It's always nice when an old friend comes back after years away. I've missed our conversations.
So, I'm just going to sit over here, being done with everything.
Yesterday was Liz's baby shower. It was a social distance thing, masks were worn, only 8 people were there in person, everyone else was there via Zoom. It was an English tea party theme, and as for why I'm wearing a crown, well, Liz wanted all of us to feel like queens, so we all had to wear one. I really liked mine, but that bitch was so heavy and so uncomfortable to wear, I only have it on for pictures. Oh, and look at my little Lucas! He's not so little anymore. He's getting so big, so grown up... I can't believe he's 3 and a half already. He just needs to stay this small, this adorable forever.
How does one go about making friends anymore? I'm so out of touch on that front. Though, to be fair, I've never been great at it. God... I miss talking to people.
Try Hi how are you?
just dropn' by saying hello c:
Sometimes just a random conversation to see if you have any common ground. Dropping into someones DM's can be a little scary but you never know until you try.
I miss having people to talk to. Matthew, Slain, Dan, D... People here who made the time spent worth it. Conversations that went on for hours and hours. I don't have that anymore. Mostly because I've pushed everyone away and closed myself off to pretty much everyone... But I miss it. I really, really miss it.
It's hard, watching people hit on Francis. Even when I know it's over and there's never going to be another chance with us. It's still so fucking hard.
We got the air conditioner fixed in the house. We've been without it for about two weeks, and for those two weeks it was okay since it wasn't that hot. But these next five days temperatures are supposed to be in the triple digits. It's 107 here now. So, inside the house it was 99/100. And, that isn't at all pleasent. So, I set up the appointment and paid for it, and now it's working again. It feels so damn good.
It's 90 degrees in my bedroom right now. I'm fucking dying.
I am in love with this mask. I got it for myself for my birthday, because I'm tired of going through disposable after disposable mask with each stop. I've gone through boxes of those things for work. So, when I saw Morrigon post the picture of hers, I had to get one as well. I absolutely love the print.
I'm in the OC today, which means Disneyland was one of my morning stops, and I had to drive past Knott's. It's the most depressing thing, to know that at any other point were things not as they currently are, both parks would be bursting with people. But now... Driving past Knott's and seeing everything empty, seeing everything still, it's just sad. And, while you can't see any of Disneyland or California Adventure from the street, knowing that on the other side of those walls are empty parks... It is just super depressing. And even more so due to the fact that we don't know when they will open up again. California is not handling Covid well, and the OC is a hotspot, along with LA and so many other places... I don't think any of the California parks are going to reopen this year. Though, Six Flags, they're looking to make their Halloween stuff possible. Every other park cancelled their seasonal nights, but Six Flags is holding out. It'll be interesting to see if they can figure it out without putting employees or patrons at risk.
Kevin is talking about moving to Vancouver since as an LA County Sheriff, he's getting fucked over by this whole movement to defund the police. His pension is getting cut, his hours are getting cut, people are getting fired and moved to other places. It's not a great climate to be a police officer in right now. So, moving out of state is the logical step. And, they want us to move up there with them, or close to them. And, since I've already been considering moving out of state, this is the push I need to make it serious. Leaving Lucas would have been the hardest thing, but if I can move up near them, it's a win. Kevin is looking into getting out by early next year, after the holidays and such, and I think that would be the perfect time.
I don't know why it gets to me so much that my own father can't be bothered to wish me a happy birthday. His only daughter... He didn't last year, I don't know why I expected this year to be any different. It just hurts.
It gets to you because your father wishing you a Happy Birthday is the least thing he could do to show he cares and also it is something that requires very little effort to do.
Pick up a phone "Happy Birthday!!! talk next year bye".
Happy Birthday!!!! May you have many blessing on this day and many to come .
I don't think I've wished for anything more than I wish that Cancer would ban every single one of you. What would you do without VR, I wonder? It feels like this place is your entire life. But man, I wish he'd just get rid of all of you. VR would be much better with all of you gone.
Can we just stop with the constant journals about one another? So you hate each other, fan-fucking-tastic. Kindly shut the fuck up about it. Sit in your separate corners and mind your own fucking business. It's really old and we are sick of seeing it everywhere.
You know what you're right I am gonna go back to playing my game, posting music videos, and just sitting on the phone. I should never have allowed myself to fall to such nonsense.....
Again cat you always start them and you dish out what you can't handle for 5 years.
and every 2 split months because you wine for my family's attentions leave us the fuck alone and stop harassing my house phone and I will stop harassing you online.
Not in my journal. Keep your petty bullshit out of my journal lest I be forced to block you.
It's silly, to be so closed off all the time. To be so guarded, to hide behind all these walls. I've been doing that for years, well, in regards to this place. I decided being curt, cold, and aloof was better than really trying with people here, because I stand by what I've said before, the vast majority of the people who are active here are not people I really want to associate with. Those who I've found worthwhile and who I consider friends, I have access to on other sites. So, being friendly here was never a top priority for me. And maybe that's my failing. When I'm not such a distant person, when I actually allow myself to welcome a conversation, I find I may be pleasantly surprised with what I get. I may find someone I actually enjoy conversing with. Funny how that works.
I’ve found this to be true also... with myself. Quite often I find myself in your journal. Enjoying it. You seem to be a thoughtful, sweet, twisted girl. I kinda like you.
I sometime really trust people to much want to see the good in them, thats when you get that "what was I thinking" moment. As someone who has been around for awhile, on this site and off line its good to be guarded but not completely closed of to a possible friendship. I have met some great people on this site as well as some not so great ones, you just got to use your intuition if you get red flag most of the time time its telling you to avoid.
Your better off trusting no one.
You can't go through life nt trusting anyone. I have trust issues, but even I know that some people are worthy of trust.
I was talking to my mom about seriously considering moving out of California. I make pretty good money with my job, in the $20+ range, but even so, I can't afford to live here. I can't afford $1400-1700 a month on rent in a shitty one bedroom in a bad area, not counting utilities. I can't afford the high taxes. I just can't afford it. Idaho seems like it's not so bad an idea at this point. But, if I were to move, it would likely be back up to Oregon. The brief time I lived there with Brannan, I loved it. It's been something I've been thinking about for a while now, and I think maybe it's time to seriously take steps in that direction. See if I can find a job doing what I do now. The problem would probably be that I've only been in this position since late January, and a good chunk of that time was dealing with this pandemic, so... I don't know. But I'm going to start looking. Leaving my family will be hard, my nephew, Kevin and Liz, all my mom's family, even my dad's... But, I think it's what I need in order to grow as a person.
I am doing the same but wanting to move back around my daughter and grandaughter around Ohio. I have lived in many parts of Oregon, one of the best places in Oregon is around Salem,theres lots of opportunities there and it is the State Capital so Alot of entry level Government jobs as well.
Oregon oh so perty. Beaverton. Oregon Coast. Gotta love it there:)
Sometimes it is important to leave the comfort zone ... to push your limits. It could be a good change :)