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ive noticed that people who are involved within the gothic lifestyle and associated interests , the majority are into BDSM?
myself included, but if i mention the subject to my friends who are into their fashion , dance music and pop etc tend to turn their noses up and call me twisted!!!

therefor! is BDSM a lifestyle based fetish? or is it a life style in its self and just a coincidence within the goth community???

i for one am into it but like you said my friends that are into pop and stuff think im weird or sick LOL

i think its just because they havnt tried it? or maybe it is just our culture that indulges and are willing to explore our sexual boundries?

I think it is a lifestyle based fetish but u are right most think it is sick and weird.

theres a crazy link between renfair and comicon and bdsm and hentai and furries because it takes all types

mostly everyone has a fetish, lots of people act on it too. in fact if you got to know a lot of them youll notice there is a lot of people who seem completely normal. like i said -- all types

Good point Hottubmolly
That makes perfect since! Everyone has a fetish it just may be different that ours!

To some it is lifestyle.. Not my thing really but lots in the goth community seem to like it.

I think people of certain mind-sets tend to move in certain directions and very often, together.

People who find an interest in a goth lifestyle might have a tendency to have more of an interest in BDSM... and conversely, people with an interest in BDSM might gravitate towards and eventually adopt the styles found in goth culture.

Same could be said for many interests and lifestyles, which leads to a lot of stereotyping...

Some things just go hand-in-hand...

I know Ravers, techno, and Hip Hop that are big into Plushy Parties. As well as adult infant fetishes.. I can see the gothic scene taking root in the BDSM circles, The Victorian theme that also coexist in that scene is a draw as well.

Leather, Black, and PVC go hand-in-hand in both Communities.

BDSM does have a hint of "fantasy" and grandeur in it, so I think it's easy to gather from the Goth commmunity...where else would us Lifestylers get our cute clothes?

Plus, traditionally in BDSM, Black is considered a "Dominant" colour.

i think that it is a lifestyle of one's own liking. Generations ago people hid their fetishes, along with the facts of being Bi, gay whatever. Today people are opening up and many are accepting people for who they are, not what their fetish lifestyle is with another adult. to each their own.

i think its both but up to the individual in which context they want it to be in those who turn their noses at it have more than likely not tried it or have done and got hurt and didnt like it from there i so happen to like it emmensly :)

yeah me too michelle i adore it!

interesting comments guys ! keep em comming its getting interesting!

lol. Nice avatar slaughterxxx. Gothic, bloody, and b or d or s or m. Take your pick.

I also think that there needs to be made a straight distinction here in this thread: BDSM is not considered a "lifestyle fetish"...there are fetishes within the BDSM Lifestyle.

And also, some Fetishists, do not ascribe to BDSM.

I suggest the Book S & M 101 if you'd like to read up about BDSM..it'll give you a firm "footing" upon the subject.

I'm one of the weirdest people I know, and I am in no way into BDSM, I think sex is a special thing and all that blah blah. I'm not interested in anything considered kinky. My bf and I haven't slept together yet and are waiting to make it something very special. I've never been keen on tying people up and all that shit. But you have a point in saying that alot of people within the goth etc communities are into that sort of thing, people tend to slip into categories and end up liking all the stereotypical things for their particular social clique.

I strongly disagree, Kontradiction. Many people might play spanky in the bedroom occasionally, or wow, have even scened a few times. People that go into a fetish club and allow themselves to whipped or spanked on the bum a few times hardly meet what many would consider to be a BDSM "lifestyle"...and this is where most of the people who THINK they are into BDSM actually fit.

While to some BDSM may not be a "lifestyle fetish", to many people it certainly is. There are large communities of people who are referred to as "24/7". I would absolutely call this a "lifestyle". Real-time Gorean is also something I would refer to as a "lifestyle fetish" as it affects every point of your life unless you are role-playing on the weekends (or online).

But Birra made the point already, there are gradient shades of everything in everything and to attribute stark black and white to human behavior only leads to stereotypes and misinformation.

It's a lifestyle, not for everyone. I have fetishes, but I would consider that one.

will i say each to there on and if that what they want then more power to them . And yes some will turn there nose up at you for what you like but they need to stop and thing that is apart of you and they liked you before they know so what changed not a thing so more power to you and any one else that is in the the lifestyles of there chose .

does having a food fetish make a person weird?

Like I said I'm into it, but i don't do it every time I'm in the bedroom. I like the have romance and passion as well! I don't just want BDSM. Do it just depends on the person, some want it everytime and others it just depends on the mood

Feel free to disagree. I did not state that fetishism was directly related to bdsm, or bdsm directly related to fetishism.

Some aspects of bdsm contain fetishes, and some aspects of fetishism contain elements of bdsm.

Considering that BDSM rather pertains to Power Exchange and Fetishism rather pertains to being sexually aroused by an item or act, they are intertwined yet seperate.

I would also like to point out, that I had not started a discussion about Lifestyle vs. "Day-Playing" (Fetish club, spanky-spanky in the bedroom occasionally) types.

That's a whole Thread unto itself, and meant probably, for Slaveskeep.com

A lil' BDSM is fine, but I'm into a nice pair of feet on a guy...my friends laugh and call me wierd...

Isis thats not weird, lol i look at the toes LOL if their toes are weird then i get grossed out LMAO

Well , I must say I love this thread. Yes to each there own, what one may do during the day may be quite the opposite when the sun goes down. there are soo many different types of fetishes. Me, personally mine has changed over the years but i still love a good spank across the bottom. My ex was plain jack, never wanted to try anything new ..... but again to each their own

I believe BDSM is a lifestyle into itself.
Having been involved in it or should say was for a long while i never saw anything goth about it for the most part but i guess some that are involved in it might be along the goth lines.
Each has their own way to do things in whatever lifestyle they get involved in i never was in the goth side just the D/s and BDSM areas.

Okay, me too...for 21 years. I still consider myself no "authority" on it all, just a rather well-versed Dominant.

Clothing styles have bled over into each, as well as the feeling of being a part of a distinct "subculture".

But see, now we have to specify the definition of "fetish," and if you want to get really specific, what we're discussing here isn't necessarily a fetish at all.

A preference isn't a fetish. Finding someone's feet attractive isn't a fetish. If you had to be stimulated by their feet to achieve sexual gratification, then that is a fetish.

Occassionally spanking your partner isn't a fetish. When you can only have an orgasm if you get to spank your partner, that is a fetish.

But does wearing gothic clothing really translate that you are into BDSM? Does dressing normal mean you're not into it? While there might be some part of the population that are both- they are not mutually inclusive. Infact, I know plenty that call themselves gothic and wouldn't touch S&M with a 10 foot pole and bdsm folks who would never consider themselves gothic.

As to the question of fetishism- is living the gothic lifestyle mean that you have to be in goth mode all the time? Or D/s 24/7? Most of us never reach the extreme, but it is the extreme that meets the fetish definition.

".........is BDSM a lifestyle based fetish? or is it a life style in its self and just a coincidence within the goth community???"

The lifestyle isnt a fetish and it's not restricted to the goth genre, although there are alot of Lifestylers that are into that style. but there are many more that are not. Also it's not really a fetish. A fetish is an act or object that you need to get sexually aroused. Alot in the lifestyle do not use the power exchange to fill their sexual need. To alot of serious lifestylers it fills a void or helps them restore a balance that otherwise would not be there. There are Lifestyle couples that dont do any kink at all and then there are couples who's only real interest is the kink in the bedroom and the power exchange is just for sceneing.

Lifestyle based fetish , most definitly!

i think it is a life style in itself. And I think people see it as dark. So maybe thas why goth and that are related.

either way! whatever floats your boat is fine by me!

:)

by no means does dressing gothic, make you into BDSM.

i just want to make that clear here as well.

While I have been involved in the BDSM lifestyle for some time now I most certainly wouldn't call it a fetish, it stands on its own.

I think many people are involed in both basically because people in both catergories tend to be more open minded then the general public.

Well I find this an interesting topic of discussion indeed. My personal opinion is that it is both a fetish and a way of life.
For example, there are people that treat it as a fetish. Meaning, only partaking in it for sexual pleasure only like foreplay, but otherwise stay away from the other aspects of it. Then you have those that go all out with it by living the lifestyle to the extreme in some peoples eyes, but is perfectly normal to them like a blue collar workers daily routine.

I believe that BDSM is a lifestyle fetish that can branch out into other sub-fetishes(no pun intended)...but to say that most goths are into BDSM too...that's profiling, and profiling is just wrong :P

it can be both, but making a lifestyle of it is a little extreme. I love gothic ctuff, and i am very open minded to what "other" people do, but me....nope! I won't do spanking S ~ n ~ M. Not for me, lol.

i believe it can be both... it depends on the person... i mean think about it... there are some people that strive upon it... and others that find it a fun roleplay for the bedroom once in a while... there are many people that merely dont understand it and find it twisted by what the media has said of it...

There is no way in hell that I am a goth but I am into BDSM so is my partner. So you cannot presume that just because you are one you have to be the other.

they are both separate lifestyles that can at times overlap. It is not a cultural or lifestyle thing, it is a choice ... but it does seem that certain groups will be more "adventurous" than other groups.

It's a lifestyle in itself, it's a coincidence that many have other alike lifestyles

Each one is their own lifestyle...I consider myself "goth" to an extent but do not consider myself as being into BDSM. They are two seperate things.

For those who say that a person is sick or twisted because of something another likes or believes in say it because they do not understand it. They are happy to stay in their little closed minded worlds and cannot fathom what might be outside of their safe little box.

It's lifestyle, I think most people do have fetishes, but some people might hide their fetish, and feel embarrased to talk about it. I think its a sexual thing, but there are lots of fetishes, and it depends on what type the person is into too.

The role that fetishes play vary, to some it is fore play, to some it is role play, and to others it can be the whole experience.

I notice their are those that claim to be involved in "The scene" yet respond to advancements, in repulsion. If a person who is in the scene perceives a person (with hints or interest) Example Bondage belts, Latex. or other things associated with their field of interest they may share company with hopes of making a pet, or finding a playmate.

There are so many different fetishes that are out there and they all don't relate to BDSM. I think that is where some people get confused. It is just one form of fetish. I believe we all have a fetish of some sort but may not have a "title" that goes with it.

That wanting to be on the cutting edge of freaky and far out is what propagates fetishes. Lending to the some do, and claim such affiliation for shock value. Wanting to be pioneers to kink.

I am not sure that I totally agree with you there on that one Dab. I believe that fetishes are an obsession of typically a sexual nature that is not considered "normal".

I don't believe that people do it for shock value as they do it for their enjoyment. Those that advertise the fact that they are into it may do it more for the shock value or to see if they can elicit a response or quite possibly to find others who are into the same "lifestyle"

That "feeling out others" serves two possible purposes for the person that is active in the fetish community it is to find potential play partners. For the "Claimant" it is to build their vocabulary.

I do believe some do claim it to be a shock value more than they are actually into the lifestyle itself. Just like there are so many young people on here who claim to be Bi...No offense to anyone...but my god we are talking about kids the age of 13 and 14 who are claiming this. I think some of them do it more for shock value.

The bi thing, as you describe it, is definitely lifestyle. By that I mean trendy, pop-culture influenced, modeled in music videos, and fashion magazines. It's all artifice, posing, and no passion. The flow is from the general to the personal. Whereas, and I'm less sure here, bdsm has flowed from the personal into the media. Doesn't mean it can't be circular, and come back to haunt young minds who can't even begin to comprehend the complexities of the question, "WTF?"

Costume adornment, in the form of posing is thankfully easy to spot before a situation becomes confrontational, something that I have witnessed. Role players stand out, as well as the obsessed extremist.

i think its a life style itsef u dont have to be goth to be into BDSM or it ur into the prepy stuff theres no reasoin u cant be into it.

Thanks Meeper for making that point! i want this thread kept open guys so keep it with in the peramiters of the question! im not interested with the sexual details just he discussion topic!!!

ive read some great info on here guys thanks!

in no way am i trying to stereotype any culture with this thread ! im merely saying ive noticed among myself and my close friends only the ones in the goth/rock subcultures are interested in the bdsm/fetish scenes!

i dont know any trendy/preppy types who are into it!

I would say it is a lifestyle. If people tend to do things over and over it becomes the norm.

Preppy ones hid it from the rest of the suburbians.For what would the neighbors say?? While goth are always the different ones so it is ok to be open about it. You must fit in the category you are given attitude. Straight on the outside is not allowed to be naughty on the inside.

I would ask"How many preps do you know?", but Geal beat me to the point. Adopting things dark, or socially dark is common in Gothic culture (as I have noticed the eclectic nature of goth, fetish had roots in the Victorian era, and by default almost merged with Gothic circles.

I believe its a little bit of both...Lifestles and fetish

I think it can be either, depending. Such as, I know people who are into one, and not the other. Some like the gothic style, and are not into DBSM. On the other hand some are into both. It just depends on the person and their interests. For the sake of ansering the question and seeming too dual, I would say the two are separate interests.

Those that assume ( I refer to another thread that would support this) that a person dressed in darker cloths is involved in the BDSM community lack a basic skill associate with the community, being able to attract of ID those that share interest.

definatly a bit of both

though perhaps one leads to the other

I ahve never thought about it before really...But now that you mention it...it could be...Im into BDSM and goth...but all my friends that are not goth...think im f***ed up in the head...it could be because they have never tried it...and they aren't open minded enough to try it...

KCMae..thank you for that post as I believe those that do not live that lifestyle are very closed minded and if they don't think that it is normal then they have to say it is F***ed up!

I don't like it that people think just because you are goth or have a "dark" side that you are assumed to be anti-religious, anti-social and sexually open. It is ignorance on society who have views such as this because they are afaid to see the truth of what it is all about and because it is different then the norm then it is considered wrong in their opinion.

I would say that depends on how much time and effort you put into it. If you bdsm once in a while, then it is a fetish. But if you structure your whole life around it, then it is a lifestyle. This would go with anything I would suppose.

i believe its a lifestyle because its something you do and do everyday. just b/c people dont like it doenst mean its a fetish.

i say its both lifestyle and a fidish it depends on the persons way of thinking lol...

I agree with you evildollbj that alot of it depends upon how a person views it.

I believe a lifestyle is something that you do as a normal part of living and how you live your life. Fetish is more of what I think of in terms as an obsession. For example, a foot fetish.

They may not all be sexual in nature either...it may give a person who has the fetish a high of sorts but not necessarily sexxual gratification.

KMC posted"I ahve never thought about it before really...But now that you mention it...it could be...Im into BDSM and goth...but all my friends that are not goth...think im f***ed up in the head...it could be because they have never tried it...and they aren't open minded enough to try it..."

I have to mention that your choices of what you do and do not chose to do do not and never will make you better, or More open minded then another person, this is ego. " If I told you that you where closed minded
for rejecting some radical religion, you would laugh at me." so please avoid calling people that do not share your interest closed minded.

I think the difference here is that many seem to be confusing the words Fetish and Lifestyle.

The BDSM and Vampiric Lifestyle May be concidered a etish to many but it goes much deeper than that. A lifestyles involves more than just what one does for kicks and giggles. A Lifestyle what you do day in and day out. It is what you live and breath. It is apart of your "Life".

A fetish is abit more narrow. A fetish is something that is a kink. It is what one feels they need inorder to feel the greatest plesure. Now most view this in the forms of extremes, Like cutting, blood, Leather, Whips, Chains, ect. But a fetish can be something as simple as being crazy for Blondes, Long Hair, Tattoos, or even a Foriegn Accent.

Just because someone is into one, does not mean they are into the other.

I really I think it has nothing to do with fashion. But has everything to do with the person. It just depends on how you are personality wise really. I have heard of very prude business types and etc. having major BDSM. Interest. But with most people it is the dirty little secret that they chose not to speak about. Just because someone finds it Taboo, doesn't mean that they don't part take in it themselves they just choose to hide it.

I can see how gothic fashion can be mistaken for Bondage gear, I can see fetishes for the fashion as well. What one adopts as an identity some practice in their interacting differ from someone who delves into something, well stated in the above post. The degree of ones involvement is the factor. If I am a Plushy as a hobby, yet a Preppy is how I identify myself then I am a preppy Plushy, is I am a radical plushy, that delves in preppy fashion then I am a Plushy Preppy..

Personally, BDSM is it's own lifestyle like any of the others and the only reason I feel it is abundant in the goth community is because we don't judge.

each to there own, i find bdsm is a lifestyle choice that has nothing to do with gothic culture

It is a lifestyle and those that follow that lifestyle fine and those that do not then that is fine as well. To each their own..

I wonder how many people associate with goth sub culture hoping to turn on people to Bondage and such? The conclusion is their for those with abstract logic.

Well, it isn't something I have tried, so I couldn't really say for sure. However, I have noticed that the gothic community is much more open about sexuality than mainstream people. I think that plays a huge role in it. That and really nothing is too obscene or taboo for gothic people!

I think it's more of a choice so that would make it a lifestyle. there are alot of fetish's that can go with it though...

i to think its a choice not a life style im not into the BSDM fetesh but i do have other fesishies that im into

Referring back to what I said earlier of bdsm going from the specific to the general. Example of bondage as art being used to persuade people:


Lunapic Photo Editing

Here's the website with various stars, semistars, music people with ballgags, lips stapled shut, screws, what have you. None of them look as good as Jessica Alba:

Declare Yourself

hi all, my first post on here so please be patient. i have to agree with most of the other posts ive read on this subject (which sucks, because i love to be the profound rebel...or at least the rebel lol). its completely a lifestyle choice. i do think that those that are drawn to the darkness are drawn to more "taboo" things, and bdsm qualifies. at least that how it is in my case. i am a dom, and realized i was a dom several years before my awakening to the darkness.
that said, have a great evening all.
Wolf

Blood mother i went to that link.. those are some good pic's!!

Yes, the pictures are graphic. What appealed to you about them?

I liked the fact that most of them were realistic

They all have tears, except for the ballgag guy.

I didn't notice that i had to go and look again! The only thing that went threw my mind was that he had a huge mouth lol
I like the last one and the guy with the glasses the most!

Do you think they're trying to appeal to fetishers or lifestylers? It's like the Milk Moustache ad people went way dark.

I think it has something to do with just how goth culture is interpreted.

I am in to it to a degree. I am not hardcore in to it. I think it's natural for us gothic types to be into bdsm, I just feel it's a darker lifestyle soit makes sense it attracts peopl of a darker natured lifestyle.

im not really sure of the correct answer but i think its an individual lifestyle...people from different cultures are into it....i think to steroetype a certain culture is to much..

i see it as a fetish, i have met very many people who do not have the gothic lifestyle but still like to get sadistic in bed xD

I know a few people who aren't gothic but do appreciate the BDSM style. In a lot of cases, I think that those who lead the gothic lifestyle are more open in their sexual lives and are more willing to try it.

i love bondage, it just my life style, and by been on the goth scene, i think i can express it more, so other people, it may be just coincidence