The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

- Ever since being initiated in the mysteries I have found the inadequacy of words to express things clearly but music accompaniment helps fill in the gaps. In my mind I can work things out with symbols or concepts with depth with spiritual substance rather than abstract thought alone. But expressing them with words just doesn't encapsulate them clearly to me. Its kind of like how people compare themselves with others and though there are vast differences weather lacking or abundant as an example it is so easy to not look at the compete picture of their spirits before and after this life. Just because it's not clear as day doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

On top of this inadequacy I know damn well my grammar sucks. Been trying to perfect it over time but my body's telling me there's not much time left for that. Just have to suck it up and let it out. I'm strangely reminded of canines right before a shit. Why do they spin in circles? I know they are more prone to instinct and emotions and try not to anthropomorphize which can be misleading but my best guess is the closest reasoning for this behavior equates to nervousness as they are quite vulnerable to attack at that time. Yet since scent is such a big deal to them a fresh load hitting the air carries quite far. Like when the shit hits the fan. I can identify in my own way. ;)

- Toxic??? That's what my girlfriend says about this site and wants no part of it and I've heard from others here and now a long standing member. Yeah I see it or more accuratelty feel it but I have occult things in my life that allow me to deal with it. Hell, I've been suffering from chronic health issues of late and though racked with pain and unease can still cope largely in part because of that same spiritual force that is a constant. Don't fret you who throw your judgement around in your treatment of others or lack thereof in ignoring them as it is just in any society and I still feel it to some degree. Thought there'd be other HLV's around that could identify that centered beyond their own egos. Well I'm recording this here for others or the time when those who are here now can understand as everyone goes through it at some point even if it spans to other lifetimes-I'm sure we'll meet again in eternity even if it is read after I'm gone for whatever reason. Well as long as site remains and my participation in it exists.

Hanging in there.

Freewill!?? Yeah, that's an illusion. It's more about how one thinks when they aren't in the know. There are definitely states of mind that are better giving one options and freedoms where others don't. It's also worth mentioning how when they are going relatively well for a person, they tend to think a certain way of themselves when others question things taken for granted by them because of hardships.

I lost that innocence when I saw through the illusion but it hasn't really done much for me in present circumstances. Because of this I'm not too motivated to share otherwise it can spoil others. Perhaps in a different society it would have more purpose.