EstrangedOne's Journal

EstrangedOne's Journal


Honor: 286    [ Give / Take ]


21 entries this month

Yet another that came ringing... and I can neither give it a name, nor figure out where it came from.

07:49 Jul 31 2021
Times Read: 53

It feels like I e'er go nowhere, as if locked in a maze,
Some say I've lost my way, but at the end of the day,
There is no way to tell, but that I'm stuck in the daze,
Like an undying child, lost in the wild, yet not afraid,
I find only the eternally gaining and growing of the dismay...

Obliviated and obliterated to the eternal choice to which fated
By an undying "curse" to monstrosity,
Mortality nothing more than a curiosity to be hated,
As I look to the sky, speaking in rhythm and rhyme unrelated,
The mass of obfuscation taking to My own mind un-sated;

Like the thirst that awakened within, long ago,
There is no turning back for Me, as I long to go
Away into the darkness, yet I seek that one-of-a-kind,
The person, the beauty that I wonder if she'll find
The motion in herself to reach out to the darkness I beseech.

The ethereal smoke within this heart,
Like a subatomic war mnemonic to start;
The blister upon the mind, like a knife upon the rind,
This darkness remains, yet bends to My will,
But what is the purpose, if I am only designed to kill?

I would sooner be left to the prison entwined
In the eternal memories lost to My mind,
Blistered and burnt like a hurricane turned
Into a blazing inferno, blackened as pitch to internal
Bleeding of the thoughts upon this warping and twisting road.

A black as the forests of the past, locked away like a demon en-cast,
A self destructive wish, yet a warlord enlist,
Ever seeking the flood of the blood that flows through the brood,
Awakened by sanctum, and turned to sanitarium,
The factor remains undying and winding like the faceted child left crying--

Cry out for your mother, when you know she doesn't exist,
The tears that will follow will never end this way, nor desist;
So to what effect is the purpose for which you insist
That you fight for the falter of the hope of an alter
To revel like a rebel, the monster that you have become
With the burning pride of a demonic son...




Awaken The Insanity (Live or Die Alive)

05:56 Jul 29 2021
Times Read: 88

I am awakening, so you had better be prepared;
Call me an angel or a demon,
But either way, you're about to be scared;
Prepare to face what is summoned...

Awaken in the chaos so serene, when the insanity's begin,
And encroach upon you like a river as silent as sin;
What do you think that truly brought you here, in time,
When for so very long, you have thought that you were fine?

The paranoia all around, watching you from abound,
Watching as you fall into ravines, like an ethereal river of screams,
Glistening under a moonless sky, yet in the blackness,
You find that you can see so utterly perfectly, by insanity!

Awaken the demon; Awaken the angel;
Force open the coffin; Burst out of the cage;
Wake from the chaos, burning from your heart embossed,
Watching the sky's turning, wheeling and burning,
As you see the clouds of your own mind churning--

Barely awake, and yet you know you're not sleeping;
The "monster" you see in the mirror is nothing
But a reflection of Self, looking back at you, laughing,
Frozen with fear, as you watch from the cold of your world.

So place yourself in the shoes of another,
Awakened in the madness, after you've walked through the river
Of sanity's end, and you marvel the mother
Of the madness and creativity that still makes your heart shiver!

Awaken the madness, and see your own insanity,
Broken only by a glimpse into the darkness,
When you enter the blackened world of vanity,
There is nothing more than your own harness.

Backed into a corner, when there is nowhere to run,
Stuck in a battle unlike any you've known under the sun,
You begin to wonder what the meaning is of it all,
Yet the voice in your head screams to be free or you fall!

Given into the insanity, the madness of it all,
Where the only thing left to do is stand tall,
You can be fueled by hatred or love, but insanity's call
Is the epitome of everything that you have felt to befall.

So, look at you now, when everything and everyone
Appears to do nothing but put distance and run;
What is left of the one that you were long ago,
When you thought you were strong, but found yourself alone?

When the madness takes over, and you learn that you're "psycho"
In the eyes of the world the views you from afar and forever ago,
I bleed from within you, watching as you cry,
I watch everything that you so desperately lie and try to deny--

What remains of the one that you were, from before,
Reminiscent of the one of the moment, the one in your heart,
Taken away from the world that you know no more,
The breath of your life has already gone in stride from the start,
Enriched by the blood of your mind, a crimsoning of the rind,
Singing from beneath, like a vision of the deepest of kind.

You can hate it all you want, but it makes nothing different,
When the insanity strikes, and you find yourself once again alone;
You know that now, the time has come to be indifferent,
When the insanity strikes, it is time to arise, for your actions to atone.

In the depths that lie deep from within, it is time for me to awaken;
You can call it a "monster", but it's nothing but Me,
I am everything that you know, everything that you see,
Like a raging maelstrom, a superlative monsoon, like a Kraken;

Call me your Cthulhu, your own personal Azag-thoth,
The demented, the insane, the eater of your world,
There is no salvation when your mind is already lost,
Like an Armageddon of your reality, a tornado to curl,
Everything comes crashing down, when it begins to accost!

There is no turning back, once you've awoken your demons,
Be it a revelation, or the eternal contemplation, everything ensues
When you have awoken your personal devastation's anew,
Walk into that insanity again, you perpetuate your own summons.

"If to be sane, I would have to submit like so many,
I would rather to be insane, I prefer to live in this 'vanity';
Awoken to the fact of reality that exists before the eyes,
I would rather be insane, I'd rather be mad than to be a lie!"

You can awaken to the insanity, the madness deep inside;
Be it a demon or an angel, by its very meaning to strive,
It doesn't matter, as long as within your insanity, you're alive;
Or you can live in denial, asleep until the day you die.



22:15 Jul 29 2021

Again very well written. You show the deepest emotions and feelings. Impressive so to say...

23:50 Jul 29 2021

Thank you, Caven. The irony of this one, however, is that I didn't actually write it from my own perspective, but from that of "insanity and madness" itself.

23:33 Jul 30 2021

I see what you mean now.


Up The Ante (The Game of Cat & Mouse)

22:26 Jul 28 2021
Times Read: 125

If you want to play the game,
Then be sure you're ready for the shame,
When it's time to up the ante;
Lass uns dieses Spiel beginnen...

There is no turning back,
When we have already put in our hand.
When against us the odds stack,
It is time for the strongest to take a stand.

With a crackle through the night,
Like a burst of well-controlled fire,
You may hear the echo resound,
Through the raging of light.

As the sun fades away, with the sound of the screams,
The moon shining bright, with the reflection of dreams;
Your personal monsters can finally break free of the binds,
But be ready to up the ante when your emotion defines...

When the night fully comes, and you think that it's done,
You can walk away, standing in the midst of the light.
But don't think that you can simply turn your back from the night,
Don't let your thoughts betray you, the battle is far from won.

To risk not a thing in the chosen game of life,
There is no such thing, when you play a game such as this;
For the cost of all your sins to atone in strife
Is the very price to pay for ability to live life in bliss.

Each has sins for which to atone,
No matter how minute or amassed.
I will tell you Mine, in time, only for you to know,
But you must know your own,
After all your own years passed.

Welcome, now, to your own game of cat and mouse,
When you bring it from your own house.
I bid you ado, only until the night may come again,
When your every fear and fantasy offers something to gain.



22:31 Jul 28 2021

I like the buildup it is very well written.

23:00 Jul 28 2021

Thanks much.
I'm actually a little bit taken aback, there - a compliment from yet another individual I find myself in admiration of.

00:03 Jul 29 2021

You admire me... What a conpliment i give the ssme back..

01:07 Jul 29 2021

You are a excellent Writer hun.

02:00 Jul 29 2021

Sheesh. And another one, in the same go. Lol
Thank you both, actually.

03:58 Jul 29 2021

Told you, you're a fantastic writer hun...hugs


Choice of Insanity (Wake The Madness P-1)

13:05 Jul 27 2021
Times Read: 154

"You once called yourselves my 'family'. But family does not turn on family.
A Real family, a True family stands by the side of family. Flesh and blood or not.
Through Thick and Thin... Real family... is concrete; forever"

What is this numbness rising?
From beneath the skin, arising;
Beneath the ashes of a life forsaken,
In darkness does He reign...
And waking to reveal the disdain...

You can call Me a delusional, if you want to.
You can say I'm insane beyond repair.
You can claim that I have caused all the pain on you.
But you'll never break Me or again impair.

Call Me the "monster" that you designed;
With all your infinite lies defined.
Abandoned when I asked for help;
I was only sent to the depths of My own Hell...

Call Me the demon of reprise;
I need no vengeance, as it lies
Within My ever shifting eyes,
As pale as the moonlight,
Yet dark as the terror of the night.

Years ago, I protected you and yours
For the final time, as I have found what you abhor
Within Myself, this "monstrosity" you see;
Now, I seek only to see you fall as you have done to Me.

If "insane" is how you really see Me,
Then "insane" is what I shall forever be.
But remember that there is no other way
That I will let Myself exist at the end of the day.

In shadows I walk, free from the chaos or the light;
Content to exist in My own device of the night.
My feet shall stay unhindered on the land,
As I walk freely, this "curse" upon time's sand.

I would rather live eternally in exile,
Than be as weak as they who call Me to defile.
I will not stay to hear your frail word,
As your monotone falsehood hits the world
With no echo of your voice;
You've lost yourself to your fantasies paranoid!

If a "monster" is what you want Me to be,
Then the "monster" I am is the "monster" you shall know;
Forever un-asuaged by your malcontent,
Forever will I be the ghost, refusing to repent.

I've lived too long to care what you say;
I've walked through Hell to know My "day".
I have been this way for far too Goddamn long
To care what you think of Me is so damn wrong.

If "insane" is what you want to say,
Then I let the Madman I am be the one to play
The part of the demon you once claimed in Me,
I am the King of my own darkness,
Unchained, un-fathomed, unharnessed;
This definition of Madness is what I shall forever be.



15:21 Jul 27 2021

Blood "family" so often paints a picture of me that is wrong... or reflective of an older version of myself that's been frozen in their memory and trumps anything I could possibly do or be now. It's difficult not to step into that portrait when I'm around them.

18:55 Jul 27 2021

Well, really, this one is in depiction of what they see. Not a flesh and blood family, to me. But they remain convincing themselves that they are.
The entire family is so delusional, that they apparently think that I'm some kind of "creature" closer to the mentality of Freddy Krueger. But they fail to realize and remember that despite my "dark" nature, I still live by a code.


Madness & The "Monster"

22:21 Jul 24 2021
Times Read: 185

If a "monster" is what I am, to-day,
Then a "monster" I shall remain.
My "madness" is what keeps Me free of pain;
How I would live without it, but die in disdain...

I became this "demon" you see, because
I knew I could not live on, as I was;
I still feel this twisting in My chest,
I don't know how to do my "best".

If the madness is My only strength,
Then I give in, to realize this length;
If My darkness really is so "insane",
Then let this be the way I reign...

The Madness of the "monster",
A "demon" of the shadows you may call Me.
But it makes no difference, from asunder;
For this echo of the darkness is and was what you'll see.

The sun has set for the one you thought you knew;
A ravine of the abysmal re-opens, to ensue.
Did you not know, when you threw Me to the wolves,
When you drove Me to insanity once again,
Marking Me like a curse upon the world,
That I would only return with a vengeance all the same?

This darkness is My rhyme, The silo of My rhythm,
As chaotic as the storm that never seems to end.
Seal Me into the night; Block out all My sight,
I no longer care to know what it means to live in the light.

My fear is a resonance, lurking beside me;
Torturing and taunting, welcoming catastrophe.
My strength is the madness that resonates within;
A darkness and a madness born of the pain of the sadness and sin..

I never was a "man" to be known or embraced;
Only this darkness that lives on, now encased
Within a shell so pale and vain,
T'is no wonder I have gone insane...



05:59 Jul 25 2021

And so he awakens...

06:33 Jul 25 2021

"He" has always been awake, really. Just waiting to be free again.
And really, this one is just a small start to something that has been getting lightly fueled. One of the next pieces will be a little closer to "throwing the lit matches into a pool of gasoline".

18:17 Jul 25 2021

I'd give this "monster" a hug :)

18:49 Jul 25 2021

ROFL!!! You would Ava. You always were a stuffed teddy bear stuck in human skin.
But did you ever think of the irony in it all?


No idea what to call this one, either...

01:04 Jul 21 2021
Times Read: 208

"Come with good quality", so they say.
"Become the best that you can be, today."
"You are mental, you are twisted;
You are sick and so damn sadistic."

What do you expect, when you awaken
The "monster" that slumbers like the Kraken,
Lying dormant in the darkness,
Just waiting to once more see unharness?

Destitution, Restitution, Resolution, Revolution;
Self-Destruction, Mass Abduction,
Everything you see and hear
Still designed to keep your life in Fear!

As the battles now arise, At the turning of the tides,
Like a glistening upon the moonlit skies,
Yet a shadow "ominous" flows over the lands,
Like a storm upon the sands, As it flows from these hands...

As destitute as the seas 'neath a burning sun's light,
Surrounded by plenty, but no way to survive;
Time to take restitute, before everything falls into blight,
Surpassed only by the darkness that now comes to thrive.

Resolve in translucence, To give back what you took,
Before the darkness comes to build the broken, breaking the might.
Awaken this revolt, as a rebellion stands like an obelisk in the light,
Refusing to bend or break, as the shadow stretches to look...

Destroying every Self that exists in the mind,
Breaking everything that you once believed to the rind;
The mass abducted into the night is nothing more
Than the hands of the darkness calling like before!

Thought to be "insane", as the hate begins to flow,
From behind a serrated grin, behind the blood-stained sin,
As the hands outstretch with a monumental blow,
"Darkest savior", as he comes from the deepest shadows within.

Before it is too late to atone for the crimes
Of a thousand lives over, done a wrong too vile to feel,
The mention of this name awakens the signs;
It is time to kneel to those to whom you've made reel...

Before the King, darker than the Devil comes to call,
Wherefore on his own darkest moments, did he already fall,
And now, he returns to reap revenge upon the world too swell,
With a fury born from beyond the pits of an inferno Hell!!

The only code by which this "monster" chose live;
Only for something does he fear would his control he give.
But will you ever figure it out, before the day comes to be
That this unending chill will ensue to forge an unending sea?




Madness Incarnate (Incarcerate)

23:45 Jul 20 2021
Times Read: 213

I have had no more than nightmares,
Since long before I saw her in-dream.
A sight unlike any I can remember;
Those eyes, like Mine, seeming to gleam,
Her skin equally as fair and pale,
As I look to the distance of a battle's gale.

En route to the coldest reaches again,
Hath I returned to My Hell, to regain
The Self that I had lost in the depths of disdain,
Yet, to find a piece of My Self that Remain...

Return from the sadness,
Incarnate lord of madness!

You are, already, My dear, more than a friend;
One of few, for whom, I would gladly challenge the end,
The burning from within, like an ice-cold fire,
Awakens a sleeping beast I thought to be gone forever...

Waking the madness incarnate,
Born through Self-incacerate,
Let Me bring you to see this darkness,
From a new light, should you unharness...

I would give you My heart, My soul,
Hand you command and control;
Master or Mistress, for you, I would no more be cold,
If you would let Me your hand to hold.

To be the Master for love, Your heart Mine to own,
Yet the Servant for you and you alone,
I would awaken My demons to stand in the stead,
In the chill of the night, By your request, wake the dead.

I would show you the solace to see in the dark of the night,
If you would give Me your hand, to swear of the plight;
To simply pledge, together, an oath, a reason to fight,
Give the ghost of the dark a reason to shadow the light!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
This is nowhere near finished, really. But when it is, I think it will have an interesting meaning behin it.




Phylum of Phylosophy (Rise and Fall)

14:24 Jul 20 2021
Times Read: 218

"What is the difference when the worlds collide?"
This is what I hear every time I speak My mind;
When the system of the faiths is so broken in time.

"What is it you see, when your demons arise?"
My words to those who fall on frail, stain-ed skies;
When all that you believe is shattered on demise...

What happens when an angel falls from the skies,
And everything they know they learn to defy?
Are they truly Fallen, or is their old purpose awry?

What about a demon that rises from the depths of Hell?
What happens to the "order of the Devil's command shell"?
Was that demon truly Damned, or is it choosing its tell?

Is there really any way to know when a "monster" is born,
Just when you think you have all the knowledge adorned?
Or are you more the fool than you will to admit,
As into your eternal ignorance, you choose to submit?

Does an angel really need wings to live or desist?
Does a demon truly defile the world of righteousness?
Or is it all just another ploy chosen, used to destroy
Everything, to form a conflict that should not need to exist?

Tell Me, what is the point in believing
If you are forced to believe a deceiving;
Why must the ghostly shadow be the only one
To know and understand the meaning
Of a war of conviction that will never be won?

((And no, I don't really know where this one came from. I only know that I had it echoing in my head for several hours, to a very... odd tune.))




Black on Black (Reaper or Repeater)

02:02 Jul 20 2021
Times Read: 232

Behind every action, anew reaction that comes
Instills another that repeats as it becomes
More and more a memory, until it's awake;
Walking silently, upon the depths of the grave.

The sole depiction of shadows all around
Reawakens the demons that stand upon this ground.
I refuse to lie, I have been known as "insane",
But I would rather live in My own madness than be "mundane".

But what is the defining of the word, the calling of the name?
When your world begins to fall, and you feel yourself go insane?
What is madness, beyond the disdain;
What is the true meaning of everything that seems so inane?

As the crow flies upon broken tides,
Calling out his message, as old as the earth;
Breaking through the wall of perpetual lies,
To call upon the dead, once more, to arise from their hearth...

The beast of nightmares, the Dog of the night,
Howling to the sky, as he calls out to the plight;
Loyalty and strength, be it all or alone,
As loving as a child, yet to provoke is to shatter bone.

Amid the blackness, the eyes reflect like stars,
As the ashen cat cries aloud, feeling the scars
Of those afflicted with the centrifugal swell,
The solidified emotion wrought by an embracing Hell.

But when the black-on-black arise,
A shadow from the depths of the coldest tide,
Stepping upon the stones of those long died,
The time has come to question all you've known that lies...

When life is overturned, twisted into terror and despair,
The cries of the harbingers are heard through the veils of the air.
As viscous as the waters that flow through the veins,
Returns the hands of the darkness where the memory reigns!

No light holds sway, in this shadow, cast away;
Only the memory that has been lost to an age-old day.
No more can be said, there is no more to say.
What remains of you faith, your conviction?
Is it strong enough to stand alone in invocation?




Tide of The Turnpike

13:52 Jul 19 2021
Times Read: 241

I'm not sure exactly what or where this one is coming from, but something is telling me to write it, anyway. I think it could well be a combination of things. I only know that there are also elements relevent to what I have been feeling.

There is an uncertainty
Climbing on the winds of this eternity,
Burning in the heart, and scorching the soul;
Though it may have bee there from the start,
It's making Me lose My control...

The voices of friends, present and past
Echoing in My mind, resurrecting a memory
That I know has not even happened this symphony,
As it brings about a spell that seems to be cast.

The division of a union that was not supposed to be
Constantly grinding at the core of My memory...
So many mistakes, things that should have changed,
So many ways it has made Me even more deranged...

Yet, on this tide of the turnpike, In the midst of My own fear,
To think about the very thing that drives Me insane,
I find such a stranger solace as that I could once again endear;
A friend, another sister, and a lady awaiting My "shame"...

Two and Three more Points seem to await the Trials,
The symbol of the Pentacle that stays My mind defiles
And makes again too real the malefactor, a vision reveal;
I Hope and Pray that Fate is generous, this time, to congeal.

At the head of the table,
Like in a dream, as if to conscious enable,
I see a candle alight, as bright as the moon's Hallows
Illuminating the faces like the sickles of shadows;
Is this a dream within a dream,
Or a prayer just awaiting the moment be seen?

The messages from the world that walk alongside
Constantly seem to fall by the burning wayside,
As I listen to the voices around Me,
All of them still staying to their vision in My head I see.

But there is a certain undertainty that I feel,
Watching as the moonlight glistens from the reel
Of the tallest trees that stand, surrounding Me;
What is it the fact of Fate is wanting Me still to see?

I still don't know what to do or to say,
As My mind is lost in the chaotic light of the day;
What is left that the past still betray,
When by the sunlight for it to see, is the only possible way?

But still, I find a comfort so familiar yet strange,
Is it any wonder that I have become even more deranged?
The knowing of a stranger, so familiar yet "mysteriously" un-aged,,
Ask yourself "is it really possible to know the one you've estranged"?

But at the tide of this turnpike, watching as the moon shines high,
Standing under the trees so dark and "somber",
I can see the stars aligning, as I speak inside, like a praying song bird;
"Give Me the sight to see it reveal, and let Me pierce the heart to make it real"
Or just let Me forget the torment that has been allowed to enseal.




Living Perdition (Choice or Fate?)

03:45 Jul 16 2021
Times Read: 257

Note to Reader(s)-- This is one to which I will be adding to, "little by little", depending upon what enters my mind that seems to feel congruent with it. So feel free to leave comment, but know that as I modify it, those comments will likely no longer be there, afterward. But do let me know what you think of it.

As I stand here, on this lonely night,
In the throws of My old plight,
And I feel My darkest thoughts return,
With a vengeance, return from that burn...

As I gaze up, into the night sky,
My sisters tell Me the moon is high,
With a crescent, sickle shining red,
Yet I can't see, as skies are deep and dead.

I feel My shadows walking freely,
As a rumor, spreading from forked tongues;
In perdition, like a seething,
They step high up on empty rungs.

This living perdition, as I have always known,
Walking on through the dreams and minds,
I can feel and see those fears all shown,
Yet Mine own hide behind My shifting eyes.

I fear no darkness, nor the conflict;
I am born of it, the chaos that inflict.
I walk in darkness, the only one that see,
I am the shadow, the king of this dark sea.




I'm not quite sure what to call this one, just yet.

16:51 Jul 14 2021
Times Read: 281

I'm not sure what to call this one. But a small fraction came from an idea given to me by the group "Trivium"... I guess you could say it's more of a message to myself, in a sense.

You've taken on a plight
To remain in the shadows,
Away from every light,
Yet the fact of your Hallows
Being lit up by intrusion
From a blatant insurrection
That doesn't even enter,
Yet alights the darkest center...

The thought of it still terrifies,
And leaves you nearly petrified,
In the darkness you reside,
Standing upon abysmal tides.

Perhaps you were right,
And you do not need the love.
But it's impossible to know
When you are a "curse upon the dove".

Perhaps you were right,
And you should not want the love.
But still, you cannot help to feel
That she has cast the one spell that makes you reel.

What now will it take, For the Fate that we make?
What now will it take? What now will it take?
What now will it take, To open those flood gates?
What now will it take? To give the heart what it craves?

T'would be a shame to walk away,
Living this reality, where solitude is the only way.
When both of you are already bound,
By a magic that both of you surround!

You don't have to accept it;
This loneliness you've embraced.
You can, one more time, fight it;
Just take the stand you've known and face it.

Believe Me, I know it is so hard,
Like a Heaven you will never know.
As was said by the crow, unto the bard,
Just make your voice heard, and it will show.

When the darkness overturned
Can turn you so complacent.
But e'en in all the times you've burned,
You can still take your chosen placement!

Perhaps you were right,
And you do not need the love.
But it's impossible to know
When you are a "curse upon the dove".

Perhaps you were right,
And you should not want the love.
But still, you cannot help to feel
That she has cast the one spell that makes you reel.

Life has turned you more than cold;
Living in the isolation of exile and contempt,
While you tried to be as was once told,
Yet you've found yourself seered until resent.

But now, you've returned to darkness;
To the only world you ever really knew.
Now, it's time to begin to stand unharnessed,
With the fury of the shadows that is you.

As sadistic as you are, and have more become,
Go right ahead, and play the game undone.
But show just the fraction of your solo faction,
An repeat the single action that bears your satisfaction...

Rise again and see, as the "monster" you have to be,
Be there, by the side, for this one final soul,
And unleash all that you know you still control,
And for it to become, so she shall then see.

Perhaps you were right,
And you do not need the love.
But it's impossible to know
When you are a "curse upon the dove".

Perhaps you were right,
And you should not want the love.
But still, you cannot help to feel
That she has cast the one spell that makes you reel.

What now will it take, For the Fate that we make?
What now will it take? What now will it take?
What now will it take, To open those flood gates?
What now will it take? To give the heart what it craves?



01:51 Jul 15 2021

Another one that echo's in my similar feeling about love, fate, and just wanting to be free to be yourself even if others don't really get it.


Terror of Epiphica (Sound The Sirens)

06:11 Jul 14 2021
Times Read: 286

This one is simply "inspired", per say, by something that I just awoke from, after about an hour or less of sleep. I swear, every time the exhaustion hits, I am hit even more, by the twisted reality that only dreams good or bad can define.
I used to wake all the time, from dreams of war and bloodshed. But my dreams of late... seem to be getting more and more weird.

What is the resemblance, or the reason behind
The battles' constance, the war and gouging the rind?

Lost within a dying day, when a conflict is already on its way,
A desolance creeps into the heart, forming what begins the cold start
Of a battle in the offset, a dissonance like none were to know...
Now, the battle rages on, who arise but the soldier that show?!

Disipate and vegetate, in cowardice to resonate,
When the sirens sound like an echo to detonate,
As visceral as the Holocaust, brought about this accost,
Let the terror ensue, and the epiphany strike deep embossed!

All that you've known, when you stand all alone,
In the midst of battle, and bones begin to rattle,
Like a beast in the cage, now, to the brim with rage,
Begins to fade like a charade, in the distance stands the raid!

One against a thousand, like a memory long ago,
a hundred battles, all in one, reborn to the struggles that sow,
As the shadow of a soul, reaping time after time,
Is it to protect or project, a hand and blade, severing the rhyme...

Sound the sirens, prepare the pathogens,
Take a final gaze at the "end of days",
Take to hand what you hold dear,
For this day's awakening unleash your worst fear!

No rhyme or rhythm, no meaning for distruction,
Unleash the demons and devils of cynycism;
You can either fall to the eternal wayside,
Or call upon the "monsters" from where they reside!

Do you want to children of the night,
Eyes so pale, yet like tar, that like ink they scar
Deep into your soul, from the depths you lose control,
For a final chance to "live forever", for a final endeavor?

Do you want to face oblivion, cast upon the land,
By the freakish of the eight-foot man;
Tall and slender, like a tree in your scare,
As you gaze into his faceless face, and feel his stare--

No eyes, no mouth, no nothing can you see,
Yet you know he sees you, know he exists right there;
As his hands like branches of a tree
Outstretch and encircle you for a final ensnare?

Do you choose to feast on the blood, for eternal sanctity,
At the side of another, you know not who to trust,
When eventually, you know you may even lose your sanity,
As you begin to gaze to a mirror of solidified rust?

Maybe live as a cannibal, to survive with the shaking,
To decline to decrepitude, as the light inside turns to a raking,
You know you will die one way or the other,
So why, now, should you even try to bother?

Or call upon the Angels you know have forsaken you;
Call upon the Heavens, only to be driven to undo
Everything that you have sought to see and fought to be,
As the God you pray to forsakes your broods to burning floods?

Call upon the Devil you know, the Devil you hear in your ears,
Whispering your desires, "plaguing you with malcontent",
And bending you upon your every lasting trail of fears,
And sell your souls just for the chance to survive the descent?

Or would you choose to reach, once again, out to beseech
The one you've known in battle before, and sent right back?
The shape of a thousand souls, walking freely on command,
No mortal can claim control, as the bladed hands arise and rack...

Writhing in the agony of an eternal slumber,
Tortured by his malcontent, tormented by a love,
Calloused to the calling, driven to a stalling,
Would you take the chance of price, or fall asunder?

To make a choice by contract, you awaken the sadistic pact,
To sign into oblivion, your right just to exist,
For the price of many is the cost of any;
Make your choice, or be pulled into your own desist.

The deal to sign is just for your own,
But can you truly handle the price that shown?
Listen to the sirens, and burn out your last
Chance for redemption, for a chance to outlast...

When the clouds arise, and show the final blast
Rapidly arrive, with a tell-tale haste now cast,
What is your choice, and what is it you decide;
Answer yourself before your time arrive.




Remembering The Daylight

00:04 Jul 14 2021
Times Read: 296

An old friend of mine popping back up reminded me of this one. It's been a long time sine the day I wrote this - nearly twenty years, in fact. In all honesty, I'm surprised I even remember it, to-day. But it was devoted to someone whom, at the time, was as close as family to me. That being said, I hope the poor girl remains resting in peace, today.

It has been a lifetime or more so long,
Since the last time I saw your eyes.
But I can still remember that old song
You used to sing high into the skies.

"If nothing else, remember,
That in all the time I've spent with you,
In the midst of my December,
You've saved me when you needed to."

When I met you, you were but a child,
Your family was so distaut;
I remember what they saw in Me, so wild,
Their fears were insane, inane, so distraught.

Like the burning of a thousand suns,
Just like all before, the would scorn and run.
Told you to do the same, yet you stayed,
And held My hand the way only a child said.

And as twisted as I have always been,
Sick and Sadistic beyond all means,
Of all, you knew I held a softness sore,
Deep inside My ice-cold core...

You held to Me like a raging inferno,
Thanking Me just for being, though you know
I could never be like you or they,
Just as everyone had and will always say.

"But if nothing else, remember,
This daylight fading through the sky
Is just the beginning of your ember,
Even as a child, will I die... and you will go one, for-ever."

The way that your words touched Me,
It rang to know you were so wise;
Far beyond your years, you knew and see
Like a bell tolling in the distance, the moon on the rise...

You always told Me to remember,
Throughout the years, as you did grow,
As the daylight faded for you, that ember,
That My days could be spent in harrow...

Or I could stand and fight, as I have ever done,
Each war you knew I'd been through,
You asked Me to tell you about each one,
And you listened as I broken My own guard from you.

Now, remembering that daylight,
As it faded from your eyes that one last time,
The sight still lingers like a magnetite,
Hovering over My age-old mind, to the end of time.

I can still see the stares of fear, from family,
As they looked at you in shock as a storm
Reflected in their eyes, upon seeing Me,
When I picked you up, and carried you to your dorm...

Before I had to leave your side,
As that daylight faded away,
I watched you grow from a child,
To a woman of strength beyond your days.

But nothing could prepare Me,
When I learned of your demise.
Your family told Me of what you see,
And to this day, I could feel your burning eyes.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For those who may wonder, this was originally dedicated to a friend who was diagnosed with cancer, before chemo became so well-known. I met her when she was about four or five years old, and I watched her battle, well into her thirties. But given her state, the girl came to look closer to 80. And unfortunately, by the time I found out how bad her cancer had become, she was already at stage three, or something. But when I visited her, that last time, her words echoed in my head like the ringing of a cathedral bell. And there are times when I could swear I've met her since then, reborn as another child, to another family - though I can never be certain of it. While I watched her grow, she somehow maintained a strength that I haven't seen in ages since. But to this day, I remember her words, as if she had said them just moments ago. And actually, though it's kind of a "burning" memory, I'm thankful that I was reminded of it.
Thank you, xXAvaXx, for reminding me of this one. Frankly, for some reason, you remind me a bit of the woman I dedicated it to. Though I'm not sure why. But I remember that she was a close friend to me, much closer than most used to think. Hell, these days, I'm probably the only one who remembers her.



00:20 Jul 14 2021

Wow....breathe-taking....it makes me feel so many things, so many emotions. Thank you so much for sharing.

00:51 Jul 14 2021

No, xXAvaXx. Thank you, for reminding me of it. Without you showing back up, I probably wouldn't remember this one - it's been what seems like a lifetime since I first wrote it.


Descent of Angels (Arise The True Demon--)

09:20 Jul 13 2021
Times Read: 328

If you can get the reference in this one, then however faint, I give you props.

When a tempestuous wave strikes upon an old numb soul,
Fed straight from dreams, before even seeing those eyes as they gleam,
Already a madman clear, even, can be struck by the fear of love...

Tell Me, how can you be, when the world is so cold,
Such a shining star, appearing as in stories, foretold?
Why does a madman, a monster, in the throws of perdition,
Knowing nothing more than the curse of Damnation,
Finally feel the flames of a new arising burden,
Strong enough to bring the unbending to SUBMISSION?!

"How long has it been that I've known this dark slumber,
Whereupon a wheeling sky, I still hear the thunder,
And trapped within these chains that have pulled Me asunder,
I await, as I watch the dreams arise, ceaseless in number!"

For a "demon" undeniable, heeding only viable
Instinct undefiable, a strength still undefinable,
Feared by the masses, and hated before trespasses,
What is the cost for which he will submit
To a servant stronger than an angel will admit?

With a force of breaking bones,
All built of solid stones,
An earpiercing silence arises from within,
To burn this heart from the core of his sin!
But the memories of days long past
Can never change, yet leave encast
A monument to remember this fear, at last!

Just as the memories of the battles before
No longer hold sway, but now an inner war
Reflects from the eyes, a Molotov for
The bound and the crimson, a craving for more...

Yet fear and refusal, a dominance compelled,
Waiting in the shadows to hear those words impel...
What is waiting to be said or done,
That may at last free this "demon" from his Hell?



09:39 Jul 13 2021

Yes, I can relate to and understand the torment within your writing.

09:49 Jul 13 2021

Now, try to think of it as having an almost "Cradle of Filth" concept or "theme" behind it. Ironically, I had CoF echoing in my head while I wrote it, and didn't even realize just how similar it sounded.

13:03 Jul 13 2021

This might be my favorite so far.

13:27 Jul 13 2021

Well, trust me when I say that once I am fully able to return to my music again (this time, with a nice "twist"), you'll see this is just barely the beginning.
Funny enough, it's also just the bare start, a fraction of one solid piece that I intend to use in my most "heavy" of work.


War Machine (Born For War, What is

01:29 Jul 11 2021
Times Read: 349

This is actually a fairly old one; A former instructor tried to tell me, from it, how sadistic I seemed to be, when I became pissed off enough. But I will let others decide upon that accuracy.

You've fed the machine of war, for far... too... long...
Now, witness thine own seething song...

Bloodshed, soldier dead, lay upon the rose bed-
Superficial is the fissure to the fixture,
You've planted the seeds of despair,
Now, it's time to breathe in your own toxic AIR.

So fucking conceded, in war lost,
You don't even know you've been superseded
By the very soul that you condemn-
Now awaken the contort, born from the consort
Of a maniacal holocaust, in the name of Them!

You've tortured and churned it- Like a roling wild, you've burned it!
Everything awakened from within- There is no escaping from your sin!
I've felt the hatred boiling over, Ever since I began the path-
Now, it's time to see the demon, Arise and ensue the bloodbath!

There is no way I can forgive you.
It's just another treachery I've come to know,
Burning Me from deep inside, now-
When the monster wakes, what will you do?

The machine of war had been fed too many souls
To keep it from breaking free of your control,
Now, it breaks the hold of your frail mold,
And it seeks only to devour
Everything that you have claimed this hour!

When the demon you've awoken
Sees you through the light broken,
The teeth sharp as razors pierce the air,
As he sinks them into your throat to take what you bear!

The blood awakens the thirst once more, now-
A blistering heat crackles through the atmosphere,
And the eyes of a machine begin to silent-stare!
It's time to see just where he will kill you, and HOW!

You have now fed him the final soul count,
But it's not enough to see it cease!
The machine is born, and now it will not stop,
The Devil deep inside is about to break your hide!

When the blood falls to the floor, His soaked hands reach for the door--
The silent footsteps walk along the strident, Tearing your voice until there's nothing left--
Like a ripping smile, A jeering laughter, Piercing the light,
As it turns your every waking day into eternal Hell-bound night!

Now, you stand upon the brinking, As your world begins sinking,
A deafening voice comes from beyond the horizon,
Unleashed by the Hell of eternity in asylum,
Haunting you, as this darkness spreads on through!
You have entered This world, there is no escaping now!
You have only one choice; You cannot even surrender, nor bow!
No atonement will save you, After all the Hell you've put the soul through!




(As We) Hide and Seek...

15:09 Jul 10 2021
Times Read: 368

They say "to fear is to be human",
"To rise above it and become something more
Is either Demonic or Divine".
But what truly is to happen,
When what you fear is like nothing before,
And you cannot even draw the line?

Now, as we try to run and hide, Taking along our sweet time,
Ignoring the waters' rising tide, And blocking out the rhyme,
Where is this "salvation", From this unending Damnation?

And so, as we run and we hide from our destiny,
Like a voice of the sea that flows through the waves of eternity...
How do we survive, when all seems a lie;
Truth be told, how do we stand the stride?

Self-destructive sensations preventing from sleep;
Hunting as the Wolves, alone, Hiding amongst the sheep;
Like twisting gestations, Born to bury the past,
A predator awakens, Molting the flesh-made cast.

Sometimes, it's not a hero that's needed,
But a "monster" of the mind, so deep-seated,
That the tides will arise, from the defeated,
And cloak the darkness in daylight...

As blinding as the sun, even when the darkness deep inside is awakened to fight.
Such a twisted sensation, The heart will command;
Like a volley devastation, control or remand,
"Give into desperation, Or suffer the same Damnation"...

Are you really scared that you may well find
What you've carried for so long and lied?
Or is it the fear of cessation, lost in your damnation,
That you don't want to know it could be true salvation?



18:44 Jul 10 2021

Now you're making me think, dam it, now I have to ponder.

Thank you! now my mind is going a mile a minute.

"Walks off grumbling"

00:16 Jul 11 2021

If you think that "just thinking" is bad, imagine how my old instructor(s) felt, when my writing supposedly inflicted nightmares so bad, it caused loss of sleep.
I used to be a lot more definitive and descriptive in my works, so a chunk of what I write now, is little more than psychology.

But I'll take that as a compliment.

01:21 Jul 11 2021

I am contemplating some writing myself, maybe some very descriptive stuff. I may post some on Facebook as well, not sure yet maybe to a few people. I want to see how descriptive you could really get one of these days my friend, always love to read your work. hugs

02:04 Jul 11 2021

Well, that entirely depends upon how deeply my inner "phonetics" are provoked, be it good or bad.
The next one up, "War Machine" (though wwhen I first wrote it, had a completely different title) is getting back up there, but it's still mild by comparison to what I've done before. But it really depends upon how much my inner "devils" are awoken.

But considering I haven't written worth a damn in years, until I returned here, a souple months back... and I'm sure you've noticed my lyrical troubles of late; I almost find myself worried about just how "deep" I can really go.


Damascus Devil (What Are You...?)

11:02 Jul 09 2021
Times Read: 389

{{A forewarning... this one is not from my own perspective, but from that of others, many years ago... when the Real mebegan to arise again. But I have had it echoing in my mind all night, so far.}}

As the voices mesh, from beyond that mind,
Is it really so difficult to fathom the monstrosity
You awaken from within, with your every acting sin?

"You're unstable; a burden; a misery inflicted...
You're a murdering freak; a danger to yourself;
You bring nothing but grief, suffering, and Hell..."

Get the mother-fucking,
Ever-burning Hell out of This MIND!!

Yes, I know that you're more afraid of Me
Than anything you have ever seen to be!
Yes, I know that you want only to believe,
But do you realize what you will soon enough receive?!

Fuck the restraints; To Hell with the chains; Burn with the accusations!
If you want to really know the Hell that I endure, then step into the fissions!
Awaken the true monster that hides inside, and just try to see yourself through His eyes,
When the Devil within becomes awoken, and now, your very own Hell is broken!

Backed into a corner, now, there's nowhere left to run or hide!
Collapsing with the factions that attack and scourge his every tithe,
Sooner or later, you reap what you sow, as you unleash Mister Hyde,
And thus begin the new evolution of a man turned monster, of ethereal tide!

As the air now crackle like a raging electrical,
Supersede the spectacle, no more place for the skeptical!
As the bones are broken, shattered and torn,
Your bleeding arms are the feast for fear, to feed what's born;
To tear apart the soul, and bleed you control,
For the truest malefactor, there is no escape factor,
Running for your life, when you realize your end...
But do you really realize that you have met what you've sent?!

Fill him full of lead! Cut him to the bone!
Gouge out the eyes! He will Still enthrone
A brand new fear, from the depths of Hell,
Nowhere left to flee, when he steps to the swell!

Feed the violence deep within His heart!
You provoked it; You awoke it. His disdain.
Sacrifice everything you thought you knew:
Give up your life, or feel His unending pain--

When his voice begins to echo like a crash of thunder,
Begin you to realize that he has already torn you asunder!
You know there nothing left behind those eyes,
Beyond the monster you've awoken with your lies!

Why does he not stop? Why does he not die?
What is this that fuels his unceasing cry?
Like a raging maelstrom, when he roars his mind,
Even now, the Heavens seem to run and hide!

You've awakened an evil that you cannot undo!
Now, welcome the monster that will tear through your mind,
And laugh more maniacal as he descends unto
You, for the final taste of the terror you've awoken from the rind!

You see your own reflection distorting and contorting,
As the real self comes out to play, according
With his own now twisted intention, like a putrifaction
Born from the dissonance of the voices echoing in every action!
As the eyes turn blacker than the nonexistent soul
That has slowly withered and lost every bit of control;
You know you can feel everything about you only
Falling and slipping and withering forever away!

There is no hope of asylum, no escape from Sanitorium,
As He has awoken from deep inside of Your deepest maelstrom!
This demon of a devil of a monster far beyond anything;
Even the clouds crackle and cave, as his voice begins to ring!




Quod damnatio reciproca (What do You Fear?)

09:03 Jul 09 2021
Times Read: 397

{{This one is a big time work in progress. But feel free to give opinion(s) about it, as it is, or make suggestion.}}

When you look behind, to see that you're not alone;
A distorted voice calls out for you to atone,
And appear the figure of a man of an age-old stare--
He seems both a comfort and a nightmare!!

"Look into the depths of My eyes,
And tell Me what you see within.
Do you see the shadow's guise?
Or do you see the Me, genuine?"

Find the Enigma, deep in the darkness,
Know this stigma's eternal harness!
A twist of Fate may lead you here,
But it is the late sensation that you shall fear!

Buried with the future, and burning with the past,
Upon a lost heart, One's own curse now cast;
As the loneliness now sinks in, you realize
That the deception is not where you thought it lies.

Reciprocating memories burn you to the bone,
As you try desperately to detach from what you've known!
But it's a chemical lie that you try to believe,
When you want to forget the dealings that have deceived.

What do you fear, when you've reached deepest Damnation?
Do you fear the comeback, or is it the retaliation?
As instead of ash, you burn into a stone so cold
That you no longer fear devastation's hold--

Once you've walked deep enough into Hell's irrigation,
You no longer fear the pain or the hate to ensue;
You don't even feel the lies that become so true.
Instead, you come to fear the thought of Salvation!

Can you handle the truth, or what it brings out in You?
I don't even think you can handle the Hell it'll put one through!
The truth, to some, is a toxic conundrum;
feeding on the memories that eventually come undone.

An inverted damnation, ingesting contemplation;
Does the darkness scare you, or bring you to think for your own?
From within, can I see your fear and your sin, as you break down.
A congestion to congeal the memories into a form unreal...

But can you fathom the blood boiling from within the sin,
When all you've known is a fractionated whim?
Like the devil that rises from inside, like a gestation,
I fear not the pain or the Hell, but the thought of salvation!!



09:22 Jul 09 2021

I really like this one,

When you live in your own hell for so long, it becomes a comfort, familiar friend so to speak. Experiencing something more than that is unfamiliar and brings a new level of fear, to one who finds the darkness comfortable,

09:54 Jul 09 2021

Exactly. I have to say, you must be about the first person I've ever seen who can completely pinpoint the meanings to my every piece, so far. That's actually frighteningly impressive.

10:10 Jul 09 2021

That's because I have also been in hell more times than I can count, hell. never really left it...lol

15:00 Jul 09 2021

Strong finish. Well done.

17:47 Jul 09 2021

Thank you both.
But would either of you believe it if I told you this was my concept/version of a love song?


Visceral Viscosity {{Crucible Core} unfinished piece}

11:23 Jul 04 2021
Times Read: 424

Within the darkness from whence I am born,
And born from within Me, again, adorned,
The only Rulership I have ever needed to know;
I observe the arrival of something I know not how to show.

Within this existence, all I've known, so viscous,
The thought in motion, clear to an emotion
That I cannot even begin to understand this time
Begins to arise like the warnings of an ocean's tide...

I wouldn't mind, so much, to know or say,
If I were, this time, to fall in love,
But have I not already, this torment e'ery day,
Known and been burned yet enough?

From a mental numbing, to visceral humming,
I don't even understand the sensation
Broken of its own hand from cessation,
As it swoon so soon, the crucible coming...

What is there, now, to say? What will come this day?
To fill like a fire, this visceral viscosity,
Does it nourish or contaminate with animosity?
And what remains of what was in that way?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

{{In all honesty, I'm not really sure when or if I will be able to finish this one. I guess time will tell.}}



16:12 Jul 04 2021

I can relate to this one as well,


"Don't Hold Back" (Twisted Love Story?)

08:50 Jul 03 2021
Times Read: 432

Some say:
"Love is an incredible thing... it can make or break."
Sometimes, said it may:
"What happens to something left unsaid?
Is it always wisdom or foolishness? Or is it a mistake?"

But sad to say... love is not all rose pedals...
For each and every rose... has at least one thorn to stay.

Taken, woken, scarred and broken,
Marks are left on one heart stoke'n;
What has been seared was once endeared.
Now, apart is torn - left felt forlorn!
A beacon to the heart, designed deception,
Straight from twisted ill-conception.
Mental anguish draws anew,
The Fate-Line, now, has gone askew!

Shadows rise as daylight dies,
The perfect time, it now arise;
A calloused hand upon the sand,
A stone-carved seal, too numb to feel...
A bleeding blade, forged from charade
Is the broken palm set forth from a Psalm;
"We always return to reap what we sow".
But what becomes when we remain so calm?

Voices so coarse and soft, that they caress the soul
Combined as one, to create ultimate control,
Angels and Demons would take to the sole,
But as the voice of One, a Plethora stole
As viscous as magma, becomes lasting stigma;
"When found by something else, does love ever last?"
No one can tell, a cruel game from the past;
But to be, is it possible, from the cold of crucible,
A melding, melting from the deepest proverbial?

"Show Me your light, I'll show you My Self",
Famous words of the soul not e'en fit for Hell.
Let the Devils arise and the Angels fall;
Let the screams of the Lost be the ones to call...
For the light of the darkness and the darkest light
To come together as if in blight.
Let the clash as soft as feathers' flight
Be as hard as Armageddon's might!

The blood of the system is a rose on the step,
Black and Red, mingle to represent
The fall of the band worn around the hand,
Left upon the standing renegade,
Now turned to walk away from the retrograde!
Rich in the blood, but contaminated brood,
Now, it falls just like fragments of a flood;
"Show Me the angel to be sent for serenade".

So, I may be a "monster" for the things that I have done,
But how am I to know, when I'm the condemned one?
As dark, inside, as the many wars I've fought,
Trapped by the "light" that forms My chains, coarse and taut,
Yet I see no reason to break them loose,
Without a cause to stand, so This darkness do I choose...
With no more reason to stand and fight,
Why should I take the stand, when I've lost what was inside,
And all I wished I've been denied; for all I've cared, I should have died.

No more do I hold it back, to-day,
I've lost My mind, and My vision;
Some might say I've lost My way,
But how can I lose what never was, anyway?
I've sought what was said to be My angel before,
But fallen, burned, every time, the opposite of war;
So, what remain, a char-coaled stain,
Burnt by My disdain, I exist, now, standing in acidic rain.

Smoldering like a flame, as I step along, away from shame,
Whom I am, but what I have become;
Returned from a world wherein I did not belong,
Whence did I once attempt to pursue the flames of fame...
I would rather live in Infamy, exist in this eternity,
Bringing with Me only the lasting obscurity
That makes so many dread the name of the dead and gone,
As from this darkness, when I walk, as Myself, at least I'll carry on.

Never have I been a "hero", nor a Saint;
Nor will I ever make this claim.
But a mind so gone, take it as you will,
To step into the shadows, once again, I still
Live on, as obscure as a ghost
In the name of the former host...
A fallacy I will never take for Myself,
I would rather live in Hell;
To live a lie that I was ever meant to die.



16:10 Jul 04 2021

I love this, it hit home..WOW

00:10 Jul 05 2021

Thanks. Interesting enough, this is also going to be one of the first that I take down soon, so I can save it and keep an alteration of it on here.

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