Slain's Journal

Slain's Journal


Honor: 70    [ Give / Take ]


26 entries this month


18:45 Mar 27 2023
Times Read: 18

This is the fifth spill I've heard about in the last six or so months.

This spill being in Philadelphia, in the Delaware river or an River that leads into the Delaware. That's way too many spills and accidents for my bullshit meter to not go off. These aren't accidents.

One source is saying it's the same material that spilled in Ohio.

Purely a coincidence.

Hiding behind that " votes count" mentality is killing the non elite, and you'll only keep doing so for the sake of what you are afraid, absolutely terrified of: Losing what little comforts you have, pursuit of a better existence for everyone not just yourself.

You guys sure don't wanna take the blame for the people in office who get voted in though. They are, after all, truly and deeply concerned for your and my well-being.

When you realize that fear, will come true despite you ignoring it, it might be too late.




Goodness Glaciers...

04:48 Mar 24 2023
Times Read: 45


May or May not have been a screen name I used briefly...

My gods.



10:44 Mar 24 2023

This is funny. I think you should resurrect this name. :-)

18:45 Mar 27 2023

Lol... I don't even know. It be sure wasn't on here. Lmao


Slain can take it

22:33 Mar 23 2023
Times Read: 67

"I miss discussions that give segways into attacking your character." Said every person that decides to turn a disagreement with me into a good reason to tear into me because life hits them harder than they can handle, so they lash out at me. ¿Because, I deserve it, and can handle it. ?

Me: I hate those plastic quotes inexperienced people use or misuse because they are flawed.
Sister: omg me too!
Me: lists one::
Sister: oh I hate that too!!
Sister: lists another::
Me: oh hell yeah. I hate that one too.
Me: lists a quote Sister happens to agree with.

Debate ensues.

Final consensus:

I hate the quote and I over generalize the misuse of the quote because I feel attacked, because I am being called out and I have to take accountability for myself. As I am doing, and have been doing absolutely nothing to better my life. But since I refuse to take accountability for my personal situation, that's why I hate the quote.


It's purely a coincidence I am watching Good Will Hunting... But... I am really really glad I am.

How strong does a person have to be to withstand things like this and not be... Worse than they are? I don't know.
But I know it's exhausting.

How do you go about your life while knowing you contribute to a person's desire to not be living?

Apparently like this. 🤷

I honestly am not surprised.

I had one sister bring me tears of joy with a video she showed me. It's only natural the other sister wants to remind me that I have no value, and what ever efforts I've made up to this point, clearly have not and will never be enough to not be belittled by her.

I'm not hurt, at least not yet. I'm rather disconnected at the moment. But, I'm apprehensive, of what I know follows me, after treatments like this.

But... What... what did I do?

I can't wait for my oxygen to arrive tomorrow. I'm about winded.

And I'm okay... I guess.

Thirteen reasons is far too few.




19:59 Mar 23 2023
Times Read: 73

Smile for me.

No, it has nothing to do with your looks. I just want to see a smile.





14:02 Mar 21 2023
Times Read: 88

"To be honest the best feeling is realizing you're not sad anymore over something you thought you would never get over."

Where I once thought I'd never overcome so many different heartbeaks, I find strange comfort in looking back at what they revealed in me.

Some pains drift quicker than others, but they stay with you regardless.

I was overwhelmingly afraid of losing people... Being rejected by them... Despite any attempts by me to be what they expected of be. That lesson, I was terrified of the most.

But now that I've lived it, repeatedly... It just doesn't hurt anymore. Not like I feared. Now the pain, is just a sadness. A sadness for each and every person that I held a special place in my life, that never wanted to give me a place in theirs.

And though I absolutely refuse to live my life with regrets, for some situations, I certainly wish I spent my time better. Made better use of my promises. Of my emotions, and affection. And above all, of my forgiveness.

About half my life has come and gone... Let those who value me be the ones standing where I once did in life, hopefully with a memory of me enriching theirs.

We all use one another. That's life. I'm just slightly strong enough now to know that some who used me, didn't see much value in me actually being around to be used.

A simple fact, reinforced by those who remain, and those who've chosen that silent farewell.

Im still breathing through those old heartbreaks, guys. And I can't thank you enough for them. They've reassured me of who I am and who I desire to be.

And that's someone, I've been terrified to be, for far too long.

Away from so many worries. A freeing breath of ease, and calm.




So strange... I welcome it.

01:27 Mar 18 2023
Times Read: 107

I... I've been losing myself in music and truly enjoying it. Without the pang of guilt or... an underlying cause to need to listen. It just feels good, by itself. No dedications nor anthems to past loves lost or pain that lingers. This is truly strange to me, and I welcome it. This new, miniscule peace.



19:19 Mar 18 2023

Hold on to it, joy.

20:21 Mar 18 2023

Honestly, I have days where I would much rather be lost in music than television. I will put in ear buds or just put music on the speaker and jam all day... no rhyme or reason to my selections other than just that I enjoy them and it brings me happiness. It is a great feeling to have so I totally get it.


Hmm... Once I was here... Never again. It's not even flattering.

01:22 Mar 18 2023
Times Read: 108

和訳)Perfect For You - Peach PRC




Heh... Mine. hmm hmm.

01:18 Mar 18 2023
Times Read: 109

OMIDO - Please





03:53 Mar 15 2023
Times Read: 131

Love and Hate.

Any person that pretends or acts as if hatred is avoidable, is dangerous.

Studio_Teal - Balance in all things




00:12 Mar 13 2023
Times Read: 152

So Littlefoot noticed we jumped ahead an hour. So on top of being late on Friday due to car troubles, she calculated she would actually need supposed to leave at 8. She wasn't happy when her mom showed up a bit ago. She said she'd tell her... Told her grandmom to wait on the porch in case her mother saw reason...

Apparently what she said was of little importance. And she was not thrilled and had to leave.

I don't know what's worse, the fact it happened, or the fact that she knew her mother would do it.

I'm am not fixing this when Littlefoot starts to take inventory.




21:43 Mar 10 2023
Times Read: 211

I adore a person that posts "plants feel pain" followed promptly by "don't let your food choices be a death sentence for others"... With a picture of a cow.

According to this, Vegans are not only murderers, but sadistic. Not a single vegan has EVER suggested humane ways of killing a plant before consumption.



21:49 Mar 10 2023

Doesn't grass scream? And isn't like, that smell after you've just cut grass a signal of distress? But no, hurting plants is okay because they don't feel pain like animals. But they do feel pain. So their whole stance on not killing/hurting a living creature for their food choices is utterly stupidity.

23:33 Mar 10 2023

Ah, the eternal debate between vegans and meat-lovers. I must admit, the argument that plants also feel pain is an interesting one. I must ask, though - if plants feel pain, does that make a vegan diet the ultimate act of cruelty? After all, vegans rely solely on the demise of innocent salad greens to sustain themselves. Perhaps the solution is for us all to just breathe helium and sunlight, and leave the poor plants out of it!


Gamer had a gamer minime. And he adores her.

05:37 Mar 10 2023
Times Read: 219

I've recorded Littlefoot and myself playing a few games with actual audio captured as well. I've thought about this for a very long time and now that I do have a few videos, I've been thinking about uploading them for others to watch. Ill check with her to see if she wants them private or not. Its a slight window into the world we have... and honestly... very few have any right to even know her nickname. So it will be up to her if they are put on on youtube and the like. I just want to leave her memories of our time. Things she can see, hear. Laugh at for the silliness and maybe the tough moments we have as well. I have had my hands tied for far too long and despite still being helpless in my attempts to make a better world for her... I can't be stopped from giving her memories of us doing what we love.




Without fail.

23:50 Mar 09 2023
Times Read: 235

Reentering a life after recusing yourself from it for months to years at a time... to have, seemingly heartfelt, real, deep 6 hour long conversations, to then retreat once again from that life is certainly a viable form of rendering the authorities of every branch might want to look into. Because it absolutely is destructive of will and soul.

Without fail.

And the kicker? The recipient doesn't fight it. They welcome it, in fact. Heart and soul.... they just... let it happen.




Slain as a female lol

22:24 Mar 09 2023
Times Read: 243

Well shit. LOL. VampireFreaks shut down its social website side back in 2020. Dueces to that profile buaha. I made one finaly maybe in 2019 or so and when I signed up... I clicked male... but it didn't take and made my profile as a female. Admittedly hilarious. I went back periodically... but apparently no soon enough. I suppose that sucks.

Vampirerave is a home. And escapre temple... despite the social aspect dwindling. I truly hope it doesn't follow suit.

That vampbox really really was a drawing pool for talking. :: wink wink WINK!::




22:05 Mar 09 2023
Times Read: 245

Call this post the VR chat preview... glance at it. despite the extra clicks.




Stewed... Lol

23:01 Mar 08 2023
Times Read: 270

Ok moron. If you want sauce, you kinda need to turn down the fire when stew is done and if you don't want a potato explosion, you need to cut the potatoes bigger or put them in whole. Y'know? So they don't do like Daddy Ducks gun, and DISINTEGRATE.

Foods done. 🙄




And not a soul stirs...

05:00 Mar 08 2023
Times Read: 286

And not a soul stirs...

Prentice Powell "Good Father"




VR Inspirations

02:09 Mar 08 2023
Times Read: 296

This VR inspiration sure as hell has some perfect timing.

~To love her was a liberal education.
To love again, and be again undone.
And why to meet if not to meet in love?
I have heard of reasons manifold why love must be blind.

By heaven, I do love: and it hath taught me to rhyme, and to be melancholy.
Behold me! I am worthy!

The toll-keeper will let you through.
Alas! The love of women! It is known to be a lovely and a fearful thing.
Speak of me as I am; nothing extenuate.
Loving is a painful thrill, and not to love more painful still.~




09:42 Mar 07 2023
Times Read: 322

Well THAT was nostalgic. Haven't inducted for a coven or house in a very long time. lmfao.

I really really miss the old VR Vamp Box.



23:21 Mar 07 2023

Me too.

23:29 Mar 08 2023

It was a great way to get to know people. Wish they would bring it back.

06:44 Mar 09 2023

It seriously was. It made the site feel VERY alive. Like walking into a bar or lunchroom. Random convos and everyone is welcome. Some Moderators had no idea how to handle things when things got testy, but it was a fun place while it was around. Now its dead, even though its right there. Hmm... wonder why. lol



16:50 Mar 06 2023
Times Read: 366

HOly crap. Yeah What the hell happened to LordMogy?



17:13 Mar 06 2023

I noticed that too…


The Closing Door.

19:04 Mar 05 2023
Times Read: 381

The Closing Door.

In stemming absence I've toiled my hearts.
My Despair the pieces, mismatched, enthwarts.
What hearts so many did your personage sow?
What many loved lovings, love surely doth know.
The love of the person, that we inevitably befriend.
The love of the kindness in sharing our bleeding ends.
The love of protection, secure promises herein
The love of the promise that we would keep within.
The heart that bleeds for that suffering ally
The heart cultivated commiserating stands by.
The fool kept on, thinking only of the other
not realizing his demise wouldn't stir a bother.
So the many hearts enthralled did stay
but only twas he, as he held no true sway.
He stayed and remained and began again
door after door he kept leaving open
Riddled with absence, of those he thought he needed.
In providing no use for them, they themselves weeded.
He learned that his loneliness was a gift
The company he kept his soul would now sift.
And in learning how the heart can be pained
he kept his on counsel and within self remained.
Surely he loves and will love, with song.
But only the deserving, caring and strong.
Those strong enough to see his weakness, his failings, his pain.
And Embrace with their soul, what befuddles the brain.
To see him and perhaps see the boy not the man,
riddled with wounds, and the scars his skin carries, tan.
Defending himself his trench only deepens
his voice only blames him and his soul does weaken
so foolish I've been, yet the hope somehow still comes
That someone who truly sees me, doesn't attack what I've become.
So solace awaits in my steps to and from
the hopes that my walking away struck the strings strung.
That a person can withstand what the heart dares unsung
Song of a soon future, that will never, ever be begun.
Upon labored breaths from heaving lungs
I'll count the days as I press on.




Slain like eyeliner...

01:30 Mar 05 2023
Times Read: 400

Imagine a world where I came out as Bisexual Trans... How much lipstick would you buy me? Because it really wouldn't surprise you.

I'm not. Lol. But imagine...

Not wanting to be my friend or associate with me because now I really have a reason to stand against Bigotry and Intolerance...

Nevermind that I'm


Idiotic self-serving Ricans aside ...

How could you possibly expect a Rican to not take issue with any flavor of bigotry?

MELAO don't mean white! And it sure as shit doesn't pass for white.

Sounding white only drives home the fact that I MIGHT be just intelligent enough to Catch and react to Racist subtleties. So bigots tone down slightly. Sometimes!

Rican, gay, trans, demon possessed, child of a minister...

I've plenty to of hatred to pass around, and I can't spare none of it, for people who merely want to live in peace.



20:30 Mar 05 2023

Well said.


00:57 Mar 04 2023
Times Read: 411

A Rocket to the Moon - Baby Blue Eyes




Found a new favorite song...

00:46 Mar 04 2023
Times Read: 412

She makes me want to try to play again...


im very rusty becsuse i had nails for a bit, and new guitar… but i hope you liked it anyways

♬ original sound - Wheezy




00:30 Mar 04 2023
Times Read: 423

A Rocket to the Moon - Ever Enough





16:54 Mar 03 2023
Times Read: 436

May a world that calms you
be the reality you find.
May a world that loves you
Be what mends your broken mind.



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