The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

When did you first realize you were different ? When you first realized you were more shadow than light ? Like me, do you not remember a time when you weren't ? Or did some strange or unexplainable circumstance change you ?

I've never realised that I could be different. When I was younger, my motto was, "You are unique. Just like everyone else." I used to get into trouble when I was in school. Teachers described me as the kid with great potential. I fell short in many ways, in my opinion. Potential never achieved. Being not able to "click" with anyone on a personal basis, set me up for a life of Isolation. I enjoy anything dark and shadowish. It is my kindred realm. A home. A sanctuary. A shelter from the storm outside. I could do anything I want, say anything I want to say, pretend to beanything I want to be and the dark welcomes with open arms everytime. It doesn't discriminate. It doesn't shun me in times of adversity. It outshines the Light everytime. That's my Awakening.

I feel much the same. I hid myself behind school books & good behavior, all along knowing that wasn't me. It was social conventions telling me how the world expected me to be. It was only when I quit listening that I became me.

I've never felt the need to hide behind anything. It is what it is. I think sometimes, we overthink things and it only ends up rendering what surrounds us complicated and complex. I am not saying it's the one true path or anything, but it's something to be experienced. Not all good things feel wonderful, and neither are all bad things necessarily unpleasant. It may not be so clear-cut as what you take it to be at face-value. Some go by the saying, "The ends justify the means", while others go by, "The means justify the end". It's like everything else... One will never know.

I don't view myself different from others. I view myself connected to everything, since we really are. To me, awakenings take place anytime, anywhere. What you think you are today, might change based on another experience you have later on in life. People definitely perceive me several ways, but I alone can only define myself or show myself what i want others to see. Yes I am human, but the soul....now that's another story.

While ironic to say this at a supposed Vampire website, yet my own awakening is that undoubtedly experienced in the post-Modern age by those of this specific bloodline. While the singular physiological/sexual uniqueness to the actual historical vampire is (as best can be determined) inherent to the bloodline, though skipping generations at a time, yet those few males possessing such aren't exactly born with an instruction manual on what this "Dark Gift" is and how to deal in current society with such.

Prior to the "sexual revolution," it would have been impossible for any such male in Western society to discover anything about their uniqueness, probably believing other males were as they were until such time, if such occurred, that they learned otherwise, if at all. And their wives, if married as virgins and remained so throughout, might never have known of their husbands' unique sexual capacity, either. However in my own case, it was through reading Masters & Johnson sex research books popular in the 1970s that I became aware prior to and during puberty that had me aware of my own uniqueness. This made me worried that, as puberty seemed to be the trigger that would have me be like regular males, I would emerge from my teens having lost this unlimited capacity. Yet throughout my 20s and into my 30s, nothing changed! And this was when I truly realized (became "awakened") to my own uniqueness deemed by science "physiologically impossible" for males.

And ever since, it has been an incredible odyssey of self discovery through research and then, later, historical research to discover the explanation of and history behind what is now the indisputable "Dark Gift" of the historical Vampire.

Of course... this will not resonate with any of the "vampires" here as this does not at all describe the "dark gift" as found in fictions today accepted as vampire fact. Hence, the irony mentioned at the outset. :)

I understand. Every person's journey of self discovery is a unique & highly personal experience. Sometimes it is early in life & sometimes it occurs later, after years of wondering. We all come to this point, via different paths.

The Slavic historical vampire endorsed by Upir seems to break the tradition that vampires are supposed to be Undead creatures. Perhaps this aspect of the vampire has been watered down so as not to lose its allure to the masses. If this has not been scientifically proven, then does this mean that the vampire has lost its credibility? It's all a matter of Perception. Not all can fathom the Dominant role that this vampire take on. But it would be considered a dark gift, I suppose. The symbolism of the primal, predatory vampire does hold some allure. It's at its most primal, calling out to our baser desires/emotions.

First Awakening, if im not mistaken, does have some religious, historical attachments, mostly with Christianity. I have to Google it, but I cannot, right now. It shaped the entire course of Religion, playing a huge part as to how Religion is today. Im sure it has happened to many other cultures but in different terms. First Awakening can be also usedmetaphorically when a woman experiences pleasurable sex that causes her to go through spiritual shifts in herself. In my previous post, I was referring to the vampirism of the Spirit. That in itself is the First Awakening.

Your entry impresses me enormously, lordess, for you have hit on the one still-intriguing aspect of the historical vampire into which I continue my own research: the idea of them as revenants from the grave.

Unlike with blood-drinking, which trait modern research has completely debunked (research of Drs. Barber and McClelland, specifically), yet prior to this later erroneous trait, vampires were considered to be those risen from the grave. How and why this connection began we have not yet learned... at least, not convincingly.

What we do know, however, is that this trait could not have been original given that in 1047 CE, "Father Vampire" (Popa Upir Likhyj) was a highly revered and educated Christian priest and, thus, could not have been such had he been even rumored of being an undead corpse. Additionally, we find that about 500 years later, the name "Upir" (from whence we have the modern English word "Vampire") was actually not an uncommon given name for boys. Thus, again, no parent would have named their loved ones by a name referring to an undead corpse. All this must have occurred prior to a period of deliberate and intense vilification and demonization of Upirs that had not existed prior to that time... and most likely was the result of the Christianization that demonized sexuality.

I'm impressed that you hit on this as it is of incredible significance to the development of the Vampire myth from that of being fully respectable mortal beings to becoming the evil undead blood-suckers of more recent times.

Perhaps the Name was ``demonized`` by the church in order to stop the Dark Gift as you call it,Upir

That is exactly the case, Sangreas, just as it was demonized in the Book of Enoch in which the descendants of the "Fallen Angels" (the same bloodline, btw) were likewise accused of eating flesh and drinking blood (cannibalism, actually) yet contradicting this false claim was the admission right there in the Book of Enoch that the real reason they were slaughtered was for "...being addicted to lust" (i.e., insatiable sexuality, again).

We find this exact same demonization in the "Malleus Maleficarum" ("Witches Hammer") written by two Dominican priests (Roman Catholicism) that condemned 100,000s of females to death for "Witchcraft" defined as coming "...from carnal lust which is in women, insatiable."

It always comes down to the same thing... time after time, age after age: demonization by religion of insatiable (i.e., multiorgasmic) sexuality.

Would you want to be associated with something that has been known for promiscuous sex, loose morals and the Devil?

Not all do. Awakening is to look past all of that. Embracing the benefits with the risks. Yin and yang. Take the Good with the Bad. How we do that is purely subjective.

One of the reasons for the hard step down by the Church. It was causing too much chaos in society. Those involved were losing their minds!

lordess, you seem to be excusing if not defending the horrors and near-genocidal slaughters that occurred during the Burning Times in which mostly women and girls, all of them indisputably innocent, were falsely accused, mercilessly tortured and then burned alive by the hundreds of thousands such that in some Western European cities, a female could not be found anywhere at any age. As for why this was done... please look up the Malleus Maleficarum and read it. You will not find a more evilly misogynist text that condemns all females collectively, simply for being born female. And why? For simply possessing the capacity for "insatiable" "carnal lust" (Question VI), whether actually ever "sinfully" expressed or not.

And might I point out that being "sexually insatiable" (multiorgasmic) does not make one promiscuous nor evidence having "loose morals"... although I could most certainly point out the over-abundance of both of these and far worse at the highest levels of the Roman Catholic Church, at the time. (I've been married 30 years now... and faithfully so, btw.)

And lastly, please consider that under Hitler, the Jews were likewise victims of a deliberate campaign of systemic official demonization that similarly saw them all falsely accused of every sort of vile and hideous crime for having simply been born Jewish. And it was the success of that campaign, likewise believing they were doing God's will, that resulted in their near-genocidal slaughter, as well.

I hope this is not what you were trying to excuse, much less actually defend.

I am aware of the villification of women, Upir. I was merely playing the Devil's advocate in trying to see where the Authorities were coming from. I believe there was a good reason for their actions, however absurd it may be. People with power would go to great lengths to retain that power, I guess. Thank you for that last post. It definitely cleared some misconceptions even I was under.

So very glad to hear this, lordess. Thank you.

As one of my favorite quotes states so eloquently:

"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction."
- Blaise Pascal

I always found the use of the term awakening to be amusing. The only reason this is used is because the vampire community decided to use it to describe something. I don't always agree with everything they come up with. Most would suspect there was something different but not have a word for it. The only reason most do now is because they have a lot of information available. There is no cookie cutter type and there is a lot of difference in the way the tag "vampire" is viewed. Personally I considered the undead aspect to be a creation of superstition because of lack of knowledge of the dying process and people being buried often while still alive. They didn't always embalm people in the past and they weren't always buried that deep or even under ground. Some of it was scare stores by the church. Many researchers have mentioned this. So there are many views depending on perspective as to what the word vampire is referring to. It is only one out of a particular region anyway. Many people feel different or like they don't fit in and don't come up with the conclusion that it means they are a vampiric. I don't consider it any sort of dark gift but that may be because I consider it a rather modern idea since I am older. Some things people profess I find very amusing but I think it is something that is specific to each individual and a very private matter.

My awakening was forced... But in the end, I became stronger... Maybe it was just fate that brought me to the person I love... Even if we did rip each others hearts out and swore to never see each other again...
I still love him... And I have a feeling that he is still here lurking and watching me...

So, are you glad this happened, despite the circumstances ? Has it made you stronger ?

An awakening is different for each Person.
For one Person who has been a vegetarian for ten years and all of a sudden develops the Need to eat meat all the time,that is an ``Awakening``.Or for someone who has never formed serious relationships to fall in love with someone at 60 or 70 years of Age.Both of These are ``Awakenings``.I think that the correct term would be Metamorphosis,more than awakening.

I woke persay as I shunned traditional isms for two very eclectic paths.

When most girls dream of a fancy wedding to a prince, I wished for a sword and a dragon. Yep different that young.

I attended my first ceremony when I was fourteen. I still did not know my life would be different than others around me because we all believed the same. It was not until I attended college that I knew I was different than those I walked among.

As you all know not all of us had that time in our lives when things were truly simple. I have always been different, always known that I didn't belong to this day and age. I was born with a knoledge that was beyond all "normal" comprehension.

When the other little girls were clean and playing barbies I was out in the mud with the little boys and at one point refused to shower more than about twice a week.

That's just the early signs of having a general sexual preference of girls, I wonder how anyone who's known me that long possibly thinks I'm strait?

I've known I was different since even at a young age I preferred to sit back and observe rather than join in and I hated church with a passion, and it's definitely not because I had issues sitting still and being quiet for an hour.

I've also had small psychic abilities since a young age, a strong intuition of what was going to happen.

I don't know of what age I was.. But was early childhood.. I have always *felt* or seen things that those around me couldn't

For myself, an "Awakening" was a realization once I was old enough to comprehend all that I am. My family knew that I was "different". I would agree with the above post and say that a Metamorphosis is a better word for all that I became. I also agree that this is a very private matter for me. I will disagree respectfully with the commentary that stated that for this site, it is a word that was conjured for lack of a better term. This for most people are actions beyond their control, realizations and sensations among many other unique and drastic changes in ones life. They are too intense to ignore, and in time you accept and embrace all that you are and love yourself even more...

I SAT IN CHURCH ONCE,AND WAS IN CATHOLIC SCHOOL WHICH I DREADED,ANYWAY IM IN CHURCH,I SAY TO GOD,I DONT BELIVE YOU EXIST,PROVE IT TO ME.WELL AS THE YEARS WENT BY,I HAD TO KNOW,I READ EVERY BOOK ON THE SUBJECT,EVERY RELIGON,PHILOSPHY I COULD FIND.THEN I FOUND THIS BOOK CALLED THE IMPERSONEL LIFE A REAL HEAD TRIP OF A BOOK,THIS BOOK READS YOU.THEN I CONNECTED,I STARTED MEDIATING,DURING MEDITATION A VOICE INSIDE SIDE ME TOLD ME EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT,IT WAS A THOUGHT I CANT EXPLAIN,THE MONKS IN TIBET WAIT FOR THIS VOICE ALL THERE LIVES,AND I MADE THIS CONNECTION.DURING THAT CONNECTION I SEE WITHIN ME,THIS EYE LOOKING BACK AT ME,I OPENED THE THIRD EYE.THE PINAL GLAND.GOD SPOKE TO ME.NOW I BELIVE,WHY!,BECAUSE I HUNGERD FOR IT,AND RELIZED,YOU CANT FIND GOD IN A BOOK,HE LIVES WITHIN YOU.NOBODY CAN TELL ME DIFFERANT,GOD DOES EXSIST,HE CAME TO ME.I DONT GO TO CHUCH NO MORE,WHY?BECAUSE I AM THE TEMPLE OF GOD,IM HIS CHURCH.ONE IN THE SAME.

i always know that im a little bit different then my family. But i was starting to feel very diffrenet at my young age. Maybe 5-6. When my mom was screaming at me because i was allways wearing black and because i was up at night and sleep at day time. Drag me to doctors because i was pale. But for me was very important when i first tasted a blood. I was maybe 7. I cut my finger on a knifee and i licked my blood. Then i know it was something ''wrong whit me''. First i was in panick. But over the years i start to love it. For a long time i didn't know that there are more persons like me, but when came era of computers and internet i have find a lot informations about ''my problem''. Don't get me wrong i love being who am i. but makes me made because i still have to shole my id card at store if i wane pack of cigarrets. To prove im over 18. Thats make me lought evry day.

I always knew I was different from a very young age. Maybe 5-6 years old. My family knew I was different, and since I was adopted they could never pinpoint what exactly it was. Around the time I started middle school, I started seeing things, dreaming of things that would later come true. My day of awakening was when I had dreamed of my youngest cousin drowning. A week later at a family gathering I had the strangest feeling I should go out by the pool and found her flailing in the water. Had it not been for my intuition, she would've died. I was ripped into my awakening, but I have never been more happy with myself from then on.

I'm not sure I've ever awakened. I go through phases where I am very atuned, and phases when I leach. Last week when my subway was late and other people were bitching, I told them with absolute authority that someone died on the tracks, but yhat sort of thing is normal as far as I'm concerned, but everyone else seams shockedwhen there is an anouncement that the tracks are closed due to an incident. I don't think that means I'm awakened. Nor does enjoying blood, energy transfer, having a dark sense of humour. These to me seam like they are inate, and that it is repressed in others.

I once thought I was going to awaken, I had 3 or 4 days of perfect precognition and nearly walked through a mirror. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had done, instead of watching the portal close. Maybe it's not too late, but I tell you, the next time a mirror opens to me when I'm stone cold sober in the early evening, I'm goi g through.

It's interesting to note that later that week, it might have been lundi gras, I let a vampire bite me. I wasn't impressed. I didn't awaken after that either.

It was 2 days before my 13 birthday when I started getting huge cravings that I could not control. I ate everything!
From the ice cream in the freezer, to the meat in the fridge.
At that time I was freekin out because I was so hungry and I didn't know why. Then I started feeling sick. I felt like I was dying. The cravings got worse to where I was eating meal after meal, but I was still hungry. I really couldn't get any sleep those nights because my stomach was hurting so bad. Starting in the beginning of school on August/15/2012, my eyes were hurting from the sun and the warmth on my skin felt unbearable. It got so bad I had to wear sunglasses and were long sleeves. I started to fail my classes because of the lacking sleep. I tried my hardest to stay awake, but I would just pass out. Tired of all this, I looked up my symtoms on what was happening to me.
I found out that I was in my most extreme state of a vampire. I was awakening, I was born a Vampire!
And it shocked me so much that I forced myself not to believe, but with every hour of increasing pain, I started accepting myself. I knew what I needed, blood, but I was only 13. Where could I find some? I couldn't. I am not an adult and what would my dad say if I told him I was a vampire and desperately needed blood? He would think that I am some dulusional crazy person. So I starved all the more but I found a way to decrease the hunger panes a little bit with going along with my starvation.
Every day when I went to school, I wouldn't eat breakfast or lunch, but somehow, waiting along time without eating, I wouldn't be hungry anymore. After school, I would go to my fridge and eat 3 meals. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
The time had passed when this wasn't working anymore also. I didn't know what to do anymore. I hated the fact that I was a vampire. I had to find blood, or else I would die, so I believe. My eyes then started to change from blue, to a mix of blue green and yellow. At school people would be freeked out about the many different colors. One day at school I scared this boy in the morning. I guess I was really hungry because he said my eyes turned completely Black. Now I found a way to ease the cravings a little bit more, and don't think I am gross for doing it. I was only trying to survive. I got a knife and cut my wrists very carefully and drank my own blood. My friends knew what I was but they never had offered a drink for me.
I had many other things that were so terrible in my awakening that I cant even list the rest. I don't think vampires are dark or they should be. I think the vampire who chooses to be dark is dark, but oddly vampires go with the lifeforbidden of that vampire because they think it's cool. I am good. I am a Christian and I came to realization, that I am not only the same as humans, but with different history.
I am now 14 years old, almost 15, and I still have these hunger pangs. I learn to cope. But it been almost 3 years after my awakening to have human blood. Try going that long and not starve will you!?
If you have anymore questions or would like to respond, please ask.

It became apparent to me because I had never felt safe around anyone. Granted, I was always welcome around other people for the most part. I've never been ostracized or rejected from any kind of social setting, though I tended to alienate myself anyways. If I had wanted, I probably could have completely ignored my awakening, and continued to live a quiet and unfulfilling life among my peers; but as I said, I never quite felt safe. Occasionally I would find myself describing a feeling or sensation to someone, and they just wouldn't be able to understand or relate. As time went on, that kind of thing would happen more often. It happened so often in fact, that my life became a series of patterns and subtle correlations that I tried to just pass off as coincidence; but of course, I was unable to just turn a blind eye to context clues that were being dropped in my lap. Every time I would try to occupy myself with something trivial, a concept of higher spiritual consciousness would be thrown in my face. Perhaps it might be a concept like energy manipulation, or latent psychic abilities.
It got to the point where I had no choice but to give in, simply watching these things happen to me out of the corner of my eye gave them a foothold, and the glimpses I had achieved could not be ignored any longer. I delved deep into these notions that had previously seemed abstract to me, I even dabbled in the occult for a short while, taking time to explore all avenues of a higher state of mind. That journey has taken me to where I am now, and continues to take me away to places that present me with new opportunities to learn. Whenever I am presented with a new idea, or a community of like minded individuals, I just take as it is: meant to happen, and inevitable. I've allowed my awakening to gain momentum, and I suppose I'll stop when it's ready for me to stop, if it ever decides to do so.

I liked Halloween (even though at the time, it wasn't known in my country) and horror movies since I was kid, and I watched them without my parents' permission :)

Apart from this I always liked things that are seen as different and dark.

To this day, many people say I'm eccentric.

However I go into phases and certain things increase. I am also very different from the way I was raised.

However I don't feel I have anything paranormal, dark or special. I'm just me and am very complicated to get.

Well, I had always been an odd child. I remember at age 5 I had asked my parents if I was born a twin, they laughed and told me "no" but I had been in a past life.
At age 17 I felt an itching burning sensation on the right side of my neck and thats kind of when my blood lust began, but I shut down and began to resent myself because the boyfriend I was with threatened to leave me.
Took til my 26th year to come to terms what I am and put all the pieces I have obtained in place. I am proud of what I am, and what I have become.

I'm sorry, but Father Vampire and Upir whatever? No such person ever existed lol.

Well... guess I've been told.

Time to chuck the 20+ years of in-depth research and investigation in which I have been involved, and as first discovered and reported by Doctorate-level Slavicists and vampire experts (e.g., Drs. Perkowski, Dundes, Barber, McClelland, Ispas)... all because "SexyPsiVampire" says this 11th Century Christian Priest "never existed."

Any particular evidence you might have, SPV, to counter the 1047 CE entry found copied in the 1499 Gennediev Bible that Dr. Bruce McClelland discusses regarding that Christian priest, "Father Vampire" ("Slayers and Their Vampires...")? Or are we to simply take your word for it?

You see... it is this historical precedent as well as the two others of that same general time period that put to bed once and for all the notions of the Vampire as found in Western fictions. History proves beyond all doubt that the original, the actual, Slavic Vampire of history was almost antithetical to the blood-drinking, crucifix-fearing reanimated corpse of fiction.

Sorry... but it's your version of the "vampire" that never actually existed.

For those interested in the academics of vampire research (as opposed to fiction), here is a link to Dr. Bruce McClelland's book and one of its references to the "Upir Likhyj" entry in the Gennadiev Bible (1499 CE):

http://books.google.com/books?id=pMyem0a_o3sC&pg=PA201&lpg=PA201&dq=1499+gennadiev+bible&source=bl&ots=PgH_BvvTZy&sig=8mpyxyMk8unWRINZ-TYT_evbUwY&hl=en&sa=X&ei=GEeKU8f-M9CeyATD8ILQBg&ved=0CCgQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=1499%20gennadiev%20bible&f=false


As pg. 230 is not specifically included in this book preview, here's a reference to the priest himself:

http://books.google.com/books?id=3YzfAAAAMAAJ&q=1499+gennadiev+bible+upir&dq=1499+gennadiev+bible+upir&hl=en&sa=X&ei=XkiKU_amH82fyASsx4K4Cw&ved=0CD0Q6AEwAA

Below this entry, you'll begin to see the Cyrillic text that is found in its entirety in Dr. McClelland's book "Slayers and Their Vampires..." What is not included in his book but that he personally provided to me in email correspondence is the English translation of that 1047 CE marginalia text:

"Glory unto Thee Lord, Heavenly Tsar, that you enabled me to write this book in Cyrillic for Prince Vladimir, of the Novgorod principality, son of Yaroslav the Great. I began to write in the year 6555 (1047 CE), on the 14th of May, and finished the same year, December 19th, I, Father Upir' (Vampire) Likhyj. With this I pray that all will read this prophecy. For great are the marvels written down for us by the prophets in these books. Be healthy, o Prince, live 100 years, but of the one writing this do not forget."


And there you have it: the only words ever known to have been actually written by an actual Vampire... for so he called himself, openly, to the Czar Apparent of the Russian Empire.

I was five. I remember it vividly because it was the first time I realized that not everyone else saw the little flickers of light beings at both night and in daylight.
Rather than repost the entire Brujan/Gama history, I would simply suggest that anyone interested, read my profile to see why and how I grew up differently from the rest.

Anyway, addiction knows no one substance. It doesn't have to be alcohol or a drug. It could be sex, gambling, eating, scratch tickets, researching things obsessively, the internet, etc etc etc.. The moment you have discovered the true powerlessness of your issue and start to experience self acceptance and accountability, that we have our true Awakening! You also need faith to work on yourself at this point. More on change in my journal.

Now.. It is rude and cruel and down right trashy to tell someone their beliefs are bullshit countless times. So then you get a taste of your own medicine; when you get told the same thing you get offended. Sounds like a double standard to me. Tbh I've never heard of this individual. I really couldn't care less. The importance is the faith you have in the individual. So who am I to be an ass and say that Father Vampire who has no legacy doesn't exist?? My point here, is now that you have experienced for yourself how it feels to be told your belief doesn't exist, you should probably quit doing it to others. Because a lot of people are getting tired of it.

You see.... True maturity, eloquence and kindness are crucial when we want to be respected. Its that simple. You get what you put in and you give what you want. That being said, I think it's wonderful the research that you have put in to finding this Father Vampire dude. And if your research helps pass the time, than it's even greater! I would love to hear more! :)

Realising you're different and awakening are two very different things,
There is no first awakening in a singular life time nor are you going to remember your first until you're awakened properly in the current lifetime and that's if you remember every lifetime as it works like amnesia though for the soul and the parts of the brain that are hard to access, I mean I'm not sure how it works for pure vampyres, though I imagine similar,

Awakening it's self it a long task which will test any who try as along with what you are come all the memories, so older the soul, the more good and bad including the death of each vessel.

Now guessing what Ravencry really meant was when did you awaken in this life, mine was when I first joined here with aid from a great friend some of the veterans who've commented knew when she was here and that's Aracon.

Though reincarnation is messy there is only so much energy and random where you end up, not always a true soul is awakened as life's circumstances can see it fully suppressed in one way or another, others go mad or give up as the memories overwhelm them.

ive been the way i am for as long as i can remember, but i recall becoming aware of being a witch when i was about 7 or 8. and i recall becoming aware of being a vampire when i was about 12 or 13.

Yes, my idea of Vampyrism and other's here ideas of Vampyrism are two different things. For myself, I feel like I identify with the mythical being of Vampires. I am an empath.

@ BE...

I'm sorry... but it is not "rude and cruel and down right trashy" (sic) to provide facts that help reveal truth and reality whether they debunk beliefs or not. Providing evidences with their verifiable sources is not slamming anyone but serves only to help our mutual understandings, as all honest people of maturity and integrity naturally seek.

By such a view as yours, however, Galileo was being "rude and cruel and downright trashy" for pointing out to Bible-pounding clergymen that the Earth actually revolves around the Sun. How dare he! Of course, had he not done so and had other scientists not continued to slowly debunk belief bit by bit... we would all still be living in the Dark Ages that had people living in squalor, completely controlled and ruled by the Church, and tortured and put to death by the Inquisition on a whim.

However, what is "rude and cruel and downright trashy" is slamming those providing such facts and evidences because you find such somehow offensive to your cherished beliefs. Again, that's just how the Church felt about Copernicus, Galileo, Newton, etc. Yet everything we enjoy today, including our freedoms, our form of democratic government, and most certainly our high level of technology and living standards, are ALL due entirely to exactly such people as those you view as "rude and cruel and downright trashy." And I'm delighted to be considered numbered amongst them.

As for getting "a taste of (my) own medicine" ... no, that is not at all what I received from PSV. She never bothered to provide any contrary evidences or reasoning, which I would have welcomed. Instead, like you, she simply stated her belief, ignored all the historical evidences to the contrary I provided, and dogmatically declared: "I'm sorry, but Father Vampire and Upir whatever? No such person ever existed lol". Unlike you, however, at least she did not get deliberately insulting.

Frankly, I would LOVE to actually receive a "taste of my own medicine" by having others who disagree with me respond with equally verifiable evidences of their own! That way... we all (including me) would actually learn something together. Instead, here it's like I'm continually back in 5th Grade.

Yeah, I definitely agree with you there. I have responded to your email, so no need to drag it out in here. As far as SPV.. That is me Lol.. Sorry if I was misleading.

Thank you, BE/PSV... I'm frankly surprised and impressed by you here. That says and means a lot. :)

I cannot remember when I first felt different. I can tell you that I have been viewing my past lives since I was 4 or 5. Before that, I had vampyric experiences, though I cannot tell you if it was dream or reality.

I have always been both light and dark, but either way, always good. This is as much as I feel appropriate to divulge in response to this thread.

LOL! Yep! Those in the threads probably wouldn't see that coming, but Dabbler and I are quite good friends :) He's my buddy! We bump heads ALL the time in the forum though. We've pretty much agreed that we will not agree with everything we think :) haha

And I already consider you to be my friend :) *hugs*

As far as the above poster.. What do you mean by your "past lives"???

I firmly believe in reincarnation, and that I have been on this earth before. I had visions of things that support my belief from a very young age.

My awakening has just recently started, I have always known I was different, never fit in or belonged anywhere

I'm nearing the end of my awakening. I guess I have always felt different but it got worse as I got older. I do kinda feel like me as a person and me as a soul was lighter when I was younger, but Im ok with it. I feel dark in a sense but that does not mean I'm neccasarily evil. I have found a kind of balance now and I like it.

Around eighth grade was when I started to piece it together but I was always what I am. I still learn more about what it is to be every day.

I awakened kind of late, but with a vast amount of knowledge at the start. The 1st month was a crazy rush. I've always been isolated from people. I've always felt empty. I've always felt different. Now I know why. I feel like my inner secret and acceptance of it has really pulled me out of a life long funk. I'm fuller now (ironically).

I immediately wanted to find more like me, hence VR. I have learned so much through my mentorship. The piece I feel that was missing from me has rejoined my body and I couldn't be happier.

Different in which i decide or what society deems us to be different. We all have our own personal traits or differences. This makes us unique. I choose to hide from society due to there ignorance not because i am different in thought or belief.

I began to feel different around my teens after i left England and returned to the US. I had a fascination with stone henge and other supernatural things, eventually as I began dating had the urge to bite my boyfriends neck and leave some rather nasty wounds from the hickeys I left, as i progressed I had urges to dig my nails into me until it left marks, and sometimes I would poke my own finger just to taste blood.

it wasn't until the mid 90's when I came across a person to hone me in and teach me how to control some of my awakening process, such as my empathy, the absorption of energy, and channeling. I also began to notice i healed a bit quicker than most ppl did.

Going through the years of life we all have different awakenings whether religion knowledge or life, I was young and felt there was something different from others yet as I grew my knowledge and struggles showed me the path in which I am. I am me no different than you yet senses more acute, and thoughts more just, but society has pointed us or others as freaks yet we are society and the realms of its base are crumbling due to the fact more are not ashamed of themselves and what they are or will become.

It's cheesy, but I like to think of it in X men terms - I'm different and there for shy away and avoid people who can not comprehend all the factions of who I am. Without accepting who I am, I have never felt complete. If you asked me about myself 2 years ago I would have said soul less and empty. I think those feelings are a direct result of suppressing my psychic side.

I never hide eather and I always knew something was off about me

It is posted in my journal but. Since I was little I could command the shadows around me and I could see the dead things. Then it went away untilssomething bad happened and I was sent away. This I did not put in journal..I started a fire because I was angry. Things happen when my emotions flare up. Then the dreams. Then the thirst..any advice would be most welcome if one to listen. Inbox me because I am alone and terrible things are happening and I dont understand.

I was born to the life I live, I am a Hybrid and I have the full soul of a vampire, I am half elf 1/4 Werecat and 1/4 human, but I will regenerate from my never ending consciousness. I have always been different even among the immortal races.

i am always attracted to the dark, i have this feelings that i am vampire, i strongly desire to drink blood and i always want sex i think that i have started awakening.

Dubs we all different in our lives this makes our society diverse. Yet to class us all the same we would be robots of this earth. We all in some way differ on awakening or is it meet fact we choose the lifestyle to be accepted or to be different

Cadrewolf,

Let me put it this way:

My whole life people have been very, very drawn to me (strangely attached, obsessed, etc). It's a huge ego boost. Power in popularity, friends to keep me company. I enjoy being a natural born leader.

Then it happens... I would subconsciously feed from these people and without warning - suddenly they hate me, avoid me, are angry at me. I could never figure out why or what I was doing that draw people to me and then repelled them from me.

Upon awakening I finally was given the insight as to why it was so and now I know that in some small way I have power over these people. So in that way I am different (and yet in good company here on VR).

I know this much for me is that all the guys I have dated or come in contact with can never forget about me and always obsessed with me wanting more from me and I'm like, no I am married now. So what does this make me?

I know I had my awakening in multiple phases, 16, 21, 25, 30, and now again at 40. I was told by a wise occult teacher that awakenings never stop but occur in multiple phases like Cadre said in his post.

Brenkania,

The guy thing is very similar to what I experience.

Even though I've only really awakened about 6 months ago - I can definitely see how it can progress in different stages.

Dubs

I know the feeling about people drawn to me. For my thoughts and words and poetry. I seem to be energized on emotions of others. But not all positive balances in life. I always dream of vampirism and its seduction of others and life. We all are unique in our own way. Why society hides from reality. For places like this site are shunned in so many ways

When I was young, I would say between 5 & 7, I had many 'strange' experiences. Some of which I have journaled about and some I feel could never discuss.

Here I would just like to add that it was during these times that I had terrible bloody noses that would last for hours. If they occurred at night, I would literally wake up to my own blood running down the back of my throat. This lasted into my teens and when they finally stopped so did my intake of blood. It was at this time that I was obviously unknowingly acquiring what I needed in other ways.

I also had many occurrences of deja-vu and for a young kid to be asking about why he was experiencing events before they happened didn't sit to well with anyone. Enduring disbelief and often times ridicule at such a young age for simply trying to understand personal experiences caused me to withdraw into myself and at fifteen I just started self medicating.

Why all the details? Because it has to do with when one 'awakens' on their own with absolutely no frame of reference for what is taking place. Or, simply goes in a personally destructive direction for lack of a better one.

Above the comment was made that this site is shunned be many. The flip-side to that is to some it is an oasis, myself included.

And one last thing... During the period of self medication, the strange experiences never really stopped.

Hmm... Well maybe you should stop self-medicating and deal with the situation head on. That is only going to complicate things and make them harder to deal with. When you wake up the next morning, the problem is STILL there and now it is probably worse. You can inbox me if you like, I am willing to help you out with your Awakening and your addiction.

Excellent advice and so very true, BE. There is so much in the recent entries I have bit my lip not to respond to... but am glad you responded to that aspect. Thank you.

Upir holding his tongue wow. I so enjoy yours and dabbler remarks, and it makes more talk to these forums.

insight of awakening is the site of noticing something about you that you have never noticed before, yet I think we all have had certain eye openings in life our own awakening to spiritual or societies mundane strife.

I like seeing what others have posted to get ideas of what they consider awakening to them

Definitely a "lightening bolt" moment. I totally embraced it. If it's all in my head, I can live with that. However, the immediate coincidences were just too many to be over looked (from my own experience).

As for the drug talk - I found my "receptors" were more open and in tune with the world around me once I got off all the dirty stuff.

My first awakening began just shortly before leaving the UK, I was reading a book about Stonehenge and i was so facinated by the occult that I wanted to know more, by age 15 I began to experience fits of rage and all my emotions would just come pouring out all at once I'd be angry and punch things, but yet balling my eyes out and then inflict pain on myself by pouring hot wax in my palm or dig my nails into my arm just to make it all stop. As I graduated HS and joined the military I began to become more sensitive to the sun, when i burned badly I would be so drained, however I would tan the next day with no evidence of being burned. I began to notice I healed faster, not to mention my sense of smell was heightened, and I had the urge to want to bite my boyfriend's neck all the time, by the time I reached 21, I let alcohol consume me and my emotions got worse.

Today I am better, my channeling has been heightened at the stage I am in now at age 40.

I'm more Light than shadow. Even people who aren't dark-minded can have their own "awakenings" of self. For me, I have been tossed hints at me all through my life since I was a child. When you see shadow figures and wonder why nobody else does, or being able to have vivid dreams or even prophetic ones, or realize you have a powerful mind and spirit that is capable of many things....well, let's just say I was confused for the longest time until all the pieces came together finally. Only then, did it finally make sense.

I learned that i can feel out others like myself even though it's very few and rare. There is no age gap for people to have awakenings. It happens when it's meant to. For me, it took a very long time.

I started when I was about 13. I started not liking lighter things and I started sleeping more during the day then at night. I started to make myself bleed and I would things like that. Also that when my mother told me that my family we are Wiccen. So lot of mix feelings were happening at that time of my life.

There have been many instances in which I could point to and state that things were kind of off with the way I perceived my world. Everything from highly descriptive nightmares of evisceration and death as a child to bouts of insomnia before I had words to describe most of it. So among the things I could say influenced my awakening, I had extremely graphic nightmares, finding consolation in blood and bleeding, an advanced sense of morality and questioning of right/wrong or good/evil dichotomies, and a growing comfort in the darkness of the world.

Most of my experiences turned around for me as I discovered the wonders of the internet. A world outside my own opened up and I got closer to people who already had experience and could pass it on to me and help make sense of it all. Things clarified, and I had a larger world of options to choose from. There were others. That was outright unbelievable to me in my youth.

As with many of you, that I have read as I went through this anyway, I went through a lot of phases such as addictions, mental health issues, and a vast array of other things. I suppose some of us learn in different ways. Though I think I have managed to take my lessons as they came to me.

Sites such as VR have indeed aided in getting in touch with those who can understand and share about challenges and share the successes. I am absolutely certain that my small-town upbringing might have done some real damages has I not found an environment that was more welcoming to me as I am, not as I was expected to be. My experience of the world just did not fit that of others in my physical proximity.

So thank you to all, though most that I came across in my early years are no longer here. To all those I am yet to meet, I would be happy to share my experiences as so many have to me. Keep on keeping on.

If there's anyone on here who is on the edge and needs someone to hear out their experience, just throw me a message and I will get back to you ASAP.

just recently started my awakening, i have always been viewed as differant, odd to myself stubborn, but also just differant my friends always tell me they are tierd but wonder why , this i dont know i never really thought much of it i like to live out of the norm always have always will but i never really knew why till now. a dear friend i met here on the rave told me what i was and what was happening i thought i was just sick lol but in visiting this sight i discoverd myself and the path im ment to take. still unclear as to what will shape who i become but im in for the adventure it will bring.