EstrangedOne's Journal


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3 entries this month

Some Things Really Can be Tiring...

01:26 Sep 30 2018
Times Read: 540

One thing I have to say gets old after awhile is a lot of social media...

Myself, I have This profile, and the real/not so different Google+ page, which, obviously, I don't exactly make known on here, for even more obvious reasons (and if one doesn't know the Why, then clearly you have not had to deal with the same insult of stalker-like lunacy.

But as far as the Rave goes... one thing I have grown tired of is the whole thing of apparently having to constantly "rate" this and that. Especially considering my personal concept of it all: frankly, I feel it to be a little ridiculous. If anything, I just prefer to look at all things as "experience is the 'Trump card'".
By that, I mean that what a person shows of their knowledge or experience should overpower any so-called "rating system".

Some time ago, when I first joined this site (though there are a great many times when even I wonder why I did so), I held a different profile that almost instantly became completely destroyed, and it made me wonder what the point was. Yet, nowadays, I only find myself on here every once in a great while, as I decide to put up a little poetry entry in my journal. Or sometimes, I may post a 'personal' entry, like so.

Yet one thing that I don't recall doing much of is posting my actual knowledge that pertains to various aspects of either my "life" or of existence in general. Not really that surprising, though, since a great many things I've posted on here have been stolen and placed elsewhere, whilst people know full well that it could only come from a mind as admittedly 'warped' as my own.
But in my time away from the Rave, I have only ever found myself wondering why I've bothered to do some of the things that I've done - some of which, in my opinion, being many times more absurd than others, considering I don't like trying to be something or someone that I am clearly not.
I am a hermit, a ghost, a shadow... but most of all, I am a true "Lone Wolf". Something that of every hundred people I have met, perhaps one or to of them are akin to my own nature. I don't see many self-preserving "loners" or "survivalists in this world, to-day. Sadly, in the days when I really had quite a lot, I saw that much more, and it is really kind of a depressing notion to me. But unfortunately, another thing that I don't frequently see anymore is people honest or true to Self. And by that, I mean people who actually acknowledge to themselves who they are, and don't try to play things off like they are something more than they really are (quite frankly, having to do virtually the opposite, myself, pisses me off to almost no end).

But, I think, enough of my rant... but yes... some things can really be tiring. And the way I see it, BS is one of those things.



06:57 Sep 30 2018

I think many people do not actually know who they are or what they want because they use all their attention and energy playing a role, and they never stop to think much about it.


And Has It Actually Been... Yes... Two Years.

19:01 Sep 16 2018
Times Read: 575

Somehow, it really doesn't surprise me - even in the least - that it has been two years since I was last on. According to the site's calendar, my last login was some time in 2016. 2018, now, and I seem to have missed a little bit more than was expected (but then, considering, I don't typically use most social media... as I said, it really doesn't surprise me, at all.

In the time that I've been absent, however, I think that the Rave (or at least those to whom it might have meaning ("might" being the operative word in this statement)) has also missed a fair piece of the events to transpire on my end, so... I believe a brief update may help, for those who care to know.~~

For a little over a year, now, I have been in wedlock to one whom apparently decided to join the Rave recently enough (seeming to me to be out of the blue). Ironic enough, we have been together for near to two years, now; and back and forth betwixt quite a few places, in the process of it all, already. From where we met in Tennessee, to New Orleans, to Minnesota, Florida, back to Tennessee, and (our bigger blunder, yet) even Illinois. And in the past several months, back down to the South, once again. Interestingly enough, in our time here, we have been through Hel and back, and even more ironic than how long we have been together, is how strong my beloved wife has shown herself to be; countless times, already, have we endured nearly nonstop catastrophe, and essentially every time, the woman has shown herself to be the kind that evidently... none who have provoked it have continued, since they've noticed her psychological habits somewhat taking after my own in a very strange way.

From me struggling when we met, to both of us struggling, and now, we are finally getting back upon our feet... but having to reboot much of what we've lost since all of this began.

Since meeting her, however, for the most part, I had tried to turn away from my old reputation as the apparent 'Lord' of a certain city... yet it seems that some people in that city still remember me by that name (including, but not limited to the police force, which I find a little ironic, in and of itself). However, in time, I have it in mind to remind people of not That name... but of the name I was dubbed in West Virginia, nearly a decade ago: otherwise known as "S.W.K." - -

In the past two years, apparently, so many twisted things have happened (some of which being much more twisted than others). Even as I write these current entries, I wear the BDU's that I've reacquired, and I keep my newly last remaining blades by my side, even though my wife and I are not currently facing the hardships we were for the first year and then some. But I await the moment that I can once again wear my normal suit, coat and fedora that I have always been known for wearing. And I am beginning to think it's been far too long since I've shown the Real me... the Self that so many know already, yet my spouse still wishes to see.




Calling Out The BS...

18:18 Sep 16 2018
Times Read: 584

Okay; since it has been so long since I have been active on here, and yet... at the same time, those two years seeming both like an eternity & a single month, unfortunate, though it may be, there is something that I must now address. To my own comprehension, I have remained completely silent about it in virtually all ways for far too long, already.

So, it is time for me to 'call someone out', as they say, nowadays; someone whom I had found once again, thanks to the Rave and thanks to a somewhat demented, though beloved friend as good as family to me.
Let me begin with saying this: Ever Since I Can Remember, I have been THE outcast of all outcasts; throughout all days, months, and years I have walked, my life has been a repeat after repeat: people calling on me for help, and then throwing me back – though not to the wolves – to the vultures of humanity. And some wonder why I am so cold.

This statement and message goes out to “LadyRainNyx” (or as I know her, Victoria).
In your case, Victoria (and frankly, in my mind, you no longer deserve the name “Lady Rain”), I have known you since your children were barely able to walk, and even before that. I was there for you when YOU WERE THEIR AGE. Hell, My own 'step' daughter can even attest to this. So, for the wrong that was done to myself and my wife, only days before we disappeared from that ridiculous town and your disorderly home, I can think of no other words to define that betrayal, than “Lower Than Dirt”. And actually, that was the lowest and 'dirtiest' I have been dealt since I lived in West Virginia, nearly a decade ago, now.
Any and all who know me know well that I am many things: a very strange 'friend' (at the least), a manner of 'soldier', a “freak”, perhaps. To some, I am even as much as a monster. Some even refer to me as “great”, though how That is possible is beyond me. But of the many things that I may be, a thief is not one of them. If anything, I am more known for being Too honest (maybe even “Dangerously” so). At one point, at least, I was known for being far too generous (which, in all honesty, never suited me, to begin with).

After all the times that I have saved your life (and even the lives of your children and then some), to become accused of doing wrong to one of your elder of children, and then to have You simply stand aside and allow me to be accosted (considering the way we were all taught, if it is one's own house, then it is the owner's place to stand and enforce their own rule) for nothing... That is a level of low that I have only ever seen from my former adopted “family”. To be set up by a manipulator and then be betrayed by someone I have been there for, through Hell and High Waters, in the same damn day.

Frankly, aft of that day, nearly a year ago, in your house, when you knew damn well I had done nothing wrong, and that I would have more than stood for you had You been in my place... to expect no forgiveness for that level of treachery, you are at least wise upon that level. But highly unwise to have allowed it to happen, in the first place.

I may be known by some for being a fool to forgive some things that people have done to me. But needless to say, I have finally since learned, and now, I suppose one could very much call me “cold” or “relentless” for the way I am now. And I don't blame my wife, on bit, for finally adopting my “coldness”, given that in that betrayal to Me, it was also a betrayal to Her. Especially considering the fact that as a Sister, my wife looked up to you, and I believed that you would act as the family you claimed.

Well, lesson learned: The House of The Forsaken, thus seems to be dead, considering the majority have either disbanded/disappeared once again, or there seems to have been born to the mundane world yet another Judas Priest (or in this case, a Judas "Priestess").



03:59 Feb 20 2021

It wasn’t my intention to betray the two of you and I wish that I could undo it. Of course this isn’t possible. All that I can do is sincerely apologize. I am sorry, I really am. Even though I am truly sorry, I do not expect your forgiveness. I am aware that I did wrong and have hurt you and your wife and I am sorry for doing so. I feel terrible! I don't blame you for both being very upset with me.

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