I slog through a lot of journals. I'm out of most of them in under two minutes. I'm like that about stepping in poo, too. Don't mean to blow my own horn, but I'm pretty clever about picking my foot right up, scraping it off, and walking on.
It's so seldom that you come across people who stand out from the rest, but it's worth the look. I'm not even talking about people who necessarily agree with me. They may have a perspective opposite my own, but they make you think and laugh.
I found TWO today. No whiney taking-themselves-too-seriously theme to their chronicles. We all have a few entries where we're working something out, but if 90% of your journal/worldview is that people are fucking you over or that you need revenge of some kind, I guarantee that YOU are the problem. The challenge of life is finding a way to get around/over/through the obstacles with your wit intact. If you're not looking back, pointing at everything behind you with, if not laughter, at least a smirky and begrudging respect, then you're doing it wrong!
Looking forward to quirky new ways of looking at the world. Thank you, Journal Genie.
"Do you mind if I watch? It's Everton...live!"
Oh god. Soccer. I love him, but...soccer. *flips open laptop* "Of course, sweetie."
"Did you just open your laptop?"
"You did, didn't you? I asked about the game and you immediately opened your laptop." *puts game on"
*reads journals on VR. Writes a journal entry. Hears breathy sleep sounds from the couch. He wakes about 20 minutes later and smiles at me."
I ask, "How's the game? Your team doing well?"
God bless him...he nods and smiles. I ask him the score, and unwilling to let on that he's clueless, he goes with the standard response for such a question where soccer scores are related. A safe answer, "Nil-Nil."
Been reading journals today.
It must be me. The wall of journals I read are the thoughts of people I give a damn about. I haven't added anyone new to my favorites for a long time. I wonder if that's a good thing.
So, what features most heavily in our writing? Easy. The people and things that bug us. The words we wish we'd said. The actions we've had time to re-think. How stupid other people are. How much we do not want to come across to other people the very ways we fear we might be.
We talk about being misunderstood. We long to be understood. We fear being understood, for that would mean that we have settled in some way, faded away from the vitalities and complexities we once cherished. We fear becoming too tired to fight back. We steer from the admission that fighting back is in practice not always as sexy and profound as the thought of it after a bath and a beer.
I wonder about myself. After I read journals, I wonder if I am normal. I worry that people don't bug me enough. I have momentary, fleeting experiences of people bugging me. Then it's usually gone. Is this healthy? I even found I sometimes had to fake being angry with my kids in order to deliver one consequence or another.
Disappointment. Is that the same thing? I have a healthy dose of that when it comes to people. We let each other down. It's a fact, a part of life that is inescapable. It becomes three-dimensional and technicolor when it involves those we love most. I just don't seem to hang onto it for very long. I'm not quite sure why.
I find people interesting. There are some people who bore me, but even they become kind of fascinating in their unfaltering ability to continue to bore. There are people I dislike. As much as I can't wait to get away from them, thinking about their repellant ways can fill the hours. It gets my metaphors rolling and makes me want to write.
But by then, I'm not bugged anymore. I'm not mad the next day. I'm just back in the mindset that people are interesting, some are bumping around like molecules in a glass being slowly heated, or pinballs given the challenge of a swift flipper swat. Others are managing to make a bit of forward progress of their own, only bumping into a wall or two along the way. Those damn walls, not always where we expect them, but the truth of our human experience all the same...keeping the route interesting, especially when it's your turn to bump into one and we get to see.
Sent to me by my wonderful nun friend. She sends the best stuff!
"In case you didn't know...
Women are Angels
And when someone breaks our wings....
We simply continue to fly....
On a broomstick....
We are flexible like that."
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