I feel the need to get on the road. I feel stagnant here right now.
I need something.
I just glanced at pictures on the 3rd PC in my office and saw the picture I took off the side-view mirror of a red Mustang, barreling across South Dakota one gorgeous day in August.
It brought back a memory… a longing. I enjoy the travel; I’ve enjoyed getting to see different places. Places I had never seen. Meeting people and making new friends.
Without the travel, I wouldn’t have met Morrigon, or Faeriemoon… two wonderfully amazing women and friends. I met DarkestDesires and Deity on some of my first trips to California and have seen both of them at other times since – again, two awesome and interesting women.
I made a friend in Sioux Falls on the trip – a guy I share a lot in common with and we’ve stayed in random contact since.
I grew up not really having the opportunity to learn who I am. Weird as that sounds, it’s just the way it was. No time alone, on my own, fending for myself. The time on the road has helped me… as I discovered and explored places I had never seen before, I discovered and explored a lot about myself too.
The pictures in my portfolio give some examples of that and as weird as it may sound, my explorations in photography have also helped me discover more about me. I have started looking at the world a little differently – tilting my lens as it were. I’m not just rushing through life focused only on goals; I’m stopping now and again to observe details I may have never seen before.
I’m writing again. I’m exploring what I feel inside instead of working on keeping it hidden in there.
But now that I’m not on the road as much, I feel like that exploration has stopped. As if Columbus never got his ships from the Queen of Spain… if I can’t set sail, I can’t discover new worlds within me.
I’m not sure how to change that… but I have to.
Maybe I'll take the kids to Niagara Falls this weekend...
I love the way you look.. the way you smell.. the way you taste. When my hunger rages, I like nothing more than to have you spread before me... a waiting meal. So smooth and tan... and delicious. I could have you morning, noon or night... it doesn't matter to me. Anytime is fine.
Yes... I love peanut butter.
To all my Canadian friends. The Great White North's version of "Black Friday."
I will not be crossing the border today!
In other news, did anyone else have problems on VR yesterday with random, browser-hijacking spyware popups?
Yes I had them all over the place- but no where consistant....
And stay far far away... you know they won't even do returns today up here o.O my mistake for trying to get out... never again!
I did, as well. I thought it was just my computer though. Thanks
Me too. Thought my computer had lost its mind...
I tried writing tonight. It just isn’t working.
No haiku, no Googled images… it’s just not in me.
It has led me to one conclusion though… I write more freely and easily when I’m either drunk or ridiculously over-tired…
I’m not that tired yet… but… there is rum at the bar… hmmm…
...today is the shortest day of the year... as far as daylight time goes.
I usually find it to be one of the longest.
Woke up this morning to find the furnace had quit overnight. Lovely reminder that it was 9F with a -15F wind chill last night when the temperature throughout the house dropped to 50F or below.
The wind created snow drifts up to about 3 feet in some places... like, around the vehicles in the driveway... and everywhere I needed to shovel.
Finding out just how lame this contract is becoming today... fighting rate increase (lack of) negotiations while training the 3rd new contractor hired, but not through my company.
Hired through Mr. DB himself - recruited in the most unorthodox way. Which was also the way another contractor was hired through Mr. DB... and prompty fired because he proved to be just as big of a dumbass as Mr. DB himself.
Awesome business decisions. I bring on 3 hard working, dedicated and reliable technicians and they're so pleased with that they go through someone else for their next hiring... not just someone else, but douchbag who has no experience finding qualified technicians... awesome, awesome move.
Eat the meal you cooked, and don't bitch to me about it.
And still.. this sense of foreboding... seriously, I can't shake it.
I totally forgot about the solstice lol
Sorry about the lovely situation at work. As for the sense of foreboding, I'd definitely keep my eyes open.
Dude that is damned cold and to have zero heat is worst. The icing of 3 ft of snow to shovel...wow.
Surely there must be a silver lining somewhere...
Had a great photography session last night. First time I got to play around with the studio lighting and transmitter with my camera. Had fun doing it too...
I'm sure Morri will get the results posted in her journal eventually... one thing I will never be is the photoshop guru she is...
...the world will just have to wait.
...oh yeah, and on top of your obvious psychotic behavior, you admitted indiscretions that are even worse than the ones you've been railing on.
Hypocritical and psychotic. What a fun combination!
...I too can be a shit friend sometimes.
I get down about things happening in my life and I close people off. I retreat and reflect. It doesn't mean I don't WANT to talk to you; I just lack the capacity to at that moment.
I don't initiate a whole lot of conversations. An occasional "hi" may happen, but rarely do my friends get out of the blue messages from me for a just because... it doesn't mean I don't care, nor does it mean I'm not thinking about those I care about... it's just not in my nature to do these things often.
Yes, I realize this makes my friends feel like I only contact them when I need or want something from them... I feel some guilt about that when I do contact them. It's not my intention to convey those feelings.
Like everyone else I have a busy life. A business to run, kids to take care of, people close to me to spend time with... if you've read my journal and profile you know I'm on the road quite often, away from home, away from many responsibilities... when I do get home I juggle. I juggle everything in my life that needs to get done. Sometimes I have to pack a week of responsibilities in a weekend. It doesn't always leave time to nurture those relationships I desire to have...
So that is, in a summary, why I am not always a good friend. Not always around... not always the person people expect me to be.
I do my best for everyone in my life... I can't apologize for being me.
The only intention of this entry is to peel away another layer of the metaphorical onion that is my life... and to hopefully allow those who do care about me to understand me a little better.
Don't even ruin our image of you and tell us you are human. I just can't think of it!
A good friend understands your life and the fundamentals of you.
f you weren't you I wouldn't dig ya nearly as much:)
Text works both ways. Watch. I will demonstrate.
I'm lucky enough to be here in person. I can always poke at you, unless you keep out of reach.
It's all good bro.
And if I feel neglected I'll just drive over there and poke you :P
It's all about living and those that choose to see the beauty we see :)
Justing thinking about something...
...don't bitch about my opinions and then run off when I point out your obvious insanity to you... mmmk?
That's crazy...I'm outta here!
Wow. Two insane women at once. I can never manage even one at a time successfully.
And you're a masochist.
well, someone you corrected obviously cannot take constructive criticism.
I haven't written much in here lately... for... reasons. Many reasons...
...mainly I've really just stopped being so concerned with it. I haven't been traveling, so limited writing. And I'm sick of hearing myself complain.
So, yeah... I'll get back to it eventually I guess...