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Joli's Journal


Joli's Journal

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14 entries this month
 

"Has she lost her mind, or is she making a point?"

23:54 Apr 21 2008
Times Read: 769


Maybe a recipe book on the eating of their children? Nah, it's been done.


Perhaps I should channel Mark Twain, Erasmus, or Rabelais. Nah, too showy.


I wonder if Weird Al is free...


COMMENTS

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Ockham
Ockham
03:31 Apr 22 2008

I modestly propose that you look into ceasing your satire, lest you, like Aristophanes of old, face the slings and arrows of the VR illuminatus. Terrible and potent is the unwashed wrath of the masses, who are obviously all to be counted amongst such an elite group.





Irony
Irony
13:11 Apr 22 2008

Hmm, I don't know... Child recipe books are always good in my opinion. Roast small annoying child with apple sauce is a good standby for those unplanned dinner parties:)





ThothLestat
ThothLestat
16:13 Apr 22 2008

today's kids are too fat for a roast, but they make great chili.





 

Oh Well

05:56 Apr 21 2008
Times Read: 816


So much for satire. I guess it's not everyone's cup of tea.


COMMENTS

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Kontradiction
Kontradiction
06:41 Apr 21 2008

or cup of toilet paper...and i mean that non-rudely.



i think it's cute, but then again, "toilet humor" is one of my driving forces...



..or is it farces?



hmmm.





Amaltheia
Amaltheia
14:07 Apr 21 2008

I'd like one lump of sugar please =]





captainglobehead
captainglobehead
02:02 Apr 22 2008

I do love satire. I just could not come up with any comments worthy of your composition or anything that could follow such a distinguished panel.





 

Joliver's Travails

20:45 Apr 20 2008
Times Read: 857


Vampire Rave - The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory - http://www/VampireRave.com




As an undergrad student, I once wrote a pretty hefty paper on "Gulliver's Travels," the satirical work written by Jonathan Swift. Swift gives us the unlikely hero of Lemuel Gulliver who washes up on the shores of Lilliput after being shipwrecked.


Lilliput is at war with the neighboring kingdom of Blefuscu over the proper method for cracking and eating a boiled egg. Lilliput contends that the small side is correct for beginning the process. Blefescu insists that it is the larger side.


I once found this to be amusing, but I was young and idealistic. I now see that there are very real issues that are worth my taking a stand. Issues that divide and polarize people, demonstrating our true differences. This is a noble and good thing.


I have discovered such an issue and I demand that you take a side. There is no room for the wishy-washy, the wafflers. I am disgusted by them. If you are not with me, you are against me.


I am clearly aligned with the interests of the "Front Rollers." We believe in the virtuous and principled cause of threading the bathroom tissue toward the front of the roll and not toward the backward and obviously ludicrous direction of the wall! This is incredibly important and worth my stirring you all up. See me, VR! Hear me! Rally!


Unite against the Back-Rollers and feel good about yourself. Spare no punches. To hell with them all if they don't agree. What is important here is promoting our cause at ALL COST! In fact, don't even see them as people, just obstacles. Roll your paper to the front, I say. Fold it into lovely triangles and wipe with superiority!


Roll WITH me or I promise you will hear about it again and again, ad nauseum! No journal entry is too small, no coven too fortified, no profile too uninviting for me to chalk with my opinions. This will be the talk of all VR and I will make it my business to never let this critical issue die.


"MINIMA MAXIMA SUNT"


*Thank you Wiper in Earnest, STABB666, for your untiring devotion to the promotion of our cause. We salute you for the design of our mighty crest, the inspiring standard beneath which we march against the hordes of ass-backward butt-wipers. Hear our war cry and tremble!*

COMMENTS

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STABB666
STABB666
22:45 Apr 20 2008

Fold your rolls in honour of the forward facing sheet!





Sevenn
Sevenn
22:54 Apr 20 2008

I would like to try one of your beers, Ms.





STABB666
STABB666
22:58 Apr 20 2008

Dem's good beers, dat fo sho!





Ockham
Ockham
03:52 Apr 21 2008

The grounds will drink of the blood of the back-rollers, the grass will choke upon their entrails, gasping for light under the treacherous weight of their corpses. Their villages will burn in righteous flame, and no hiding hole of their ill-begotten breed will escape our notice. There is no God who will grant mercy upon them, no loving Father to hear their cries. Only the cold steel of our cause will bear witness to their final ignominious moments.





Joli
Joli
04:01 Apr 21 2008

Well-said, brother!





Genesis
Genesis
14:43 Apr 21 2008

I'm probably going to get blinded for saying this, but isn't the back rolling where it dispenses from the back side of the roll?



If so, the back rolling is far more convenient. It allows for easier rollback if one accidentally unravels too much. I am a back roller for precisely that reason. No need to to be a front roller, because if you pull out too many sheets, t'is a pain to roll them back with any degree of neatness. I take a great deal of pride in a perfectly rolled toilet roll, and the only way to achieve this consistently is to be a back roller.



Although for me there is an issue of even greater significance. Those who leave the toilet seat up, and those who politely put the seat back down.



---



:P





birra
birra
17:38 Apr 21 2008

I really don't care about which way the paper hangs.... I'm more interested in the battle between folders and crumplers.



I mean, to not fold your toilet paper neatly before wiping is just a waste. You can't efficiently use the same paper by folding it back over and crumplers are far more likely to end up with the dreaded brown finger.



UNITE AGAINST THE CRUMPLERS!!!!!





Joli
Joli
23:03 Apr 21 2008

Don't you see how ridiculous you are, Birra and Genesis? I have laid out the crux of the matter and you want to apply your rationalizations. Get over yourselves! I am yelling loudly about this VERY important matter...telling everyone, and sticking unsolicited opinions upon their profiles and portfolios. I am commenting journals with my personal agenda.



You are both obviously immoral back-rollers trying to cause drama and distract me from my noble cause. There is no room for you on VR to disagree with me. You need to get lives. I will spend hours, days, months, and years upon VR if I need to, never logging off...just to prove how ridiculous you are! I laugh at your thoughts and insist to you that I am the clever one here.



My next step is to make a stamp with my amazing crest and plaster it all over the database. "MINIMA MAXIMA SUNT!"





captainglobehead
captainglobehead
02:21 Apr 22 2008

I am truly shocked at your attack on the backside rollers. This country was founded on the ideals that even the lowliest inbred country bumpkin without opposing thumbs is entitled to their preferences, regardless of how misguided they are.



Maybe they are uninformed, and do not realize that their blasphemy and heresy in their ways puts them lower than the spawn from a witch’s toilet.



I believe it is your duty as a humanitarian to head not a crusade but a campaign to educate the unwashed masses on the proper mounting of the roll as God intended.





Ockham
Ockham
04:16 Apr 22 2008

No. You cannot "teach" a back-roller the way of Truth, any more than you can teach a mouse to be a lion. No, the only true route is to put them to the blade, ending their despicable taint upon this land. They shall not be suffered to take from our air the very first breath that defends their sinful path.





 

Ones Like This

23:09 Apr 17 2008
Times Read: 898


3440



Which polls do you skip and not rate if any?



Started by: VanDick


Apr 16 2008



1. ones I have no interest in 1 4%

2. ones that are just stupid 2 8%

3. ones I don't know anything about 11 44%

4. I rate all of them 10 40%

5. none of them 1 4%


Total Votes: 25

What a pointless poll. A poll about polls. It's like my favorite work trap: the meeting about the meeting, followed by the post-meeting meeting about the meeting.


COMMENTS

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meeper
meeper
22:00 Apr 21 2008

VanDick... what an unfortunate name.





 

The Unexplained Prayer

07:18 Apr 17 2008
Times Read: 956





What I was taught to say as a child: "Now I lay me down to sleep"

What I thought: OK, so far, so good.


What I was taught to say as a child: "I pray the Lord my soul to keep."

What I thought: But, he's gonna give it back in the morning, right?


What I was taught to say as a child: "If I should die before I wake"

What I thought: WHOAH! Hang on...I'm only 6!


What I was taught to say as a child: "I pray the Lord my soul to take."

What I thought:Ya know...I think I'll just stay up.

COMMENTS

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meeper
meeper
07:40 Apr 17 2008

I was always confused by that prayer. Wouldn't we want God to keep our soul if we should die?





Joli
Joli
07:46 Apr 17 2008

Not when I was a little kid. The prayer made me kinda scared that he was predatory, just waiting for me to nod off so WHAM he could snag my soul! I wasn't sure what a soul was, but I damn well understood, "MINE!"





BLOODLIFE
BLOODLIFE
20:13 Apr 17 2008

Brightening my day, as always.....





Khayman
Khayman
02:57 Apr 19 2008

It's been a long time since a journal entry has made me snrk my coffee...





 

Anybody with me?

23:28 Apr 16 2008
Times Read: 967


Come on, GothicMatch.com...how about some new poster girls and boys? As awesome as Cherokee might be, his "I like sweet and tender with a flame of naughty" is starting to get so old that I'm ready to get him to take out my trash and mow the grass.


COMMENTS

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MysticMoon
MysticMoon
01:44 Apr 17 2008

lmao .........yep hes been waiting for a date for over a year now, about time we got something new to look at :)





Sevenn
Sevenn
03:06 Apr 17 2008

Domina Martyria looks way too much like 80's Madonna for me to think shes cute. Plus...a name like Martyria...gee any drama there, you think?





Joli
Joli
07:41 Apr 17 2008

And Sevenn, she sure stepped WAY out on the ol' quote limb for GOTHICmatch "I'm here looking for gothic ppl"



God, text me an aspirin, bff. I M 2 annoyed.





Vampirewitch39
Vampirewitch39
13:36 Apr 17 2008

LOL I wanted to take a marker to Cherokee picture- some horns, glasses.





Khayman
Khayman
02:57 Apr 19 2008

...don't forget the windows and dusting the bathroom floor... ;)





 

Vertical challenge

05:00 Apr 16 2008
Times Read: 989


She spun me against her back...yep, she's taller. I am now officially shorter than almost everyone I'm related to. I'm shorter than my 12 year-old! I am only taller than the dog and cat...and the same height as my sister. I wonder if I should have tried for a shortness exemption on my taxes.


COMMENTS

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captainglobehead
captainglobehead
05:04 Apr 16 2008

I know how you feel. My son is over 2 inches taller than I. He places things out of my reach now.





MBK
MBK
05:33 Apr 16 2008

That must suck. =P





 

AMEN!

04:14 Apr 16 2008
Times Read: 1,023


One VERY large bloody mary later and they're filed! I filed my friggin taxes ALL BY MYSELF!


Yeah, I did it!


COMMENTS

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placidchaos
placidchaos
04:47 Apr 16 2008

*Hands Joli a big cookie* It sucks doesn't it? I cheat and pay H&R Block.





Joli
Joli
04:58 Apr 16 2008

I did it for free!





captainglobehead
captainglobehead
05:03 Apr 16 2008

Congrats!





 

I Got the Causeway Blues

23:26 Apr 14 2008
Times Read: 1,052


Photobucket




Tomorrow morning I have to be in New Orleans for an in service about how to raise funds. I have become so crotchety lately about the freaking drive across the Causeway. for those of you who don't know, it's one of the longest bridges in the world, and I believe, still THE longest over-water bridge. It is 24 miles long. TWENTY FOUR miles of nothing but water. When I'm a passenger or well-rested, it's not such a big deal, but in the mornings, I often have to bite my cheek, blast the radio, and shift positions just to not feel drowsy.


I've heard of perfectly normal people who have an irresistible urge to throw themselves off of cliffs when they stop for a photo op or just to sightsee. I can kinda relate. The causeway sometimes makes me think weird thoughts about the guard rail. My ex used to carry a special hammer designed just to break a windshield in the event of a sudden and unexpected vehicular plunge.


The image I am posting isn't terribly spectacular at first glance. But indulge me while I brag on my kid and my new camera. This shot was taken

1. from the Causeway at 70 mph

2. by my 12 year-old daughter

3. who picked up the camera for the fist time,

4. shot across me from the passenger side,

5. and through the driver's side window.

COMMENTS

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Sevenn
Sevenn
01:23 Apr 15 2008

OK and kudos to the photographer...but about the rest of all that...and I dont say it often, but FUVKV that! I do NOT do well with bridges of any size or shape. A 24 mile bridge can kiss my arse. I relate to the windshield hammer, but more to the point, I would never move to a place that would require a windshield hammer. no, no, no, no, no. The end.





captainglobehead
captainglobehead
01:41 Apr 15 2008

the photo is incredible. Wonderful composition. I give at least as much credit to the photographer as the camera.





birra
birra
04:20 Apr 15 2008

Nice picture.



It would have been more impressive if your daughter was the one driving.



A number of the photos in my portfolio have been taken while driving. While I was driving.



Always an experience....



But the picture is lovely... I can imagine the drive on the causeway is pretty horrible... take the camera and practice.. carefully!





Ockham
Ockham
04:34 Apr 15 2008

Given the circumstances, very nice shot. :)





Morrigon
Morrigon
04:37 Apr 16 2008

Standing at the Grand Canyon, I had the urge to let go and fall...When I stand on bridges, I feel the same.



And that is an impressive picture...It's so level!





Morrigon
Morrigon
04:38 Apr 16 2008

Oh and don't listen to Birra's bragging. When he takes pictures as he's driving, he's all over the place. Old ladies are wetting themselves, Men's prostates leap behind their livers...It's a big mess.





Joli
Joli
04:57 Apr 16 2008

My daughter just soaked up all your compliments. she spent excessive amounts of time trying to decode Sevenn's expletive, to no avail. She suggested that lovely MR. Birra is right and she should have the keys. And when she read Morri's post, she reminded me of one of my famous lines to my Sunday school class as I was teaching about Paul's vision. Paul was "prostate before the lord."






 

Google Fugue

02:33 Apr 07 2008
Times Read: 1,133


I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. Morri's journal made me do it. Before I knew what I was doing, I had already googled it.


"Jesus H. Christ"


Etymology (Wiki)

"The expression dates to at least the late 19th century (although according to Mark Twain it was already old in 1850,[1] and likely originates with the ancient Christian three-letter symbolism IHS (the Christogram).


Using the name of Jesus Christ as an oath has been common for many centuries, but the precise origins of the letter H in the expression Jesus H. Christ are obscure. While many explanations have been proposed, some serious and many humorous, the most widely accepted derivation is from the divine monogram of Christian symbolism. The symbol, derived from the first three letters of the Greek name of Jesus (Ιησούς), is transliterated IHS, IHC, JHS or JHC. Since the transliteration IHS gave rise to the backronym Iesus Hominum Salvator (Latin for "Jesus savior of men"), it is plausible that JHC similarly led to Jesus H. Christ.


One factor in the transmutation of the monogram into the expression Jesus H. Christ may be that when the first syllable of Jesus Christ is strongly emphasised (as some speakers of English may do when cursing), the rhythm suggests a missing middle syllable between Jesus and Christ. The H may have been adopted from the monogram to fill this gap."



From the Urban Dictionary

"An alternative to Jesus Christ. The H is added due to numerous reasons. Some say it stood for Holy, some say it stood for Harold because of, 'Our Father, who art in heaven, Harold be thy name'. " BWAHAHAHAHAHA


But this one has to be my favorite:

"H stood for Haploid since Jesus has no human father."


"Jesus Haploid Christ?"

Oh god. First, his last name is not "Christ."

Second, the definition of haploid is: Biology - pertaining to a single set of chromosomes. Come on now, how many people nicknamed you "diploid" in school. If you buy this reason, I'm going to just call you Dip for short :)


COMMENTS

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Morrigon
Morrigon
02:58 Apr 07 2008

O.O ...Wow..hah





imagesinwords
imagesinwords
03:10 Apr 07 2008

I always thought it was Howard. 'Dear Heavenly Father, Howard be thy name...'





Morrigon
Morrigon
04:39 Apr 16 2008

HAH! Howard...Nice.



He heard that you know...He'll be waiting with the paddle.





 

Response to Comments on "Scary Little Voice"

21:01 Apr 03 2008
Times Read: 1,185


You can't possibly know how glad I am that I made that entry. I worry so much about that voice. It's encouraging to know that some of you, whom I hold in high esteem, would share that voice with me.


Morri inspired me to show that side of myself that worries about whether I'm good enough. I work really hard and try to be the best friend, employee, daughter, mother to my children, community member, and woman of faith that I can be. I'm not eaten up by self-doubt, but when I slow down and look closely, there are places within myself that I know are ugly...the little junk drawers of my life that I hide from eyes it would shame me to have look there.


Those places make me wonder why I am trusted with such beautiful things, work, and people in my life. I am grateful that I can be profoundly human and yet enriched by what I do not deserve. I can almost hear people writing here in reply, "you do deserve it" as though that is what I want to hear.


In reflection, I think that just maybe, because we think we are lucky and blessed...that we don't "deserve" it, we cherish it all the more for the gift that it is, not a reflection of how wonderful we think we are.


COMMENTS

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More on Communication

16:21 Apr 03 2008
Times Read: 1,256


You're right, Bloodlife. I skimmed the topic and left a ton out.


I might have added:

Verbal - what we say

Vocal - how we say it (inflection, volume, etc...)

Visual - body language


It's far too complex to cover in one journal entry, but it was on my mind and identifying how someone is speaking to you and how you are speaking to them. Diffusing difficult people is a priority at the Center, but also, communicating well with the people on my team matters.


It can get away from me because I'm busy or distracted and the message I'm sending is not what I intend. My coordinator said hello to me as I walked past her desk yesterday and I was 4 steps around the corner when I processed it.


At that point, I HAD communicated with her whether I liked it or not. I backed up, poked my head sheepishly around the wall and said, "good morning, Joycelyn." She had a convex mirror and saw the whole deal, and chuckled at me. Lucky me...she already loves me and her forgiveness of my distractions is legendary.


But still, I need to take that lesson to heart: What on earth is so important that I can't slow down and exchange affection and respect with the people I care about? Usually, not a damn thing. Know what I'd been in a hurry to do? To get a ladder so that I could put up chain pull extenders for the ceiling fans :P


COMMENTS

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Gregory
Gregory
16:23 Apr 03 2008

Sometimes it's not your fault. It's just how life is... a big rush! =p





deathnitegrl
deathnitegrl
16:53 Apr 03 2008

I believe that even if we communicate ''well'' people tend to misinterpret our thoughts, especially when writte.



Example, on-line it's easier to misinterpret words, cause someone can be just kidding and the person takes that seriously considering taht s/he can't hear their tone of voice.



Sometimes I even think that even spoken words ruin communication. I don't think we are completely clear to express what it is in our mind when we speak, because thoughts run much faster than words, even when we are assertive.





 

If The Goal IS To Make Progress...

08:04 Apr 03 2008
Times Read: 1,312


Grant me that there are 4 basic communication types:


1. Assertive

2. Aggressive

3. Passive

4. Passive Aggressive


It's important to be able to spot the way that people communicate because people can be difficult. It's equally important to assess your own style. Let's take a look at each type:


First, Assertive V. Aggressive:

Is there a difference? Only completely! An assertive person is confident, communicates, and negotiates. The aggressive person bullies and forces their own way.


The passive person gives up. They believe that it is better to avoid trouble than to confront it.


The passive aggressive person wants to make someone "pay." They are getting even. They are sneaky and will do the opposite of what they say.


Which type are you typically? Be honest with yourself.


We respond in 4 possible ways to the communication styles of others:


1. Comply: a "yes" that confirms and validates the behavior. Their brains read, "that worked...do it again."


2. Ignoring: Do you realize that when you ignore negative communication, it is typically perceived as a "yes?" How can that be? Their brains translate it thus: They don't mind me acting that way. OR, I got what I wanted - "that worked...do it again."


3. Reacting: Going head to head in similar fashion. "that worked...do it again."


4. Confront: Use the assertive model and state your own opinion reasonably. Negotiate where you can, but definitely assert your own opinion firmly rather than ignoring if you are trying to get somewhere.


COMMENTS

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BLOODLIFE
BLOODLIFE
10:50 Apr 03 2008

I believe we exercise a little of them all when we communicate. But the whole subject of communication is very complex.

A lot is also to do with not what we say or how we say it but how that person sees you.





 

Scary Little Voice

23:36 Apr 02 2008
Times Read: 1,362


Am I the only one who gets that niggling feeling sometimes, "You are a fraud and one day everyone will see how lame you really are?"


I hate that little voice, but I guess it makes me work harder just to try and prove it wrong. I know that I am soooo lucky to have the job that I love so much and the friends and family that mean the world to me. Does anyone else get that mean little internal voice that makes them worry that it could all be snatched away?


I suppose that the tenuous nature of things suggests that the little voice does speak some truth. I certainly have my faults and weaknesses and nothing in this world is guaranteed to me.


But if I could shoot the little voice bastard, I would. Its words leave my stomach icey and feeling sick.


COMMENTS

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Morrigon
Morrigon
23:47 Apr 02 2008

I think most people who are capable of self reflection and realizing exactly what they have get that little voice nagging at them.



Try just turning what it says into...Knowing that things change...Appreciate what you have regardless of whether or not you may lose it.



Trust me...It doesn't make losing those things hurt any less...But it makes those moments you had them mean so much more...*sigh*





TheHellequin
TheHellequin
23:47 Apr 02 2008

Everyone gets it - it is how you deal with it that counts. and you do :-)





meeper
meeper
00:14 Apr 03 2008

We are all mortal creatures with our own flaws and our strengths. While it is good to reflect upon our blessings (be it the fruit of hard work or luck), it is best to separate the past from the present and the present from the future.





CryingMist
CryingMist
00:24 Apr 03 2008

I agree with TheHellequin, indeed. Then again my voices tell me to also get naked and run around my house singing "I am a witch I am a witch"





captainglobehead
captainglobehead
02:14 Apr 03 2008

Four out of five voices in my head tell me that it's time to eat dinner.





birra
birra
18:17 Apr 03 2008

I've fought against that voice my whole life.



The voice serves a purpose; because of it I work harder, I strive for more, I set goals that other might deem unreachable but I see them as rungs in the ladder to something else.



Every so often, I sit in my car alone, reflecting on life.. and that little voice makes my stomach turn inside-out.



But, there is worse company to have. ;)








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