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immortalxkiss's Journal


immortalxkiss's Journal

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PROFILE




57 entries this month
 

21:43 Apr 30 2019
Times Read: 1,191


Well, my trial period is up at the roofing company. And, so long as I want to work here, they want to keep me on as staff. The only criticism Amanda had for me was my lack of communication sometimes. But, that's just me, I can be so one-track minded sometimes when I'm working that I'll finish one thing and move right on to the next without letting anyone know I'm done. So, I have to work on that. But, she said that I'm very professional when I'm on the phone, and that I've been catching on to things pretty quick. So, that's good. Of course, once Faire ends, I don't think I'll be able to stay here, since it is part-time and I really need something full-time. But, we still have a few more weeks left before then. I really don't want to leave, though. I love being able to be on my own in the office, no one to bother me or constantly breathe down my neck. I'm free to focus on my work, and listen to music or podcasts or whatever else, without worry. It's such a wonderful environment, and the people are so nice. I really wish they could offer me something full-time. It would be so perfect.


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18:49 Apr 30 2019
Times Read: 1,200


I'm supposed to be seeing Richard tonight. He's officially moving to Idaho, so I don't know how many more times we'll be able to just hang out. But, I'll take what I can get while I can get it. Though, I am going to miss our sushi dates, hanging out at Starbucks after, watching stupid videos on YouTube, laughing over silly/stupid jokes. I never got him to go to karaoke with me, though I have heard him sing and he's got a great voice. He's a great guy and I hope he gets his life back on track in Idaho. He wants to go back to school, which will be easier there. So yeah, we'll see if tonight actually happens. He may cancel again like he did last week. I don't know.


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PRIVATE ENTRY

21:30 Apr 29 2019
Times Read: 1,218


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19:03 Apr 29 2019
Times Read: 1,250


Call me old school here, but I hold to the belief that Society Crests should be static images, not shitty gifs from what I assume is 50 Shades Of Grey or whatever. It just looks stupid.


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MooniePie
MooniePie
19:23 Apr 29 2019

As it states in the manual, coven crests are supposed to be in .jpg format.





xXBlackenedxWingsXx
xXBlackenedxWingsXx
20:28 Apr 29 2019

I saw the crest you're mentioning. Mine at times come out- in my opinion looking like crap but at least there's some originality there. lol





immortalxkiss
immortalxkiss
21:09 Apr 29 2019

That's what I figured, but I wasn't sure if things had changed at some point. It's been a number of years since I've been a Coven Master, and I was unsure if the rules regarding Crests, one a Society was set up, were still the same as they had been before.





 

23:14 Apr 27 2019
Times Read: 1,267


You know what I love most about working the tri-tip booth? Tips. Tips are awesome. I made 60 dollars in tips alone the weekend before last. So it's base pay and then tips on top of it. I love it. I need to buy a costume, though. They've been telling me to buy one piece each week, I think sometime this weekend I need to get out there and buy a damn bodice. I've been renting one and even though I'm getting a huge discount, $10 a day adds up. So, I need to buy one, if nothing else this Faire season, I need a bodice.


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03:17 Apr 27 2019
Times Read: 1,281


I may have gone a little crazy and bought a bunch of Hocus Pocus merchandise from Spirit Halloween today... But, it's stuff I've been wanting for a while, especially the Funko! Pop versions of Winny, Sarah, and Mary. I wanted those when they were first anounced, was it last year? I think it was last year. But, Hocus Pocus is one of my all-time favorite movies, and I really needed to have the things.


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07:54 Apr 26 2019
Times Read: 1,291


Avengers: Endgame was amazing.

That is all.


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01:48 Apr 26 2019
Times Read: 1,307


Plans with Richard fell through, so instead I bought two tickets to Endgame tonight. I'm gonna take my mom, since Franz is working tonight. I'm hyped, I didn't think I'd be able to see it until next week, considering my work schedule, but I managed to get two tickets to a fairly early show, so that rocks.

Hopefully I'll be able to see Richard next week. He wanted to try for Saturday, but my Faire work schedual doesn't really allow for that. I work until 7, which means with traffic and everything, I wouldn't get home until around 8 or 8:30. And then after a shower and driving out to Corona, I wouldn't get there until like, 10. And then I have to be back at the Faire at 9 on Sunday, so... Yeah. Not much wiggle room for going out. But, next week would work better. I don't have to watch my nephew any of those days, so it would just be my roofing job and then home. It makes going out far easier. But, we'll see. His schedule might not allow for it.


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ABHORASH
ABHORASH
02:46 Apr 26 2019

I hope you get time with your love, soon. I also hope you have a wonderful evening with your mother tonight.





 

20:23 Apr 25 2019
Times Read: 1,315


I think, once the Faire is over, I'm going to buy myself a Fitbit and get me a gym membership. Something I could possibly share with my mom. I want to start working on me again, and lately I just haven't had the time. I wish I could wear a Fitbit at the Faire, considering the amount of walking and moving around I do day to day there. But, it isn't period appropriate and thus, not allowed. So, might as well just hold off.

At least by then I should have a better handle on my work situation. I think they want to keep me, Amanda's been teaching me a lot of stuff and the guy who's in charge of the San Diego area that I've been working called me today and was all like, you're going to be my right hand girl, but I really can't do a part time gig once the Faire is over. Because with my hours, it'll be difficult to find another job that could work around it. I've gotta turn in my resume to my bank, they're actually looking for a fulltime teller. And I've wanted to get into the bank scene for a while. So, I'll probably do that tonight, and hope that I get the job. If not, well, Indeed is calling my name. And my aunt put me on this lead for a phlebotomist, which I have to call. The thing about that is that I have to get my state certification done again, and that's a couple hundred. But, if I could get the job doing something I've actually been trained to do, that would be fantastic.


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imagesinwords
imagesinwords
21:55 Apr 25 2019

😁





 

04:20 Apr 25 2019
Times Read: 1,330


I've got plans with Richard tomorrow night, and I'm really hoping they don't fall through. He's definitely not one to cancel on me, but with everything going on right now, he did say it was only a possibility. I'll find out tomorrow afternoon whether it's a for sure thing.

Joe called me earlier about the money I gave him back in November. He said he's felt shitty about not paying me back, but I did tell him I gave it to him without expecting to be paid back. And it's true. I gave it to him, well I gave it to him underthe condition that he only spend it on his kids, I never said he'd need to pay me back. But, if he wants to, I'm not going to say no. It's a couple hundred, which I could definitely use.


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20:43 Apr 24 2019
Times Read: 1,340


Trying to set something up so I can hang out with Richard again. We do this a lot, go through long periods of not speaking, before he contacted me on Sunday, I hadn't spoken to him since early February. But, when we do talk, we tend to go all out and talk all the time. It's just the nature of our relationship. But, I would like to see him again. He's fun to be out with, he makes me smile and laugh and just forget things in my life. Of course, I do have Franz, and he does all that and more for me, but it's nice to have friends outside of him. I did the thing where my boyfriend was my entire world with Joe, and it didn't work out well. At least with Richard around, I can go and have a little fun on my own, without being tied to Franz. I need a life outside of him, I need friends of my own I can see and spend time with. My friend Toby has been trying to get me out with him and his wife for ages as well, we just can't seem to make the timing work. Hopefully I can manage something after the Faire ends and I have my weekends free again. I've known Toby since I was a teen, and we haven't seen each other in a number of years, we do need to change that.


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21:32 Apr 23 2019
Times Read: 1,351


You know, I like this job, but sometimes I think they think I'm far more knowledgeable in the whole construction thing than I am. My supervisor was telling me I needed to do all these preliens for clients, and I'm like, okay. I can do that. So I ask her something, just to clerify what I'm going to be doing is correct, I don't want to do all this work and find that I did it all wrong and have to do it over. That is a waste of everyone's time. She never showed me how to do a prelien, only how to do the release paperwork. I know I'm a little slow to all of this, but I've never worked for a construction/roofing company before, and they know that. I have no experience in this kind of paperwork. Before this I was a receptionist, I answered the phone, took deliveries, helped walk-ins, and worked with incoming emails. That was the extent of my job. This stuff I'm doing now, this is stuff that's dealing with thousands of dollars, and I sure as fuck don't want to be the one who screws something up or costs the company money. I'm super paranoid about fucking up here. They are all super nice and helpful, but sometimes I just think they forget I'm brand new to all of this stuff.


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05:16 Apr 23 2019
Times Read: 1,369


Went out for sushi with Richard, that adorable nerd, tonight. It was nice. For the first time ever, he actually paid for my meal. It's just funny because every time we've gone out for dinner, I've had to pay for myself, which I don't mind at all. We talked and got caught up, the last time I saw him was right after Joe and I broke up in November. He grew a beard, and not gonna lie, it looks damn good on him. I liked him clean shaven, but him with the facial hair, if I were a single woman... Haha. But yeah, he's considering moving out to Idaho to help out his parents. That would suck. He and I, we never got into dating one another, he became more of a friend, someone I could talk to, someone who would cheer me up when I felt like shit. So, it would suck to lose that, but apparently everyone is telling him to go out there. And, family is important. So, yeah. It was nice to see him. He's just as goofy as ever, always fun to be with. It was a good night.


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09:32 Apr 22 2019
Times Read: 1,396


I came home I had something nice waiting for me. My boy.



I've finally gotten my Harley back. It's painful as ever, getting him back in a wooden box instead of getting him back as himself, but, at least he's back home with me. Back home with Nyx and his sister, Quinn. We're moving out of the house this weekend, but when I get settled into my new place, I'm going to be putting him up with Aphrodite and Ishtar. I think he would have gotten along with both of them, and I think they'll make good company together. I miss him. I miss all of them. I miss them every single day. Losing them, it never gets any easier.


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03:34 Apr 22 2019
Times Read: 1,409


Game of Thrones spoilers! Like, for real, I'm going to spoil the shit out of the newest episode and I'm going to go into some of my thoughts and speculations as to what's going to happen. SPOILERS! You've been warned.


So, firstly, that scene where Jaime knighted Brienne just made me so fucking happy. I've been waiting for her to become a knight since she was introduced as a character, because out of all of them, she is the most deserving to be a knight. She's insanely honorable and loyal. So, yay for Ser Brienne! And the fact that Jaime was the one to do it, it's a kind of validation from him that she's more than worthy. I ship them. I ship them so hard. I would love nothing more than for them to get together in the end, because I do think it's apparent they both have feelings for one another. And now that Jaime has finally broken free of Cersei's clutches, I think he'll realize just how he feels about her. I know everyone prefers the Brienne/Tormand ship, but honestly, I think her and Jaime are a much better match.

Speaking of relationships, how 'bout that Arya and Gendry scene? HBO had to put out a reminder that her character is apparently 18 now, so hey, it's totally okay for her to have consentual sex if she wants to. And, really, the Arya/Gendry relationship is one that we've seen coming since they first met. He's the only person outside of her family that she's really cared about on that level. I think it was always a plan to pair them, and I rather like them together. He understands her. And he won't try to force her to be someone she isn't. I think they're cute together. Though, her face afterwards, eh... Maybe not?

Sansa and Theon... That was a reunion I liked. After all Theon did for her, getting her away from Ramsay, I think Sansa has really come to appriciate him. And her hugging him when he showed up to fight, that just shows you how much she's grown to care for him. Is it love? Is it just because she's grateful to him and all he's done for her? Honestly, I'm not quite sure. It would be interesting to see them together as a couple, all things considered. Though, I'm not quite sure how it would work, considering he's missing a few important parts. Though, Gray Worm and Missandei make it work. So, who knows.

It'll be interesting to see how the Jon/Dany thing plays out now that she knows he's her nephew and the last male Targaryen, so the one with the better claim to the throne. Truthfully, I still want them to get married. I know, taboo and whatever, but their family has been known to marry brother and sister, so aunt and nephew is okay. At least he's somewhat removed, being a Stark as well. Do I really want Dany to win the Iron Throne? Not particularly, but I think out of most of the players, she the most well suited for the job. And if she has Jon by her side, I think they could be a great couple.

We now know exactly what the Night King is after, good ol' Bran, the Three-Eyed Raven. He wants to kill him, he wants a Neverending night, he wants to erase humanity. And he can achieve that by killing Bran. I mean, it wasn't really a mystery, it's been apparent that the Knight King wanted to do away with the Three-Eyed Raven for a few seasons now, but it finally got spelled out for everyone. I'm eager to see how it plays out, using Bran as bait to lure the Night King to where they want him so he can be killed.

People are saying this episode was boring because "nothing happened." But, if you feel nothing happened, you clerely weren't watching the same episode I was. So much happened. Sure, no one died and there was no action, but it was all preparation. It's their last night alive, so I think they show did a wonderful job at showing how each person chose to spend that time. It was telling as to who they were as people. It was a great storytelling episode. Not every episode needs to be full of death and violence, let them just be human and enjoy what they assume are their final hours. I'm so amped about this season, and the four remaining episodes of the series. I am eager to see if what I've predicted plays out or if I was totally wrong with my assumptions.


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xxxPoisonIvyxxx
xxxPoisonIvyxxx
06:09 Apr 22 2019

I get all of your points , and they are important. But this episode was very lackluster in my opinion. To me, every episode needs to be a smack down of jaw dropping. 4 to go.





 

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00:02 Apr 22 2019
Times Read: 1,437


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19:31 Apr 21 2019
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19:14 Apr 20 2019
Times Read: 1,468


I'm not working Faire this weekend. I've been having issues with my throat for the last week and a half, and it just crashed down hard on me when I woke up this morning. I couldn't speak above a whisper. So I sent a message to Lisa and she told me to just take the weekend off, since it's Easter tomorrow, they weren't expecting large crowds. So, I guess it's nice, though I do miss out on 16 hours of pay, which kinda sucks. But, it's for the best. With having to hawk, I think I would do more damage to myself by screaming at the top of my lungs every few minutes for 8 hours a day.


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PRIVATE ENTRY

23:36 Apr 19 2019
Times Read: 1,486


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23:01 Apr 19 2019
Times Read: 1,490


I logged in and looked at my profile. It only just registered with me that I got my 13 year batty on the 9th.

13 years, man... I was 18 when I joined. I've done so much growing up here. It's crazy to think about that. There are few places on the internet I've been a member of just as long or longer that I still visit daily. I think Facebook is the only one, which I joined around the same time. Despite everything, I do still enjoy this place. It's the people, the friendships I've made in that 13 years that keep me coming back. Well, that and my journal.


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17:53 Apr 19 2019
Times Read: 1,501


I don't like Bruno Mars. Not as a person or anything, but I can't stand his music. Do you know who my nephew absolutely loves? Bruno Mars. So I'm sitting here with him watching all these Bruno Mars videos and it's just drilling into me that I hate this guy's music. I've been trying to get Lucas to listen to some Michael Jackson, because as far as pop music goes, he has some of the best. And hs's mildly interested, but he loves Bruno Mars. Sings along and sorta dances. It's cute. I just wish it was literally anyone else instead of Bruno Mars. I can't count how many times I've had to hear Uptown Funk and 24K Magic. Too many. The answer is simply too many times.


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17:32 Apr 19 2019
Times Read: 1,508


What I meant when I said I wanted to get some shoes from Dolls Kill was: These. I need these in my life, like, now. Right now.




I am thinking about visiting their physical store in LA after the Faire ends, seeing what they have there that I could actually try before purchasing. Plus, I'm long overdue to visit my great-grandmother, Ralph, David... All of them. So, we'll see. I really want those boots though.


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23:19 Apr 18 2019
Times Read: 1,523


I think, after I pay off the stupid speeding ticket I got in February, I'm going to buy a few pairs of new shoes from Dolls Kill. I typi ally tend to stick to my Chucjs, but I was looki. G over the Dolls Kill website, and there are a few pairs I'd really like to get. So, we'll see. I haven't worn platform boots since high school, and maybe a lot of their stuff is aimed at a far younger demographic, but I think some of what they have is totally my style. Or, at least where I want to get back to.


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Emerson
Emerson
23:34 Apr 18 2019

It’s funny that we develop a sense of style when we’re younger and grow out of it, just to eagerly dive back into the entire when we’re older. I’ve always loved really tacky clothes. Bright colors, flowers, lace and frilly bs. But I always felt I could dress like that when I was older due to wanting to be treated like an adult.

Pfft. Screw that.

My closet is slowly turning into the dressing room for a 90s sitcom. :) I own a freaking flower bucket hat. I’ve peaked as an adult.

....it’s all downhill now. /sob





Emerson
Emerson
23:35 Apr 18 2019

*couldnt dress like that as an adult.
(I didn’t proof read.)





immortalxkiss
immortalxkiss
23:57 Apr 18 2019

Oh man, the amount of typos in this entry. That's what I get for typing things up super quick on my phone and then not reading over what I wrote. I could edit it and fix the issues, but meh, I don't wanna. You get the gist of it anyway.

*typically
*Chucks
*looking





FeverDreams
FeverDreams
05:16 Apr 19 2019

platform boots .... *sighs* ... only if I wasn't clumsy ... lol





 

21:47 Apr 18 2019
Times Read: 1,539


Is it 4 yet?
No?
It's not even 2?
Fuck...

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04:43 Apr 18 2019
Times Read: 1,557


I could absolutely go for a week long nap. Just sleep for a solid week. I think then I'd be good. It's all starting to catch up with me and it kinda hit me hard today. Maybe I'm over estimating my ability to pull this all off? I have to keep telling myself that it's only for five more weeks. That's my mantra. It's only for five more weeks. Then I'll have my weekends free again. But fuck, I'm so goddamn tired right now...


Joe called me earlier and apologized for his behavior the other week. It's nice to know that he's realized the fact that he was an absolute asshole that night. So, that was a nice little phone call.


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03:57 Apr 17 2019
Times Read: 1,589


I know I say this a lot, but I do miss having actual conversations with friends here. Most of the people I talked to often aren't around any longer and others, I guess we've just drifted apart and simply don't speak anymore. I just miss having fun, interesting conversations that lasted for hours with people I enjoy talking to.


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xXBlackenedxWingsXx
xXBlackenedxWingsXx
04:16 Apr 17 2019

Friends are the only reason I even log in anymore, though it seems either a few moved on from the site or just barely talk at this point. The site was way more fun when I could just have a meaningful conversation on here.





ABHORASH
ABHORASH
14:40 Apr 17 2019

Unfortunately, I know what you mean. I was on a four year hiatus and many of the people I considered friends are no longer here. I will be it the process of trying to reconnect with some people who are still here. I'm spending most of my time, now, trying to level up to Sire so I am more often than not lurking. I will always return messages as quickly as possible though.





 

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23:29 Apr 16 2019
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22:48 Apr 16 2019
Times Read: 1,608


I met the owner's wife for the first time today. She's an aspiring fashion designer, and she has her little gallery/workspace in the front of the office. But the way it's set up is that infront of my desk is a barrier dividing her gallery from the rest of the office that's used for the roofing business, but there's a big window right there, so I can look out to the front door and such. Unfortunately, the monitors on my desk aren't tall enough to block out much of the window, so I'm sitting here looking at the screens and she's on the otherside doing her thing and my eye is automatically drawn up towards the movement. It's a little weird. And it makes doing my job all that more difficult for me because now I'm all self-conscious about how I sound on the phone and stuff. I like it so much more when I'm here alone. But, I guess I best get used to having other people around.


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thecrucible
thecrucible
10:58 Apr 17 2019

Fashion is such a great media! Such inspiring hobbies!





 

04:21 Apr 16 2019
Times Read: 1,623


As busy as things are right now, and as inconvenient as it is to not have a day off for the next handful of weeks, I'm so glad that I'm doing all that I'm doing. I was a lazy piece of shit for so many years. I won't deny it. But things have so vastly improved in such a short amount of time. Yeah, I've had some setbacks and some serious heartbreak, but overall, things have been going really well for me. And I'm the reason for it. It's because for once in my life, I'm motivated to accomplish things. I should have hit this point long before now, but I didn't. And I do regret that. But, it's better late than never, I suppose. Things are good. I'm doing things I enjoy. I'm happy. I'm actually happy with where my life is right now. I haven't been able to say that, to truly mean it, for so long.


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04:13 Apr 15 2019
Times Read: 1,645


Oh my goodness, the first episode of Game of Thrones was so good! I can't wait to see what happens next. Only five more to go before it's all over. Well, the show at least. We might still have the last few books to look forward to if Martin ever gets to writing them. Also, the new opening was awesome! That is all.


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FeverDreams
FeverDreams
16:28 Apr 15 2019

I just saw it!
I was truly shook at the end ... when the 2 people met. Now that is a reunion I never thought about ... lol.





Dakotah
Dakotah
18:43 Apr 15 2019

I am going to watch it again today. I am glad Jon finally knows the truth. Wonder how others will handle it once word is out.





 

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21:37 Apr 14 2019
Times Read: 1,650


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02:01 Apr 14 2019
Times Read: 1,671


So, Lisa decided to move me over to her tri-tip booth today. Honestly, I think I prefer working there more than the garland booth. For one, time just flies by, since there are always people waiting. And two, because I'm more at home in the fast food kind of setting. I've worked office, I've worked retail, but my first job, and the job I had the longest were both "fast food." Baskin Robbins and Boston Market. So I'm more at home taking orders and handling cash as a cashier. The booth is hot, not gonna lie. It's just a long wooden box, so it's only going to get hotter as we get farther along in the Faire season. May is probably going to be the worst. We're already hitting the high 80's out here.

The people I work with are super nice, but I think that's just all the people who work Faire. I haven't met on rude or nasty participant yet. It's super chill, everyone jokes with one another. There are your typical rushes around noon, and we had a second rush around 2, but since I'm used to the situation, it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. Cesar, the manager, said I was an excellent cashier and apparently he really liked me. So, that's definitely a good thing. The menu was easy enough to learn, tri-tip and pulled pork and chilli. Not exactly huge. But yeah, it was a good day, and I'm super happy with the new position.


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06:05 Apr 13 2019
Times Read: 1,690


I got through my first full week with these three jobs, and, you know, I'm not completely worn out like I figured I would be. It's actually pretty fun to do all these different things. Tomorrow is going to be like having a day off, I only work 4 hours at the Faire. But, I do have to go and buy a bodice from one of the vendors. That's a definite must for me. Sunday is still up in the air as far as where I'm going to be working, I suppose I'll find out tomorrow if Lisa wants me to go to one of her other booths. It's been a good week, I feel like I'm accomplishing things.


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FeverDreams
FeverDreams
08:01 Apr 13 2019

3 jobs! Omg! Just make sure you get enough sleep. It would be hard to manage if you are not physically or mentally prepared.





ABHORASH
ABHORASH
13:27 Apr 13 2019

Just don't overtax yourself, my friend.





 

03:16 Apr 13 2019
Times Read: 1,709


Screw it, I'm going home, so long as home will have me. Forever and always, House Eternal.


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01:45 Apr 13 2019
Times Read: 1,738


Considering a change of scenery for this account. Ideally I would like to go into a Society where I can actually contribute something, where I feel as though I'm an integral part of the Society as a whole. I know that's asking for a lot, considering most Societies are pretty dead these days, but I don't like just sitting somewhere, rotting away and doing nothing.


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ZombieMLegendre
ZombieMLegendre
02:09 Apr 13 2019

I asked you to do stuff like, writing the main page. You said, "Look, I have a lot going on right now." Remember?

You aren't sitting and rotting, you chose to do nothing.





immortalxkiss
immortalxkiss
02:37 Apr 13 2019

You asked me to write the main page when I was dealing with the situation with my cat, Harley. So yeah, I said no because honestly I couldn't focus on anything outside of him. But writing a main page and actually feeling like I'm wanted in a Coven are two totally different things. In Alcatraz I'm one of many, easily replaced. I don't want to feel that way. I want to feel like I fucking matter to my Society, like my presence is welcomed.





ZombieMLegendre
ZombieMLegendre
02:44 Apr 13 2019

And, you feel unwelcome, how?





immortalxkiss
immortalxkiss
02:48 Apr 13 2019

It's not that I feel unwelcome, I just feel like nothing would change if I was or wasn't there. Indifference, I suppose, would be the better word. I don't feel wanted, I don't feel like I matter. And maybe it's all just me, but I don't like feeling that way. And I know I can find someplace where I don't have those kinds of feelings.





ZombieMLegendre
ZombieMLegendre
02:57 Apr 13 2019

I hope you do. I wish you all the best.





 

21:41 Apr 11 2019
Times Read: 1,767


I cannot express how it makes me feel when he says he's proud of me.

That's something I have always strived for, making the people I love proud. I tried all my life to make my father proud of me, but I've never been able to achieve that. And even though I've been doing my best, my best never seemed to be enough for him. I understand now that his opinion of me is meaningless. I've put so much time and effort into living my life the way he wanted me to that I've completely foregone my own happiness. And now, now nothing he says or thinks about me has any bearing on my life at all. 31 years wasted trying to please him.

But, I can see it, I've made my mom proud, my brother and my sister-in-law, Franz. And, most importantly, myself. Hearing it, though, that makes me smile. I've put in a lot of work to change myself, to change my outlook, my toxic behaviors. I'm not where I need to be yet, there is so much more I can do to better myself, but I'm taking those steps. It means so much that people can see this change. Franz is a newcomer in my life, and though he didn't really know me before, he can see that I've been working so hard to make things different for myself. He acknowledges that, he tells me. I need that. You have no idea how much I need that. I never cared or desired validation from people, I don't need to be told by some random stranger that I'm worth while. However, I do need that from the people I love, because their opinion of me is the most important thing. I want them to look at me today and be proud at how far I've come. I want them to see that I'm doing everything I can to make things better. When Franz holds me and tells me how good I'm doing, how proud of me he is, I could cry. It makes me that happy. It triggers something that I've wanted, needed, to hear for so long.


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PRIVATE ENTRY

21:46 Apr 10 2019
Times Read: 1,786


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16:06 Apr 09 2019
Times Read: 1,854


I'm not an idiot, and you don't hide yourself that well. If you were allowed in, then that's none of my business. It's not my personal Coven, so I don't have any real say in what goes on.

I'll probably be around here less than before. The new day job is working out well, I had a good first day. I'm essentially doing my sister-in-law's job, just taking over for her when she leaves. It's a good experience for me, I'm learning some new things I never would have done otherwise. It's a roofing company, so I get to deal with leins, warrenties, all the payments and such. They put me in charge of the San Diego area, while Liz takes care of the LA/Inland Empire area. I really like the office, mostly because I will usually just be on my own. There shouldn't really be anyone in this entire week, which is nice. It's such a different experience than T.M. Cobb was. There's no one breathing down my neck, no stupid office politics, no bullshit idle chit chat. It's just me with my work all alone. I love it.


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PRIVATE ENTRY

10:44 Apr 08 2019
Times Read: 1,876


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02:09 Apr 08 2019
Times Read: 1,888


I talked to Lisa about my hours today. I work 4 hours next Saturday, but she's going to look into putting me in another one of her booths. Apparently she owns like half of Faire. She asked if I was just there to work, or if I wanted to work and have fun. Considering it's my first year at Faire and I don't know anyone aside from the people working the booth with me, I told her I would rather just work. That way I can get paid and still meet new people. Hopefully she can find someplace for me to go. Switching up booths throughout the day would actually be more beneficial for me in terms of meeting people. And really, that's what Faire is all about. Meeting new people, making friends, having fun. I'm happy I made the choice to apply this year.


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PRIVATE ENTRY

23:10 Apr 07 2019
Times Read: 1,896


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01:54 Apr 07 2019
Times Read: 1,921


I think I sorely underestimated what it would be like to work the Ren Faire. Not to say I haven't been having fun, I have. The woman who works mornings with me is super knowledgeable, lent me pretty much everything needed for my costume, including accessories, so all I need to worry about is getting a bodice. I have this one rented for the weekend, but I don't know what I'll do for next weekend. But, Donna, my morning coworker, is just super nice and she was introducing me to all her Faire family. Everyone is super nice. And then Iris, my afternoon coworker, is also super knowledgeable and nice. She's been really helpful with me. But fuck man, my legs are killing me. I've been standing pretty nonstop, save for my lunch hour, for the last 9 hours. The booth I work has no chairs or anything. It's painful. And the shoes I have, while comfortable, aren't really easy on the feet. My thighs are chafed, I didn't realize how much walking I'd do, and doing that in just underwear is rough on the skin. I threw my jeans back on under my skirts to make it easier. Tomorrow I'm bringing some shorts to wear. But, I am having fun, and I'm enjoying the experience. It's been a little hectic, since this is the first day, but hopefully tomorrow and the remainder of the time, things will run smoother. I'm tired, though, and totally ready to go home and take a shower. One more hour to go before closing, and then we have to do cleanup. I'm hoping to be in the car and headed home by 8.


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09:49 Apr 06 2019
Times Read: 1,940


Fell asleep aroun 9, now it's a quarter to 2. Chances of me getting back to sleep are slim. I'm super excited for the Ren Faire and crazy nervous about everything. I have to be up at 7, since it'll take about a half hour to get to the Santa Fe Dam from where I live. This is actually something I've wanted to do for at least 14 years, since getting out of high school, working the Faire. It was always such a big part of my life when I was growing up, I have such fond memories of everything from when I was a kid and my family was actually happy. We'd go every year. I think I've always wanted to recapture that feeling. So, it's like a dream that I'm actually going to be working it now. I'm hoping it will be a great experience, and I'm hoping I meet some fun, new people. I'm also kinda hoping I'll see one person I haven't seen in a while, I know he's all into the Ren Faire too, so maybe he'll show up at some point. But, that's something else entirely. Anyway, I need to try and get back to sleep, I have a long day ahead of me and a good 7 hours of sleep would be perfect.


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thecrucible
thecrucible
11:31 Apr 06 2019

I can’t wait to read about the Ren Faire those are so fun!





 

22:43 Apr 05 2019
Times Read: 1,968


Dude, I got the other job, too! I don't know what's going on, my luck is never this good, but I'll take it. I start that one on Monday. Granted it's on a temp basis, until the end of the month to make sure I can do what the job requires - I need to brush up on my Excel skills. At the end of the month, so long as I get to where I need to be with Excel and they see that yes, I do great customer service, they'll keep me if I want to stay. It is part time, but like I said, right now with the schedual I have, it's perfect. Once my nephew starts school, things will have to change and I'll need to find something full time, but for now, I don't mind it.


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HellsReign
HellsReign
23:03 Apr 05 2019

grats hun things are starting to look for you :)





 

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14:00 Apr 05 2019
Times Read: 1,983


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12:38 Apr 05 2019
Times Read: 2,000


I'd laugh if it wasn't so pathetic.

Life sure is funny that way.


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04:36 Apr 05 2019
Times Read: 2,028


Looks like I shall be working the Ren Faire after all! The vendor I applied to called earlier, apparently she'd been trying to reach me but had the wrong number written down for me (thank goodness it's on my resume), but she wanted to know if I was still interested in working for her. Of course I am. So, that's going to be awesome. Opening weekend is on Saturday and it runs for 8 weeks. It's going to be fun, I think. I just need to get a costume, but she said it shouldn't be an issue for me to rent one, the man who runs the costume shop is a good friend of hers. So, yeah, my weekends are going to be busy now. Yay!


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01:19 Apr 05 2019
Times Read: 2,050


I suck at interviews. Ugh.

Well, I did my best. All that's left to do is wait and see.


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ZombieMLegendre
ZombieMLegendre
01:22 Apr 05 2019

Oh, I'm terrible at interviews as well. I'm not at all a people person and have been known to cuss out what was once a potential employer. LOL!





immortalxkiss
immortalxkiss
01:41 Apr 05 2019

Haha, I've never go e that far as to curse at a potential employer, but it's hard for me to answer the questions they ask sometimes. Especially those regarding personal strengths and weaknesses and whatnot.





ZombieMLegendre
ZombieMLegendre
02:39 Apr 05 2019

Totally understandable.

Yeah, afterwards, I'm like, "Shit!"





 

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13:28 Apr 04 2019
Times Read: 2,089


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01:15 Apr 04 2019
Times Read: 2,130


I have an interview with my sister-in-law's company tomorrow. It's a part time thing Monday through Friday, but that works since I watch Lucas in the mornings. I can watch him then go to the job after that. It's a roofing company, and Liz didn't tell me what I was applying for when I sent in my resume, but I think she said something about it being like a receptionist position. Though I could be wrong. Doesn't really matter, though. I kinda suck at interviews, always have since I'm so shy and introverted, but Liz says that the man and woman who own the company are super nice and I shouldn't be worried about it. So, here's to hoping. The schedual is really ideal for the situation I have right now.


And, regardless if I get the job or not, I'm going to buy a replacement spoiler for my mom's car. The factory one got loose and then flew off when she was driving a few months ago, so she just has tape where the holes are in her trunk. It's killing me. So, I want to get that for her. A super basic matte black one can be had for around $100, and her car is black, so it works. If I can't install it myself I'll take it to my aunt's house down the street and see if my uncle or one of my cousins can take care of it.

I haven't always been the best daughter, I know that. But with everything she's dealing with with the divorce and the selling of the house and the rearranging of her entire life, I want to show her that I'm there for her, I want to support her as much as I can. And if that means fixing things on her car, or buying her lunch or dinner, dammit, I'm going to do it. Because I love her and I want her to know that. I support her, I stand by her, she's my mom and I want to see her happy. She's dealing with so much right now, it's unfair. But, if I can eliminate just one worry or expense on her list, I'll do it happily.


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16:44 Apr 03 2019
Times Read: 2,168


I've been watching my nephew today. This kid has been up with me since 6:15 and he's constantly going. All the time. It's a quarter to 9 and auntie Nicole is absolutely ready for a nap.


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PRIVATE ENTRY

03:47 Apr 03 2019
Times Read: 2,209


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PRIVATE ENTRY

03:11 Apr 03 2019
Times Read: 2,221


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PRIVATE ENTRY

05:36 Apr 02 2019
Times Read: 2,248


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02:00 Apr 02 2019
Times Read: 2,268


I renewed my HBO Now subscription since the last season of Game of Thrones starts in two weeks. But now that I have it again, I'm making my mother watch the entirety of the show. She's only seen the first season, but she has read all the books. Her excuse for not watching was that she didn't want to wait between seasons, but she can't use that anymore since we're coming up on the last season. It'll be nice to actually be able to talk about the show with her now.


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PRIVATE ENTRY

12:47 Apr 01 2019
Times Read: 2,291


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06:05 Apr 01 2019
Times Read: 2,368


Oh man, sure must be nice to constantly fall back on the excuse that you are a cunt towards people who've done absolutely nothing to you just because you bottle shit up until you snap. You're just so damn nice, right? Coming into my journal years ago writing, "YOU ARE A FUCKING WHORISH SLUT" when I'd never spoken to you before. When I didn't know you fucking existed. Your excuses are weak and just that, excuses. You're facing the response you're getting because you choose, actively choose, to be a bitch to people who've done nothing to you. You're a horrible person, simple as that. You can try and claim that this is just because certain members were mean to you, but kiddo, I'd never spoken to you before you called me a "fucking whorish slut" out of the blue. Hell, I've rarely spoken directly to you since, save for when you've messaged me. This is shit you've been doing for years. YEARS. You left that lovely comment on a journal entry in 2015, so don't pull this shit about being passive aggressive, angry and upset for whatever fucking reason, because you've been a cunt for, and I reiterate here, years. You deserve exactly what you're getting. People see you for exactly what you are, a silly little attention whore. I'm done addressing your bullshit here, but you can still expect the negative honor from me. Because Images was right, you are dishonorable.

You can find the entry in September of 2015 if you want to see for yourself, but here's a screen shot of that comment. Like I said, you've been a cunt for years.


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xXBlackenedxWingsXx
xXBlackenedxWingsXx
09:18 Apr 01 2019

I've heard about things this.... person has been saying to others and for what reason? Oh, right. I don't think anyone knows what that reason is, if there is one. Hearing that she told FeverDreams to fucking kill herself over a phone makes me disdain her, and I'd not spoken a word to her either. She just does not need to be here. At all.








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