We shared voice clips last night during the course of our conversation on messanger before actually talking on the phone for a while. He knows all about my issues with seeking validation from the men in my life because I never got any from my dad when I was growing up, how I've been constantly considered the disappointment in my family by him... So we were talking about that and other things, and he sent me one where he tells me I'm amazing and absolutely not a disappointment. And I know it shouldn't matter, because I shouldn't need outside validation from men, but that... That made me smile. I've listened to that clip far more times than is probably necessary. If only he didn't live so far away... But, if nothing else, at least we have this friendship that means so much to the both of us.
I'm torturing myself. I need to stop. He lives far away, has no plans to come back to California, and I am not moving to Idaho. But, it's fun to dream. And, we still talk, he's still great, just not willing to do a long distance thing, which I completely understand. At least I have the memories, and what lovely memories they are.
Look at him! God, why does he have to be so freaking sexy? Why does he have to live so far away? This shit part is that, were he still living here, he would have asked me to date him. He would have collared me. I would be his in every way, and he mine. Stupid Idaho... I miss my nerd so fucking much. It's not even the whole sex thing, it's not the Dom thing, but he ks genuinely an amazing person. So funny, so gentle, so rough when he needed to be. He is always so encouraging, so kind, so sweet. We get along so well. That's what I miss, not just his body, but that connection. I miss his company.
Oh, my sweet, nerdy, sexy, Dom... How I wish you still lived in the state... All of this nonsense with other people wouldn't even be a thing. I'd be yours, collared, rightfully so.
But you just had to move to Idaho, didn't you? I'm so happy life is easier for you there, but I miss you immensely.
I don't think I could put into words exactly how much I truly loath Southern California summers. I was out in the desert today, which already sucks because my air conditioner is acting up and it loves to blow hot air more than it does cool air, and the temperature was pushing 110 degrees. I get back in my car after one of my stops and the temperature reads 121 degrees. And it stayed in that range until I got closer to home. The sun is awful, the heat is unbearable, and just everything about summer is gross. The absolute worst. Give me my cool breezes and overcast days, my rain and days where I can see my breath.
I have been through parts of California where the temperature was at least 112 in the mornings. I am glad not to live there. Take care and stay cool.
Keep a pallet of water in the trunk along with salt tablets.
I lived in southern California In Vista it was hot as hell, Zarr is Right lots of water and salt tabs...
When everything comes crashing down so you just lie in bed in the dark and cry for an hour.
Yeah... Life is pretty fantastic...
I crave rules, structure.
"I want you in bed in ten minutes, you have work tomorrow."
"Go brush you teeth and brush your hair."
"I want picture proof that your in bed."
"Show me that you're having a good breakfast this morning."
Little things, little things that aren't so little to me. I think I'm fully taking on the role of the submissive, because while I would normally balk at such stupid rules and being told what to do, right now, I'm loving it.
Okay, let me get this straight.
You're allowed to see someone and that's totally fine. But when I see other people, people who have been tested to ensure they aren't Covid positive, all of a sudden I'm putting myself at risk? The fuck kind of backwards bullshit is that? How is it okay for you but not for me?
Welp, guess I'm going to have to revamp HisFelina. Bah. Finding a new name that fits is difficult for me.
I met the actor tonight. He's pretty awesome, more of a nerd than I first thought, which is amazing. His place has an amazing panoramic view of Downtown LA, Hollywood, and all the way to Culver City, while being right across from the Capitol Records building, it's seriously beautiful, and the Hollywood sign behind him. He has boxes of comic books and graphic novels, old arcade games in the loft/second guest bedroom, and guitars. He has so many guitars, they seem to be his kryptonite. That's what the majority of the space in his place is taken up by, guitars in cases. It was nice to cuddle while watching Unbrella Academy, to get to know one another over dinner. He was telling me about a thing he was recording today for charity. I guess he's most well known for being on Lost, but I've never seen it so I have no idea. I am watching Veep, and he was in a few episodes of that, so it'll be interesting to see him doing his job, heh. He's pretty awesome, is what I'm getting at. I'm glad we were able to meet. And the extra bruises I'll have from it made it worth while, too. That man knows just how to make a girl melt, two simple words whispered into an ear, the sting of leather on bare skin, the pleasure that comes from the bite. He hits harder than the Vampire, so I have welts and I can't really put much pressure on my back from the damage he did with the flogger and the whip. But yeah, good times were definitely had.
I appears that I've eneterd into an agreement to become a black swan. The person in the Vampire community that I was getting to know, he asked me out on a very impromptu date tonight. So, I went over to his place, met his lovely ex who still shares his home with him, but guys, she's amazing and she showed me her bedroom, it's decked out to look like the Haunted Mansion. Seriously awesome. Anyway... He and I got to watching Dracula with good ol' Bela Lugosi (the best Dracula if I do say so), and after the film he asked if I would be willing to be a swan. He's a psychic feeder, which is why I agreed. I don't think at this point in my life I'm willing to be a doner for a sanguine. Anyway, it was very ritualistic, since he's practicing to become a priest in the community. I had to agree to the Doner Bill of Rights, which basically says I agree to this, I'm free to say no, and so on. But, man, we started of very tame, just lightly touching me, then kinda ramped up into a full blown session. No sex, I'm not that easy, but he beat me pretty good. My body is a mess of marks from his ankh, marks from the wheel of pleasure, and marks from the crop and leather flogger. Plus, the bite marks, where he actually broke skin because he has fangs. My shoulders and my forearms are a mess of bite marks. But, it was a fun experience. I've only ever been a doner for one person, he had be sanguine so there was blood involved. That was in my early 20s and it's not something I was ever keen on doing again. But this was an entirely different experience for me. It left me wobbly and shaky and hardly able to stand on my own. Something I really enjoyed. In the end he complimented me on my pain threshold, saying I could really take a lot. But... The aftermath, I'm going to be marked up for a while. So, yeah. We agreed to do this every other month or so, gives me ample time to recover what he takes, as well as for the bruises to go away. I never thought I'd be a swan, but I suppose when the right person comes around, it's easy to just say yes.
Such a relief! I got the results for that second test back, and I'm negative. I can finally go out, go back to work. I have a slight headache still, but other than that I feel fantastic. It's so good to know that I'm Covid free.
I'm ecstatic right now. I've been invited to attend the Long Black Veil. It was the first major vampyre club in New York in the 90s which closed in 2000. But, for the 20th anniversary of said closing, Father Sebastiaan has been running a virtual club. I know someone now in the community and who's close with Father Sebastian who invited me to be their guest at next month's gathering. You've got to be dressed up in proper attire and all that fun stuff, so I guess I have to actually put the work in to properly lace up one of my corsets and figure out a good makeup look to match, because fuck if I'm going to miss out on that. I've always wanted to become part of the vampire community, and now that I actually know someone who is, it will be easier for me to really make that happen. I'm stoked.
Well, that was short lived, haha.
In other news, I'm finally feeling like myself again! If been dealing with Covid-like symptoms for over a week, and I'd had a lasting headache for the entirety of that time, which was awful. I still have one, but it's minor and much more tolerable than what I've been dealing with since last Thursday. It's nice to actually be feeling better. I should be able to return to work come Monday.
I don't expect anything real to come from this, but man, it sure is fun to talk to him. He's an actor, a complete nerd, lives in Hollywood, does a podcast, is fucking hilarious, and seems to like me enough to want to meet me in person when I feel better and have the results from that second test. We've been bonding over comics, shows, music, all the common interests we have. It's been nice to have someone to talk to, someone who makes me laugh and smile, someone who makes me forget about all the shit that makes my life less than ideal right now. He's originally from New York, so he has that accent, but he apparently loves my "cute" voice and laugh.
People are dumb.
Second test taken, won't get results for about a week. But, thankfully, I'm off the rest of this week as I still feel like garbage. If I never havee to shove a swab up my nose again, it'll be too soon. Those tests are the most uncomfortable things. So, I'm gonna spend the rest of this week just relaxing and hoping I start feeling better, because next week I have to go back to work. I'm hoping the results won't take that long to get back, the woman who was doing the test on me said it could take up to 12 days as the labs are swamped with samples.
The bright side in all of this is that I joined a goth dating group on Facebook that was an offshoot from another group I was in, the one Franz invited me to. But I've made a few friends in the group and I've been talking with them. They are some of the most encouraging, supportive, awesome people. When all this is over can't wait to meet them in person. So, that's been keeping me smiling and laughing. It's good to have a group I can be myself in and have people who are all like minded to talk to.
Welp, interesting. Negative result, but unfortunately the test I took is not the most accurate and gives false negatives. So, I'm testing again tomorrow, and I'm going to take the rest of the week off. Hopefully this other test comes back negative as well.
I found a place in Tustin that does the rapid antigen Covid test, and I managed to snag an appointment for tonight. I emailed my company yesterday about self isolating because I'm concerned I may have it, and they're fine with it, not much they can really do, honestly. But, I got a call from Art this morning saying that if I could find a place that does rapid testing, they would pay for it. They want to know as soon as possible to get me back to work. I get it, I'm the only field agent, there's no way Francis is going out there with things the way they are. So, hopefully I'll know within 24 hours what's going on.
So, the hope that this is just some summer cold has gone. I have multiple symptoms of Covid, headache, fatigue, runny nose, sore throat, and I picked up a cough yesterday... I'm getting tested on Tuesday, but results will take days. So, self quarantine it is for the next two weeks or so... It was really only a matter of time with my job, but, that does make me wonder what's going to happen with that. With me getting sick, I know Francis won't want to go out into the field, not when he's got his parents staying with him. He can't chance it. I couldn't really, either, because my mom, but here we are. I think she's got it now as well, as she's been coughing a lot since yesterday. So... Fun times. I haven't had a fever, though my temperature has been higher than normal, and I haven't had any shortness of breath, so I hope my mother and I can come out of this without any serious complications.
My mom is sick to and the dam doctors are slow getting her tested, she is in her mid 70s and has Parkinsons so they seem not to see her as a priority, these days. My sister and I are both sick we are her Caregivers, I'm going to get tested next week so until then same thing with our house hold quarantine and wait.
Omg. I'll be keeping you in mind and prayer. You got this, babe. Just hang in there. Increease Vit C intake. Pls take care!
Take care of yourself hun...
Trying to find a test site that can do same day results in my county is proving to be difficult. If LA County can do it, while also making testing free to all residents, what's your excuse, San Bernardino? This is a matter of grave importance as it determines if I can go into work on Monday. I can't afford the 6-10 day wait.
I decided that I'll be getting tested at some point this weekend. While I am feeling somewhat better than I did yesterday, in these uncertain times, I need a definitive positive or negative. It's too risky to chance things right now, and I sure as hell don't want to be the reason someone else gets sick.
Well, my temperature was back down to the 97 range this morning. Though, I have a horrible headache, my throat is still feeling funny, and I have a slight case of the sniffles. I'm really hoping this is just a summer cold and nothing more serious. I'm waiting at the office for Francis to get here, I want to talk to him and see what he thinks. If it's worth it to go out and work or if I should stay home and get tested to make sure it isn't COVID-19.
Got home today and my voice is so hoarse. I haven't been feeling the best, minor headaches and stuff, but this kind of scares me. I'm really hoping it's just a cold and not Covid. But, depending on how I feel tomorrow morning, I may have to call off work. I won't knowingly put anyone at risk to get sick.
Yay, I finally got Photoshop on my new laptop! This means I'll be creating some new art. Though, it mostly just means I can do some solid graphics for HisFelina.
So uh... Is that new account I created yesterday just gone? Because, if so... Do I get a refund on the year PM I put on it?
I just shot a message to Cartomancer on Facebook who'll ask Cancer about it. It's just weird to have it completely gone, but hopefully he can recover it for me.
I put a pm on a profile and it looks the same it was my profile from years agao just got it back yesturday. IT DOESNT EVEN LOOK LIKE ITS BEEN TOUCHED.
I went back a level which isn't a big deal but if I had paid a years premium that would be a different story. I think that they'll make it right.
It's like we went backwards 1 day. All events that happened yesterday before the crash, gone.
It was a crash, which caused Cancer to use the restore for the 12th. Unfortunately my profile was created after the restore took place, so the account was lost. Thankfully after talking to Cartomancer and her talking to Cancer, I'll get the PM back, I just had to remake the account.
So the account name wont be locked?
because it will be like it never existed.
No, the account name wasn't locked. The reset made it so it was never registered in the first place, so it was free for me to use again.
I'm glad things worked out in your favor. :)
Amazing,I'm glad cancer got your stuff squared away.
I'm not going to rate you, I'm not going to add you. I will not contribute to Cat's levels in any way. So, unless you want ones, I suggest you stay the fuck off my shit. I don't like you, I don't like her, I want nothing to do with any of you garbage people.
Bah, thinking up new profile names is hard when all the ones I really like I've used before.
There was a fire outside of my hotel this evening due to fireworks. It was pretty crazy. And the fireworks lasted up until 3. Fun times...
So, my dad came out here a day early. After getting the brakes repaired on the car, I came home to find him smoking in the garage. He actually spoke to me, and he was decent. But, even so, being nice now doesn't take back the last year of radio silence from him, the last 32 years of mental abuse he put me through. So, I'll be civil, but I'm not staying here while he's here. I asked John if I could spend the night there since my hotel room won't be good until tomorrow. So, that's where I'm headed. After work tomorrow I'll come home, collect my stuff, and head off to the hotel. I'm annoyed, but less angry than I thought I would be upon seeing him. I guess it's because he actually spoke to me like a person, as opposed to the last time he saw me where he just ignored my very presence.
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