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How can one separate actual drama from situations that involve behavior that is poisonous to site members?

While there is Admin in place to address concerns, how can Members stand together against such behavior before it roots?


I have seen Troll behavior on other sites, and read hints of troll behavior here as well (thankfully I think this site is not conductive to trolls), but how have you dealt with Troll encounters? Here, or on other sites.

Please, this is not a venue to address personal issues, but to address to manage festering behavior, that often appears as drama until it blooms.

Excellent thread. DRAMA. is a word that exist on every network with in the internet. Remember, most of the human that spend a lot of time in such of network, use the site as a personal place, mean, is their life. The creation of drama can be stop, just by ignoring the perpetrator. Yes, when someone use a derogatory comment about you, your feelings and emotion automatic kick-in, and then, you give fuel to a situation, that if left alone, can be consumed by itself. The rule that I used for the last 4 years in VR: Never answer a negative situation. If someone start something, I don't block that person, I just ignore that person.

While people declare that they Just avoid Drama, I find that to do so challenges those who Troll for "actors" in their scripted plays. They play people against each other, and sadly it is people who befriend people to easily who are most apt to be used in such a way, it is so easy to play such people against others.

If one finds oneself to easily accepted by a new person consider an honest evaluation of the association, is the person more of an acquaintance, rather then a freind?

Not their activity on the site. Such people have to play low, and don't like being aligned in public.

Keep logs of anything they hint to of others, dont comment, even if the comment is positive. they could well be testing ones resolve.

I have to go with Markus666 on this. When someone "bites" me. I return the bite. It's not an open invitation to anything else. When I get the unwanted responses, I just pretend they did not arrive in my box. Most of the time they go away and nothing else is said about it. "No harm, no foul."

Ignoring is a viable idea. In cases when a person you have an established association with, how do you help them, when they are already in "The Mix"?

Thank you both for being so concise.

One important point. Many members block a "nasty" member, then, the member create another account and then, you are bombed with a more worse scenario.

One way of avoiding drama is to not add to the drama...so that it does not become YOUR issue. In other words, when a friend has a problem here I will listen...but that's it...just like in my huge family...I listen but I don't add to it, if that makes sense.

Another way of avoiding drama is being very selective as to who you call "friends"....because there is a big difference between friends and acquaintances.

When you have true and real friendships it is harder for drama to happen because when we truly care about someone we don't choose to hurt them with lies and drama.
Where as a simple acquaintance really does not care about your feelings.

As far as only online is concerned..we really must remember...very few of us actually interact with fellow members in the "real" world. So "drama" here doesn't make me loose sleep,lol.

It's social network, any place you allow someone to have a personality or opinions they will have one.
Separating Jekyll from Hyde is not really possible or realistic... the best one can hope for is that your own civility will vindicate you.

If someone is abusive, then that is what Admins are for.
But even then you must be willing to present facts, proof and endure the process of defending yourself.
Yes there are those that set out to ruin the Experience that VR offers, and yes those folks should be weeded out and removed, I believe that the Admin and the other staff here are diligent in that pursuit.

I have found in my experience here that the one thing perpetuating drama...besides those errant idiots roaming around with revenge ratings...is the lack of communication between members who promote themselves as a group. When problems do arise with certain members, either it gets blown out of proportion completely because of misinterpretation or lack of information regarding the event or...everyone just clams up and one if left wondering.."what the hell happened here?"

Either way, communication...clear and concise between people would cut a lot of drama out...that and a certain level of maturity is always nice..but some folks never leave high school behind them it seems...;)

Well said Silverhawk. I feel lucky to have had drama here to a extreme minimum. While it can be irritating.......I tend to ignore it as best I can. More often than not it goes away.

Disclosure is key to attending rooted drama, some cases of drama may have actual issues besides just drama.

If a person that initiated drama tricks another well meaning person into the mix, the person dragged in needs to be forth right with anything they did, with communication logs if aviable.

So many Drama-ist operate through implying they have support mounted against their opponent.

Well now, if I know the person and actually care, I confront them now. Otherwise, I either ignore it or Journal about it if it's so insanely trite that I find it amusing.

But communication is the best "key" to resolvement by far.

This Site is for Entertainment, and I find plenty here.

Drama is fuelled by paying it attention. If we ignore it, it fades away or simply ceases to exist. When we pay it attention, we enable those who seek to cause it, scope to continue with it.

On VR, I ignore the drama simply because it does not affect me enough to warrant paying it any attention whatsoever, usually the drama here is about rating, blocking or flaming and to be perfectly honest, I dont see what the big deal is. I enjoy my time here and the little drama I do see makes me giggle

Trolls have a formula, and they dislike Communication for sure.

Another thing is that if actual issues are involved in a case of drama, openly message the instigator, and send a direct worded invite for third party mediation, offer to allow them to appoint the mediator. No reply is as telling as an actually reply.

If someone starts trouble by sending me something offensive, I immediately block them. I will not engage with any person who behaves as an ass on VR or any social network. They get blocked. And if they continue I will forward any annoying messages to an admin here.

way to summarize it Mel.

What gets some people is that after they block an Ass Clown after a rude, or unwanted gossip message is that the block ass clown then goes after people associated with that person, even posing as a friend.. and that is something that stinks in real life, and shreds on social sites. But right out the gate such people find themselves so blocked by the community that they need to much energy to perpetrate their trollism.

Could you define Troll for us old doddering members? I find the use of the word drama amusing personally. I never heard it used prior to the internet becoming so popular. I heard a lot of other things. I wonder why people worry so much about it??? What can anyone here do to you other than type a bunch of words or anywhere else on the net.

There of course have always been mean spirited people who will hack or spread rumors but once identified should be dropped over the cliff of "banned forever." It is all over on the net and in the real world. As long as people have emotions, differences of opinion and lack of much ego people will bicker but it can be all in good fun unless you take things too personally. By discussing this what can be solved? Nothing because one cannot control the actions of other people nor should one try. If it is out of line with the rules here then the proper people will handle it. Otherwise you step into a good "ol boy type of system or cliques controlling the place. I personally don't think that to be a good thing. Thus is the beginning of a war of wills.

I'm agreeance with VampireBonnie. Most people can avoid drama by just remaining neutral and not getting overly involved esp with squabbles between certain people. It's for them to deal with, not the whole lot.

I know there are others with a more protective or defensive nature but it really pays to just to stay out of it and be an ear or shoulder to lean on. It deters drama from being brought onto YOU.

Sure there's going to be people to try and ruffle your feathers, and sure i've had my share of that here, but i simply ignore them and like Mel said, if it becomes a problem...block or report it if it comes to a point that it makes your time here not fun anymore.

drama usually breaks if you drop it ;)
if backlash is necessary, it's usually because something genuinely offensive was said.
Other than that it's just petty squabbles that get taken to absurd extremes, and can probably be solved if people realize that 1. People aren't around to be oppressed, and oppressing doesn't make you look cool (Hint: makes you look like a jackass) and 2. Not everyone is eager to oppress you (sometimes people make mistakes)

Thanks Cabrion, people who tend to assume everyone is supposed to be as intrested in them as they are are very much likely to create drama when peeople they associate with do not drop everything to attend them.

This makes people not want to bother socially ex[ploring.

Learning the warning signs of characters (online, and off line) is a valued life skill.

Tell tale signs include for starters, statement made on profiles that indicate a socially hostile person. Real strong come-ons, people who declare themselfs your BFF after only a brief message exchange..

the best way is to ignore it.

simple, and direct to the point. :)

Troll (Internet)
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaJump to: navigation, search
"Do not feed the trolls" and its abbreviation "DNFTT" redirect here. For the Wikimedia essay, see "What is a troll?".
For other uses, see Troll (disambiguation).

A prank cake using common troll motifs such as the acronym 'YHBT' (You Have Been Trolled), the term 'pwned', and Guy Fawkes masks.In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking other users into a desired emotional response[1] or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.[2] In addition to the offending poster, the noun troll can also refer to the provocative message itself, as in "that was an excellent troll you posted". While the term troll and its associated action trolling are primarily associated with Internet discourse, media attention in recent years has made such labels highly subjective, with trolling being used to describe intentionally provocative actions outside of an online context. For example, recent media accounts have used the term troll to describe "a person who defaces internet tribute sites with the aim of causing grief to families."[3][4]

vr has its own more unique sort of trolls...

for example if there is a conversation about vampires, the vr troll feels a need to leap in and declare there are no such things.

ive seen the same happen regarding a number of subjects that would be regarded as paranormal. i never really have understood the behavior, and rather than looking at a thread and saying to oneself " hmmm...this thread focuses on something i have no belief in" they seem to have the attitude of "wow...these people are WRONG, and i must inform them!!!"

this creates its own drama, and seems to often lead to insults and generally negative behavior and comments.

~W~

Well that is because we are dealing with a world of people who have various beliefs and mindsets. That's pretty much to be expected.

~LW~ You have a great point about people doing that all the time here. To one side, a person with spiritual experiences might sound a little off their rocker or easily defining what is true to them, but to someone more realist or unbelieving of anything beyond their realm of reality or existance....the spiritual ones are seen as nothing more than people looking for supernatural qualities more than scientific evidences.

Both always trying to validate themselves or try to prove the other wrong....

instead of trying to prove one another...right. ;)

The best way to deal with drama is to...

...ready?

...is to ignore it.

Walk away, don't respond, let it go. People will start drama because their lives are "boring" to them. They set traps to drag others into it to make it more exciting. If you don't participate it won't bother you.

If you feel what they are doing breaks the site TOS, bring it to an admin to review and we will.

tbh users on any website that are there purly to create negative energy do it to seek a reaction or to look 'cool' i find from personal experiances that the key is to take away the reactions they crave (attention) hope i have been some help. much love

LW

There are those also who declare themselves to be 1200 year old vampires, would you expect anyone to enable such declarations?

While yes there are cynics, there are also skeptics, and skeptics welcome insight, and seek to understand how it is a person comes to the conclusion that they are vampires.. and here (On a Vampire site) there seems to be great reluctance to expound upon such matters.

Is that Drama? No but the parading around of those who claim to be vampires can be seen as inciting, and inciting others, without any intent to educate.

That would be called Grand Standing!

My take is like so many others have stated, ignore it. But saying that and if the drama persists then an account suspension might be in order, if it continues them maybe the dreaded delete button is pressed...just a thought.

Not to retread that old tire, but one other consideration about drama that those who promote it. Not all drama is self induced. Sometimes people will stir it from afar and laugh at the fallout. Using catspaws to create said drama is part of any royal court and this venue roughly emulates that so one can hardly expect that certain baggage comes along with it.

Lots of trolls, I've been one unknowingly, are simply surious and ask questions that SEEM like they are instigating drama, when in reality they are just ignorant of certain realities. I was curious about the bondage lifestyle once and joined a forum that apparently did not like outsiders asking questions like "what got you into this? Was it something in your childhood or something else?" (exact quote). This got me labeled a "troll"...lol. I left the site not long after unenlightened with their patience.

It is often unnerving when flamboyant people lead others to being curious, yet the moment one inquires out of interest for they are declared hostile to those being flamboyant. I reasonable suspect such individuals as being unfounded in their identity.

Anyone can summarize their ideals, and if they are unable, it would be reasonable to expect them to courteously decline, and perhaps point them in the directions to find resources to answer the question.

Drama a word that sends shivers down my spine. I hated drama at school and couldn't act to save my life...

Oh you mean the other drama...here on VR lol

Isn't most of it caused by newbies although I am aware of some long standing feuds...and it seems to be mostly fuelled by women..*yikes, runs away*

Sylivia throws a wet Slushy snow ball at Theban... "Got YA!"

I noticed earlier in the thread a couple people said they would ignore people that seemed over eager to be friends. That saddens me to hear. Just because a person is trying to make friends doesn't make them a bad person. I have made allot of friends over the years that I thought at first were just a little too enthusiastic but wound up being the truest of all my friends. Yes there are people out there that thrive on drama, but we must not let them cause us to mess out on possible friendships that can last a life time. For me friendship is earned and I am willing to give anyone a chance to earn that friendship. Now once I have been given a "good" reason to to believe they are trouble makers I will simply move on. Life is to short to dwell on those kind of people.
Just my opinion .. Blessed Be ~Sylivia~

I was hoping I made it clear that it is a factor to be weary of, by itsself it is not an indicator that a person is apt to be an instigator of drama.

It is the person that test the other relationships of people that have already been friends, as if your new association with them trumps previous friendships.

Honestly if you let those who wish to cause drama get to you then you are enabling them to do so. Keep to yourself and nothing will come. If you complain about a rate then you shouldn't be here. The site is a Vampire resource / directory not a dating site.

Great thread.. As for drama I try to stay as peaceful as possible. I try to stay away from individuals or groups that are having problems. I've noticed on here this huge thing with people talking smack on their journals or dashboards. Or the vampire versus the were wolves. It's really silly to fight about things like that. But I personally feel that the profile should be blinded especially if there a trouble maker. Is it possible to blind a persons profile after a certain amount of complaints?

You can only ignor someone or block them a certain amount of times.

This community is so small that once you do have a string of events with people everyone knows of you... so figuing the active population of this site is only a few thousand... it's fairly easy for people to know pretty much everyone... I have seen myspace profiles with more friends than we have total members... and many of the profiles are owned by 1 owner... some have as many as 3-4 profiles... so news spreads fast on this site...

people can avoid much of the drama by simply trying to reason with people before going on the attack as well... talking is an art that many people have forgotten to use, it seems...

But people are so quick to assume you mean offense or you are being rude instead of asking. But many members here are a stubborn as an old man lost in a new city, but he insists he knows where he is going.

I had a small issue with a troll on another website. I laughed at them and played along, making fun of them and their hostility immediately subsided. After that, I mostly ignored the person. Believe it or not, that worked excellently. I distracted the troll by making him put his energies into finding ways to insult me and when he finally caught on that I was playing his game for a bit, he backed off and then I ignored him after that. It shut him up. I felt proud.

When I had issues with people or the other way round, I just communicated, was patient and well mannered.

Most of the time it ended well, but other times it didn't. Therefore I just ignored the people, you can't always win.

Also, not saying certain personal stuff would avoid drama, because sometimes when poeple argue with you, they bring in public what you said in confidence with them, with the intention to humilate you. This is why most of the time I'm hidden and unseen...

http://www.dramabutton.com/

As far as drama, I haven't experienced that on this site. But, if it ever came to me, I would be as neutral as possible. After all this is the internet. I would block people only when its necessary. I'm a love child...don't wanna fuss or fight.

i think as humans drama tends to be one aspect of us because we are a people of reaction and tend to react in many different ways to things

one can easily ignore the rubbish that goes on but most do not only because they find it fun to light fire to the flame

i think one way an admin can solve such issues would be not to take sides...which sadly i do see but we are all humans so you can't blame them for wanting to side with one side over another

i think we as members have the ability to end it if we say our peace and block it.

I think a lot of it actually depends on the topic of drama.

If the subject is something universal, like for example the existence of vampires, its easier to either a) ignore it or laugh and walk way b) Drop it or c) confront it as "I believe different" and talk it out (hopefully) calmly.

But when it comes to personal arguements between members it gets harder. That's when its up to the individual's common sense and personal strategy. They can get involved and fight on their friend's behalf or not get involved at all. Though I find the latter harder, especially if the arguement is based on a personal attack. It's pretty common to want to defend your friends against rudeness.

The sad reality is, online you can lose context SO easily. Like previously said above, people often jump the the worst conclusion first and that can start an arguement when there was none to begin with. This is when fully explaining your point is necessary. You never know how someone will interpret what was said.

Best suggestion I can give is if you are unsure about something that was said. Message that person and ask for clarification. Or post it there might be others just as unsure about the context, and then go from there.

Discussion is great but bickering gets you no where fast.

I just got done removing alot of drama from my life. the way i did it, is try to find the root of the problem, which was someones big mouth, so i disarmed their crap right away by just ignoring them for the most part. it took a bit of investigating, but the problem was resolved.

Well, Drama always will follow you as long that you belongs to a web network, VR. IE, my coven, recently deride to change all position around and bough back a ACM who have only 964.683 favors. Well the new ACM took away all the position, Including myself, who have been for this coven for over 4 years, I am the older beside the CM, and gave different position. Now, that is Drama to the max. Some members did not took it so easy. Myself, I don't see the need to complaint to anybody about the situation, because is not my coven, and I need to accept the rules of the CM. LOL. My point, don't let the Drama of VR get to you and make you lose some sleep. Some members, psychologically speaking, and I can speak, are taking the nature of VR to the heart and is not healthy.

Personally markus I see that as more issue, then drama.

dabs
if i have someone declare to me that they are a 1200 year old vampire, i think id prolly either stop talking to them, or continue to do so out of amusement.

on this site if someone makes the declaration, then i just accept it...sometimes with a block of salt...and move on.

back to drama...

what do you suggest do when there is someone very very dear to you that pulls a ton of drama out of their hat?
as a friend you cant just ignore them or tell them to piss off, but then you get mired in the drama yourself.

a viscous circle indeed!
~W~

I really think people are too preoccupied with this word and its application. No one can see you, no one can throw anything at you. When there are numerous people on a website they are bound to disagree...some will do it pleasantly and others will not. Some will be amiable until they get questioned so much they feel like they have a kid standing next to them saying "why." It is sometimes just better to say thanks for the info and this is my opinon and move on. At least that is what I think about it. If I have an outburst somewhere on here I will say my piece and then shut up. What's the point. People need to just move on to another topic if it is extremely controversial and what is a "troll?" I don't use these types of descriptions for people on the net.

In such cases wolf the supported person takes trump.

You personal as an example claim that vampire is something you feel, while I do not know weather you are PSi or what. I am personally compelled by your character
that you genuinely feel something convincing enough to
interpret as vampiric.

Yet people would led others to accept them as ancient monsters of lore are being enabled by degree, when it is so easy for those who identify as vamps to dodge basic inquiry.

Thus allowing them to retreat behind the false shield of "Avoiding drama". It should be the priority of those whop identify as Vamps to align themselves with existing accepted vamp "channels". especially here on a vamp/goth/sci-fi site/data base. it appears every thread turns into a support group.. so very emo.

Tee hee support group, I love that.

Personal issues btw members should be handled on a personal level, I've seen journals were ppl lay everything out as a means to have others back them and confirm there side of the argument. Then this huge mess of nonsense of these ppl get involved as if it's there own problem.

As far as all these claims of I'm vampire, the feelng I get especially when they say I feed sexually is this person is a predator. They use this vampire thing to get laid. I think it's really creepy. But if saying your vampyric is the only word that can possibly describe u as a person is understandable.


The signs I've noticed of drama filled individual is mainly attention getting of any sort. Those that have to use a means that they are better for whaever reason.

Exactly, as well as stating that only a type of members should be part of the site, where the only one who can decide that is only Cancer.