Like I said before, sometimes I feel pretty. So, new main profile image.
You do photograph well.
Lol, I'd say about 99.9% of the time I tend to look like garbage in pictures. It's just that .01% where I look decent enough to be happy with a photograph.
Exactly why I rarely take pictures of myself.
I talked to Richard for a little bit tonight. He seems to be really enjoying Idaho, he sent me some pictures and it's really quite beautiful. Not in the way California is beautiful with our mountains and our beaches, but in a more rustic sense, I suppose. So much green. I'm honestly glad he's happy and doing well. It's funny how just moving out of this state affords a lot of us a much better life. Living here is hard if you don't have the money for it. We have some of the highest taxes and the cost of living is extremely high pretty much everywhere. But, yeah, we talked and stuff, caught up on each other's lives. I miss him. I was telling him about my lack of success in the dating scene, he said he would have asked me out if he hadn't moved. He had even mentioned me driving out to Vegas tomorrow since he's there visiting his sons, so we could spend some time together. I'm not going to lie, I was tempted to hop in the car and go. It's like a three and a half hour drive from here, but I don't really have the money for the gas, and I don't want to put the wear on my car until I get the brakes looked at. It was tempting. It was very tempting. He and I get along so well. That's just not in the cards, and I understand that. But, a girl can dream. I just miss him. I miss his company, talking nerdy shit with him, going out for sushi or to the movies. Making out in his car, heh. He's such a great guy. He's just not for me and I know that. It was so nice to be able to talk with him, though.
Watching The Boys on Amazon, and it's fantastic. I am absolutely in love with this show.
Oh man, last night was amazing. After the barbecue, David, Amanda, Liz, Liz's childhood friend Denise, and I all went out to a bar. The girls were drinking, David decided to quit last week, so he was happy to be our driver. We all had a lot of shots during the barbecue. Amanda bought mescal and worm salt. We finished off the entire bottle. And David brought like this apple juice vodka, so we polished about half of that bottle. Then we went out to the bar and we had three rounds of red headed sluts. We stayed at the bar for maybe an hour or so and then Devid drove us out to a local drag show. I've never been to a drag show, but man, it was amazing! I had a vodka tonic there, and a shot of...something. It tasted like lemonade. After the show there was talk of going out to an after hours club in LA, but in the end we just wound up back at the house. Amanda crashed pretty soon after, but Denise, Liz, and I sat in the backyard discussing some serious topics. We all turned in around 3. Also, I see that I drunk texted a few people. One of them being Franz. Thankfully I didn't say anything g too horribly stupid, just that I missed him. And I texted Jay a lot. Haha. I don't remember any of it.
It was a great night. It was fun to hang out with Dustyn and Sofia, David and Amanda outside of work. And, though I absolutely loved where I work before, after this I love it even more. I am so thankful to Liz for putting my name forward for the job. I can never repay her.
Today has gone by so fast. One, we all had a short day since the barbecue is tonight. Second, since everyone was actually in the office today, we had a long, productive meeting this morning, going over everything that needed to be discussed. It was really good to be able to have that meeting. I am seriously going to miss having Amanda here, haha. She's amazing and so understanding and helpful. This week was really great, despite me being tired and stressed. Though, not going to lie, I'm really looking forward to this weekend and being able to relax some. But tonight, carne asada, and chicken, and ceviche, tequila, and vodka, and time to unwind.
So, things had to be pushed back a little. Something came up on my end so that my meeting with Steve can't happen tomorrow. Instead, it'll be next Friday, which works a little better as this week has been hectic with things at the house and Amanda being here. We were supposed to have a barbecue on Saturday, but as it's hitting triple digits during the day, they decided to just do it tomorrow night. So, it'll be all the work people and the crew that worked on the roof. So, I'll leave work and go home just to see everyone from work again, haha. But, it should be nice. It'll be fun to get to know David and Dustyn outside of the confines of work. I got to know Amanda better last night out at dinner.
I also realize why they brought me on full-time, aside from my awesome work ethic. Amanda is Dustyn's assistant, and she's been that for the last 8 years. She wants to grow outside of the company, do other things. So, she's actually going to be making the switch to part-time soon. We talked about it last night. So that's why they pulled me in for full-time, it's why she's been so hands on with Liz regarding her responsibilities, and why she's been the same with me. I think we all rely too much on her, and I can definitely see why she would want to break away from it.
So yeah... I'm so tired. Despite having gone to bed fairly early, for me, I didn't have a good night's sleep. And, as promised, the crew was back at 7 working on the roof. You can't sleep when there's a crew of roofers working right above you. Plus, I'm still feeling a little sick. So, yeah... I'm tempted to tell Jorge I can't make it tonight, but I've missed my last 3 sessions and I feel gross about that. So, maybe a good workout will be just what I need. At least it will tire me out so I carsh early. I'm so ready for this week to be over. I just have to survive here for 6 and a half more hours and then 8 hours tomorrow, then I can relax for two days. I absolutely need it.
It's been a long day, but actually enjoyable. I just got home from having dinner with Amanda, Liz, and my nephew. We went out to a nice little sushi place in Riverside. It was delicious. And, it's fun getting to know Amanda outside of work. I think I surprised her a bit with the real me, haha. But, it was a fun evening. Now, though, my bed is comfortable and I'm gonna be lazy and watch the new episode of The Handmaid's Tale. I'll probably knock out in a bit, as the crew working on the roof will be here bright and early at 7 again.
I have to say, it's great having Amanda out here for the next few days. I can ask her questions and get an immediate response. No phones, no computers. It's fantastic. I get to play driver for her, though. Since she doesn't have a car out here, I have to take her over to her hotel when we get off at 6. And then I maybe have to take her out to meet Liz for dinner, we're still figuring that one out. But, this is nice. It was definitely crowded here in the morning with us 3 ladies and David here too, but with just me and her, it's nice. The rest of the week here is going to be great.
Tomorrow is going to be a fun day here at the office. Amanda is flying in from Texas in the morning and she'll be spending a day here with us. It's the first time Liz, David, and I will be meeting her. Liz was all crazy today, she wanted to make sure everything was clean and in order for Amanda. It's a little silly, but I get it. I'm actually looking forward to being able to work with her in person, go over things I may not fully understand yet, get advice on how to handle certain situations that may pop up in real time. It'll be nice to go over things, figure out what isn't working and work on changing those things.
It's really nice to be back in the office. I am so glad I have a job that I don't hate, because being here on my own for 8 hours a day would drive me nuts if I hated everything about it. As expected, there was a lot to catch up on since I was out for two days. So many calls to make, appointments to schedule, inspections and confirmations to set. The day has gone by so quickly.
My nephew was here with us for two hours this morning, which made things interesting. My brother has to work a double so I had to watch him this morning. And since I start earlier now, he had two hours to kill here before he got to go home with Liz. But, just put on Boss Baby and he's good. Though, he was rather rambunctious today and was running around, making a bit of noise. But, as no one really called, it didn't matter much. I was able to make all my calls after they left.
This week I'm supposed to be meeting up with a lovely gentleman I've been talking to on Fetlife for the past few weeks. He's a Dom, all into that lifestyle. We're gonna have some coffee (hot chocolate) and I'm gonna pick his brain a bit. I want to really learn how to be a proper sub, and as he's been involved in the lifestyle for some years now, he said he'd be willing to help me learn. So, first meetings and such. It'll be interesting, to say the least, and it's something I'm super excited about. I doubt I'll wind up being his sub, but I'd love to just talk to him about the lifestyle, about what would be expected of me as a sub to her Master, and the parts we play. I know very little of the actual dynamics of a real Dom/sub relationship, like, a full-time relationship. I've only ever kept things confined to the bedroom. But it's been a growing interest for me these last few years, so it will be great to talk to someone with that kind of experience.
Franz is at Disneyland with his new girlfriend... He took his friend up on his offer to go for free, but instead of going with me like we talked about, he's with his new girlfriend.
I don't know why I care. I don't know why it bothers me. I'm not really surprised. It's just... I don't know. I don't fucking know. I hate that he was able to find someone and hop into a relationship so quickly when with me I had to constantly ask him what we were doing, where we were going. That should have been the big red flag to make me realize that we weren't gonna work out.
I've been doing a lot of online "window shopping" lately. Cute tops, Gothic pieces I'd like to start buying, really cute lingerie, like I have anyone to wear that for... Just stuff I don't need and can't really afford right now. I like feeling cute, and I like dressing up, being sexy. Lord knows I don't usually feel that way, but a pretty piece of lingerie can really change the way I see myself.
Anyway... I'm feeling pretty much all better. The cough is lingering, but that's okay. It's been a busy weekend, we've been redoing the bathrooms in the house, both the master and the guest. So, I've been helping with that when I feel okay enough. Wednesday the company I actually work for is going to come start on the roof. I guess that's the real perk of working for a roofing contractor, the discounts our boss is giving my brother and sister-in-law, as well as squeezing them into the calendar when we have so many other jobs. Saturday we're having a barbecue for all our work people, Liz really wants to show her appriciation. So, that'll be nice. I'm looking forward to getting back into the office tomorrow. The two days I missed last week were killer for me, and I know I'll have a lot to catch up on.
Joe liked me on OKCupid... And honestly, it's beyond fucked up.
Anyone who read my journal last year knew that our relationship was not healthy. It was toxic for both of us. We spent a year hurting one another, taking our issues and insecurities out on one another. It was a fucking shitshow. We weren't good together. We didn't work.
But the he does this... And I'm just here, completely dumbfounded by it. Like, why? Why the fuck would you hit like on me? Knowing it was me... It makes no goddamn sense. It's not like we'd ever get back together. I sure as fuck don't want to go down that road again. Being with him turned me into a horrible mess of a person, and I cannot and will not ever allow myself to get that way again. He was toxic, so fucking toxic. And I was toxic for him.
Our relationship and contact should have ended the first time we broke up. We should have taken that as a sign and moved on with our lives. But we didn't. We kept in contact. We kept going back time after time, break up, get back together, break up, get back together... It was a horrible cycle. And in that time we were absolutely awful to one another. We said horrible things to each other. That year was one of my worst.
So to have him do this now. I don't know what the deal is. It's fucked up. It's so fucked up.
I would suggest not to like him back and ignore him. I recall your journal about him. When I ended a toxic relationship I had written down all the reasons why it was toxic in a private journal. Anytime she would try to reach out to me I would pull that journal out. Just keep playing over how bad it was and keep going forward in that area of your life. And yeah, that is messed up he did that.
Yeah. No bueno.
Even if you get back together eventually things would fall back to the way things were. Chemistry isnt always good. Sometimes it's like POW!! Sometimes it's eh, and sometimes it's toxic.
Oh, there would be no chance of us getting back together. Ever. I hated who I became when I was with him. I'm a much better person today, having been apart for over 8 months now. I'm happier, it's easier for me to focus on myself. I was a miserable mess when I was with him. I felt I had to walk on eggshells, lest I say or do the wrong thing and send him into a depressive spiral. I put him before my own mental health. I would never allow myself to go back to that. He may have changed, I may have changed, but in the end, we both know we don't work. We won't ever work.
Feeling a lot better after just about sleeping all day. My head still hurts, but at least I have my voice back. So, tomorrow I can go back to work and finish out my first week. I'm gonna take some aspirin, have a little dinner, relax for a few hours and then call it a night.
Woke up feeling like shit, lost my voice. I have to call in sick which annoys me to no end. It's the second time in the near four months I've been working there, which isn't exactly good. But, as I do everything by phone, not being able to talk is a problem. I knew this was going to happen, my voice has been going in and out for the last few days, but I hoped my body could fight it off until the weekend when I would be able to just sleep, but nope... I really hate having to call in, especially when it's my first week full-time. It makes me feel like they'll feel I'm not suited for the job.
I missed his voice. I'm not gonna lie, I really did. It felt like falling back into old times, when we were close and talked all the time. I missed it. I'm super excited about the prospect of finally meeting him.
Is that the best thing I've heard in a while? Why yes, yes it is! I've wanted to meet him for, fuck, 12 years now? He's been someone who's always been near and dear to my heart. Getting the opportunity to meet him in person would be so amazing. A lot can happen in 6 months, but I'm hoping this comes to be a reality.
Long Beach, you really need to get your shit together in the Development Permit Center. Why have I been on hold for 30 minutes? Do you only have one person ever working the phone? Because every time, man, every single time I have to call for an inspection it's the same routine. I mean, it's cool, not being able to make all the hundreds of other calls I have to make before the end of today. I just love hanging out stuck on hold forever to eventually have a two minute conversation.
We use Google Ads at my company, and when leads come in through the system, Google Ads records the phone call. I had to listen to a call that came in yesterday to verify an address and holy shit, my voice! I sound like a little kid. A little kid pretending to be a professional adult. It was funny and seriously weird to hear myself like that.
It astounds me how so many grown adults still don't know the basics when it comes to grammar and spelling. It's never been more evident than when you're reading things online.
The Final, an older song, but still an absolute favorite. Dir En Grey has been playing for me pretty much all day here at the office. It makes me feel better.
I saw them live, and met the band in Cali back in 2008. I was surrounded in a mosh pit by tiny Asian teenage girls the whole time. They're absolutely amazing though😍
You are so lucky! I had always wanted to see them live, but I've never been able to have the chance.
I'm almost certain the Tarot deck I bought for Images is lost. It was supposed to have been delivered last week, but it's been "in transit by post office" for more than a week, with an estimated delivery date set for the 6th. So, I messaged the company and I'm waiting to hear back about it. I really want to get this sorted out so she can get the deck. I know it's one she wants, and I'm super excited to see how she likes it. But, she needs to get it first.
Sometimes things get delayed. I had a package sitting "in transit" for over a week before it got moving.
I really hope that's the case. I really want her to get the deck and I'm super excited to see how she likes it. So, here's to hoping it gets moved out of transit Purgatory and finally gets delivered.
I definitely don't want you to lose money on it. I'll be happy whenever it arrives and give a full review! Everyone who has it LOVES it. I have no doubt I will also be one of them. But it'll be even cooler because it came from you.
Thank you, Images (CrackInTheWall)! :]
There are some things that cheer me up like nothing else. My brother and sister-in-law have been in Vegas for the weekend, so it's been mostly just me and my nephew here during the day. He usually calls me auntie, but now he's starting to use my actual name. Granted, right now he mostly just says "Cole" but it's still adorable and it makes me smile like nothing else can. I love this kid more than anything in the world.
Don't worry about being alone, it's better to sit back and observe.
I think your beautiful and any man would be damn lucky to be with you. This guy clearly doesn't know whatt his missing.
Clearly his loss ... prrfttt!
Today was the last day of my working part-time, yay! I start full-time on Monday, where I will be in the office alone, as I have been for the last few days since Liz took most of this week and Monday off. Her and Kevin went to Vegas, won't be back until Sunday. So, yeah. It's been pretty hectic, having to take care of everything, but, hopefully this transition won't be too horrible. 10 to 6 on the weekdays, and then I do have to take the company cell home on weekends. Hopefully the traffic coming home will be easier, though, it is Southern California, so doubtful. I had to move my training sessions back an hour to accomidate the new time, but Jorge had no problem with that. I'm excited. I really need this, the extra hours. And, I like working where I'm at, so that's always a plus. At least I'm not miserable, doing a job I hate.
Don't mind me while I girl the fuck out over these shoes. I am in LOVE!
Super cute. I bought that print in a dress from Killstar. I didn't even notice the big Satan demon face staring out of it at first xD
I really like them. Very cute.
The frill detail is killing me! Very cute!
I'm done with summer now, can it be over already?
Oh my God, the only people intoxicated with this site are you morons. You know how you stop the nonsense? By fucking not posting about it. I know shutting the fuck up is not a concept you people are familiar with, but, Jesus, try it sometime.
Tell the truth
And what fucking truth would that be?
BOO... 😂 Then I wont have any juicey gossip to read 🤣
God damn it I spelled juicy wrong 😔
Do you have a magic lamp we can all rub with a Genie who will grant us wishes? If you do, break that thing out and let's polish it until our hands are raw. lol
For the first time since all the shit went down with my mom and dad, I talked to someone on my dad's side of the family. My cousin Arthur hit me up on Facebook messenger. He wanted to check in, see how everyone was doing, told me that he loved me, and then asked if I could forgive my father. If my father wants forgiveness from me, he needs to talk to me like an adult. But, he hasn't. He hasn't spoken more than a few words to me since we moved out of the townhouse. Do I want to be estranged from my father? No. He's my dad, I love him. But he hasn't made this situation easy on any of us, he's the one who's pushed me away, who's walled me out. It's not the other way around here. Am I angry? Am I upset that this whole thing had to come to pass? Of course I am, but if my dad hadn't been...my dad, things could have gone smoother then they did. So, I told Arthur that wasn't going to happen right now, and that's where the conversation ended.
Will I wind up forgiving him? Probably, sometime down the line. Maybe if he actually took responsibility for his part in all of this, forgiveness could come sooner. But, he's yet to do that, and he still treats my mom horribly, all while making her watch Mattis while he's at work. So... Right now, it's pretty impossible to think of my father with any kind of affection. Things can always change, but right now they are as they are. Like I said, I love my dad and I know he loves me, he loves my brother, and I'm sure he still loves my mom, despite all of this. But, love doesn't fix things, love doesn't make everything okay. Love isnt something magical that can keep someone happy indefinitely. Love can be toxic. And my father's behavior has been just that, toxic. Maybe after everything has been finalized and sorted out, I'll go talk to him. See if our relationship can be salvaged.
I'm not one of those people to be like, this place would be better without so-and-so... But... This place would be so much better without a few members running around, stirring up unnecessary drama in their wake. Of course, everyone is allowed to be here until they cross the line and break the ToS, and, unfortunately, these members know how to go far enough without crossing that line. But, I'm waiting for the slip. It's gotta come one day, right? I mean, when you make the top admins say not to message them, you've gotta know your days are numbered.
I've been on a Ludo kick these last couple of days. And this song.. I always come back to this song... Well, this one and Love Me Dead.
You posted this group on Facebook recently, and I’d never listened to them before. Well, I added the album to Spotify and just had my son doing sit-ups and push-ups to this song as well as Lake Ponchartrain- which of course we had to listen to since we live right here 😂
Glad you like them! A friend would sing Love Me Dead at the karaoke place I used to always go to, so that's how I found them. Their music is so much fun.
Name changes. Why all the name changes all the time? Like, pick a name you like, and, here's the thing, keep that name. It's amazing how some of us can keep one name for over 13 years, and others need to change theirs every two seconds. It's annoying.
Spider-Man was really good. Throughly enjoyed every minute of it. Tom Holland is definitely my favorite Spider-Man out of all of them, he fits my vision of Peter Parker better than Toby or that other dude did. A lot of mentions of Tony Stark, and that wrenched the heartstrings a bit. And the beginning, the beginning of the movie was so great. I love the humor.
The drive through the Cajon Pass wasn't awful, I got out to Victorville in about 40 minutes, got home in 30. It's an easy drive when there's no traffic, though it does eat up a lot of gas, even in the hybrid. And, it was really pretty today, the hills as the sun was setting, really picturesque. But yeah, that's a long drive to make all of the time, so I don't think it's gonna work.
Earthquakes! California has been rolling these last few days. This last one felt like I was out on the ocean, an easy wave. But, you know... That's the third bigish one in the last two days. Gotta love living in a state that is practically all fault line.
I found out today that they'll have me start full-time on the 15th! Yay! I really need this, and hopefully it will work out well. They want me to atrt a week before Amanda comes out here, since she'll be out here of a week or so around the 20th, that way we can see what works and what doesn't and we can work on things that don't work while she's out here. Though, the office might get a little crowded with all three of us there, Amanda, Liz, and I.
I've got plans to go see the new Spider-Man tomorrow night. Of course, this does mean having to drive through the Cajon Pass to get to Victorville, but, hopefully it'll be worth it. I'm hoping there won't be a lot of traffic, considering most people who left did it yesterday or today, but you never know. I'm excited.
I might have bought a new pair of shoes, from Killstar this time. I saw a girl was selling them in my size on Poshmark, brand new, hadn't been worn, and I jumped all over that. Plus, it saved me about $40 bucks off retail, so I'm stoked. I can't wait to get them! They're just as cute as the ones I got from Dolls Kill.
Those are awesome.
I love Killstar shoes, but those giant heels make me wobbly as fuck😧
Oh? See I'm quite the opposite, I do really well with large heels. I have no balance in regular heels, I try wearing them and after an hour I'm back in flats because I trip over everything. But shoes like these, like the ones I got from Widow, I can do those all day and night with no issue.
You know, it's the greatest feeling in the world, to be able to give something to someone. I ordered a Tarot card deck for Images, one off her list of wanted decks. It's just something to show my appriciation for her, for all she's done for this site, for all she's done for me personally, and for just being awesome and a friend. I've wanted to be able to get her something for so long, but now I actually have the means to do it.
They are going to be so incredible! They've got a futuristic Egyptian vibe, as Cristo says about them- which really kicks a lot of ass. They will be beyond cherished!
It's actually beyond Egyptian, it's also Asian and many other cultural influences (that's SO me! in taste)- just watched some more unboxing videos on YoutUbe.
Sometimes I forget, life is meant to be lived, not broken down and scrutinized in journal posts like I usually do. And, I've been doing just that, living.
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