The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Vampires are by legend known as a solitary lot, the series of events leading up to their turning the subject of many movies. There is however, little attention devoted to a very important aspect of the journey. Very uncommon, usually quite rare, is it that a person finds a another much less an entire community able to support them in what they are feeling along this journey.

Today I went to see an old friend of mine. She was a part of my life I thought I had left behind, so going to see her didn't seem like a bad idea. Aside from nostalgia I won't go into, it was a rather blatent reminder of the human life I could have lead.

Be you what you may, what you are and what you need cannot be ignored, nor can it be forgotten about. As beautiful and amazing as she was, it brought an almost pain to me that I could never be with her and life for what I was as I should be able to.

The point of this being the isolating quality a person's awakening demonstrates. As many of you know, it can be a rough journey, and even after you're done, you never forget what was before what is. I'm interested in the stories of people who walked the line, and found their way here.

Perhaps i am just to new but I cant help but wonder why you didnt just find a balance and remain in her life. I mean so what if your a Vampire that just makes you special I think. IN everything balance must exist. I am still learning and it would help if I had a vampire to guide me, in anycase i am new so my apologies if i sound dumb.

I think a real friend is someone whose life you can remain a part of no matter who or what you really are, as long as you do not harm them. I would give it a chance.

lolitamarie - very well said. I had a friend like that.. though we had a falling out over something else. her beliefs and mine were not the same, however as my friend.. she had no problem listening to me.. and vice versa. I learned from her.. that friends can still be mutaly supportive of one another.. wether they share beliefs or not.

I would rather find that balance as mentioned above.. then to lose a friend.

I do believe that my journey to this place started 10 years ago. Role playing. Though I have always had tendencies toward the night, I was brought up on movies and lore. Not vampires as a reality. Then as I role played I found that there was a lifestyle lived by people, and a disease that made other live in the night, and I started to realize that I was more than a roleplayer. The feelings I had actually existed in others. I don't know when my awakening was or if I am still going through it. But I do know that the vampiric side of me has caused a rift in my life. I live two one by day one by night so to speak. I can seek balance but if others do not understand or do not want to understand then how am I to heal that rift? So for approximately 4-5years I have been bouncing from Lifestyle Vampire sites until a friend recommended I come here. Here I feel at home, there are others that share my thoughts and ideals..and I learn more each day. More than I have learned over the past 9 years anywhere else.

Dark Greeting's, I lost a great friend sister Student.I miss her and one day we will settle ou'r differences.What and Who I am is.Tao I flow even as a vampyre.
Dark Blessing's,KA

I'm not sure if I have awoken, or if I may ever awaken. I just don't know. Not to go off topic, but, what is it like to awaken? Maybe then I will be able to differentiate my feelings....

I can see where he's coming from. She would not be too understanding of his lifestyle, am I correct? And it sounds as though for the author to have a serious commiting relationship, both parties would have to be open with eachother, and he fears that openness would drive her away once she found out his nature. At the same time he would not be happy changing himself to better suit her wants. Just from the text provided I would assume that he wants to be with her, but fears the "inevitable collapse" of the relationship. But whose to say she might not find his lifestyle fascinating? She may secretly harbor the same wants and desires as him, but she also fears rejection. The choice ultimately is between you both. He may or may not reveal his nature, as she may or may not reveal her's. But unless either one does, they'll never know.

If someone is really important in your life, you should make every attempt to find a compromise on the things distrubing you both. If being together is too painful for you both, it's not worth it to hurt each other but talk about it first. It may be only you who are feeling this way. Talking together is the best way to resolve your differences. Friends are too important to lose by being afraid to confront problems.

Why try not just to approch and reveal it to her? It might sound risky, but what does it tells you inside? Within the deepth of your mind your soul, I have my ways of knwoing if its okay to speak or not, I manage to even master the art of receiving futur reply before actually speaking, of course that means I will speak but I was ready to face it. So what would be the worst? It can't be worst then the present situation, the loelyness of the path you have chosen, this dark path which is yours to embrass, might not be lonely if you speak your words to her, if you don't its sure it will remain lonely if you speak , there might be a chance for you to gain back your friend. Its all up to you to manage this darkness.

I have discovered in my journey that there are people in my life who are ok with the vamp and others who consider it a total perversion that will send me to hell quickly. I wrestled with that for a while and then decided that those who think it were wrong were still important enough for me to keep in my life. I just do not share that part of me with them. There are so many parts of who I am that it has been workable for me. There are many in my life that share a different part of me that others do not. I recognized a long time ago that one person can not fulfill all the needs/wants I have. With different people filling different needs, it works.
I agree with Nightgame that the only way to know is to communicate.

If you chose to be a vampire you must know that life of vampire is a life in lonliness, in shadow of human life...
about friens... a have meny old friens that i didn't saw for meny years... but i fell them, i know that all it is ok with them, when they will need help i will be near..
the most inportant things in friendship is to help and suport when they need it, just filing that with them all is ok is enoth for me..
sorry for english

This really isn't limited to just Vampires. Most Therians go through their lives, never being with someone that symapthize with them.

When I had fallen in love with my X wife, I had thought she was akin to what I am. After only 3 yrs of marriage, I found out she was nothing like what I thought she was. I've had others whom claimed to be what I am, but I was always disillusioned very quickly.

Considering both Vamps and Therians are reviled by normal society, it makes more sense for us to team up as companions. It'll keep the lonliness at bay for both species.

Greetings to all ....

First I wish to share [as I have with several others on this site ] that I go in cycles ...

There are times that I long for the company of Kindred ... Then there are those times, periods of solitude, that I loath their stench ... right now ... I am seeking company ...

My marriage was one that should have never terminated ... but it was this very traumatic event that initiated my most powerful awakening ... Despite the fact that I love my daughter's mother [with each pasing day it is less] she cannot and will not accept, that which I am ... She has spent energy attempting to have me psychiatrically evaluated, but nothing was found ... As a vendor of these types of services, I have bought them myself and no longer require them ... Yet, here I am open to all, a proud member of this community ...

For me there are two issues ...

I have a professional standing in my community and my employ ... For this reason, I must maintain the "Masquerade" [sorry it the best word that fits] ...

Secondly, my family of origin, although their love for me is unwavering, their tolerance goes only so far ...

So I live a duality ...

Although I have peers here within this community that put down the duality inwhich I live, it is not their life and I have no support from them, so it is of no consequence to me ...

I do have the support of two elders that I consider very powerful and supportive ... it is part of what keeps me going ...

I pray that this small contribution may be of help to anyone ...

::Bows respectfully to all:: ...

LORD RHIAKATH

A person should at least try to make it work and as long as it did no harm.

I don`t think it would hurt to try. You are still you no matter what you have become.

i hate to see so many in pain for no reason but others hate. it is not right, but in time all shall be well. i suggest, just, living without regret and telling her you still want to be friends and i am sorry for all the others whom have lost love and friends over nothing. truly, i am sorry, love should be felt by all.
*bows* blessed be.

you need someone close wether it be a good friend or someone that really cares for you.

is isolations something so terrible maybe its better that way, to not remember them

isolation is not as bad as some may seem. but just because one has awoken. does not mean everything must be left behind. one can take certain things over with the change.

Quite true, and indeed I have taken many things with me. I am currently guiding an amazing woman with whom I am good friends through her own change. It's truly interesting to see which elements of a person's life may survive the transition, and which people may accompany.

Is there anything about the awakened vampire besides the name that would create this dark mood? I've read the Codex and don't see where it really has to be so isolated and depressing barring the fact that it was written in a very 'gothic' style and that the name vampire evokes a certain dark and lonely lifestyle.

Beyond that, it seems like there are a number of well adjusted awakened vampires who don't feel that just because of what they are, that they need to sever their relationships and friendships for the lonliness of the vampire. They have decent jobs and good friends and some have full families.

It seems just a question of whether or not you feel that it's a need to be public about who you are...Or how much weight you put in other peoples opinions of you. There are plenty of things that most people don't feel the need to share with everyone unless they're ok with it and don't cave into others opinions...why is vampirism any different?

I had the same problem Executioner...not in tune with the true existance and therefore failure...i have been hiding for many years...when I was young...my mom always said i was a "devil worshiper"..so far from the truth...i pretty much keep to myself just to save myself from anymore pain than I already have burdened myself with.

I completely agree with firewolf. Why couldn't you have found a common ground. Many beings have done it, why can't you?

I'm engaged, so my common ground is with another. Indeed if I had not been with the one I am now I would have done just that. The attempt was to start a discussion about the awakening and what it means to people, and some of their experiances.

There is truth in the fact that some people are too narrow minded to accept that vampirism is a lifestyle that is "alive and well" in this day and age. One, however, does have the choice to share that with others or keep it to themselves. If you choose to share that knowledge with anyone, it is assumed that you trust them and believe that there is next to nothing you can say to this person that would make them shy away from you. So inherently being isolated because of such actions is merely based on ones choices. We are very good at blending with the rest of the flock when we need/want to be. I am sorry, I just believe some people will never be able to handle the truth, and those are the people that your facades are made for.

There is a dark side to everything but sometimes to help avoid it you must cast yourself into an form of exile to surpass it and regain the power that you may have lost

during this lobg journey i have lost many friends. some due to not understanding what was happening to me, others from my unintentional draining of their energy. now i seldom make friends as i do not want to hurt them in the long run. i say bridge the gap if you must to keep the friend.

When I was young, I wore what I was like a badge, always showing off. In this way I had many admirers and many enemies. But upon realizing the danger, I became secretive. It was then that I faced problems. Some friends I told, and they spurned me. When my friends didn't know, I had trouble being around them since I felt like I was lying in not telling my true nature. It is horrible. I think it is why I try to make friends carefully, and only with those I know for sure will believe.

It depends on the parties involved...some may be able to love you in spite of your differences, if it is real love, they will. If not, you are still who you are, and you shouldnt change for anyone; so if they cannot accept you, and this is a large part of who you are, then end that chapter of your life, and continue on your journey.

That is what I ended up doing. That part of my life will be a fond memory of sorts, but it is a chapter that has been closed. The universe has a funny way of guiding us all along our intended paths.

I understand what you've left behind. There are people who will never understand our kind and our way of life. That does not mean that we can not still have some human touches here and there. I agree, we are a very solitary lot, and we either draw people to us or frighten them away. But we are who we are, and we cannot change that. It's so hard to live with those around us frightened of our being a creature of myth, but those who are in our lives, we should cherish. I know where you are coming from, I've lost friends, and I would have given anything to be normal...but what is normal?

Matsunome,
You came up with a very good topic here, very thoughtful.
I am one of the the awakening I would say..I don't fully yet know how to control myself but I learn daily here so I'm not alone living in the shadows..
I have non vampire friends some her some outside of here but I do find myself pulling away from them at time mostly I think due to my reluctants of pulling energies from them not so much they wouldnt accept me as I am..
I sometimes wonder when i pull away its more me then what they might or might not do or say...
Balance is something learned and I'm not entirely there yet...
I hope this adressed what you had to ask...

Moving on, having new acquiantances, Letting go of old ones: its kinda fun for me its like travelling from one place to another. Maybe because I never really left those past times behind I have them in my memories. All things have an end by that I mean their goals. I never let any regrets hold me down, anything behind my past are treasured. Every memory I held on thats my way of coping with things. I even have my relationship with close friend even if she's dead.

(^-^) My memory helps me intact. Holding on something that no one can ever take it away from you and also protecting it. That's my balance it took me several wrong turns for me to understand it.

I would say that it's actually psycholigically harmful to close oneself off to everyone but those who agree with you. It creates a vacuum of ideas and growth and would simply foster an anti-social behavior that would snowball on itself. You'd no doubt find that the further you withdraw from everyday aquaintances and from more intimate friendships and relationships, that the more difficult it would be to stay comfortable in any social situation. I hazard a guess that it's a great way to become a recluse and develope a really cool social anxiety disorder.

wonder if the cliche phrase of true friends will stay around and the not so real friends will leave.

I have experienced both sides of what happens if............

look if you think that being a vamp is so bad then do something about it.... dont comlain about it.... look i have been around for a long time a hell of a lot longer then most, so dont give me this BS about " a life i could have lead" just suck it up and live your life..... your fellow emptyness

to a true friend such trivial things should not be an issue...or at least i think so

A dark side to Vampirism?...I was unaware that there was a light side. hehe. ok now that my early morning attempt at being an ass is over...I do remember waking up, nearly 11 years ago, it sucked. I used to be a surfer. Id spend all day at the beach, no sun screen, no t-shirt, tan as a hide. Now, I cant do that anymore. Im pastey, I burn in about 30 min and the sun hurts my eyes. And since you cant surf at night where Im at, I havnt been out in nearly 3 years. I suppose I miss that the most about my "life befor life"

Sa Ar Muirin Dorchadas

Gothic Romeo

each friend has his or her own things, that is what being a friend is about, accepting the person for themselves, you might not agree upon things but u work around those issues.

For myself I try to find friends with a different outlook or way of life and enjoy that about them, Then they freak and think I am out for more or something else.
So I am still myself, whining about not having friends................ that being a dark quality,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like said earlier ......

just look up, and get on with your life.

I am getting on with mine, and I am a stronger person for it.

like, theres a light side?

Nah, too busy enjoying the darkness.

my ex had a very painful time coming to terms with what he was, what he wanted to be, and how he had to lead his life. i'll never forget the sight of him, lost and confused, i've never seen him like that before, and since, never have seen him like that again.

the suffering he went through burned away at his doubts though, and now he's fully in control of his life, and his destiny (at least that's what he says) so i guess you should just keep moving forward... and hope you find the right track.

I think Firewolf has a very good point.

It totally depends on what line you think you're walking. No matter who you are, there is always something different about you.

We're so busy calling other people "normal" and calling ourselves "different" that we rarely realise that is what EVERYONE else is doing.

I personally try to accept anyoen on their inner self, whatever that may confront me with. If they are worth it, you know it.

For everyone it is different....I suppose that the more you know, the more you can accept. The more you accept and therebye become tolerable towards others, the more they may become tolerable of you. No one can meet you 100%, (unless they love being dominated) it is an honor to be met by the 50% line to give and to take. So take a chance. It might hurt. But you will know. Isn't that better?

i think that it depends on the person and their nature to begin with , but i think that again it does depend on what it is they are trying to acheive.

I agree with what icedair said. Real friends will stay fake one will go.

I only have 2 friends who i can talk to about me truthfully but i generally hide my campire side, though acting as a regular kid at skool and being a senior is a pain but still managable, u just gotta keep ur friends close n dont disclose too much if u think it will make them edgy.

I had a friend who casted me out for a week when she finally got it out of me that i'm a vampire, she wanted to know and she didnt want to know. Some friend she turned out to be...

friends should stay frineds no matter wot their choices in life be it religion witchcraft or vampirism

I find peace with my darker side in the Goddess I follow. She has been a wonderful source of support.

Be it the proverbial vampire or not, we ALL give up things and people throughout our lives. Certain people come into our lives at the exact moment that they are needed and they leave in the same respect. If you were around her and you felt as tho she belonged in the past, she most likely does. Let her go and look toward another, that is most likely already in your life, another that belongs in THIS time. The world moves on and so must we....

Life is full of "What if"s but they are just dreams. what is, is. Compromise does not work - each side believes they have sacrificed something of their principles for the other, and resents it. neither side is the better for it. just better to let it go as something that just wasn't meant to be.