EstrangedOne's Journal


Honor: 80    [ Give / Take ]


19 entries this month

Christ... Some of These Corporate Agents, I Swear...

21:16 Aug 30 2023
Times Read: 225

I know the job market, thee days, is crazy. But this is ridiculous. I just received two different messages from the same agency, telling me two completely different things.
In one message, they send me a link to fill out the "formal/official application", which still doesn't really make much sense to me. But hey, I suppose it's "just the way they work, these days". Fine, I suppose. But as I'm about to open THAT one, I get another message, about the same exact thing; telling me that they're no longer hiring anyone for the position.

Seriously, fuckers. Make Up Your GODDAMN MINDS, Already. Oy vey...
Just another thing that makes me really hope my current agency manages to get me the new client soon, because this shit is driving Me Up The Fucking WALL.




Decided to do This, Since I Couldn't (and Still Can't) Sleep

10:06 Aug 30 2023
Times Read: 236

Still not very good with a slide, but I have a funny sense that might also be partly due to my unorthodox tuning method - even lower than Drop C, which is almost the lowest (and heaviest, to my knowledge) you can go.



10:18 Aug 30 2023

When I try to practice slide I usually tune down a half step to E flat
Eb Ab Db Gb Bb Eb

10:49 Aug 30 2023

LOL In that particular case, I would have to tune Up. WAY Up. My tuning is so damn deep, it almost rivals a bass.
But I'm also just starting to learn how to really use the slide, myself. Not really accustomed to it.

11:37 Aug 30 2023

It takes practice and finding the right slide, I try to slide and vibrato the strings and, it just doesn't work unless it's right on the notes.


Hopefully, I'm Not Putting My Foot In It, Here...

18:33 Aug 25 2023
Times Read: 273

Again, I really hope I'm not just "putting my foot in it", here, but... after more than six months, it seems that my current main job may finally have something for me to take on, and get myself back on the clock for awhile. Granted, this time, I'm definitely not taking the chance of doing the same thing that I did last time, and taking on all the hours possible. Doing that actually got my tail jumped by the very person I took care of... not making That blunder again. Honestly, it was bad enough having the last person jump on my case for leaving my music behind as I did years ago. Besides, at this point, I couldn't do that again, even if I wanted to.
Granted, sadly, I'll have quite a ways to travel to and from, for five days a week. Somewhere around an hour or more, unless something ends up happening, yet again (which would kind of be just my funky "luck"). But the one issue that I have is that, as a caregiver/caretaker, it always helps much more when the person you take care of, be it professionally or volunteering your time, is someone with whom you easily get along with. And I've already had more than a few clientele with whom I could NOT get along, even when I kept my mouth shut (and for anyone unfamiliar, yes... that does get insanely bad).

But on a similar, yet side-note to that, luckily, I have made it abundantly clear to the management that I can most likely do Monday through Friday - or a "typical 5-day week - whatever is necessary, really, for the time being and most part. But in terms of what I did before I returned to my music (essentially being on the clock almost twice as much as the managers)... ya, that isn't happening. If I do that again, I already know I'm going to have absolute HELL to pay, and I would rather avoid that insanity, unless it comes with some manner of "extra perks" to add further advantage to it, which I know isn't very likely, especially with my current agency (just one more thing that makes me a little tempted to just say "screw it" and go Independent, for that, too).

But anyway, that is essentially my update, for the moment of to-day. And I swear, just thinking about the faint complexity of it just made me almost go cross-eyed for a moment.




The Bloody Ironies...

20:06 Aug 20 2023
Times Read: 302

Of course, while working on a new song because I woke up and haven't been able to get back to sleep yet, I get the typical, not-so-welcomed video call from someone who drives me nuts.
Naturally, I tell this woman that I'm working on my music while more than half asleep, and more often than not, I have to hear about all the lunacy going on (simply too damn frequent), so I tell her, very bluntly, to cut down on how frequently she contacts me, and of course, she eventually closes the conversation with...

"You truly want to be alone? Be fucking alone."

The woman clearly does not grasp the fact that we were toxic to one another from the beginning.
"Two very different people from opposite worlds", indeed. Oy vey.

Just goes to show she really couldn't handle my natural bluntness like she claimed or thinks, I guess. But hopefully, this means the ex-wife is finally crossed off. Hopefully.



05:33 Aug 21 2023

*fingers crossed* Lol


These Agencies/Employers... Oy Vey...

20:30 Aug 18 2023
Times Read: 320

If you ask me, a lot of these agencies go out of their way to make it downright difficult as Hell just to get through their application process. And they claim it to be "easy"... perhaps if you've either never held a job before, or have had only one or two jobs throughout your life.

Me? I've actually lost count of how many I have had, just because my history with it is that damn long.
And I just spent the past four hours having to fight with a system, just to get the damn app done. That is a little ridiculous.

And all after having gone through about twenty applications, in the last week or two. Again; Oy Vey...




This Shit has Already Long Become Absurd...

23:21 Aug 17 2023
Times Read: 341

I think it may finally be about time for me to fully "ghost" someone, at last. Ironic as it is, this is the first time I have ever even considered such a thing.
You already fucking know that while I am, yes, a damn (severe) insomniac, I STILL Do Not Appreciate being randomly called in the middle of the fucking day, when you Know Damn Well I am Most Likely SLEEPING OR TRYING TO SLEEP, and nearly the ONLY thing you ever seem to have to share is a bunch of fucking drama in which I neither belong, nor want any part of.

I have been holding this one in for a little too long, and my patience with it has officially hit its absolute breaking point.
I've never simply "ghosted" anyone, in all my time; I have only ever walked away from those who walked away from and abandoned me, when I needed someone. But this shit is fucking absurd, and frankly... it has me fucking livid, at this point.

And yes, I was just called, earlier today - which I only keep my phone close by for "just in case" purposes - and pulled straight through the damn exhaustion by someone who calls me "best friend", but I fail to see how I even make the mark, when there is nearly nothing in the person's life but drama that they welcome. Needless to say, sadly, I was too damn tired to tell them to "fuck off", because I could barely fucking open my eyes. But I swear, if I get even one more call from them, especially during BROAD FUCKING DAYLIGHT, I am telling them Just that.

This shit is why I tend to say "There are the select few I enjoy, A few more I don't mind, Some that I Tolerate... and Most I Just Can't Stand".

Someone... fucking SHOOT me... so much for sleep, today...




I Was Going to Put These in Here Earlier, But, of Course, Got Side-Tracked::

14:54 Aug 17 2023
Times Read: 352

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And the next one might be a little... crazy...




I've Just Said ''Fuck It''... A New Date Is Set...

02:30 Aug 17 2023
Times Read: 361

I've ultimately decided to just say "fuck it", and set my latest song, "Sensation of Dissonance" for full release. But the only thing that I'll say, in regards to it is that it will/should be on a Friday, as of midnight (as per "listener's time zone(s)). Other than that, if anyone wants to hear it, then you will likely just have to keep your eyes and ears posted for it. Any manner of "sneak peek(s)", well... good luck with that. I want this one to be a bit of a surprise for people.

Since, of course, likely everyone knows the reason I do my music, I figured that I've already sat on this one a little too long, as it is. I do prefer to do my work piece by piece, at times, because admittedly, there are some things that just don't fit, individually, into any grouping. Personally, I think this would be one of those. It definitely won't fit well with the next project I have in mind (and I know that for a damn fact), just because of what the next one is based in.

On a bit of a side note, however... I am beginning to debate upon whether I should even keep my distribution "team", given that these jokers are always giving me some kind of Hell about any release. The only one they HAVEN'T given me Hell about was "ADDENDUM", which... I would've thought it to be the other way around, there. They seem to enjoy making things overly complicated for no reason, while they also find ways to pull strings I didn't even know existed. But I suppose we'll see how things turn out with these twits, because this new song I was working on... I couldn't help doing it during the last big storm. So, hopefully, it has the same (or similar) "sensation" to others who listen.

Speaking of listening, etcetera, I have been working little by little on a couple new videos for my channel (of course, just guitar practice, for now). Once I have them set and uploaded, I'll be posting the links in here, for viewing.




It Never Seems To Fail::

23:12 Aug 13 2023
Times Read: 385

Even after an extremely relaxing scenario earlier in the morn, it still took me an hour, aft, to finally fall asleep, and even then, I barely slept longer than a few hours. Woke up with the mind going absolutely haywire, thoughts seemingly blending together, into the old mesh of a choral cacophony, and... even awoke to the sound of a lawn mower that I swear sounded like a damn jet plane or helicopter circling the place.

Luckily, I have been able to mostly get those waking thoughts straightened out. Or at least, I think so.
But I also had some ideas finally hit me, in terms of some of my finished works, and I have to admit... a few of them are quite tempting. Have to get some of this crap straight in the brain, first, though, because now, I think i need to do a video about it - but that definitely won't be happening until at least dusk, because (naturally) it was this damn solar storm going on again that put me on my ass, late this morning.



00:46 Aug 14 2023

Sleep...always such an elusive little bitch...and a masterful tease!


Since I Haven't Been Able To Sleep, Just Yet...

13:46 Aug 11 2023
Times Read: 402

Since I haven't been able to sleep, yet, due to some infuriating bullshit yesterday, I decided to try some further practice with the guitar, and something perhaps ("cool", but)... positively Dumb As Hell...

I decided to do some home-style wood-burning/burn-etching on my guitar, for customization - for multiple reasons - which... NOTE. TO. SELF... NEXT Time, make sure you are wearing a mask, while correct airflow is guaranteed... Talk About FUMES. I can just imagine what I would be experiencing, right now, if I wear a so-called "normal" human being. Luckily, I only have a bit of a headache from a whiff of the fumes, but still. NEVER will I be doing that again, without the proper safeguards. Holy bloody Hell...

Upon the note of the music, however, since I did the latest two or three video sessions, I found yet another interesting tune that sounds oddly familiar, for some reason. I swear, I've heard it before, quite a long time ago, from when I first heard and held a Lute...
For some reason, though, I couldn't resist listening to my own latest album, while I was working on the wood-burning. I have to say, while I will NEVER be touching a guitar BODY with that shit again, I will definitely say that I'm quite satisfied with how my initials turned out, on the Neck. And I wasn't even using a proper wood-burner, either, which is ludicrous, yet ironic. I actually just put the after-photos in my portfolio.

Now, I think it's time for a glass of wine, to help me knock myself out. I hope.




While I Only Wanted To PRACTICE Some More...

04:27 Aug 10 2023
Times Read: 415

While I was initially intending to simply make it as AMBIENT as Possible... I had the same damn tune stuck in my head for DAYS, and STILL have no idea why. The weird thing is that I could swear I've heard the tune elsewhere, some time ago, but can't place it. So, I figured "Fuck All", and just did said videos as is.

For those who take a listen, I hope you enjoy and pay my channel a visit. I also put up my first "short", which some may understand the screwy humor, or may not.



00:55 Aug 11 2023

For whatever reason- I liked the first one best. :)


One of The Last I've Been Doing - Preceeding The Nest Two I've Been Mentioning

02:15 Aug 10 2023
Times Read: 419

This is the horseshit one gets when they are an existential contradiction, like myself...
Now, I don't know about anyone else, but personally... I just really don't care for not using "extra" distortion.




A Couple New Guitar Videos Coming::

04:00 Aug 09 2023
Times Read: 435

I decided to say "fuck it", and do two versions of a little something, in an attempt to make it a little "softer", per say.
One version having, apparently, a ton of distortion, and the other with the distortion as minimized as possible.

I will say that, personally, I still think I'm terrible with it, these days, though I am making some progress, little by little. But I will be putting the videos here, when I have them up on the Tube.
I figured that since the job hunt seems to be going almost nowhere, I needed something to help me clear my mind as much as possible, which... unfortunately, only works while I'm actually doing it, so that kind of tells me just where my mind remains, these days.




Another No-Go... Unless I'm Missing Something They Aren't Telling Me...

17:28 Aug 08 2023
Times Read: 450

Well, the interview, today... yeah, that's a job that isn't happening. They require legality documentations that I can't even produce - at least, not before it would be too late. SO... I suppose, on to the next possibility, unless the interview from yesterday magically went better than I think it did.

Unless there is something I'm missing and not being made aware of by these jokers, it seems that I just have to keep looking. Kind of ironic, too, considering I still seem to have people boasting about me, all over this place.




Yet Another Irony--

02:58 Aug 08 2023
Times Read: 464

Quite ironic; everyone else was getting 'severe weather', and meanwhile, I currently reside in the top floor of an A-frame house, near the top of a hill covered in trees... we were under straight tornado watch, yet it only knocked out the internet connection for several hours.
I swear, mother nature really likes to be bipolar, these days, thanks to mankind always fucking around...




Good ol'e Interviews... Oy vey...

20:27 Aug 07 2023
Times Read: 477

Well, I just got done with my first interview, this week, and Bleeding Hell, I hope I didn't botch that one. If anything, I can really only hope that my prattling (despite being literally asked to do so) only placed me higher up on the list of candidates/prospects. I don't like sitting on my thumbs all the time, even if it gives me all the time in the world for the music... that tends to make the brain and the body lazy as Hell.

Granted, I suppose, that's one big downside of being in the healthcare field - be it home or facility.
It is kind of an irony, overall, though... I fell into the same field of which a handful of psychos always said I belonged in the opposing end of (basically told I should be in a straight jacket), and yet it's because of that line of work that I found one of the greatest uses for my talent with the mind and music, in general.

I've long been convinced that music is actually the ONLY real therapy needed for anyone - the only trick is figuring out what kind of music is most partial. Everything else falls into place like either a puzzle or clockwork.
But again, I just really hope my prattling from pure fucking exhaustion actually went in my benefit on this one, because it's the much better potential job of the latest possibilities.




Most Recent Progress With The Guitar.

05:47 Aug 06 2023
Times Read: 499

If you want to actually see the video, then I do advise going full screen and possibly bumping up the brightness. And especially if you enjoy, then pay my channel a visit - trust me, when I say, the more people subscribing actually helps to grow my channel more.
I still have the un-trimmed/original/longer version of the second one, which I'm debating on uploading. But this is a little more of my albeit slow progress in working further on my dexterity

It does still irritate me to know that I play better when I'm not recording myself, which I still can't quite figure out. But that being said, if you enjoy the videos, then imagine what the songs themselves may sound like, when I'm not on camera.



21:10 Aug 06 2023

Nice instrametal added to my Private Party playlist. Thanks for sharing.

02:43 Aug 07 2023

LoL Well, hey, it's good to know it's enjoyed. Knowing people enjoy it is always greatly appreciated.
I'm still trying to find out what's taking so long with getting my channel officially listed as an "Artist" channel, but once I can actually get that done, all of my work should be shown on there.


Some Changes On My Own End--

22:17 Aug 05 2023
Times Read: 514

Well, the situation at my end is facing some rather... insanely fiasco level issues, to say the least. But without putting too much detail out; at least, on the positive end of it all, I have some interviews coming up, this week, which, I'm actually looking forward to one of them, since it offers quite an interesting scenario - something that will actually give me the opportunity to both be on the clock almost as much as I wish, while also keeping up with my music.

Upon that note, actually... Shortly, I'll be putting up another ambient guitar video, and putting that, along with the predecessor of it on here, for people to watch.
Although, I will say that it is kind of obvious that some are becoming a little too accustomed to seeing that on here, which... one thing I will say is that with how things are about to me, on my end, that might not be the best of ideas, if people really want to keep up with my work. I've been doing a lot more with my guitar - mainly working on my dexterity - but I'm waiting, for now, before I bring any further out, in terms of my latest real music. Mainly because I want to see how well my new album does, for a bit.

Speaking of which, one thing I will also point out is that since my music has mainly been getting released on Spotify (since YouTube is STILL having trouble with distribution), at the moment, Spotify is really the only way to keep up with it, at this time, unless you're more interested in the tunes I like to implement. At some point, however, I know I'll be trying to do some videos for the album, as I've said, before. But for the moment, I'm left with seeing what people enjoy the most, before I decide to do that. I say "trying" mainly because while I hate to say, myself and the programming, et-cetera, don't really seem to get along, so IF I am able to do a video for anything, it is guaranteed to be one hellishly unorthodox method, which... that one, alone, poses an interesting debacle.
But that being said, if people want to hear my work on YouTube, then you will likely have to go straight to my channel and find a playlist of it, though that one is a little frustrating for me, because I still can't have it put directly on my channel. But we'll see where it leads, I suppose. For the moment, I remain trying to figure out a means and method of uploading my new videos, which... at least, for those who enjoy "ambient" music, especially of the darker side of things, then you may really like what I refer to, in this case. Personally, I just hate having to try to "edit" video, because the only thing I can really do with accuracy, is trim it down a bit, and darken it enough to where I don't have my irate mug on the screen.




It seemed Like I Was Forgetting Something... Then I Remembered This...

01:17 Aug 01 2023
Times Read: 349



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