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immortalxkiss's Journal


immortalxkiss's Journal

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PROFILE




49 entries this month
 

18:42 Mar 30 2017
Times Read: 729


Oh my god, the Destiny 2 trailer is fucking magnificent! I always loved that Bungie hired Nathan Fillion to play Cayde-6, the Hunter Vanguard leader. He just brings a loveable Malcom Reynolds vibe to the game. And so much so in the new trailer. Cayde has always been my favorite character from the game, and not just because it's Nathan. But, the stuff they wrote for him has always been funny. They really started writing him as the comic relief with the first DLC, and since then, Cayde has always been a step above everyone else in the game. But this fucking trailer... It's glorious. You have super serious Zavala being all super serious Zavala, and then there's Cayde... It really makes me wish I loved the Hunter class enough to main it.


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05:49 Mar 29 2017
Times Read: 782


My grandmother is in the ICU. She hasn't been conscious since 8 last night. She has fluid in her lungs. She's completely unresponsive. Her heart rate is too high and her blood pressure is too low. They don't know what's wrong with her, but it isn't looking good. She has a DNR so, I don't know. She may never regain consciousness. It's like Ralph all over again...


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XDemonicBitchX
XDemonicBitchX
06:09 Mar 29 2017

i know the feeling sweetie my mom went to the hospital for a normal check up cause she was not feeling good an hour after getting to the hospital she ended up on life support she never came out of it we had to remove her from it and that was in 2015..i will pray for your grandma

a big hug





NITEOWL47
NITEOWL47
14:53 Mar 29 2017

I've been there myself with my Dad...You need ANYTHING, don't hesitate to call. -hugs- You aren't alone. Love you.





 

12:59 Mar 28 2017
Times Read: 950


The truth, I guess it stings just a little too much? As much as you'd like, deleted comments don't always disappear...


"I'm not here, I'm just going to post this journal on this site I supposedly hate after saying I was leaving forever, because I have a compulsive need to place blame on people and an inability to get the fuck over things."


You know what people find tiring about all of this? Is that this isn't anything new with any of you. You people just go in this vicious circle of blame. First it's you, then it's Marci, then it's Cat. Round and round and round, each of you screaming victim at some point or another, each of you placing blame on the others for whatever perceived slight you can think up. It's been going on for years. Years.


Vampire Rave is just a website. It's the people who make your experience with this website positive or negative. It's amazing that people can be members here for years on end and not have the problems you lot have. Because normal people don't let the petty bullshit of a make believe online world effect their reality in any meaningful way. But you and your ilk, you can't let a damn thing go. So you make your journals, call people out in kismets and in your Covens. You bitch about each other in your cams. Then you go and play friends for a while, only to have it all start all over again. You all play the victim when none of you are anything of the sort. Every single one of you is a bully. And while you may be too blind to notice your own horrible behavior, the rest of us aren't. We see you for what you are. And it's disgusting.


For someone so innovative, so smart, so well educated, you sure do carry on like someone who, well, is none of those things. The smart thing to do, if you dislike this place so much, would be to walk away and stop all this. But you can't.

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xXxPaynexXx
xXxPaynexXx
14:45 Mar 28 2017

I'm just gonna leave this right here...



👍





NITEOWL47
NITEOWL47
15:26 Mar 28 2017

Well spoken as always, milady. ...and yeah,I agree with every word.





 

07:00 Mar 28 2017
Times Read: 968


I did it. I started watching The Walking Dead. We'll see how far I get this time around.


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08:45 Mar 27 2017
Times Read: 993


I keep seeing the Mass Effect: Andromeda trailer when I watch stuff on YouTube, and it's gotten this song stuck in my head. Weeks. It's been in there for weeks. Thank goodness it's a great song, so it's alright.


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05:00 Mar 27 2017
Times Read: 1,043


Don't you ever get tired of this cycle?


I do, and I'm not even involved.


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xRobin3x
xRobin3x
05:09 Mar 27 2017

same here.





xBriareiosx
xBriareiosx
05:19 Mar 27 2017

Same as well lol.





BatsInTheBelphry
BatsInTheBelphry
07:58 Mar 27 2017

yes it is very annoying.





 

04:17 Mar 27 2017
Times Read: 1,049


I'm trying to decide if I want to try watching The Walking Dead all the way through. I never really could get into it, I'm not into the zombie thing, and I don't know, the characters were never all that appealing to me. But, I really only saw the first season in full, so if I gave it a real shot, it could change my mind. Or I could stand by my original thoughts about it. Guess I'll never know unless I sit down and watch.


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00:27 Mar 27 2017
Times Read: 1,066


It's been another long, but good day. I had to go out and get the remaining plates and cups and things for Liz's baby shower. The color matches the invitations almost perfectly, and it's such a pretty blue. Then Kevin and Liz stopped by, so we all went to see my grandmother. Spent a good three hours over at my aunt's house. Then we went out for a late lunch and just hung out. They're talking about buying a house, and were looking at models out in our area. I'm hoping they buy out here, not only is it more house for the money, but because they'll be close when my nephew is born. Granted, they want to stay closer to Glendora/Covina, where they live now and where we grew up, because the drive would be easier on my brother, as he works at the prison in LA. If they move out here that's adding an hour, at least, to his drive. So, drawbacks. He also informed us that he's now a training officer, and he'll probably be getting a pretty good raise. He's only been there a year, but he's doing so well for himself. Being a Sheriff was the best thing for him, it was his dream. I'm happy for him and Liz. Now I think it's time for a little Netflix and relaxation. Maybe I'll hop on Destiny later. Or finally get around to playing Ghost Recon Wildlands, which I haven't touched since Mario bought it for me.


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22:04 Mar 24 2017
Times Read: 1,118


It's a hard truth, seeing just how much of a bother you are to some people. I tried with Chris, I gave everything I could to be a good girlfriend, then to just be a good friend when he no longer wished to be in a relationship. I respected his decision, I went with what he wanted. Because that's what you do when you love someone. I've only ever tried to give him what he wanted at the time. But now I realize how much of an idiot I've been. I'd bend over backwards for him when he wouldn't ever do the same for me. I'd give him the shirt off my back when he wouldn't even be willing to give me the time of day. I'm not a good person, I know I have a lot of faults and issues to deal with, but I try. I really do try. But him? He doesn't even try to hide it anymore that he's an asshole. That he's a selfish prick who only cares about himself, and if that means hurting other people to get what he wants, well, sucks to be those other people. I'm tired of being treated like I don't matter until he wants something from me. I never wanted to remove him from my life, because I care. I care so much. But I won't take being treated like this anymore. He's not going to change, I know it. I've always known it. But I hoped... I hoped that he'd realize he had someone who loved him. That he would make an effort for me. It was all stupidity on my part. He is who he is, and while someone may be able to change him for the better, it was never going to be me. He simply didn't want to. So, this is me, closing that book, shelving these feelings. I tried my best, and it clearly wasn't enough. It was never going to be enough for him.


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NITEOWL47
NITEOWL47
03:36 Mar 25 2017

-hugs- here if you need me.





ThedarkprinceVvvvV
ThedarkprinceVvvvV
04:19 Mar 27 2017

sending hugs since you need some.





 

08:31 Mar 24 2017
Times Read: 1,142


Has anyone played Mass Effect: Andromeda? I want to get it, but Mario has played it and he wasn't impressed. And he's not the only one I know who feel like it was overhyped and kind of garbage. And I have heard horrible things about the graphics, the story, the characters... Basically everything about it. For a AAA game, I'm reserved about buying it when I have heard more bad about it than good.


So, has anyone here played it? And if you have, would you recommend it? What's your favorite aspect of the game? What's your least favorite? Is the story as good as the original series? Are the characters as loveable as Commander Shepard?


I want to love it, I really do. I'm a Mass Effect fan and have been eager to play Andromeda since I heard it was being made. But I don't want to waste money on a game I'm not going to enjoy. I mean, I already did that with Halo 5. I'm still only halfway through the campaign, and I refuse to play anymore because of how bad it is. $60 is a lot of money to invest into a video game I won't enjoy.


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Dakotah
Dakotah
08:53 Mar 24 2017

I have and yeah, not impressed with it at all. The UI is.. special. A lot of minor issues that just make you scratch your head. It comes across as a bad console-based UI, imo. Even trying to check the quest log and look at different sections like the main quests, side quests, etc... is a pain in the ass which seems to require you to click were it says journal at the top to go back to the quest menu and then click on a different category of quest rather than just have tabs. It doesn't even come across as UI developed with consoles in mind because I can't imagine it functioning well in that capacity either. The devs have mentioned taking some inspiration from Witcher III when it comes to a lot of the side quests, but on a technical and UI level it feels inspired more by the first Witcher game. The animations, especially on the faces are just awful. Ryder in particular seems to be badly facially animated. Like, when I got the Tempest, my Ryder was supposed to look excited/awed. I think. Instead Ryder looked like a person in the midst of a slowly developing stroke where part of the mouth was already paralyzed. I've also seen movement animations that are awful from characters looking like they have had severe neck injuries so can't turn their head, to other characters walking like both arms are dislocated and a hot poker was shoved up their rears. Honestly though, for all the annoying quirks, if I could change just one - give me some new eye graphics that don't make the characters look like Chucky Dolls. Game is in desperate need of another 3-6 months to solve a number of the problems. Thankfully the multiplayer is pretty fun (even when you suck at it like I do).





immortalxkiss
immortalxkiss
19:49 Mar 24 2017

That was exactly what I needed to hear, thank you! Looks like I'll be waiting until it goes on sale or something before getting it.



And the eyes, yeah, I've heard a lot about the eyes. Ping pong balls, is what a friend called them. It's disappointing, utterly disappointing, that such a hyped up game fell so short of everything that made the Mass Effect series great. But, that seems to be the theme these days with games. They seem so great and then you get them home and it's a shell of what was promised and expected.





 

02:20 Mar 24 2017
Times Read: 1,152


My nephew to be has chubby cheeks and a smooshed nose. According to the people who did the ultrasound. But, the 3-D thing, it's awesome. And I don't care, I think that little baby looks adorable. And I'm sure I'll be posting pictures of just how darn adorable he really is when I get to meet him in person in late May. I think I'm more excited for him to be born than my brother and sister-in-law are.


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20:05 Mar 23 2017
Times Read: 1,168


I get to go see the 3-D ultrasound today with Liz, my mom, and her mom. I'm excited!


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08:29 Mar 23 2017
Times Read: 1,186


It's extremely rare that I'll sit and listen to the music on any of my profiles, as I access VR mostly by my phone these days, and the music had to be manually started instead of automatically starting like it does on the computer. However, I was putting a song on my newest profile, and I switched over to this account to see something. I've never really looked at it on this screen resolution before. Anyway, the song I have playing on this profile, Green and Blue from Halo 4, it hits me with all the emotions I felt when I played through that story the first time. And, it is just a beautiful song on its own. I have to say, some of the most amazing music can be found on video game soundtracks. But, it was the first time I really listened to the song in months and months. And, I don't know, it jut always makes me emotional. It transcends the game it comes from. Very few songs can have such an effect on me like Green and Blue does. I don't know if that's such a good thing right now, as my emotional state is shakey on a good day and completely unstable on others... But, even with all that, all that it makes me feel, that song also calms me. It's a funny thing, the things music can do to a person.


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20:49 Mar 22 2017
Times Read: 1,225


The thing I'm looking forward to the most with the new site updates is that images won't stretch out my screen anymore. I access VR mainly from my phone, so when the idiots come along with their huge stamps, it stretches out the screen to horrendous proportions, and I'm not a fan of that. But, with the new updates coming, I won't have to worry about it anymore because all the stupidly large images people like to use will be scaled down to fit my screen size. You have no idea how excited I am about that one aspect. Not to mention all the other awesome things coming, but that one little thing, that is what I'm most eager for.


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SireWallFlower
SireWallFlower
20:55 Mar 22 2017

Images should totally stop going around leaving huge stamps, stretching people's profiles. Ugh.





immortalxkiss
immortalxkiss
21:05 Mar 22 2017

Haha, I read that and then I read my entry and it does appear that way. Darn Images, streaching out profiles and such.





SireWallFlower
SireWallFlower
23:30 Mar 22 2017

Lol!





imagesinwords
imagesinwords
04:14 Mar 23 2017

I'm a jackass like that. lol





SireWallFlower
SireWallFlower
04:18 Mar 23 2017

Ha! That made me "lol" for real. :D





immortalxkiss
immortalxkiss
04:37 Mar 23 2017

Oh my god, me too! That's why you're the best, Heidi.





 

15:03 Mar 20 2017
Times Read: 1,271


There has to be a rule somewhere that construction can't start before 8 am. I've been listening to them tear up the asphalt for 45 minutes now.


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NITEOWL47
NITEOWL47
03:33 Mar 21 2017

-Hands you a flamethrower-





 

05:13 Mar 20 2017
Times Read: 1,347


People are... People. That's both a beautiful and utterly disappointing thing.


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04:11 Mar 20 2017
Times Read: 1,415


Oh, look at that, you're back.


What was all that nonsense about leaving? That's right, just a show. It's always just a show. I was really hoping you'd actually go the fuck away though.I was really hoping for that.


Oh well.


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EroticTails
EroticTails
04:12 Mar 20 2017

Sorry we arent that fucking lucky lol





BeautifulEnlightenment
BeautifulEnlightenment
04:25 Mar 20 2017

And you can delete my comment, that's fine. I'll just put it the fuck up in my own shit. And yes, I AM LEAVING. I just wanteed to let EVERYONE KNOW who the FUCK did this shit.



I don't NEED VR anymore. I HAVE FRIENDS.



I HAVE FAMILY.



Pretty fucking sure I made myself the fuck CLEAR. DUMBASS. Just SHUT YOUR MOUTH. You making yourself look like SUCH SHIT right now. This is NOT helping you. I promise you that.





immortalxkiss
immortalxkiss
04:28 Mar 20 2017

Shit talking? No. What little I did say about him was true. He and I have a history and things did not end well between us. But, that's between he and I. Which is why I didn't divulge much aside from asking a question. And, I don't know what happened to your baby, nor do I particularly care. That's not my life, not my business. But hey, if you wan to think me a monster, go for it. I've never done anything remotely monstrous, but, well, you're not one to jump to conclusions and call people names, right?





Magdalena
Magdalena
04:40 Mar 20 2017

Oh, it gets even better than that. LOL From what I was told, she's trying to say that I'm a child molester because someone allegedly strip searched her child; thus, making a mockery of children who really have been molested, and further proving she doesn't know how the legal system works, because that would mean the task of strip searching someone in and of itself is child molestation.



Now, considering all the other fake shit she's accused me of over the years, anyone who believes what she's saying needs a CT scan. She's also accused me of being Aracon, being on crack, having Muscular Dystrophy, having a crooked arm, and being in a wheelchair. Last time I checked, none of those are remotely true, but whatever.



It would kill her to stop being jealous of people who have more going for them in life than she ever has and ever will. Not the first time she's been wrong in her accusations, and won't be the last. Eh, but of course she knows everything. LOL





Owlish
Owlish
04:48 Mar 20 2017

Yeah, Magdalena, and she was making personal threats against you in her webcam, which I flagged.





immortalxkiss
immortalxkiss
05:39 Mar 20 2017

BeautifulEnlightenment



23:23:54

Mar 19 2017



Block User



Delete Comment

Yes well.. Now that we know your shit talking about *** was all BULLSHIT... I'm sure you DID. ;)



And even after reading what happened to my BABY, you STILL HAVE YOUR MOUTH OPEN. JUST SHUT UP YOU FUCKING MONSTER





I don't delete comments I don't agree with, but a third party was mentioned and they would rather stay out of this, so I removed their name.





 

02:38 Mar 19 2017
Times Read: 1,512


I'll only believe that any of you are actually leaving VR when the 30 days are up and your profiles are nothing. But, you won't leave. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it. You can't. So all this nonsense with the kismets and the journals, pretending like any of you are victims of anything but karma coming to bite you in the ass for your own horrible behavior, is for show. One stupid, stupid show.


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SireWallFlower
SireWallFlower
13:08 Mar 19 2017

Same.





 

20:05 Mar 18 2017
Times Read: 1,532


Woke up feeling like death this morning. I can't go over and help with my grandmother because I'm not willing to compromise her health. My youngest cousin is there, and I think my eldest will be there for a little while as well. This feels like strep throat, and I really hope that's not the case. I'll give it a few more days, and if I'm not feeling any better, well, I don't know. Guess I'll have to scrounge up some cash to go see a doctor.


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NITEOWL47
NITEOWL47
00:40 Mar 19 2017

-cuddles- hope you feel better soon, dearest.





 

06:55 Mar 18 2017
Times Read: 1,562


What's the point of staying home and saying your going to help when you don't actually stay home and fucking help? I can't move my grandmother, I can't lift her up and change her positions. This is why my cousin was supposed to stay home, so he could be here to help do what I can't. I couldn't be more disappointed in some of my family right now. I'm going to have to talk to my aunt Sue in the morning, or knock some fucking sense into my little cousin. Or both. I'm thinking both. I even tried calling my dad, but his phone was off and he's probably already headed off to work. I don't mind being here and helping, but I can't do this all by myself. I really can't. And I shouldn't have to. I'm seriously pissed right now.


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04:33 Mar 18 2017
Times Read: 1,582


I guess I'll be staying at my aunt's house for the night. My youngest cousin up and vanished on me and my eldest, Chris, was helping me but he has his own family to take care of. So, it's just me here, with the 3 chihuahuas. Noisy.


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Slain
Slain
04:37 Mar 18 2017

SUFFER! :: grins::





immortalxkiss
immortalxkiss
05:08 Mar 18 2017

Haha. I come from a house with cats. Cats aren't loud. Then I come to this and every time I move it sets them off. I feel horrible because my grandmother is trying to sleep and these dogs just start yapping and I can't shut them up. It's the worst!





 

23:56 Mar 17 2017
Times Read: 1,594


It looks like the hospital will be releasing my grandmother tonight, which means it's up to me to take care of her until my aunt gets back from Arizona on Sunday. I don't know if I'll wind up just saying at my aunt's house, or if I'll wind up coming home. I guess that's the beauty of living out here now, at least I'm only ten minutes from both my aunt Sue's and aunt Stacy's houses. So, even if I do come home, should something happen, I'll be close.


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19:32 Mar 17 2017
Times Read: 1,612


My cousin's fiancée works at a vet clinic. She got in four little kittens that were just dropped off because they were unwanted, and since she knows what's happened with my Ish and Dite, and she asked if I wanted to take any of the kittens. So, I'll be getting a new boy and girl in about five weeks. They're so young right now that they're still being bottle fed and she didn't want me to have to worry about that. I don't mind, really, we had to bottle feed Ishtar and Mongo, as we found them when there were only a few days old. But yeah, two new kittens. It' ll be good for Nyx, since right now all she has is Mongo, and Mongo just can't play like she can. He's too old and has too many issues. And, from the pictures, they are adorable. Plus,major bright side here, since Celia is a vet, she's going to take care of all the shots and getting them spayed/neutered for free.


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03:15 Mar 17 2017
Times Read: 1,648


I'm just going to wall myself up in my little corner here and forget people exist for a while. I'm so tired on so many different levels, dealing with other people is just too much for me right now.


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IAmNegan
IAmNegan
04:55 Mar 17 2017

You could get a baseball bat, wrapped in barbed wire. ~giggles~





 

04:10 Mar 16 2017
Times Read: 1,681


I got home from the hospital a little while ago. They finally started her chemo treatment tonight, so that's a relief. She said she may actually be able to go back to my aunt Sue's hose tomorrow or Friday. If it's Friday I'm going to have to be the one who picks her up from the hospital. Well, me and my younger cousin, Tim. Hopefully this, whatever I caught, will just go away and I'll be able to take care of her all weekend while everyone's in Arizona. I doubt it will, because weak immune systems make getting over things take forever, but, I'm hoping I'll be okay. I'll probably go back in the morning, spend and hour or two there. I don't know. I'm tired of the hospital thing. That said, I'll still go, because she's my grandmother and I love her.


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22:47 Mar 15 2017
Times Read: 1,734


If you are actually looking to leave a website or whatever, you do so without fanfare. Without the journal entries and without the kismets. You simply leave. Maybe you send out some messages to certain people, but that's it. When you put out the journals and kismets, you're merely looking for attention. "Hey, look at me! I'm totally leaving, guys! Like, don't try to stop me or anything, 'cause I'm super serious about this" People do it far too often and it's utterly annoying. Leave or don't leave, there is no need to post it up everywhere.


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QueenZombiee
QueenZombiee
22:57 Mar 15 2017

I totally agree. I am sick and tired of journals like ''oh no one likes me oh I'm so done oh I'm leaving for good Ahh they will be happy OMG I'm worthless ''etc

Lame





Slain
Slain
01:26 Mar 16 2017

More or less... I want attention ploy. Quite irritating.



Not everyone is as subtle as you at demanding attention though. : P



lol





 

18:06 Mar 15 2017
Times Read: 1,749


I've been at the hospital all morning, just visiting with my grandmother. I'll be going back tonight for an hour or two, should she not be asleep like she was last night when I went. I don't mind making the drive, the hospital is only about 15 minutes from where I live by freeway. However, I think I may actually be getting sick. I can feel it in my throat. It's why I hate hospitals. I have such a weak immune system that catching something was inevitable with all the time I've been spending there. So, I don't know if I'll want to visit this whole weekend. I mean, I should, because everyone else will be in Arizona packing up what's left of the house, but she's already dealing with enough that I don't want to compromise her health anymore than it already is. Fucking dilemma. I'm gonna down some medicine, so hopefully it will be okay.


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NITEOWL47
NITEOWL47
22:56 Mar 15 2017

Do what I did, explain you're sick and ask one of the nurses for a breathing mask, then wash your hands like crazy. Just remember to look after yourself as well, dearest.





 

22:56 Mar 14 2017
Times Read: 1,795


After years and years and years of having a Premium Membership here, I've all but forgotten how much it sucks to have a free account. I can't do anything with it. Not that I even know what I'd do with it, even if it was Premium... Bah. Maybe soon I can get six months or a year put on, but for now I have to deal with not having features I'm so used to having. It's so weird, I tell ya! Weird!


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ZombieLegendre
ZombieLegendre
00:05 Mar 15 2017

I've tried that a few times. I just cannot do it. I always end up putting a premium on it.





immortalxkiss
immortalxkiss
00:19 Mar 15 2017

If I could afford it right now, there wouldnt even be an issue, but right now I have more important things I have to put money towards. It sucks, but I can deal with it for as long as I have to.





 

22:05 Mar 14 2017
Times Read: 1,807


I brought my Dite home today. They didn't give me any seeds to plant in her memory, so I am going to have to find something so I can plant hers and Ishy's together. Maybe little roses or something, something pretty. She'll go rest on my bookshelf, next to Ish, where she belongs. It's so final now... Both of them are gone. I hate it. I'd trade Nyx in a million times over just to get my Ishtar and Aphrodite back.



Not that I don't love Nyx. I do. She's just... She's not them. And I don't know if she's all that comfortable with me yet. Slow going. So slow with that one.


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18:49 Mar 14 2017
Times Read: 1,819


It's funny, watching my mother try to explain to my grandmother how to use her new smartphone. I'm sitting here explaining to my mother what she's doing wrong. It's like the blind leading the blind with those two. But, we did make it a little easier on my grandmother, we got her a stylus since her hands are all shaky and she doesn't quite understand how to use the touchscreen. I dislike hospitals, but spending time with my Nana is worth it all. She's looking so much better, and I'm sure she'll be top again when she starts her treatments. She has my aunt's doctor, so we know she's in good hands. It's good to see she's more coherent today than she has been.


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01:18 Mar 14 2017
Times Read: 1,895


I'm curious... If I were to create an alt account, and level it up with the intention of helping a Coven, old or new, would anyone want me? It wouldn't be a Premium, I don't have the money for that right now, but I'd be active.


All this stuff going on in my life, I need an outlet, and gaming has gotten a little hard for me lately. I can't really concentrate on anything. So, I'm willing to dive into VR again for a while.


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Gristle
Gristle
01:39 Mar 14 2017

I wouldn't mind, but full disclosure on IS being completely dead. Like... it's d e a d.

I don't have enough to trade for new members and when I tell people who want to join that it's dead, or tell the Coven Masters that I have no favour to trade with... no-one really wants to join. :P





EroticTails
EroticTails
01:44 Mar 14 2017

I would love to have you immy





InkedMommy
InkedMommy
01:54 Mar 14 2017

I would love to have you, Nicole. I lovers you.





QueenZombiee
QueenZombiee
07:31 Mar 14 2017

You will be welcome in Horde. You are nice girl.





 

18:49 Mar 13 2017
Times Read: 1,915


My Nana is back in the hospital. It's bad, you know, her being in the hospital again, and she has a kidney infection on top of all the other issues, but it's great because now she has a doctor and can start her chemo treatments. Moving her here from Arizona was a nightmare on my family because she was going without her treatments, she didn't have a doctor or anything, and while we were trying to sort things out and get things done, this stuff isn't easy or quick. But, this way, horrible as it is, at least she's getting the care she needs now. So it's a huge relief. Hopefully she'll stay in the hospital until Monday or so, so the yard sale can happen and no one has to be home to constantly take care of her. I hate saying that, but it would be the best option for my family. We wouldn't have to worry about something happening while we're out of state and unable to deal with it.


The real hard part now is talking to Dave, her husband. My Nana is walking away from the house, letting it go into foreclosure, but Dave still has no real idea that's happening. He's an an assisted living facility right now, but he's under the impression that he'll be going home after the time limit is up. He has no home to go to. My grandmother really should have told him this, but now she's not in any place to do so. So... That will be a fun conversation to have. Dave isn't the calmest person when dealing with stuff, and this is huge, so I don't even want to think how he'll react to the news. So much is left to do.


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01:01 Mar 13 2017
Times Read: 1,946


I got home from Yuma about an hour ago. It was... difficult. My Nana's house is just so full of stuff. So much stuff. All the main furniture was split up between my mother and my two aunts, so that will be fun to bring home. I am likely going back out there Thursday night, as there's going to be a big yard sale thing at my grandmother's park, so we have to set everything up on Friday and be up bright and early Saturday. Hopefully we'll be able to get rid of all the silly knickknacks she's collected over the years. What we can't sell will just be given to a thrift store. I'm tired, it's been a long weekend and I am so happy to be home.


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NITEOWL47
NITEOWL47
01:55 Mar 13 2017

-hugs- glad you're home safe.





 

21:12 Mar 10 2017
Times Read: 1,994


I'm tired. Not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually... Just tired. This year started off with bad news and decided that was going to be the theme for my life, one horrible event after another, one piece of bad news after another. I need a break from life. I'm breaking. I really don't know how to cope with everything that's been thrown at me these last few months. I just can't do it anymore. I'm tired. I have no one to talk to about it all, so it's all being bottled up inside me. It's unhealthy and I know that, but I can't do anything else. I don't know how to deal with everything like a responsible adult. Add comments from people outside who dont know a damn thing about me and what I'm dealing with just makes it that much worse. How the hell am I supposed to just "feel better" when it feels like everything I know and love is slipping away, is being taken from me? I'm not asking for your sympathy, I don't need your pity, I just need you to understand that I'm not in a great mindset right now, and I probably won't be for awhile. I just need you to accept that right now I'm at my limits and civility has taken a backseat. Sorry if I'm being bitchy, but given everything I've been dealing with, I think I deserve a little leniency.


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NITEOWL47
NITEOWL47
12:59 Mar 11 2017

Of course you deserve a little leniency right now, and if folk can't understand that, it's their problem. I'm always here if you want to talk, or even if you don't feel like talking at all. -hugs tight-





 

03:40 Mar 10 2017
Times Read: 2,029


And bam, just like that I'm back to just having my two Sires, as it should be.


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01:37 Mar 10 2017
Times Read: 2,057


I've found myself with 4 accounts, which, honestly, is about three too many for me. So, I'm gonna just go ahead and give one away for now. xEphemeralx, it's a level 42, with Mark, so around 40 without. It's housed in The Coven of Temples of The Ancient Egyptian Pharaohs, so you can talk to the CM if you want to be traded anywhere else. It's got a Premium up until the 1st of August. I just honestly don't have the time to devote to releveling an account these days. So, if you want it, just let me know.


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17:57 Mar 09 2017
Times Read: 2,104


There are so many typos in the last entry, I apologize for that. That's what happens when I do things when I'm emotionally drained and physically tired.


Tomorrow night I'll be making my last visit out to Yuma. My mom and two aunts are going to my Nana's house to pack it up and sort things for the yard sale that's going to happen in the next few weeks. I'm going because my Nana and my aunt Sue said I should, my Nana wants me to go through what she has and pick things that I want to keep. So, I'll be without internet, as she doesn't have any there and my data is pretty close to cap and it doesn't reset until Monday. So, I'll be off the grid until Sunday night. I'm honestly not looking forward to this. The last time I went out there with my aunt Stacy, there was a huge fight, I called her a bitch, and we didn't talk for months. So... Looking forward to something like that happening again... Hopefully it'll be fine since my Nana isn't actually going to be there, but we'll see. My mouth could probably still cause problems. So, that will be my weekend. I doubt I'll take much, she and I don't have the same taste in books, and I'd rather her sell those and get some money than me just keep them and never read them. I may hijack her movie collection, though. But, like, I don't feel comfortable taking things when she's not even, you know, gone. I don't know. It's a funny thing with me. Anyway, we'll see how this weekend goes. I'm kind of glad it's the last time I'll have to be there in that city, in that house.


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05:32 Mar 09 2017
Times Read: 2,131


I went and saw my Nana tonight. She looks... Frail. And broken. And so, so sick. The cancer is really taking its toll on her body. It was hard to be there, to see her like that. The prognosis is anywhere between six months to a few years, depending on how her body handles the chemo. It's terminal, the chemo wot throw it in to remission, merely slow it down. It's gotten to her spine, and although iy hasn't hit any major organs yet, I think that's only a matter of time. It's good that's she's home. With us, with her family. At least we can try and keep her spirits up, and she'll be with the people who love her most.


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imagesinwords
imagesinwords
11:35 Mar 09 2017

Cancer sucks.





 

PRIVATE ENTRY

23:40 Mar 08 2017
Times Read: 2,174


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •


 

19:08 Mar 08 2017
Times Read: 2,201


Damn it, Destiny. Damn you and your new stupid Age of Triumph book I'm going to have to finish before all of this is over. At least Chris will be coming back for it, so I don't have to play alone like I tend to. It'll actually be nice to revisit all these things we experianced for the first time together all over again.


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11:43 Mar 08 2017
Times Read: 2,229


You know what the worst thing about all of this is? Waking up in the middle of the night and going to pet a cat that is no longer there. I've shared my bed with one cat or another for just about the last twenty-one years (except when I lived in Oregon, then I shared the bed with Brannan and his dog), so it's weird to shift positions and not have to worry about disturbing their sleep, to open my eyes and not see them curled up on my pillow, or right next to my face. It just feels empty. Empty and cold. I hate it. I want my Ishtar and my Aphrodite back.


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03:30 Mar 08 2017
Times Read: 2,261


Mario is like, just the best ever. He went and got me Ghost Recon Wildlands because he's awesome. And for all the crap I've been dealing with recently, he figured playing with him and Sam would be a good way to get my mind off of everything. I am so grateful to have a friend like him. Someone who gives enough of a damn to do something like buy me a video game when I'm down.


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07:59 Mar 07 2017
Times Read: 2,383


My Aphrodite.


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Dakotah
Dakotah
02:37 Mar 08 2017

What a beautiful cat she was. She looks happy and content. My deepest condolences.





 

01:38 Mar 07 2017
Times Read: 2,431


First Ishtar and now Aphrodite. As of 5:27, she's gone.


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LuciferianLullaby
LuciferianLullaby
01:38 Mar 07 2017

I am so sorry hun





SireWallFlower
SireWallFlower
01:49 Mar 07 2017

Immy I am so, so sorry. I'm so sorry....that's literally all that comes to mind. I love you, I'm here for you always, if you need to talk.





Smurf
Smurf
01:57 Mar 07 2017

Immy I'm sorry, hunni. I wish there was more I could say or do. I love you and I'm here for you.



Love, Marci





slipknotbabe356
slipknotbabe356
02:08 Mar 07 2017

I'm sorry for the loss of your fur baby





Magdalena
Magdalena
13:04 Mar 07 2017

I'm sorry for your loss; I too, consider my animals part of my family. It seems like one of those things we should expect and be prepared for, but the truth is that it never makes the loss suck any less. My thoughts are with you and your kitties, and I hope in time that it hurts less.





 

17:08 Mar 06 2017
Times Read: 2,461


There's something wrong with her mouth or her throat. I can't see what it is, but the way she eats and drinks, it's pretty apparent. It's been something she's had for a while, but it's never affected her as much as it does now. I jut attributed the way she reacted to swallowing due to the fact that she lost one of her canine teeth. Funny thing is, is I've taken her to the vet within the last year, and they didn't see any issues. So, whatever it was must have just gotten really bad in the last few months. I think that's why she's gotten really thin, she doesn't eat or drink as much because I think it hurts. I can't do anything for her. As horrible as it is and as much as I hate myself, I can't afford any more vet bills. Ishtar pretty much wiped my savings clean. Hard decisions have to be made, and I really don't want to have to make them. But, do I let her keep living, keeping her in the state that she is, or do I let her go peacefully? She's had 16 great years with me.


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02:54 Mar 06 2017
Times Read: 2,493


I think Aphrodite is getting close. She's taken to hiding, something she's never done before in all the years I've had her. Hiding in the corner of the walk-in closet, under the bed, anyplace dark and secluded. She meows at nothing and it sounds like her breathing is becoming labored. I don't know what to do for her. I don't want her to suffer, but I can't go through that process again so soon after Ishtar.


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TheArtistRose
TheArtistRose
14:08 Mar 06 2017

You probably don't want to hear this but maybe getting another cat wasn't a good idea. I know you needed it in your life. I understand as a cat person since birth. But there's one thing my mother taught me, getting a new cat or kitten can cause stress or disease, or immunity problems. I'm sure you've had everyone checked at the vet; these things still somehow just happen among the healthiest.



You also could be right, it might be a broken heart from a friend passing away. Animals are smart.

Sorry this has happened to you.



My advice, quarantine her in a cage. Just so she doesn't hide and die and you can be with her.





 

20:20 Mar 05 2017
Times Read: 2,513


A bit of good news thrown in with the constant shit I usually have to deal with, is that my grandmother is moving back here to California from Arizona. Today, actually. She'll be living with my aunt Sue, who lives ten minutes from me, so that'll be good should something happen. My mother and I were supposed to go out there next week, spend a week there, help her do things and get to doctor appointments since she's pretty weak from the chemo they pump into her. So, now I don't have to go and do that, thankfully. I don't mind the idea of helping her, and I probably will spend time at my aunt's to help out, since my aunt is pretty sick as well with crohn's disease, I just hate that I had to go to Arizona. Not even a fun part of Arizona. Yuma. We've been trying to get her to move back for years and it's kind of shitty that this is the reason that made her do it, but it's also good. At least she can be here with her family, not 4 hours away in another state.


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20:31 Mar 04 2017
Times Read: 2,547


Something's wrong with Aphrodite. I don't know if she just notices Ishy's absence and is dealing with it in her own way, or if she's getting close to death; she's seventeen. While she's always been a thin cat, she can't weigh more then six pounds at this point, and I think the majority is her fur. You can feel her backbone, her hips, prominently, there's no meat on her. She just sleeps all day, and yeah, it's normal for cats to sleep a lot, but this isn't her normal behavior. She hardly eats anything, and she has to constantly be near me. I don't know what to do, or if anything can even be done, since she's so far up there in age. I can't lose her so soon after Ishtar though. I just can't.


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March
March
15:58 Mar 05 2017

Animals can usually sense when their time is up. I have seen Humans and cats and dogs to this same thing that you describe many times. Naturally Cats do have a tendency to want hide when they die. As to not be eaten by a predator postmortem. Being it's a house Cat the animal may know it's safe. You may have to call a Vet and see what options they may suggest. But know that Cats and Dogs can also have arthritis and even severe Fibromyalgia in their older age.





 

02:05 Mar 02 2017
Times Read: 2,593


You know what makes me smile? When I hop on Xbox and get an invite from Chris to play a little Destiny. He and I don't talk as much as we used to, both of us tend to be busy, so days where we actually play together are rare. We didn't do much, maybe about an hour spent running some strikes, but it's enough. It's enough to make me happy. His mic is busted, so we just communicated via text messages, but I'm not complaining. I enjoy and cherish what time I do get with him these days, because I know what it's like to not actually speak to him or get to game with him for months on end. So, even if it's just an hour, I'll take it and be content. Even if it is just running pointless strikes on Destiny, I'll take it and smile the whole time. Because knowing he's there, on the other end, makes it all worth while.


It feels like a more mature kind of love. Not needing to constantly bombard him with messages when I know he's on. No need to constantly blow up his phone because I feel ignored. I take what I get and I smile. Of course I crave more, but not to the point where I need to pester him about it.


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Owlish
Owlish
03:22 Mar 02 2017

I can relate to this so hard. :P

Just knowing they're there, playing with you, on the other end - just seeing that little figure running around on screen - it's so nice.

It's something to hold onto, when you can't physically hold onto them.








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