I am absolutely tired of people lecturing me: "There is scholarship money out. You're just not looking hard enough. Why didn't you do this? It's a partial scholarship...that's what you get for slacking off. You're GPA is terrible. Why didn't you get 2400 on the SAT? Didn't your friend get 2100?"
I've had it!
I swear if I fill out another application or write another paper I will EXPLODE!!! My brain will IMPLODE! And I will become an amorphous mass of uselessness. Something is better nothing. That's how I see it.
My GPA and SAT isn't totally worthless if they want me in the honor's program and they are willing to pay half the tuition. My friend's a genius. I'm a bit envious, but I'm proud of her all the same. I realize that I am not her, so why can't you?
If the money is truly "out there," why can't you show me because I'm having difficult time finding it.
In a diary, you are supposed to describe your feelings. Right? I can't explain the feeling.
Enough talking about that.
Well, I don't feel any better. :( Or worse. :/
Moving on to more important things to do.
Well, I got the scholarship. To transfer or not to transfer? Debt or greater debt? (It's not a full scholarship. It covers half the tuition.) The major I'm settling for or the major I wanted?
My grandma told me to finish my current degree. My mom thinks I should go. Everyone else is as on the fence as I am. I've always been on the fence. Why should I hop off now? Even if it affects my future. :(
Went to the doctor's last week. They did the standard stuff. Everything is normal.
I added a pinch of cheese into my taco. My mom rants "You put cheese on everything. That's how people get bad cholesterol."
I tell her that my cholesterol was normal. She tells me the only reason for that is because I have youth.
In my head I'm thinking: "Yeah, right. I hardly use the cheese and I only added a little bit to my taco."
Ten minute later: All of the cheese is gone. Guess where it went and who did it. Mom dumped the jumbo sized bag of shredded cheese- all of it- into her batch of tuna salad. Her miniscule batch in comparison to how much cheese was in that bag.
Situations like these made me contemplate my life.
I've come to the conclusion: There is either something majorly wrong with the people I interact with or it's just me.
I can't just talk to anyone. I'm always watching what I say to who, what and when. Yes, something is wrong with me.
I really have no clue what to say to you anymore. If you insist we talk, come up with something for us to talk about.
A boy sold his kidney on the black market to buy an ipad. Disturbing and sad.