Legion (Coven)

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Set at 06:36 on September 15, 2012

Vampire Rave member for 15 years.

Status:  Elemental (77.87)
Rank:  Member
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Affiliation:  Legion (Coven)
Account Type:  Regular
Gender:  Female
Birthdate:  Hidden
Age:  Hidden




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“I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.”

A Jug of Wine
A Leg of Lamb
Beside me, whistling in the darkness

You might not like me. I'm not an easy person to cope with. But if you can get past that...I'll be the best friend you ever had. Or at least the most entertaining. Or maybe just confusing.

I'm bubbly and outgoing yet broody, moody and often bitchy, a born loner who sometimes can't stand to be alone, a total geek with a high IQ but a complete lack of motivation.

I probably don't fit in much with most of the Dark crowd, because I'm actually pretty bright and cheerful and am only fascinated with things like vampires for purely entertainment purposes. But I do share a love for all things fiction and fantasy, so I guess that entitles me to be here.

I'm a very live-in-the-moment, emotional sort of person. I show every feeling on my sleeve, whether happy, sad, angry or bored. I rarely worry about the future, and I spend little time in the past. I live for the here and the now, not for the what will be or the what has been.

Which, combined with my high IQ means I'm often brash, and sometimes say things before I think about them enough, because my brain is constantly going a mile a minute, so it's not worrying enough about what the mouth is doing. Makes it very entertaining to be around me for any length of time. Or annoying. You take your pick.

Family is extremely important to me. My husband is the light of my life, my one true love, my soul mate and best friend. We have been together for 15 years, and our friends say we make them sick because we act like we still actually love and like each other. Well, we do, so enjoy being jealous. My daughter is the second light of my life, my one cub, my pride and joy, and also my thorn and my grief (she's a teenager).

My parents mean a lot to me, even though my childhood was sometimes strange and rocky. Now that she's no longer responsible for my behavior, my mom is one of my best friends and I can talk to her about everything. And my dad still spoils me rotten, and buys me computer stuff when Mom's not looking.

I have one sister. She and I haven't been close for a long time. But she's going through some changes in her life, and maybe that will change now. I sure hope so, because she's my baby sister.

I also have a lot of family I collected, since my birth family is quite small. These people are no less important to me for not being connected by blood. I'm a fiercely loyal friend, because I don't make good friends easily, so every friend I have is extremely important to me. I consider all my friends as my family. Because sometime, family is what you make, not what you're born with.

There are five important women in my life that when people ask me who my best friend in the world is, these four women immediately come to mind, and I consider each one my sister.

Trisha, who I've known since high school. She bails me out of more messes than I deserve, nags me when I'm being stupid, and calls me crying when her dog dies. If my life didn't have her in it, my life would be a wreck.

Lissa, who I met here on VR. Every week we find yet another thing that connects the two of us in some ephemeral way. Our minds function the same way, and sometimes so do our mouths. :) She's my sister in every way that matters but birth, and even though we're separated by half a country, we're connected heart and soul for life.

My ebil twin, xRoguex, whose real name I'll keep since I don't know that she wants to share that with just ANYONE. Regardless of what we call her, she's my sister from down under, my better half across the world, my mentor, my guide, my consort in chaos and my inspiration. Someday, despite her husband's concerns, we WILL visit each other, and damage to the continent be damned!

Cecilia, who works at the same miserable job I do. We are from polar opposite backgrounds, cultures, everything, and yet somehow, we fit, we mesh, we connect, and she keeps me sane when I want to pack my desk and run out the door screaming. And she's my favorite person to curl up in Starbuck's with and yack about everything from work to politics with over lattes and sweet treats.

Betty Jo, or BJ for short. She's uncanny. Every time in my life since I met her that I've been feeling lower than low, she suddenly calls or messages me with thoughts of love and support. I don't know how she does it, but she's always there, even if we don't talk for months. Her kids call me their aunt, and my daughter calls BJ hers. We always end every phone call with "I miss your pretty face".

Some other people who are really important to me...

In a class unto herself is Izzy, xXShadowDravenXx, who is my "adopted" daughter and who is so much like me sometimes, it's easy to believe she's really mine. A world apart, but close at heart, that's my Izzy girl. Beautiful and sassy, no "pretend" daughter has ever been loved as much as Izzy. If she makes it to the States next year like she plans, it's going to be REALLY hard for me to let her go back home. :)

CrimsonJuliet, the "Other Lisa", my DOOD, she's fun and funky, and sometimes moody and broody herself. She's got a good perspective on things, and she's always willing to listen. And loves to share everything she finds on YouTube with me. She has a heart of purest gold and I treasure her friendship beyond measure.

My philosophy on friends is this:
Everyone can have a ton of shallow friends and a busy social calender.

I don't. But...

My friends are the sort that I can call at three A.M. and say "My car broke down", and the very next words out of their mouths are "Where are you? Let me get dressed."

This is entirely metaphorical, since some of my best friends don't live close enough to me for that, but you get the general idea. MysticalWench, I'm very sure if I called HER, would at least jump on her computer and help me find a tow service, since Illinois to California is a damned long drive to rescue me. And CrimsonJuliet would probably say "Dood, don't you have AAA or something?", but she'd be very anxious until I was safely back home.

I protect every one of these people with swift and blinding violence. They're rare and precious and worth the fight.

~Question everything. God is not great, Jesus is not your lord, you are not disciples of any charismatic prophet. You are all human beings who must make your way through your life by thinking and learning, and you have the job of advancing humanity's knowledge by winnowing out the errors of past generations and finding deeper understanding of reality. You will not find wisdom in rituals and sacraments and dogma, which build only self-satisfied ignorance, but you can find truth by looking at your world with fresh eyes and a questioning mind.~PZ Myers

I am a dedicated atheist. I am unable to believe in things you cannot prove. I am just not wired that way. I need tangible evidence, hard proof you can see, touch, date and quantify. When you can prove God, I will believe in him. The stories in the bones, the journal that is evolution, that I can see, I can touch it, I can relate to the science that supports it. There is no science behind God, at least not one that doesn't come off as a complete and utter joke. (cough cough, I.D. cough cough)

Funny thing is, I consider myself very strong of faith. I have faith in tangible things. I have faith in the love of my family. I have faith in the loyalty of my dogs. I have faith in a strong cup of coffee. I have faith in the foolishness of mankind.

I have often felt that religion is driven in part by fear. People fear the unknown, they fear death, they fear natural disasters, they fear disease, they fear guilt, so to compensate for their fear, they created an invisible being to blame the whole thing on.
"What happens when I die? I'm afraid of dying" - It's okay. God will take you to Heaven and you'll be happy and peaceful and surrounded by the music of the angels. Not me. I plan to become free-form energy and drift through the universe until I come to a planet with an advanced and enlightened civilization, where I shall reincarnate myself.

"Why did that tornado destroy our town?" - God did it to punish you all for your sins. Huh. Then why is Washington DC still standing? A more wretched hive of scum and villainy, and yet not one tornado.

"Why is everyone dying of the Swine Flu??" - God is sending plagues and pestilence again to plague mankind and purify them so that they might purge themselves of sin and look to God for guidance. Nuts to that. Disease is the sole domain of Mother Nature, and she's doing it because God's followers refuse to practice birth control. When an enclosed ecosystem becomes overcrowded and begins to drain its resources, Nature strives to reassert the balance, and does so by purging the excess population, by means such as disease. It's natural selection people, so take your vitamins, wear a condom and wait for the Captain Tripps.

"I feel really bad I just banged some man I met at a party and cheated on my husband. What do I do now??" - God created Sin by tempting some bitch named Eve with poisoned apples. She ate one, and knew about all sorts of things she shouldn't have, in God's eyes, like dirty sex on your knees with someone other than Adam. So now you have to follow God's rules in order to avoid sin, and you don't have to take responsibility for being a skank, because God is just testing your faith. Right. You banged the guy from the party because it felt good, and because humans are basically sexual creatures. It feels GOOD to have sex, and if Adam's not putting out, you may do something stupid like go get it somewhere else rather than waving your naked tail in Adam's face until he does something with it. You're human, you want it, you got it, now go get tested, go to counseling, and get over it.

Religion is also driven by humanity's need to either control or be controlled. A certain set of any population wants to always be rich and in charge. The problem with that is, the people who are rich and in charge are often envied and downright hated by those who are poor and NOT in charge. So, in order to keep the poor and not in charge happy, the dudes in charge create churches and gods and rules to follow, so all the little poor people can pray and be happy and make believe it's all okay that they're poor and not in charge, because it's all "God's Plan".

Which brings me to my biggest peeve with religion. God's Plan. Whenever something bad happens, people say, it's okay, it's God's Plan. I have a problem with that. If it's part of God's Plan to have a 40 year old man rape a 6 year old girl, destroying her physically and mentally for the rest of her life, then God is one sick bastard. If God's Plan includes Jeffrey Dahlmer taking home men to have sex with them, and then murder and eat them, dude, seriously? God, wow, that's one weird plan. God's Plan somehow includes making all of his followers breed like rabbits, then die from starvation because the area they live in can't provide enough food for everyone. Wouldn't a better plan be to have fewer damned kids? God's Plan includes nuclear bombs and reality tv shows about asinine celebrities dumped in a jungle and rape and murder and famine and brussel sprouts. Any real god worth his salt would give the 40 year old molester a massive embolism before he got his pants off, would have had Dahlmer struck by lightening the day he killed his first cat and would make people mysteriously sterile after no more than 2 or 3 children. (Duggars, I'm looking in your direction...)

"I'm an atheist, and that's it. I believe there's nothing we can know except that we should be kind to each other and do what we can for each other." ~Kathryn Hepurn

Wiser words are rarely spoken. I believe that we should do right things because it's simply right to do them. We should avoid wrong things because there are bad consequences that hurt people in the end.

We should not cheat on our spouses because doing so can cause pain and sorrow and destroy a family.

We should not steal, because doing so causes a store to raise prices, then one day, a poor mother has to make a choice between milk or diapers, because she can't afford both.

We should not commit murder, because nothing gives us the right to take another person's life from them, and cause their families so much unnecessary pain and loss.

We should not lie if said lie will come back to cause hurt. Telling your best friend she looks fabulous in that ugly dress she's so proud of is fine. But telling your wife you love her and would never cheat on her while you're banging your secretary every day at work...not okay.

We should not beat our children, because it leaves scars sometimes you can't see on the outside. We should however, discipline our children, even with the occasional spanking, because they have to learn right from wrong so that they become useful members of society.

We should not beat our dogs, because we made them. We created dogs to accompany us through life, to worship us and to sorrow when we are gone from them and to be joyously happy to see us when we return. You cannot create a creature like that, then torture it, starve it, leave it in an alley or tie it up in the backyard and toss it a scrap once in a while. You have to love it and cherish it, and prove worthy of the devotion that dog will give you every day of its life.

Lysa's Commandments: Kinder than God's, easier to follow, and based in love, not fear.

That's my chapter and verse on religion. You don't have to like it, but you should respect it, because I'd do the same for you.

My child, my Bugface, my one and only. She's amazing. She's frustrating. She's a teenager. She's brilliant, but lazy, kind but stubborn, tough yet a total hypochondriac. She rides horses and does jumping. When she was small, she collected bugs. One afternoon, a neighbor called me to let me know Marcella was in the yard, playing with wasps. I went running outside, trying to stay calm and not panic her, lest she get stung. I said calmly "Sweetie, you know those can sting you right???". She smiled at me, and said "Yes Mommy, I'm being very careful. Look, I'm training this one". And damned if that kid, who was maybe 5 at the time, didn't have a wasp on a stick, which was leaning in the door of her little bug hut. She gently tapped the stick behind the wasp, and damned if that thing didn't walk right into the bug hut and let her close the door. Weirdest thing I ever saw. I gently discouraged further wasp training, but my child has never been stung or bitten by the bugs she collected.

This is Marcella on her horse, Misty, aka Moo. She was a gift from Marcella's trainer Tish. She's a spoiled brat, bomb-proof on the trails, but a maniac in the arena. Marcella loves her with all her soul, even though she's had a few falls from her. She's never been badly hurt though, and the few times she's ended up under Misty, Misty has always carefully hopped her feet over her rider. We found out after we got her, when we got her papers, that her registered name is My Protector. :)

My beautiful girls jumping a fence:

**Under Construction: New horses, new pics, all upcoming**

The Dragon In My Garage
by Carl Sagan

"A fire-breathing dragon lives in my garage"

Suppose (I'm following a group therapy approach by
the psychologist Richard Franklin) I seriously make such
an assertion to you. Surely you'd want to check it out, see for yourself. There have been innumerable stories of dragons over the centuries, but no real evidence. What an opportunity!

"Show me," you say. I lead you to my garage. You look inside and see a ladder, empty paint cans, an old tricycle --
but no dragon.

"Where's the dragon?" you ask.

"Oh, she's right here," I reply, waving vaguely.
"I neglected to mention that she's an invisible dragon."

You propose spreading flour on the floor of the garage to capture the dragon's footprints.

"Good idea," I say, "but this dragon floats in the air."

Then you'll use an infrared sensor to detect the invisible fire.

"Good idea, but the invisible fire is also heatless."

You'll spray-paint the dragon and make her visible.

"Good idea, but she's an incorporeal dragon and the paint won't stick." And so on. I counter every physical test you propose with a special explanation of why it won't work.

Now, what's the difference between an invisible, incorporeal, floating dragon who spits heatless fire and no dragon at all? If there's no way to disprove my contention, no conceivable experiment that would count against it, what does it mean to say that my dragon exists? Your inability to invalidate my hypothesis is not at all the same thing as proving it true. Claims that cannot be tested, assertions immune to disproof are veridically worthless, whatever value they may have in inspiring us or in exciting our sense of wonder. What I'm asking you to do comes down to believing, in the absence of evidence, on my say-so. The only thing you've really learned from my insistence that there's a dragon in my garage is that something funny is going on inside my head. You'd wonder, if no physical tests apply, what convinced me. The possibility that it was a dream or a hallucination would certainly enter your mind. But then, why am I taking it so seriously? Maybe I need help. At the least, maybe I've seriously underestimated human fallibility. Imagine that, despite none of the tests being successful, you wish to be scrupulously open-minded. So you don't outright reject the notion that there's a fire-breathing dragon in my garage. You merely put it on hold. Present evidence is strongly against it, but if a new body of data emerge you're prepared to examine it and see if it convinces you. Surely it's unfair of me to be offended at not being believed; or to criticize you for being stodgy and unimaginative -- merely because you rendered the Scottish verdict of "not proved."

Imagine that things had gone otherwise. The dragon is invisible, all right, but footprints are being made in the flour as you watch. Your infrared detector reads off-scale. The spray paint reveals a jagged crest bobbing in the air before you. No matter how skeptical you might have been about the existence of dragons -- to say nothing about invisible ones -- you must now acknowledge that there's something here, and that in a preliminary way it's consistent with an invisible, fire-breathing dragon.

Now another scenario: Suppose it's not just me. Suppose that several people of your acquaintance, including people who you're pretty sure don't know each other, all tell you that they have dragons in their garages -- but in every case the evidence is maddeningly elusive. All of us admit we're disturbed at being gripped by so odd a conviction so ill-supported by the physical evidence. None of us is a lunatic. We speculate about what it would mean if invisible dragons were really hiding out in garages all over the world, with us humans just catching on. I'd rather it not be true, I tell you. But maybe all those ancient European and Chinese myths about dragons weren't myths at all.

Gratifyingly, some dragon-size footprints in the flour are now reported. But they're never made when a skeptic is looking. An alternative explanation presents itself. On close examination it seems clear that the footprints could have been faked. Another dragon enthusiast shows up with a burnt finger and attributes it to a rare physical manifestation of the dragon's fiery breath. But again, other possibilities exist. We understand that there are other ways to burn fingers besides the breath of invisible dragons. Such "evidence" -- no matter how important the dragon advocates consider it -- is far from compelling. Once again, the only sensible approach is tentatively to reject the dragon hypothesis, to be open to future physical data, and to wonder what the cause might be that so many apparently sane and sober people share the same strange delusion.

My Coven, My Clan

I cannot begin to express how much this coven means to me. I fit in here like I fit in nowhere else in the world. Lore took me in when my first coven booted me, for which I never got an explanation. Prolly because I didn’t fit in. Thus, I rarely participated. Well, I make up for that in FG. I can cut loose, unfetter the shackles on my inner child, and let her run amuck and have all the fun she wants. Which I do quite well. Ask my family…they’ll tell you ALL about it. ;)

This is my family. I love them every bit as much as my “real life” one.

My Lady Lore, who inducted me and made me feel welcome right from the beginning, elegant and kind. She's like a big sister, encouraging and fun (Which is funny, because we’re almost exactly the same age…literally. Our birthdays are only a day or two apart, and we were born the same year):

My best friend and sister:

Master "DWP", who makes time when he can and watches over us all:

CrimsonJuliet, also known, but only by me, as Jules, or The Other Lysa. I tell her my secrets, she tells me hers, and few people with the exception of MysticalWench understands me like she does. I think she's ever so slightly obsessed with American Idol hottie Adam Lambert:

SweetlyDecadent, who is all of that and more, and makes me laugh daily. Just don't try the home brew. We hope to escape from the Asylum any day now...if only the pigeons would help:

Ashley, AKA LittleFighter...the niece of my heart...I just want to protect her forever and keep her safe from hurt...

One of our newest members, Korathan...adore him already!!

My favorite Scot, who apparently can't be bothered to make a Pro stamp I can use here!! Love him anyway:

My current ranking:

Proud Gladiator for life:

And proud member of our Alliance:

My protectors:

My daughter Izzy...

My best big ass robot friend:

My brother, my life. Love him, fear him.

My special little buddy, MrZombie

My sexy Hexy!:

My Lord Sippa, secret love of my VR life:

My boy:

"It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him."

I love dragons. One thing I want more than anything else in the whole wide world, is my own dragon. I have a particular thing about dragons too. In my world, dragons aren't evil monster, hellbent on destroying humans and the world. In my world, dragons are kind, benevolent, intelligent and wonderful. Anne McCaffrey's dragons, in short. :)

My favorite dragon artist is Ciruelo Cabral, from Brazil. There is a statue of one of his dragons, Hobswyllwin, in a park in Buenos Aires. Cabral's dragons largely embody all those things I mentioned loving about dragons.

Doesn't this guy look happy?

Apparently, this picture tells the story of Hobsyllwin sharing his lore and wisdom with a young lad, Angus.

Hobsyllwin looking elegant, and happy.

Laughing his defiance at an army of pitiful humans.

This is another artist, Karem Beyit. I adore this image, a mother teaching her youngling to fly.

Peek-a-boo, I see you...

Maybe there's another way in?

Made this little "LOLz" myself.

His bloodstained clothes washed up further downstream. We don't know if that means that he's dead, or just naked.

I have a powerful fascination for Japan. I am deeply impressed by Japanese culture, and have a great fondness for many aspects of it, most particularly, Anime, that uniquely Japanese style of cartoon animation, with the brilliant colors, strange stories, and the bizarre "bear trap" teeth wild takes, and rich characters. I love it all. Some more and less than others.

My all time favorite is Inuyasha. Young Kagome, an otherwise ordinary Japanese high school student, is one day drawn down an ancient well on her family's land, and finds herself in the past, in Feudal Era Japan. She meets up with a half boy/half demon, Inuyasha, and ends up discovering that she's the reincarnation of his lost love, the powerful priestess Kikyo. Secretly embedded in Kagome's body is the sacred Shikon No Tama, or Shikon Jewel, which becomes shattered, sending Kagome and Inuyasha on a quest to recover all the pieces. They acquire a few friends along the way, the fox demon Shippo, the demon hunter Sango, and the lecherous monk Miroku. Together the friends search for the shards, and fight to battle the evil Naraku, who is searching for the shards himself.

Bleach is my current favorite, which is airing Saturdays on Adult Swim. Bleach takes us into the world of the Japanese shinigami, or "Soul Reapers", beings who collect the souls of the dead. Ichigo Kurosaki accidentally takes the powers of a Soul Reaper, Rukia Kuchiki, and finds himself battling The Hollows, powerful souls gone very very bad.

Possibly my second favorite, and one which had the best music in the intro and closing. Edward and Alphonse Elric attempt to use Alchemy to commit the ultimate act of love, and also the ultimate crime against nature, by bringing back to life their dead mother. Something goes horribly wrong, and in a desperate attempt to save his little brother's life, Ed binds Al's soul to an old suit of armor, losing his arm and leg in the process. Fitted with "automail" replacements, Ed sets off to become a State Alchemist, hoping that the knowledge he can acquire from them will help him find the Philosopher's Stone, and help him restore himself and his brother.

Occasionally referred to as "cyberpunk", Ghost In The Shell takes us into a futuristic Japan, in which many humans have become cyborgs, able to connect their own minds directly into the Internet. In this type of society, crime takes a unique turn, and Section 6 is the specialized team designed to handle it. Led by Major Motoko Kusanagi, Section Six delves deeply into the strange world of cyber-terrorism and "ghosts", that last remnant of a cyborg's humanity. This particular image is from GitS, Stand Alone Complex, the series made for TV. Last night, I finally got to see the original movie, which was totally amazing.

The rest of these are various different series which I've watched over the years and thoroughly enjoyed, although not with the same obsessive interest as the ones above. :)

I also love Spawn. I don't actually own any of the comics, but I know the entire story and canon, and avidly watched the animated series, and totally thought the movie rocked. Spawn is the tortured hero of Todd McFarlane's story of a man who makes a deal with Hell in order to see the woman he loves before he dies. A special forces soldier for the goverment, Al Simmons is perfectly suited to lead Hell's army of Hellspawns. But Malbogia, the leader of Hell, is unable to control Spawn's inner goodness, and Spawn rebels, and ends up fighting for the victims of crime in a dark and dangerous world. You gotta love a hero like that.

One of the coolest characters in the Spawn comics is Angela, an angel warrior and hunter working for Heaven, her mission from above is to hunt down and destroy all Hellspawns. Sent to slay Spawn, she fails and he kicks her ass. They end up fighting together until she's eventually killed in a fight against Malbolgia in Spawn #100.

Some killer Angela images...

I love music. Music is such a significant part of my life. I listen to music all the time. When I'm alone, I hear my music in my head. I married a drummer. I collect tons of my favorite songs, albums and artists. I particularly like punk, not old-school hardcore punk, but young, bouncy "skater punk". Blink 182 is still my favorite band in that genre, and I'm so happy they're back together. Sum 41, Strike Anywhere, Anti-Flag, if it has a happy bouncing beat, raucous noise and fun lyrics, or pissed off "fuck the system" lyrics, I'm all over it. I love a lot of what most people call "alternative rock" or new heavy metal. 3 Days Grace, System of a Down, Disturbed, I love it all. Music makes me happy when everything else has stressed me out.

My favorite, favorite thing though...punk bands with rad girls with bitchin voices. The first band on my playlist, Tilt, is a PRIMO example of that. Cinder Block, that girl can belt out a tune like no one's business. Tsunami Bomb, Go Betty Go, it doesn't get better than a pretty girl singing punk rock.

Revel in the happy bouncy punkness. You know you want to.

I love books. A lot. I collect them. A lot. I love everything about books. I love the smell of the bookstore. I love the sounds of the bookstore. I love the crisp, stiff feeling of a brand new book that no one else has ever creased. I love the soft, loved, worn-in feeling of an old book, old friend. I love staying up late to buy the new Harry Potter at midnight, then spending all weekend reading it to the end. I love stories about dragons and far away planets. The MasterHarper Robinton is one of my greatest heroes. Wikipedia that. I still think the Outsider has killed Einstein until I turn the last pages. I love to fly with dragons, kindle demon magic, fall in love in the Scottish Highlands, explore dark forests in Droekvinka, cast a spell to find a werewolf, run on all fours at the full moon, fly to the Quidditch match, and explore new planets. I will never read an e-book, because I feel that defeats the purpose and the pleasure inherent in a good book. I own more books than I own clothes. I am almost always disappointed by the movie adaptation, because it's almost never the same. And few moviemakers can make nearly as good a movie as I made in my head when I read that book. Books help you escape to that quiet place in your brain where you don't have to think or do or be anything but what's on the page in front of you.

In short, I just love books.
These are just some of my favorites:

Shed your dogma, only then can you be free...

The Atheism Box - Dedicated to my favorite faux religions meant to create enlightenment in the face of dogma. (Also contains some rants and general metaphors)

"If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is an intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time."Bertrand Russell, 1952

Russell's Teapot is my second favorite non-god parable. I use the Teapot in a lot of graphics, including the Atheist Bus.

Let us take a moment to ponder the fact that nearly all major religions began when some early figurehead was out in the desert and came upon a burning bush or tree of some sort. Just what, one should suppose, sort of bush WAS that?

Right after Russell's Teapot, comes The Principia Discordia. The Magnum Opiate of Malaclypse the Younger, the Principia explains how Mal found the Goddess Eris, goddess of Chaos, Confusion and Strife, the Supreme Ruler of the Universe, having won it from God in a divorce settlement. (This story confounds Mormons, BTW)

Eris's sacred symbol is the Apple of Discord, featured here in the Sacred Chao. The Apple of course, is from the Golden Apple Eris used to start a war amongst the vain goddesses of Olympus, tossed in amongst them marked "To the Prettiest One". This immediately set off much hair pulling and name calling as the goddesses battled to see who would claim the prize. Eris was vastly amused by this and left the scene to partake of a hot dog.

Further enlightenment can be found here:
The Principia Discordia

Invisible Pink Unicorns are beings of great spiritual power. We know this because they are capable of being invisible and pink at the same time. Like all religions, the faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorn is based upon both logic and faith. We have faith that they are pink; we logically know that they are invisible because we can't see them.

Invisible Pink Unicorns are a perfect parable for God, pointing out the silliness of taking something unprovable completely on faith. Plus, unicorns are pretty.

His Noodliness is the spiritual deity created by Bobby Henderson in protest to Creationism being taught in public schools. Basically, Bobby was saying that The Flying Spaghetti Monster makes as much sense as an "Intelligent Designer", ie, God.

Allow me a moment to point out that people who believe in Intelligent Design are IDiots of the highest caliber. Attempting to mix faith and science, and using pseudo-science to prove your point, is ridiculous. These IDiots have been know to use every argument they can trump up, from bananas (Look for Kirk Cameron's video about his on YouTube) to penguins. That super hit documentary March of the Penguins? IDiots claim that movie as definitive proof in the Intelligent Designer, ie, God. Picture me rolling my eyes right about here.

My person take on the whole thing. Here we have Buddy Christ, created for the movie Dogma. Behind Buddy is the famous Burning Bush, and you'll see Russell's Teapot pouring the water of Reason and Rationality over the Flames of Dogma. Buddy Christ is hip to this, because he knows he doesn't exist, and the sooner the rest of the world figures that out, the sooner he can retire to a commune in Oregon and chill.

I include George Carlin here because his rant on religion, well, it just rocks. No one says this as well as Carlin. His rant on the Ten Commandments was pure gold.

"When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!"

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Feb 18, 2024

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