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I talked to Joe for the first time on the phone since what, mid-December? Yeah. It was...interesting. He offered his condolences for Harley, said he wished he could do more than what he did (I reached out to him and asked if he'd post the link to the gofundme I had on his Twitter). I've said this before, I think we do so much better as friends. I don't know if we're really friends right now, but you get it. Talking without all of if being muddled up by romantic feelings, it's just easier. Considering he knew about Harley, and the other stuff going on without me telling him, I guess he still reads this thing from time to time. I said he should come by That 80's Bar sometime. He said he went last week, but they had their conference in Vegas so the bar was closed. It would be interesting to see if he does come. He doesn't like Franz, as he was telling me last night, so I don't know. It was nice to talk to him, not gonna lie.
Sometimes our exes are better off as our friends. When one door closes, another is opened. It doesn't have to be a bad thing, it just means that you weren't compatible in this things the two of you wanted. Never settle for someone who doesn't treasure you to the fullest in romance or as a friend. You keep saying you aren't very well liked, but I love you to pieces. Rachy and you and Cubby are like my sisters. I don't click with many people, but I get along famously with the three of you. So don't say you aren't liked cause I know damn well me and Rachy love you.
13:13 Mar 30 2019 Times Read: 1,401
It's so hard getting to sleep in a bed without a kitty. I had Dite and Ishy, then I had Harley. Now I don't have anyone to cuddle with. Nyx and Quinn rather sleep elsewhere. It feels so lonely.
Quinn is really starting to take notice that Harley is gone. She keeps looking for him, crying out for him. And it's heartbreaking. They weren't super close, she's closer with Nyx, but they'd sleep together, groom each other, be social with one another. I can't convey to her that he's gone and isn't coming back, so until she realizes this on her own, I have to watch her look for him, cry for him. It's so hard.
I didn't have him for fifteen years like I had Aphrodite, or twelve years like I had Ishtar and Mongo, I only had him for nearly two years, but he was mine for all that time. Nyx and his sister, Quinn, they both are pretty independent and stick with each other over being near people, but Harley... He was like Mongo, he was social and curious and he loved to cuddle with you. He'd just jump up on the couch or my bed and flop down next to me and cuddle. He was definitely a people kitty. Even in his last days, he'd just cuddle with me on my bed. And I'm going to miss that the most. He was always there to cheer me up, to keep me company, to wake me up at five in the morning by bursting into my room and going batshit insane. We bonded in that short amount of time, and I loved him just as much as Dite, Ish, and Mongo. He should have lived a long, happy life, and perhaps I failed him by not getting him the surgery sooner. It was my job to keep him safe, to keep him healthy, and I didn't do that. I hate that he had such a short life, that I got so little time with him. He deserved more than that.
Celia just called and they've got to do the surgery. He's going in right now... He swollowed string or yarn. Celia, thank God for her, talked her hospital into doing a $2,000+ procedure for only $800. It's still expensive and it's literally pushing us to the limit with what we can afford, but he needs this done and hopefully it'll just be quick and easy. If there's too much damage, considering it's been going on for a week and a half, they might still have to put him down. I hope it's just a quick thing, I really don't want to lose my Harley.
Harley hasn't been improving. He's gone back to being just like he was all last week. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I should just wait and hope and pray he somehow gets better or if I should put him down. Four different vets and not one of them knows what's wrong with my cat. I don't get it.
Using your kismet to scream at the Admins to approve your Coven is totally not the way to get your Coven approved. Besides, only Cancer decides if Covens get approved or not, you've got to wait for him to get around to it. Being an impatient child and writing about it in your journal and setting your kismet to that is absolutely not a good idea.
Trust me, I know how eager you can get when you submit a Coven for approval. That desire to get it set up and start doing things with it, I've been down that road countless times, and waiting is always hard. But, it's just the way it is. You can't rush the process.
No, neither would I. But, considering who the member is that did this, I'm not at all surprised by the behavior. People need to understand that Cancer is a busy man and he has a lot to do when he logs in. He can't just approve your Coven request because you demand it to be done immediately. Everyone who's opened a Coven or who has wanted to transfer ownership of a Coven has had to wait. No one is special and constantly asking for preferential treatment and for him to expidite the process just makes you look like an entitled jerk.
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01:12 Mar 26 2019 Times Read: 1,687
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13:58 Mar 25 2019 Times Read: 1,712
We brought Harley home yesterday. And, while he wasn't quite himself, he was so much better than he was all of last week. I figured he just needed some time to recover from being at the vet. But, he's started vomiting again... I don't know what to do at this point. No one knows what's wrong with him. He needs surgery one minute and then next he doesn't. They thought it could be viral, but all tests were negative. He's just sick and noone can figure out why. Noone can figure out how to make him better. He's taken to hiding in the cat tree downstairs again. His sister Quinn and Nyx keep hissing at him. I don't know what to do. I can't afford to take him back to the vet, even with Celia and whatever discounts she might be able to give. I can't do it anymore. And what would they tell me? The same shit they've been telling me for a week? That they don't know what's wrong? I can't do it all again. He just needs to get better, but he's not. And I don't know. Maybe it's time to look into euthanasia. I don't want to put him down, but honest to God, I have no idea what else to do.
I wanted to take a moment to thank the awesome people who've shown me support this last week with Harley. MasterofMadness, FeverDreams, AbsintheandBlood and his girlfriend, Sae, Cat, all the people who've sent me messages and left comments. Honestly, it's been a rough week with my Harley and trying to figure out what's wrong with him. We still don't know what's up, but we're trying to be optimistic about things. So, thank you. Thank, you to those who have donated. Thank you to those who shared the link to my gofundme campaign. Thank you for the suggestions on how to deal with things. Thank you for the kind messages and comments. Thank you for everything. It means so much to me.
I got some pretty good news tonight, Harley is doing well and he actually ate. It's the first time since last Saturday that he's had any kind of food. So, that's promising. They're keeping him on the IV and will be watching him overnight, but, hopefully he'll pull through and get over whatever it is that has had him so sick. But, we'll see. He isn't completely out of the woods.
I hope he pulls through and completely recovers, so that you'll have more time with him.
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02:55 Mar 24 2019 Times Read: 1,866
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03:54 Mar 23 2019 Times Read: 1,937
I can't even give him up so that he'll live. If I give him up, since it's a major surgery that he needs, they'll just put him down. No matter what I do, I feel like he's just going to wind up dead. And no one cares.
I've shared the link on Facebook, a few people also shared it for me. But I'm still not anywhere near where I need to be.
My cousin's fiancé, who's a vet techsaid that her hospital can do the surgery for $2,000, which is a good discount, but at best, I could only afford half of that. I just don't have the money.
I would be glad to help out, just that I have to wait until payday. I hate that you are going through this. It hurts more than anyone who doesn't have furbabies can imagine. My deepest heartfelt sympathies, hun. I am so sorry.
02:33 Mar 21 2019 Times Read: 2,109
I know I'm not the most liked member on VR. I've been horrible to countless people over my 12+ years on this site. I do not deny that. And maybe this isn't the platform to use for getting this out there, but, I need help.
I have cats, it's no secret, I talk about them quite often here. But, my boy, Harley, he's sick. He's sick and I don't have the money to get him the medical treatment he needs. The vet wants to do exploratory surgery on him, since nothing we've been trying over the last five days has worked. This surgery could cost up to $3,000. I don't have that kind of money. So, I set up a gofundme in the hopes that people would be willing to help. I hate having to ask for money, that's not who I am. But, I want my Harley to get better, and this is the only option I have left at this point that doesn't involve me giving up ownership of him. My cats are my family, and I will do everything in my power to keep my family together. So, if you are willing and able, even if it's only giving a dollar, I would greatly appriciate it. I don't know what else to do at this point. I want my boy to be healthy again.
I wish like hell that I could help but I recently ran into financial trouble myself what with losing my job of the last eight years. I hope you get the assistance you need.
You should not have to give up your cat. I have an idea talk to your vet there normally in towns groups/organizations that will help cover cost of stuff like this to low income folks. Try talking to your Vet and also Animal Orginzations in your town for help, Like Humain Soceities... also they might can give you name of Vet's that would do it for no cost or payment plans for low income but you should not have to give up your pet. To me they are like family members and I know you love yours like family plus I also think they need you.... Try this please. I have been getting only 66% of my pay since I have beeen on medical leave or I would help. Maybe this suggestions will help though. I would do a lot of digging in my community, there has to be some group that will help you or like I said a Vet who would work with you... let me know if my suggestions help. Praying for you both.
Also, ask at work if you can put out a jar to collect donations with the cats picture on it and whats going on and maybe ask a few stores in your area if they let you too put up donatins jars. I seen people do these for humans, why not for a pet.
I've looked into grants and such, we make too much money as a household to qualify for any of that. And I haven't been able to find a vet around here that will do this kind of surgery for no cost.
Hey, Wish I could help your and your kitty with money. I went through the same thing with mine 6 months agao, had to make the choice of putting him asleep or hefty medical bill. I didn't have the money so we were looking at putting him asleep, but at the last minute my local animal shelter was able to pay for services if we turned him over to them. Well long story short, the got treatment for him at a cheaper rate from another vet and saved his life. They gave him back to us and let us make payments to them for his vet bills and adoption fee. You may want to see if this could be something that is possible for your situation.
04:26 Mar 20 2019 Times Read: 2,135
Harley hasn't been getting better. I had to take him back to the vet tonight. He has a high temperature, which means that there's an infection somewhere, they don't know where though. They ran blood work and he's where he should be with organ function, that's the big one to worry about. They put him back on fluids, some general antibiotics for the infection, more antinausea medication, and an appitite stimulant because he hasn't been eating or drinking. He has to go back tomorrow to see how he's doing... But, if he isn't getting better, I can't afford more vet bills. What I had to pay tonight, over $400, has completely wiped out whatever money I had on my credit card. If he doesn't get better, I can't keep him. I can't pay for more vet bills. I' ll have to give him up. I don't want to have to have it come to that, I love my Harley, he's mine, but I won't really have any other choice if I can't give him the medical treatment he needs to get well. I hope to God it doesn't come to that...
So, I took Harley to the vet. Thankfully it doesn't seem to be anything serious. They took some X-rays, put him on fluids, and gave him some antinausea medication. We have to keep an eye on him over the next 24 hours, to make sure he's getting better. If there is no improvement after that, we'll have to take him back so they can run more tests. I'm hoping that this will put him back to normal, I don't have the money for blood work and such. I didn't really have the money for this visit, but thank goodness for credit, I guess.
"I've never been mean to anyone on this site! Everyone is bullying me for no reason! I'm totally not the person to tell someone to go die in their own journal! Stop bullying me!"
The thing is, no one cares if you're from the same town, state, providence, or country as any other member here. Much like in the real world, it's all in how you handle yourself, how you treat others, that dictates how people react towards you. You don't like the negative Honor you're getting? Don't tell people to go die in their own journal. What you pulled in FeverDreams' journal, it wasn't the first time. You've been a bitch with no provocation from anyone else for years. Years. And if that's who you want to be on this website, go for it. Do as you will, but don't expect not to receive some kind of backlash for your behavior. You can think what you want, live in your delusional little world and scream to anyone who will listen that you're being bullied. But the fact of the matter is this: You're not a nice person. You don't portray yourself as a nice person. You sure as hell don't treat some of the member base as though you were a nice person. People are sick of your constant bullshit, and they are showing it as they can. Deal with the consequences of your actions.
AbsintheandBlood, this isn't about me. It's about someone else who can't fathom why they are getting the treatment from the member base that they are getting for their stupid actions and words.
As for me, I couldn't care less what someone says about me here, because such things are rarely ever true.
The thing is, no one is bullying her. After acting like an asshole she asked why people were angry with her, and they responded. Then furthermore attacked the ones who answered the question she publicly asked. Then attempted to play the, "Poor me, I didn't do anything wrong," ganged up victim role. If she feels so hated then perhaps she'd shut her mouth, and fade into the background to be ignored like she claims she wants to be. But she's a grade A attention whore, picking on well liked people because she knows it will cause an outrage, and direct focus on her. I don't personally know FD, and I'm glad she has the good graces not to let someone's nasty comments bother her. But her behavior towards not only her, but many women on VR is unacceptable. She's acting like a jealous little child, and crying because she's now facing the repercussions from the community for her actions.
That's not bullying, in my opinion. It's well deserved.
17:05 Mar 17 2019 Times Read: 2,269
On top of everything else I've been dealing with, something's wrong with my little Harley. He's been vomiting a lot since yesterday morning. Thankfully there I one vet clinic open on a Sunday around here, so I set an appointment for later today. I'm really worried about him, as he just isn't himself, and I think the vomiting is hurting him because he lets out this painful whine every time... God, I hope he's alright and it isn't anything too serious. Because, honestly, I can't deal with this right now.
I have another morning of Faire workshop classes tomorrow. I'm just... Blah. I don't want to go but I know I have to. Things are just complete and utter shit right now. But, it's okay. I think I might treat my mom to lunch or to a movie tomorrow or Sunday. I want to make her feel better, show her that she still has me, that I love her.
My brother called me earlier to ask if I was still able to be Lucas' full time babysitter starting next month. I am, and it's something I'm excited to do. This will be until he starts preschool later on this year. It'll be nice to be able to spend Monday through Friday with him, helping him learn, getting him to talk more, reading with him. He already loves books, so that's awesome. I've got some books I want to start reading with him already picked out. I'm looking forward to starting that. He's going to be three in May, which just astounds me. Time has gone by so quickly. So, I'm glad I'll be able to get this time with him while he's still little.
I haven't heard from the Faire vendor. So, I don't know if that means I don't actually get to work it, or if I should keep going to the classes on the off chance I might hear from the box office. I really wish they made things clear when you apply. Like, if you don't hear from us within a week, you haven't got the job. Not some vague bullshit and telling me to keep the 24th open. I have shit I could be doing on the weekends if I'm not actually going to be working it. The classes are fun, but it's a waste of time for me, you know? Time and gas, because it's a 35 mile trip each way to the Santa Fe Dam where the Faire is held. Ugh. I don't know what to do. I guess I'll give it to the weekend, if I don't hear anything from anyone, I'll just not worry about it. I really would have liked to work it, but eh, it's not that big a loss to me.
I am loving the Ren Faire workshop classes. They are super informative and interesting. I'm learning things I never knew, which is always fun. Today I had two Elizabethan dialect classes and a class on projecting. The dialect classes were definitely my favorite. I have the third and final one next Sunday, where I have to present a mondern song rewritten to fit Elizabethan speech. I am thinking about doing Reptile by The Church. I wanted to do Under the Milky Way, but I think that would be putting too much on myself as far as difficulty. I cannot see that one lending well to Elizabethan dialect.
Technically, there are only five classes I have to take for either job I applied for, but I think I'm going to take every class available to me. I mean, why not? It will only help me more when dealing with customers. I want to give them what they expect, the experience they pay $30+ to have. Plus, it's useful if I decide to work this or any other Faire again. And, it'll look better to the people I'm going to be working for. Show them I'm serious about this job and doing right by it. It does mean I get less time with Franz on my Saturdays, but it's only for three months. I think we'll both survive. I'm glad I made the decision to work it this year. And who knows, I may fall in love with it like so many other people do and just decide to do it year after year. I could make some real friends. It's a good opportunity for me to come out of my shell and meet some new people who so obviously share similar interests with me.
Went and applied with the Ren Faire this morning. I put in an application to work the box office and ticket sales, and to do retail at one of the vendor booths. I originally wanted to work the booth that sold that masks, as I have two of them and the man who made them did such beautiful work, but the woman who was handling the applications told me that he passed away. And the new mask vendor wasn't picking up their phone. I also tried for the incense booth, since that was also a favorite of mine, but, again, the vendor wasn't answering their phone. So, instead, the woman put me in contact with the lady who sells the garlands and flowers and hair accessories. Me and the girl who was in line behind me were both put forward for the garland booth since she also wanted to work the incense booth. So, hopefully I'll be hearing from the woman about it in the coming week. I do have to attend classes though, the first being tomorrow. To learn how to speak in a way befitting a worker at the Faire. So, that will be fun. I know a lot of the language already, I grew up going to the Ren Faire, it's one of my favorite periods in history, and I read a lot. But it will be nice to get some lessons on how to speak and what language is proper for my position. The classes are every weekend until the end of March, language, costumes, how to act and all that fun stuff. So, I'll be busy for a while. I really hope I hear back from the garland vendor, I would much rather work a booth in the Faire than work the ticket office outside of it. At least being inside I could enjoy the shows and the atmosphere.
I'm going to apply to work the Renaissance Faire this year. I've been saying I'm going to work it for years and then I never go to the hiring day. But, I do attend at least once every season. So, I figured this year I'll actually go and try to work it. That way I get to enjoy the Faire for free while getting paid to be there. It's really a win-win. I'm one of those nerds who's been going to the Ren Faire every year since I was around five or six. My parents used to take me and my brother, it was always a lot of fun. And as I got older I started going with friends and then I started just taking my mom. I love it and I really wish it was a year-round thing, not just a two month season. So, here's to hoping I can get a job with it. I'd lose my weekends, but I'm not even a little bothered by that. It would be absolutely worth it to me.
I've been running through Game of Thrones to get ready for the last season coming out next month. I've forgotten just how good the early seasons are. Not to say the later seasons are bad, not in the least, but as far as sheer you don't know what's going to happen next (so long as you haven't read the books) thing the early seasons have going on. They are just so, so good. I'm on season three right now, probably one of my favorites in terms of the story. I'm going to be sad when it's all over, I love Westeros and the characters so much. Of course, I do still have the remaining books to look forward to, should G.R.R. Martin ever finish them.
I had a dream about her last night, my Aphrodite. Two years and it hasn't gotten any easier to be without her. I miss her every single day. Her. Ishtar. Mongo. I miss all three of them.
I keep going back and forth on the idea of bringing back Smoke and Mirrors. I want to, I really want to, but, I also know me. I will put in the work, for a little while at least, then get tired of it and shut it down. That's always been my MO. Open, work at it for a few months, then shut it all down when I get bored. Of course, I haven't had my own Coven for six or seven years now, so things might have changed in that time. I'd never really know unless I went for it. I also have no prospective members, as what few friends I do have around here aren't as active as they once were, or aren't free to join me. Maybe I'll just go back to Eternal, if Images' would allow me back.
Well, that's what I was afraid of with losing my Society Master's Mark... That was a long fall down 7 levels.
Gotta start putting in the effort to max out what bonuses I haven't already maxed. Though, I will never get the profile rating bonus, I'm too "mean" when it comes to rates, so meh. The drop would have happened anyway, since I'm considering opening a Coven again. I really don't know how people can hit 200+ in levels. I've been here damn near 13 years and 170 is as far as I've ever gotten.
I've already maxed out the rating bonus. I maxed it out before the whole system change. I meant my profile rating, you get a bonus for that. But I will never have a 9.9 or whatever it is, because I rate harshly and people don't like that. Plus, having been here as long as I have, there were times when my profile sucked so those lower ratings stay with me, as a good majority of those people no longer log on. The only way to get around it would be to change my name, and I refuse to do that on this account.
02:48 Mar 06 2019 Times Read: 2,832
I think I'm gonna wander around the Society System again, I've got the itch. Anyone want me?
So, I watched Behind the Curve on Netflix. Fucking people who honestly believe that the Earth is flat. Can we... Can we just section them off from normal, rational people, put them on their own little island or something where they can believe whatever idiotic thing without having them interacting with society? We can shove the anti-vaxxer idiots there with them, since they are just as insane. How a person can believe in such ideas, ideas clearly proven wrong by SCIENCE, boggles the mind.
I've been giving it a lot of thought lately, reopening a Coven. And if I actually do, it'll be this one coming back. I think of all of the Covens I have had over the years, this one meant the most to me. I'd likely make a new Crest, though.
You ever get told something's dedicated to you, without specifics or names, only to find out that the person who said such is a horrible liar and they said that to multiple people? Yeah... Fun times.
People never fail to disappoint by showing me just what kind of human garbage they really are.
I want some drastic change. Something like cutting all my hair off or bleaching it and then dying it silver or shades of blue and green or lilac. Something just completely out of left field, that isn't me at all. I'm really leaning towards dying it, as I've done short hair before and it doesn't suit me. I'm just terrified of bleaching my hair, as the damage it could cause would leave it looking so horrible. But, I've been considering dying my hair for a long time. And I want something a little less traditional. I've done black, I've gone red. I want something new. I want something new and eye catching. Maybe I'm being silly? I have no idea how I'd look with light colored hair, and I don't know if I want to deal with the upkeep it would require, as I said, I'm terrified of the kind of damage doing it would cause. Something to think about, I guess. I just want to be different for a while.
Part it down the middle and go half red and half black....Yin Yang....The principle of Yin and Yang is that all things exist as inseparable and contradictory opposites. If you're going to do something, let it express something about you to the world as sort of an unspoken message.
Just one Gothic Warlock Lord's opinion.
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14:13 Mar 03 2019 Times Read: 2,988
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09:17 Mar 03 2019 Times Read: 2,990
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21:35 Mar 02 2019 Times Read: 3,006
Electric heights
I'm a dizzy spell away from getting close to you
I was alive
With the things I never really thought that you could do
Can't compromise
When I think about the chance I had to make it work
I wanna die
From the ways I never really thought that it'd hurt
But now I'm begging you for something that I thought I'd never want
Tears me to the ground this is the apex of your hunt
I prayed, I'd have something that you'd still need
I'd have something that you'd still want
But now finding you gone, I see
I was alive
I was alive
But there were too many flags on the sand
Too many eyes
I never really thought that you would be my man
Electric heights
I'm a dizzy spell away from getting close to you
I wanna die
From the things I never really thought that you could do
Sight before sound, and I'm left there, oh
Sight before sound, and I'm left there, oh
Begging you, needing to
Begging you, needing to
I prayed I'd have something that you'd still need
I'd have something that you'd still want
Oh now finding you gone, I see
I was alive
I was alive
Electric heights, heights
Sight before sound and I'm left there
Sight before sound and I'm left there, oh
I tend to like black and white pictures of myself more than full on colored pictures. Or, if not true black and white, at least those with just a certain hue. But meh... This is just me being a little silly today.
I'm watching my nephew for the day. I thought he was past the whole crying when he sees me thing. Apparently I was wrong. Heh. I walk through the door and the kid just bursts into to tears and ran to his dad. I had to relinquish my phone in order to even get him to come over to me.
But, now that I am here and Kevin is gone, he's cuddled up with me on the couch and we're watching his videos on YouTube. Nursery rhymes and such. He likes the animals. And I would rather him watch this stuff than the Family Guy videos my brother always puts on for him.
COMMENTS
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Saetan
23:23 Mar 30 2019
Sometimes our exes are better off as our friends. When one door closes, another is opened. It doesn't have to be a bad thing, it just means that you weren't compatible in this things the two of you wanted. Never settle for someone who doesn't treasure you to the fullest in romance or as a friend. You keep saying you aren't very well liked, but I love you to pieces. Rachy and you and Cubby are like my sisters. I don't click with many people, but I get along famously with the three of you. So don't say you aren't liked cause I know damn well me and Rachy love you.