF application, via email, and somehow... while I was reading said email, we had a "brown-out"/lost power momentarily. Guess what happens?... Suddenly, it's almost as though said email didn't/doesn't even exist. It simply seems to have vanished from my inbox.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Now, I know that Electronics and Myself don't exactly get along very well (hence, why I had to teach myself to become something of a "geek", per say). But this is ridiculous. I'm reasonably certain that whatever it was that caused my music files to get corrupted, it wasn't Me that did it, though, there really isn't much of a way to tell, on that one. But I find it kind of ironic that just after my music files get corrupted, an email seems to magically disappear from my inbox... which, last time I checked, that does not easily happen, unless it's pre-programmed (which takes a bit more know-how than most (or any) healthcare agencies possess).
I have literally been spending all day, today, trying to find said email, and so far, I have yet to figure it out, even after sifting through my entire inbox, plus my Trashed Mail and Spam folder.
But if you ask me, the absolute kicker of it all is having to find out that my insurance seems to think that I didn't pay the monthly (paying it EARLY, at that, which shouldn't even have been necessary, given that I keep most things set for "Auto-Payment").

I swear, if these fucking idiots really need someone to keep all their shit straight and organized, they should have just hired ME to be their personal tech-support. At least I know what the Hell I'm doing with a finicky system. SHIT FROM SHINOLA...

Oy... bloody... Vey...



10:22 Oct 26 2023

Sounds like you might be consciously or unconsciously moving between a couple dimensions, which could result in corrupted files, emails disappearing, payments (including autopayments) for services not being recognized, & a number of other potential problems.


So Damn Many Forms to Fill Out...

01:23 Oct 25 2023
Times Read: 210

Gone are the days when things were allowed to be simple, as I so often say. Filling out about 30-ish forms, just for the sake of a part-time onboarding... sheesh...
But at least, if it is supposed to be indicative of anything, at least, as it seems, I should be starting a new job, even if it's only part-time (though, I swear, at the point I've reached, I wouldn't mind having literally every weekly overnight/12-hour night or double shift happening for the next several months).

Luckily, however, it's mostly personal health & legality based (apart from the common sense tests that come with the healthcare field). Something I find a little ironic, though... today received not one, but TWO phone interviews (one of which had the call drop out of nowhere, of course (go figure)), and three, over the course of the past few days... with a comical irony, to boot.

For two of said interviews (particularly, the latest one, today) they were asking if I am or will allow myself to be vaccinated for anything particular. I'm pretty sure anyone here knows what I said to that one. Interestingly enough, instead of my blunt asshole nature making the person hang up (which was the first thing one would think would happen), I get sent the blasted forms I'm spending this evening/tonight filling out for "pre-screening and onboarding".

I will admit, however, if this does really mean that I'm starting a new job soon, then I certainly have no argument with that. The way I look at it, at least it's something to do. Although, even with this little detail... I hate to say, but I have become tempted to go back to one line of work that I've long lost any taste for, simply because the way I have no choice but to be is somehow deemed as "workplace recklessness" (and sadly, I am not joking when I say that - not even going to get into that, for now, though).




A Little Something New, But Still Basic...

00:13 Oct 23 2023
Times Read: 225

Yes, some might notice I decided to switch up my background. I didn't really like how my own imagery looked, so I decided "to Hell with it".

I'm still not a fan of CSS and such, but I figure I might as well fiddle around with it, just a bit. I'm just not interested in using it for the contest or anything similar. For that, people can simply expect the poem I've done, which I'm just waiting a few days-ish to submit.
I'm sure everyone notices that I don't typically do much of anything with a given "theme" - least of all holiday themes (yes, that means that I have no intention of modeling my profile after one, even if I'm asked to.

Though, admittedly, I don't mind doing something music or poetry-related, if needed. But honestly, in my mind, even the poem I've written for it is... sub-par, at best... again, because I don't typically do things with a holiday theme.

But in any case, I'm mainly just testing something out, for my profile. If I decide I like it, then I'll just be sticking with it for awhile.
I've been tempted to dabble and fiddle around with the CSS, just to see how well I can pull it, but I can guarantee it won't be much to look at.

Naturally, when I uploaded the track I designed for my profile, the file on my PC got corrupted, so it's now unplayable (go figure). But for now, anyway, the music will work for what I want on my profile, at least.




This One is Kind of... Disappointing.~~

23:52 Oct 20 2023
Times Read: 260

Well, I was going to add some of my own music to my profile, earlier. But I realized that I can't lock the media player from allowing download. Which poses one big problem for me, given that I do my own music, and the song I was going to add... I have yet to release.
Can't encrypt it, or lock/block the media player; so that means that I won't be using my own song, for quite some time, if at all. And what pisses me off even more, with this, is that I know this particular song is both damn good and (pardon the pun) spooky suiting on all conceivable levels.

But I suppose, until further notice, this just means that no one will be seeing my music specifically on my profile. Only in my Journal, whenever it's released live.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A little edit, here::
No, I won't be using my real music for my profile song. So, what people will hear, instead, is something I had originally intended to use for a song I had already released, but I've realized I would have to actually use a full video of it. So, I've deep-6'd the idea of using my real music, for now, and I will instead, be using a tune with thunder.
Oh, well. It's not Desolate Road(s), but I would say it works, for now.



08:35 Oct 21 2023

Easiest way I've found to add music to a profile is with the embedded YouTube code. You just paste it to your description. And find the part that's in parentheses. Then At the end of it just before the second " you add
?&autoplay=1 you can even resize the video parameters and make it very small so it's almost completely hidden


And Part 2... Desolate Road(s)...

06:43 Oct 18 2023
Times Read: 278

I would definitely say that Desolate Road(s) Parts 1 & 2 are either 'devastating', or damn close to it.

Granted, Part 1 is more of a "sappy" and depressing love song, if anything. But Part 2?... tell me... how do people feel about the implementation of the recent Annular Eclipse, paired with an odd "air" of All Hallows Eve and what it originally was/meant?

And no... I'm not talking about the frolicking trick-or-treating and crackheads-for-candy that people know, today. I'm talking about what it truly/originally meant, centuries ago.

Honestly, on this one, I'm trying to pull a much more "haunting" sound - possibly more 'haunting' than most, even on here, have ever known. I'm not Fully sure that I'm accomplishing it, but once it's all finished, people may well be hearing it somewhat soon. Honestly, it just depends on how soon I can be back to work again, because I often use my regular job to keep my music going.

On a slightly ironic note, however, my interview, today, at least seemed to go fairly well, though I was kind of pissed off to find out that the job being advertised as 2nd AND 3rd shift is, well... 2nd shift only. And on top of it, with a somewhat funky schedule, to boot. Full-time, plus every other weekend and every other holiday. Granted, for now, assuming I get the job, it'll work, but it will also be a little irritating. I like to leave my weekends open, specifically for working with my music, and at least chatting with the few I consider close.
Beyond that, there is also the fact that I look after my veteran buddy, during the day; which, having said particular job would/will make looking after him quite difficult, because I am usually able to keep my ear(s)on him, during the day. If I'm doing 2nd shift, I can't do that, because I won't be around for it. So honestly, I'm really hoping the job I interviewed for last week gives me some good news. At least that would leave everything fully in the clear.
And go figure, after I finished today's interview, I get stopped, right outside the office. The woman asks me "do you play the guitar?"...
MY dumb ass lists off just a few of the instruments I play, and I made mention of being a gothic rock musician... and of course, half the people for about fifty feet lose their minds. The next thing I hear is "Do you perform at any of the bars in town?"
I couldn't help looking at this girl bloody cross-eyed, for that one.

Now, I understand that some people "go crazy" over musicians, but What The Shit?... if you're looking at that one through the same lens that I do, then I'm pretty sure you can understand why I looked at this woman stupid.

Anyhow... back to the music it is, for me, at the moment...



02:05 Oct 20 2023

hahaha... *playfully*... Oh,,, can I get your autograph? *offers up a body part*

Hope the job you want calls you up.


I Can't Believe I Only NOW Found This...

06:44 Oct 16 2023
Times Read: 298

I really cannot believe that I only now came across this. Don't get me wrong; I know I listen to A LOT of foreign music (in fact, Eastern music styles tend to be a pretty big influence for me - especially German, Russian, and my old homeland). But this is a legitimately great sound.




Since I Haven't Been Able to Get My Head Straight, Lately...

20:59 Oct 15 2023
Times Read: 305

Since I haven't been able to get my head straight, lately, I decided I might as well work on a new song - specifically, one of a few variants of "Desolate Roads". Which I do have a suspicion is likely to be a multiple-part piece, since I've had multiple tunes and melodies, alone, stuck in my head, for it.
Somehow, I think I've finished one part of it, though, I will say, it feels more like a combination of things to me. This first part is more of a sombre love song than anything. And I do mean sombre. But because of that, I can already tell it's going to have an interpreted message with most, completely different from what is really intended. I suppose that might be why I'm feeling a "need" to split it into multiple parts, and possibly all linked into the same "string", as I call it.

Honestly, the one thing I'm trying to avoid is having it turn into one ridiculously long song. This one might sound comical, but I'm not trying to "pull a Meshuggah" (and yes, I know, any full-blown metalheads will be likely to catch that reference, assuming they/you listen to or have heard them as of the late 2000's).

In any case, it seems there is one final song release for this month of October. Broken Skies. Releasing in two weeks, and then, might (key word being "might") come a full album with the five songs released all included. But of course, since Google/YouTube want to be absolute dicks about everything, having to make their buck off of all their own users (which, one would think they would have enough money as it is), the primary platform to hear each song, individually, will be Spotify. Honestly, I'm not even sure of whether or not they intend to allow my work to be put out on their streaming services, at this point, since even I have not been able to find my own work in YT Music.
That being said, it might be awhile before I am able to actually get anything done with the YT end of things. Or at least, until I am back to working, minimally part-time again (though, I'm still trying to get as close to Full-Time as I can). But once I am back to work, it shouldn't be too terribly long before everyone can hear the newest releases I'm working on.




Well, Now... The Alternate Background... Ooyyii...~~

21:32 Oct 14 2023
Times Read: 316

The alternate background I mentioned before is about as close to "finished" as I believe I can get it. But if you ask me, it's still what one might call "fodder" - or, as I would call it... "pretty much crap".
I've said it before, and I will say it again... I'm definitely not a very talented hand, when it comes to imagery. I can't really draw/sketch much of anything, these days, and my ability with image editing is (to be blunt about it) terrible. But hey, I suppose...

I'll be setting up said background, some time this evening, but I'm really not expecting it to work very well, to be honest. I guess we'll just have to see.




A Little Something I've Thought of Doing--

23:55 Oct 11 2023
Times Read: 341

I've been thinking of doing an alternate background for my profile, just for the span of October - not for the Halloween contest, mind you. Just something to show a vague concept of what goes through my mind in my sleep.
One big problem is, however, that even if I did, it would entail a LOT of image editing, just to get it right - and that's assuming I could find the right images to pool together for it, which... has been a major difficulty.

When I say "a major difficulty", I mean that even after a nearly ten hour internet search, plus that BS AI image generation shit, I still haven't found anything worth using for it.
I'm certainly not exactly the best with designing or making a "gif" image, or even any good with what I call "the fancy bells & whistles" seen on so many profiles on here. Hell, I'm not even the most visually creative mind (far from it, really). I can take just about any image and turn it into words that would either amaze or horrify, but that is about where my opus stands.
Besides, I'm one of those that almost always has to "send a bit of a message", with what I do. And the idea that I have had in mind, I'm not exactly sure it would be perceived, let alone understood.



01:05 Oct 12 2023

Keep trying at it.


Wonderful... Now, I am required/get to go in For a Full Physical...

20:08 Oct 02 2023
Times Read: 382

This one ought to be "fun". Since I can't seem to accomplish the monotonous online certification exams (thanks to their shit not even working correctly), I finally got contacted by a medical staffing agency. For which, I am required to go in for a full physical, and I also get to send them in a copy of my background check.
Now, the background check, I can fully understand, though it does get old having to go through that EVERY DAMN YEAR, so far, simply because I have had no choice but to jump between jobs, for the past THREE or FOUR years.
However, the physical exam... that one is going to be "fun", since, the LAST time I went in for one, they said (in their idiotic, roundabout way) that I am "basically the epitome of the Living/Walking DEAD".

Now, let me "recap", here, for a moment, and you should understand why I say this one is a little bit... out there.

First of all, my heart BARELY beats, if you compare it to anyone else. Resting heart rate is at barely 60BPM, which tends to be accompanied by "unnaturally low" blood pressure. Not to mention, unless I literally force my heart to pick up a beat, it doesn't even seem to register, when you use a standard stethoscope. The last few times, a doctor had to use some fancy "electron-stethoscope", which looked more like something you would see in Battlestar Gallactica or Star Trek. Otherwise, I am pretty much pronounced "legally dead". Yes, "legally dead".

Second, we have my obvious slim/lean physique. This one is also always actually somewhat "fun", because most of the time, I conceal it under all my layers of either formal wear, or "90's goth" attire. One usually can't tell WHAT I am hiding, because what I wear, I carry and "fill" it well enough that one would likely think I'm quite "swole" (or at least, I THINK that's the word). Well, I know I am surprisingly muscular and "well-toned", for my size. But most of the time, one can't even tell, even if I have no shirt on. I typically look almost like Jack Skellington (and no, I'm not joking). But clearly, despite appearing so "slight of build", ya... what I hide underneath my plethora of layers is roughly the equivalent of a monstrosity of "ripped/torn" muscle.
Suffice to say, if I allow my body to fully "engage", you can definitely see what I'm saying. But anyway...

Next up, is my lungs... folks, I have had lung cancer three times, thanks to my old foster father. The first two times, my body somehow DISSOLVED said cancer. How, I have no idea. But ya. The Third time, however... As I Am Walking With The Doctor, whom, prior, told me to "start making preparations", I somehow managed to COUGH OUT several masses of just bloodied black matter. Well, of course, the doc orders the exited matter to be bagged up in BIOHAZARD bags, and then has Me get back into the MRI and CT machines (yes, these fuckers were expensive, to say the least).
A few moments later, the doctor walks up to me, with the expression of having just seen the ghost of their great, great ancestor taking a physical shape in the middle of their family reunion - essentially, "freaked/scared shitless" and confused beyond comprehension.

Now, my skin? Ummm... Yeah...
All I can really say is that I can only HOPE that I am decently sustained, first, or that might be an interesting issue.

Height, weight, and abdomen? Oy vey... Come on... I appear just shy of a skeleton with extra-thick skin attached.

The senses...

Vision? Laughable. The last time I went in for an exam, the guy actually said, flat out, that my vision is better than a pilot - apparently, no one had ever read through literal FINE PRINT in their little exams, before. And we all know how ridiculously small that printing is. And that was even with all the light, which my eyes bloody HATE.

Hearing? Well, I can hear a human heartbeat clear as day, from at least ten, or twenty feet away. Sometimes, more than that. Hence, another reason I don't usually like loud noises. If it's nothing but treble, then I have a problem. And those hearing tests get PAINFUL.
People often get miffed off about my hearing, simply because, despite now having a strange tinnitus/ringing in my ears, it doesn't affect my hearing one bit. Granted, I've finally figured out what causes it, but it's not likely that any "medical professional" will believe it.


Yes, as I said... THIS ought to be... "fun"...
Don't get me wrong. I am more than 'proud' of what/who I am and I prefer to be of the physique and health status I possess. But I already know This one is going to get stupid quick.

Though I am a little curious. Who all thinks that I should just say "fuck it" and scare the shit out of them with being able to completely stop my heart on command, and possibly a little more?



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