It's a funny thing, when you finally realize that you love someone. But, I think I've hit that point when it comes to Franz. I was lying with him tonight, we were just watching Netflix, cuddling, kinda drifting in and out of sleep, and it just hit me. I love this man. Granted, I'm sure as fuck not going to be the first one to say it, considering how long it took him to figure things out with us, I don't want to say it to him and get silence or some other answer that isn't "I love you, too." I've been there before and that shit hurts. But I've just been thinking about it tonight while lying here alone in my bed. How much he means to me, how he's been there for me, the sweet little things he does for me. He makes me feel safe, completely safe. That's something new to me, few people have made me feel comfortable enough for me to fully let my guard down, but he does. And he accepts me. All of me. That silence that so many people have always had an issue with, he understands it, he gets it, he doesn't force me to talk. Being with him just makes me happy. It's pretty simple. It's love.
Sometimes you don't have to say those 3 words ... actions speak louder than words. :)
I'm sorry, but are you saying I'm a fool for loving my real life, in-the-flesh boyfriend? We can't all be "married" online to people we've never met and likely will never meet in person. Tell me, what's it like to be that delusional?
Spent some time with my sister-in-law and nephew earlier, and then with Franz. Not a lot of time with Franz, as he has to get up early to go to Synthplex in Burbank tomorrow. But, what time I did get with my family and with Franz was good. I need to get myself out of the house, if I don't I just think about all the bad things I've been dealing with and it sends me down a depressive spiral. It's not good especially since I'm trying my hardest not to fall back into that mindset. Losing Harley was hard, losing my family is hard, but I can't go back to where I was two years ago. I know if I dwell on things, I will get back to that point and God knows what I'll attempt to do to myself then.
Tomorrow my mom and I are going to have dinner with Kevin and Liz. We were supposed to do it on Friday, but plans got pushed back. She's going to tell them about the divorce and stuff. It's gonna suck, but I know they'll be there to support her like I have been.
I talked to Joe for the first time on the phone since what, mid-December? Yeah. It was...interesting. He offered his condolences for Harley, said he wished he could do more than what he did (I reached out to him and asked if he'd post the link to the gofundme I had on his Twitter). I've said this before, I think we do so much better as friends. I don't know if we're really friends right now, but you get it. Talking without all of if being muddled up by romantic feelings, it's just easier. Considering he knew about Harley, and the other stuff going on without me telling him, I guess he still reads this thing from time to time. I said he should come by That 80's Bar sometime. He said he went last week, but they had their conference in Vegas so the bar was closed. It would be interesting to see if he does come. He doesn't like Franz, as he was telling me last night, so I don't know. It was nice to talk to him, not gonna lie.
Sometimes our exes are better off as our friends. When one door closes, another is opened. It doesn't have to be a bad thing, it just means that you weren't compatible in this things the two of you wanted. Never settle for someone who doesn't treasure you to the fullest in romance or as a friend. You keep saying you aren't very well liked, but I love you to pieces. Rachy and you and Cubby are like my sisters. I don't click with many people, but I get along famously with the three of you. So don't say you aren't liked cause I know damn well me and Rachy love you.
It's so hard getting to sleep in a bed without a kitty. I had Dite and Ishy, then I had Harley. Now I don't have anyone to cuddle with. Nyx and Quinn rather sleep elsewhere. It feels so lonely.
Quinn is really starting to take notice that Harley is gone. She keeps looking for him, crying out for him. And it's heartbreaking. They weren't super close, she's closer with Nyx, but they'd sleep together, groom each other, be social with one another. I can't convey to her that he's gone and isn't coming back, so until she realizes this on her own, I have to watch her look for him, cry for him. It's so hard.
Despite all the loss and heartbreak I've been having in my life lately, I am so grateful for the people I have in my life. My mother has been there for me, in spite of everything she's going through with my dad, she's been there for me. With trying to figure out what was wrong with Harley, to putting up her own money, so much of her own money, to get him to the vets and to get him the treatment he needed, to staying up with me last night when we found out he was going in to surgery, to holding me while I cried when we got the news that they couldn't fix things. She went out with me tonight and bought me clothes. Like, after all of this, her priority was me. Making sure I was okay. And she's always been like that, she's always been the one person I could count on for anything. I don't think there's a thing I could possibly do to repay her for all of it. She's amazing and I am so lucky that she's my mom.
Liz and Kevin and my cousin Chris have also been awesome. Liz keeps texting me, checking in, making sure I'm okay. Same with my cousin. Kevin invited me and my mom over for dinner at their place tommorw night, which will be nice. I am so lucky to have my family. I'm lucky that we're as close as we are, my bother and sister-in-law, my cousins, my aunts. All of them.
And then there's Franz. I don't know what I'd do without him. And tonight... I came over and he just hugged me when I got to the door. Just held me tight and told me how sorry he was for the loss of Harley. There was no need to say anything, we understood that. Him just being there was enough. It's always enough for me. I don't need grand romantic gestures, I don't need proclamations of love, I just need him there. He's downstairs making food as I write this. We've just been lying in bed, being close to one another. He hasn't pressured me to talk about things, he wiped the tears as they came, he held me close to him, stroking my hair, kissing my forehead. He worries about me. He bought me vitamins the other day, to make sure I keep my own health up. He does all these little things that may not mean anything to anyone else, but they mean the world to me. He's amazing. I really don't know where I would be without him. Like my mom, he's been there for me through these difficult times. He's always willing to call me when I have a nightmare, or when I just need to talk to someone, he accepts my silence, never forcing me to speak. And I probably don't deserve him, but I'm thankful he's a part of my life.
I didn't have him for fifteen years like I had Aphrodite, or twelve years like I had Ishtar and Mongo, I only had him for nearly two years, but he was mine for all that time. Nyx and his sister, Quinn, they both are pretty independent and stick with each other over being near people, but Harley... He was like Mongo, he was social and curious and he loved to cuddle with you. He'd just jump up on the couch or my bed and flop down next to me and cuddle. He was definitely a people kitty. Even in his last days, he'd just cuddle with me on my bed. And I'm going to miss that the most. He was always there to cheer me up, to keep me company, to wake me up at five in the morning by bursting into my room and going batshit insane. We bonded in that short amount of time, and I loved him just as much as Dite, Ish, and Mongo. He should have lived a long, happy life, and perhaps I failed him by not getting him the surgery sooner. It was my job to keep him safe, to keep him healthy, and I didn't do that. I hate that he had such a short life, that I got so little time with him. He deserved more than that.
There was too much damage, they couldn't fix it. They had to put him down...
I am so sorry hun
Im so sorry. This is really sad.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Oh no ! I'm so sorry.
You did everything you could do immortalxkiss .
Oh no, hun, I am so very sorry. I wish I could hug you
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Celia just called and they've got to do the surgery. He's going in right now... He swollowed string or yarn. Celia, thank God for her, talked her hospital into doing a $2,000+ procedure for only $800. It's still expensive and it's literally pushing us to the limit with what we can afford, but he needs this done and hopefully it'll just be quick and easy. If there's too much damage, considering it's been going on for a week and a half, they might still have to put him down. I hope it's just a quick thing, I really don't want to lose my Harley.
We took Harley back to Celia's hospital tonight. We don't know what's going to happen, as she doesn't get to work until 11 tonight. But, hopefully we'll figure things out. Hopefully we can get him on the road to recovery. Hopefully.
Franz had the night off tonight, so I was hoping we'd be able to spend a normal night together. But, nope. He's off in LA doing...something. I don't know. After that he's got other plans. So, I'm stuck at home with my horrible thoughts. Not really a good situation.
Harley hasn't been improving. He's gone back to being just like he was all last week. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I should just wait and hope and pray he somehow gets better or if I should put him down. Four different vets and not one of them knows what's wrong with my cat. I don't get it.
I would not want to be in a coven like that where the CM has no patience.
No, neither would I. But, considering who the member is that did this, I'm not at all surprised by the behavior. People need to understand that Cancer is a busy man and he has a lot to do when he logs in. He can't just approve your Coven request because you demand it to be done immediately. Everyone who's opened a Coven or who has wanted to transfer ownership of a Coven has had to wait. No one is special and constantly asking for preferential treatment and for him to expidite the process just makes you look like an entitled jerk.
I'm tired. I'm emotionally drained. I'm stressed. All this stuff with Harley and my parents has messed me up. It feels like I have no one to really talk to anymore. Franz has been busy with stuff, plus he's working tonight. And, I really don't want to start relying on him for everything like I did with Joe. He sucks at texting anyway. I'm just so...blah. I miss having conversations with actual friends.
We brought Harley home yesterday. And, while he wasn't quite himself, he was so much better than he was all of last week. I figured he just needed some time to recover from being at the vet. But, he's started vomiting again... I don't know what to do at this point. No one knows what's wrong with him. He needs surgery one minute and then next he doesn't. They thought it could be viral, but all tests were negative. He's just sick and noone can figure out why. Noone can figure out how to make him better. He's taken to hiding in the cat tree downstairs again. His sister Quinn and Nyx keep hissing at him. I don't know what to do. I can't afford to take him back to the vet, even with Celia and whatever discounts she might be able to give. I can't do it anymore. And what would they tell me? The same shit they've been telling me for a week? That they don't know what's wrong? I can't do it all again. He just needs to get better, but he's not. And I don't know. Maybe it's time to look into euthanasia. I don't want to put him down, but honest to God, I have no idea what else to do.
I wanted to take a moment to thank the awesome people who've shown me support this last week with Harley. MasterofMadness, FeverDreams, AbsintheandBlood and his girlfriend, Sae, Cat, all the people who've sent me messages and left comments. Honestly, it's been a rough week with my Harley and trying to figure out what's wrong with him. We still don't know what's up, but we're trying to be optimistic about things. So, thank you. Thank, you to those who have donated. Thank you to those who shared the link to my gofundme campaign. Thank you for the suggestions on how to deal with things. Thank you for the kind messages and comments. Thank you for everything. It means so much to me.
I got some pretty good news tonight, Harley is doing well and he actually ate. It's the first time since last Saturday that he's had any kind of food. So, that's promising. They're keeping him on the IV and will be watching him overnight, but, hopefully he'll pull through and get over whatever it is that has had him so sick. But, we'll see. He isn't completely out of the woods.
That’s great news Immy it’s a start we are all cheering for him
That is wonderful news!
Great news, Immy. I am so glad to hear he is doing better.
I hope he pulls through and completely recovers, so that you'll have more time with him.
Today has been rough. We took Harley back to the vet, the place my cousin's fiancé works at. He's going to be there for a few days while they try to figure out what's wrong with him. Four different vets and no one has any fucking idea what's wrong with my cat. Celia said she didn't want to jump into the surgery right away, because she didn't think it was really necessary. So they're going to have him on an IV for 24 hours, see if that doesn't make him better. The thing is, is that he's very alert, and for a cat who hadn't eaten for a week, he hasn't lost any weight, he isn't in that bad of shape. Looking at him you wouldn't think anything was actually wrong with him. But, there is. We just have to figure out what.
Tonight I'm out in Sunland. Franz is doing the visuals for a music show, so I figured I would make the drive and support him. He used to do this kind of thing a lot, so it's fun to be able to see other things he does outside of his music.
I can't even give him up so that he'll live. If I give him up, since it's a major surgery that he needs, they'll just put him down. No matter what I do, I feel like he's just going to wind up dead. And no one cares.
This is really hard to read :( have you tried facebook ... messaging the message around Facebook will help with the gofundme.
I've shared the link on Facebook, a few people also shared it for me. But I'm still not anywhere near where I need to be.
My cousin's fiancé, who's a vet techsaid that her hospital can do the surgery for $2,000, which is a good discount, but at best, I could only afford half of that. I just don't have the money.
Don't worry ... hang in there. Think positive. I will do my best to spread the word around.
The $2000 Vet, can you ask if they would let you set up a payment plan?
I knew it was stupid of me to expect any help from family and friends.
I'm going to have to give him up. There's nothing else I can do.
I'm so sorry Nicole - I wish I was in a position that I could help.
I would be glad to help out, just that I have to wait until payday. I hate that you are going through this. It hurts more than anyone who doesn't have furbabies can imagine. My deepest heartfelt sympathies, hun. I am so sorry.
I know I'm not the most liked member on VR. I've been horrible to countless people over my 12+ years on this site. I do not deny that. And maybe this isn't the platform to use for getting this out there, but, I need help.
I have cats, it's no secret, I talk about them quite often here. But, my boy, Harley, he's sick. He's sick and I don't have the money to get him the medical treatment he needs. The vet wants to do exploratory surgery on him, since nothing we've been trying over the last five days has worked. This surgery could cost up to $3,000. I don't have that kind of money. So, I set up a gofundme in the hopes that people would be willing to help. I hate having to ask for money, that's not who I am. But, I want my Harley to get better, and this is the only option I have left at this point that doesn't involve me giving up ownership of him. My cats are my family, and I will do everything in my power to keep my family together. So, if you are willing and able, even if it's only giving a dollar, I would greatly appriciate it. I don't know what else to do at this point. I want my boy to be healthy again.
I wish like hell that I could help but I recently ran into financial trouble myself what with losing my job of the last eight years. I hope you get the assistance you need.
When I get paid Ill drop some cash your way anything for fuzzy children
You should not have to give up your cat. I have an idea talk to your vet there normally in towns groups/organizations that will help cover cost of stuff like this to low income folks. Try talking to your Vet and also Animal Orginzations in your town for help, Like Humain Soceities... also they might can give you name of Vet's that would do it for no cost or payment plans for low income but you should not have to give up your pet. To me they are like family members and I know you love yours like family plus I also think they need you.... Try this please. I have been getting only 66% of my pay since I have beeen on medical leave or I would help. Maybe this suggestions will help though. I would do a lot of digging in my community, there has to be some group that will help you or like I said a Vet who would work with you... let me know if my suggestions help. Praying for you both.
Also, ask at work if you can put out a jar to collect donations with the cats picture on it and whats going on and maybe ask a few stores in your area if they let you too put up donatins jars. I seen people do these for humans, why not for a pet.
I've looked into grants and such, we make too much money as a household to qualify for any of that. And I haven't been able to find a vet around here that will do this kind of surgery for no cost.
Hey, Wish I could help your and your kitty with money. I went through the same thing with mine 6 months agao, had to make the choice of putting him asleep or hefty medical bill. I didn't have the money so we were looking at putting him asleep, but at the last minute my local animal shelter was able to pay for services if we turned him over to them. Well long story short, the got treatment for him at a cheaper rate from another vet and saved his life. They gave him back to us and let us make payments to them for his vet bills and adoption fee. You may want to see if this could be something that is possible for your situation.
Harley hasn't been getting better. I had to take him back to the vet tonight. He has a high temperature, which means that there's an infection somewhere, they don't know where though. They ran blood work and he's where he should be with organ function, that's the big one to worry about. They put him back on fluids, some general antibiotics for the infection, more antinausea medication, and an appitite stimulant because he hasn't been eating or drinking. He has to go back tomorrow to see how he's doing... But, if he isn't getting better, I can't afford more vet bills. What I had to pay tonight, over $400, has completely wiped out whatever money I had on my credit card. If he doesn't get better, I can't keep him. I can't pay for more vet bills. I' ll have to give him up. I don't want to have to have it come to that, I love my Harley, he's mine, but I won't really have any other choice if I can't give him the medical treatment he needs to get well. I hope to God it doesn't come to that...
I went out with Franz tonight kind of a late St. Patrick's Day party at his friend's place. It's getting easier to talk to them, mostly because Laura and Nick are total sweethearts. We just hung out for a little bit, had some drinks (sparkinling apple cider mostly for me and Franz, though Laura did talk me into doing three shots), enjoyed the company. They are really great people, and it just gets easier and easier to ease into the conversation the more I see them. It was a really nice night.
So, I took Harley to the vet. Thankfully it doesn't seem to be anything serious. They took some X-rays, put him on fluids, and gave him some antinausea medication. We have to keep an eye on him over the next 24 hours, to make sure he's getting better. If there is no improvement after that, we'll have to take him back so they can run more tests. I'm hoping that this will put him back to normal, I don't have the money for blood work and such. I didn't really have the money for this visit, but thank goodness for credit, I guess.
(awkward dude stands up in the back of the room)
I know now what's going on.
I and every person on this site should be outraged!
Sorry someone is bullying you.
So unfair and totally childish on their part .
I wish this person would live a long life cause they can die long and hard I would be bashed if i did or said this to someone.
AbsintheandBlood, this isn't about me. It's about someone else who can't fathom why they are getting the treatment from the member base that they are getting for their stupid actions and words.
As for me, I couldn't care less what someone says about me here, because such things are rarely ever true.
An angel, you are!
This sounds so familiar same song and dance.
Its unfair for anyone to be bullied .
You're missing the point of this entry.
No I know exactly what youre saying .
I am thinking it is a desperate cry for attention. What better way to get it than to pick a fight.
The thing is, no one is bullying her. After acting like an asshole she asked why people were angry with her, and they responded. Then furthermore attacked the ones who answered the question she publicly asked. Then attempted to play the, "Poor me, I didn't do anything wrong," ganged up victim role. If she feels so hated then perhaps she'd shut her mouth, and fade into the background to be ignored like she claims she wants to be. But she's a grade A attention whore, picking on well liked people because she knows it will cause an outrage, and direct focus on her. I don't personally know FD, and I'm glad she has the good graces not to let someone's nasty comments bother her. But her behavior towards not only her, but many women on VR is unacceptable. She's acting like a jealous little child, and crying because she's now facing the repercussions from the community for her actions.
That's not bullying, in my opinion. It's well deserved.
On top of everything else I've been dealing with, something's wrong with my little Harley. He's been vomiting a lot since yesterday morning. Thankfully there I one vet clinic open on a Sunday around here, so I set an appointment for later today. I'm really worried about him, as he just isn't himself, and I think the vomiting is hurting him because he lets out this painful whine every time... God, I hope he's alright and it isn't anything too serious. Because, honestly, I can't deal with this right now.
Went out with Franz to an art show at a cider brewery tonight. It was pretty interesting. Lots of awesome art and some good cider. I only had a small amount, after Wednesday I've been pretty much put off of alcohol, but five ounces wasn't going to do any harm. I am not in the best headspace right now, what with everything going on with my family, but it was nice to get out for a little while with him. He makes me feel better, makes me smile and laugh, makes me feel safe. I'm so lucky to have him in my life. To have his attention, his affection. So lucky.
I have another morning of Faire workshop classes tomorrow. I'm just... Blah. I don't want to go but I know I have to. Things are just complete and utter shit right now. But, it's okay. I think I might treat my mom to lunch or to a movie tomorrow or Sunday. I want to make her feel better, show her that she still has me, that I love her.
I'm going to vent here because I honestly have nowhere else I can talk about any of this. My parents are getting a divorce. Apparently my father has been cheating on my mother with multiple women. Multiple. Fucking. Women. My mom found out about this and decided to call it quits. She told me last night. My father will be moving out to Nashville, as his transfer with his work was approved. He starts out there on the first of September. They have to sell the house, which I don't even know if they will actually be able to manage, as they just refinanced and have next to nothing in equity in it anymore. I honestly have no idea what they hell is going to happen. My mom is going to start looking for apartments, and my dad... I don't know. I haven't spoken to him. I don't want to speak to him. I don't want to fucking acknowledge his goddamn existence right now. For someone who put so much stock into Honor, Courage, and Commitment he sure as fuck didn't take it to heart for himself.
I want to beat the ever loving fuck out of these women. I know I have no place to say such things, after all, I was the other woman for a while there too. The difference being that I was never involved with a married man. He was engaged, and I suppose there's little difference, but I never broke up a marriage. And... what I hate the most about all of this is I suspected this was happening last year. I talked about it with Joe, trying to figure out if I should tell my mom about what I figured was going on. I probably should have. But how do you ever bring up such a subject to your mother? When it involves your father? I couldn't. I didn't want to. I don't know if she's told my brother yet. I don't want to ask her about it right now. I kinda just want to give her a hug and tell her that I love her, which I've already done. And I want to have someone beat the shit out of my father... 36 years they were married. They'd been together since my mom was fifteen and my dad was sixteen. All their lives, man. And he fucking cheated on her. How anyone could do that to my mom... She's a fucking saint. I guess it's probably good that my dad is moving across the country, because I sure as hell want nothing to do with him after all of this. I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to see him, I don't even want his last name anymore. I want to separate myself from him as much as humanly possible.
I cried about this to Franz last night. Just cried on the phone.I hate this. And yeah, I'm taking it really hard. Probably harder than someone who's 31 should be taking the split up of their parents. But, it's not so much the divorce that's affected me, it's my father's behavior towards my mother. The complete and utter disrespect he's shown her. She never deserved this. She's such an amazing woman, loving and compassionate and caring. And he just disrespected her, like she didn't even matter. That's unforgivable.
I am sorry Nicole. If ever you want to talk about this to someone, I am here. Having been a divorce attorney for 20 years and being an adult child of divorced parents, I have unique insight into your situation. My father STILL, to this day, tries to put me in the middle of any hell he puts my mom through... and trust me, he regularly puts her through hell even though they have been divorced for YEARS. I hope and pray that your parents' situation is easier than my parents' situation was and that they keep you out of it.
Bad news follows bad news...
I don't even know what to think right now. After 36 years, to throw it all away. For what? For fucking what? I hate him. I hate him so much.
Such sad news to hear. Sad, sad news.
Sleep makes everything better. Last night was horrible. But, I am so grateful that I don't get hangovers like other people. I can't imagine how I would feel right now if I did. I apologized to Franz before I went to bed, but I'll send him another message later, or maybe I'll give him a call so he can hear me. I feel so awful about everything. I think I might just do what he's been doing for the past two weeks and give up on the whole drinking thing all together. I don't drink much anyway. Just at the bar, and they have cheaper non-alcoholic things to drink. So, we shall see. I don't drink beer, just wine and cider and mixed stuff like vodka tonics and that deliciously fruity drink so full of rum at the bar. So, it won't be difficult to stop. It would be better in the long run considering my family history. So, yeah. I'll see how it goes. I used to drink to the point of drunkeness a lot when I was with Joe, and that never made me happy. Maybe giving it up entirely with Franz will be the best course of action. Or, I could just do what had been working for me before and stick to one alcoholic drink every two to three months and on special occasions with my family. Things to think about.
I feel...gross. Just really fucking gross.
I drank too much tonight. I normally have one drink at the bar, because I don't have a high tolerance for alcohol anymore. I don't really drink,l more than a glass or two of hard liquor once a week. And at the bar I know to pace myself. I can make a drink last three hours. But, I drank too much tonight. Three drinks. And, she's not easy on it when she makes them, she has a pretty heavy hand. So, I got a little drunk. And I feel fucking awful because Franz had to take care of me. We got back to his place and I was a total fucking mess. In the end he had me sleep it off for a little while in his bed. He stayed next to me the entire time. In the end I left feeling like shit until I got home and puked my guts out. I'm feeling considerably better. Or, at least we'll enough to get some sleep. But man... I feel so horrible that he had to deal with me like that. He was so kind, so caring and compassionate. I don't deserve him. He's so fucking good to me.
I am never drinking like that again. I would have been okay if the one lady hadn't bought me that second drink, I would have been like normal and cut myself off after the one. Drank lots of water. But no, I had to be a complete and utter idiot. Ugh. Never again. I don't want him to have to deal with me in that state again.
...Well, you are 31 and your body will recuperate, but, as you get older, your body will need more time and for sure, the damage to internal organs, will be a surprise. Probably you don't want to hear about it, but, still time to make some changes to your drinking. The one drink for 3 hours sound perfect. Remember, people that are feeling drunk, is because the blood sent too much alcohol intop the brain, and the cells start to die. that simple. My honest comment.
My brother called me earlier to ask if I was still able to be Lucas' full time babysitter starting next month. I am, and it's something I'm excited to do. This will be until he starts preschool later on this year. It'll be nice to be able to spend Monday through Friday with him, helping him learn, getting him to talk more, reading with him. He already loves books, so that's awesome. I've got some books I want to start reading with him already picked out. I'm looking forward to starting that. He's going to be three in May, which just astounds me. Time has gone by so quickly. So, I'm glad I'll be able to get this time with him while he's still little.
I haven't heard from the Faire vendor. So, I don't know if that means I don't actually get to work it, or if I should keep going to the classes on the off chance I might hear from the box office. I really wish they made things clear when you apply. Like, if you don't hear from us within a week, you haven't got the job. Not some vague bullshit and telling me to keep the 24th open. I have shit I could be doing on the weekends if I'm not actually going to be working it. The classes are fun, but it's a waste of time for me, you know? Time and gas, because it's a 35 mile trip each way to the Santa Fe Dam where the Faire is held. Ugh. I don't know what to do. I guess I'll give it to the weekend, if I don't hear anything from anyone, I'll just not worry about it. I really would have liked to work it, but eh, it's not that big a loss to me.
I am loving the Ren Faire workshop classes. They are super informative and interesting. I'm learning things I never knew, which is always fun. Today I had two Elizabethan dialect classes and a class on projecting. The dialect classes were definitely my favorite. I have the third and final one next Sunday, where I have to present a mondern song rewritten to fit Elizabethan speech. I am thinking about doing Reptile by The Church. I wanted to do Under the Milky Way, but I think that would be putting too much on myself as far as difficulty. I cannot see that one lending well to Elizabethan dialect.
Technically, there are only five classes I have to take for either job I applied for, but I think I'm going to take every class available to me. I mean, why not? It will only help me more when dealing with customers. I want to give them what they expect, the experience they pay $30+ to have. Plus, it's useful if I decide to work this or any other Faire again. And, it'll look better to the people I'm going to be working for. Show them I'm serious about this job and doing right by it. It does mean I get less time with Franz on my Saturdays, but it's only for three months. I think we'll both survive. I'm glad I made the decision to work it this year. And who knows, I may fall in love with it like so many other people do and just decide to do it year after year. I could make some real friends. It's a good opportunity for me to come out of my shell and meet some new people who so obviously share similar interests with me.
I really dislike people here. If someone says they aren't interested, stop pestering them. It's not an invitation for you to make alternate accounts to reach out to that person.
I am in a relationship.
I am quite happy with that relationship.
I adore the man I am with.
I do not want or need something online.
I cannot make it any more clear than that. Do not message me if you're looking to cyber, it's not going to happen. I don't want to be your friend, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to be with you. I have very little patience for people who can't comprehend this. And, I'm done being nice about it.
Went and applied with the Ren Faire this morning. I put in an application to work the box office and ticket sales, and to do retail at one of the vendor booths. I originally wanted to work the booth that sold that masks, as I have two of them and the man who made them did such beautiful work, but the woman who was handling the applications told me that he passed away. And the new mask vendor wasn't picking up their phone. I also tried for the incense booth, since that was also a favorite of mine, but, again, the vendor wasn't answering their phone. So, instead, the woman put me in contact with the lady who sells the garlands and flowers and hair accessories. Me and the girl who was in line behind me were both put forward for the garland booth since she also wanted to work the incense booth. So, hopefully I'll be hearing from the woman about it in the coming week. I do have to attend classes though, the first being tomorrow. To learn how to speak in a way befitting a worker at the Faire. So, that will be fun. I know a lot of the language already, I grew up going to the Ren Faire, it's one of my favorite periods in history, and I read a lot. But it will be nice to get some lessons on how to speak and what language is proper for my position. The classes are every weekend until the end of March, language, costumes, how to act and all that fun stuff. So, I'll be busy for a while. I really hope I hear back from the garland vendor, I would much rather work a booth in the Faire than work the ticket office outside of it. At least being inside I could enjoy the shows and the atmosphere.
I'm going to apply to work the Renaissance Faire this year. I've been saying I'm going to work it for years and then I never go to the hiring day. But, I do attend at least once every season. So, I figured this year I'll actually go and try to work it. That way I get to enjoy the Faire for free while getting paid to be there. It's really a win-win. I'm one of those nerds who's been going to the Ren Faire every year since I was around five or six. My parents used to take me and my brother, it was always a lot of fun. And as I got older I started going with friends and then I started just taking my mom. I love it and I really wish it was a year-round thing, not just a two month season. So, here's to hoping I can get a job with it. I'd lose my weekends, but I'm not even a little bothered by that. It would be absolutely worth it to me.
I've been running through Game of Thrones to get ready for the last season coming out next month. I've forgotten just how good the early seasons are. Not to say the later seasons are bad, not in the least, but as far as sheer you don't know what's going to happen next (so long as you haven't read the books) thing the early seasons have going on. They are just so, so good. I'm on season three right now, probably one of my favorites in terms of the story. I'm going to be sad when it's all over, I love Westeros and the characters so much. Of course, I do still have the remaining books to look forward to, should G.R.R. Martin ever finish them.
Man, I totally need to leave Franz so I can go and date men like this. It absolutely is my loss that I'm with a person who respects me and doesn't go and call me a bitch and tells me to die because I reject them. Shame on me.
And, this dude has been sending me such messages for a few days now, which is why my immediate response was just "nope."
Falling asleep next to him is so easy for me. I hate having to come back home. One of these days I'm going to have to see about staying over for the entire weekend or something. I think we would both enjoy that.
I had a dream about her last night, my Aphrodite. Two years and it hasn't gotten any easier to be without her. I miss her every single day. Her. Ishtar. Mongo. I miss all three of them.
I'm eager for tonight, getting to see Franz as I haven't seen him since Saturday. I haven't been feeling the best, so I opted to just rest and get better than to go over and chance getting him sick. It's raining, so I'm half hoping that it will be slow, but I'm also hoping it isn't. Last week was slow, and if it's continually like that they may just decide to stop doing the Wednesday show and he'd be out of a day of work. So, while I'd rather they close early so I can get more alone time with him, I understand that he needs the crowds. But, I've missed him. I hate how much I miss him when I don't see him. Texting and talking on the phone is always nice, but nothing beats being able to cuddle up close to him, feel his arms around me as he holds me close. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
I keep going back and forth on the idea of bringing back Smoke and Mirrors. I want to, I really want to, but, I also know me. I will put in the work, for a little while at least, then get tired of it and shut it down. That's always been my MO. Open, work at it for a few months, then shut it all down when I get bored. Of course, I haven't had my own Coven for six or seven years now, so things might have changed in that time. I'd never really know unless I went for it. I also have no prospective members, as what few friends I do have around here aren't as active as they once were, or aren't free to join me. Maybe I'll just go back to Eternal, if Images' would allow me back.
Well, that's what I was afraid of with losing my Society Master's Mark... That was a long fall down 7 levels.
Gotta start putting in the effort to max out what bonuses I haven't already maxed. Though, I will never get the profile rating bonus, I'm too "mean" when it comes to rates, so meh. The drop would have happened anyway, since I'm considering opening a Coven again. I really don't know how people can hit 200+ in levels. I've been here damn near 13 years and 170 is as far as I've ever gotten.
Time sent and Page views...it takes forever but if you do some everyday you level in no time
I have over a million page views and years worth in the time spent catagory. Meh.
The rating bonus isn’t just “profiles rated”. You can rate the database.
I've already maxed out the rating bonus. I maxed it out before the whole system change. I meant my profile rating, you get a bonus for that. But I will never have a 9.9 or whatever it is, because I rate harshly and people don't like that. Plus, having been here as long as I have, there were times when my profile sucked so those lower ratings stay with me, as a good majority of those people no longer log on. The only way to get around it would be to change my name, and I refuse to do that on this account.
So, I watched Behind the Curve on Netflix. Fucking people who honestly believe that the Earth is flat. Can we... Can we just section them off from normal, rational people, put them on their own little island or something where they can believe whatever idiotic thing without having them interacting with society? We can shove the anti-vaxxer idiots there with them, since they are just as insane. How a person can believe in such ideas, ideas clearly proven wrong by SCIENCE, boggles the mind.
I've been giving it a lot of thought lately, reopening a Coven. And if I actually do, it'll be this one coming back. I think of all of the Covens I have had over the years, this one meant the most to me. I'd likely make a new Crest, though.
I am so thankful for him. So unbelievably thankful for him... I woke up from a nightmare in tears, able to still feel their hands ripping at my skin... I text him and he calls me to get my mind off of it.
Things are getting worse, though. The feelings have never stuck with me upon waking up. It was always pretty easy to shake things off until now. And that terrifies me. Is it going to be like this now? Where I can still feel phantoms touching me, clawing me, ripping at my flesh? Because I don't want it. I really don't want it. The sleep paralysis is bad enough to have in addition to the nightmares, but now I feel them when awake. That's a whole other kind of torture.
You ever get told something's dedicated to you, without specifics or names, only to find out that the person who said such is a horrible liar and they said that to multiple people? Yeah... Fun times.
People never fail to disappoint by showing me just what kind of human garbage they really are.
Kinda want to go out.
Also kinda want to crawl into bed and sleep forever.
It's been one of those days.
I put my portfolio back up for the first time in, man, five years? It's been a long time.
I want some drastic change. Something like cutting all my hair off or bleaching it and then dying it silver or shades of blue and green or lilac. Something just completely out of left field, that isn't me at all. I'm really leaning towards dying it, as I've done short hair before and it doesn't suit me. I'm just terrified of bleaching my hair, as the damage it could cause would leave it looking so horrible. But, I've been considering dying my hair for a long time. And I want something a little less traditional. I've done black, I've gone red. I want something new. I want something new and eye catching. Maybe I'm being silly? I have no idea how I'd look with light colored hair, and I don't know if I want to deal with the upkeep it would require, as I said, I'm terrified of the kind of damage doing it would cause. Something to think about, I guess. I just want to be different for a while.
Part it down the middle and go half red and half black....Yin Yang....The principle of Yin and Yang is that all things exist as inseparable and contradictory opposites. If you're going to do something, let it express something about you to the world as sort of an unspoken message.
Just one Gothic Warlock Lord's opinion.
His parents invited me to go with them to see No, No, Nanette at the Candlelight Pavillion Theater last night. I have never been invited to attend anything fun and awesome like the theatre with a significant other's family before. It was really nice. His parents are, honestly, just so nice. They've been so welcoming and kind from the first time I met them on New Year's Eve. And I'm just so happy that they consider me serious enough with their son to invite along to the show. Despite it being a local production, I know for a fact that those tickets aren't all that cheap, it's around $60 per person, not including any drinks or desserts and whatnot. So them thinking of me at all just makes me happy.
It was one of those dinner and a show places, where you get a nice dinner first and then you watch the play. The food was delicious and the show was really good. I'd never seen No, No, Nanette before, so it was a fun experience for me. I love the theatre, musicals and plays. I don't get to go enough, it's so expensive to get tickets to the big shows that play at the Pantages, and I don't really keep up on the local theatre circuit. The last show I saw was Wicked, I think, years ago in LA with my mother. So, this was something to enjoy. The show as a whole was fantastic, the actors were all quite good. And I loved the story. It was just a lovely night out. I had fun and I got to know his parents a little better.
Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't. That's life.
I'm just so tired of the disappointment.
I tend to like black and white pictures of myself more than full on colored pictures. Or, if not true black and white, at least those with just a certain hue. But meh... This is just me being a little silly today.
Took some pictures because I was bored. I actually like the one without my glasses on best. It makes me want to start wearing contacts again.
I'm watching my nephew for the day. I thought he was past the whole crying when he sees me thing. Apparently I was wrong. Heh. I walk through the door and the kid just bursts into to tears and ran to his dad. I had to relinquish my phone in order to even get him to come over to me.
But, now that I am here and Kevin is gone, he's cuddled up with me on the couch and we're watching his videos on YouTube. Nursery rhymes and such. He likes the animals. And I would rather him watch this stuff than the Family Guy videos my brother always puts on for him.
An old favorite.
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