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I have a question.
I would hope that people would be able to stay on track with my question and use a little bit of decorum.
Here goes:

In times long forgotten there was no such thing as marriage, people basically got in and had sex with anyone and everyone that they could. Kings had whole enterage's of handmaidens that preformed their every wish, both sexual and non.

What has changed?

Why is it that if you say to someone, My partner and I have a great loving relationship, but we also sleep with other people, that the face drops and the comment is ... you must not love each other that much then ....

So what's your take on it? Has society become far too monogamy bound?
Do you think that if we all had relationships like this would it cut the divorce rate down?

Anyways, thats my question, I hope I get some honest answers.

Love Always
LadyEslaina

I most definitly think a relationship would be less stressful if you were that open and already knew what each other was doing. Open relationships last longer if both ppl are understanding bout thier love and what it means to see other ppl.

I think that love and relationships are like anything else. It depends on what the person wants what works best for them. Of course there will always be some degree of compromise in a healthy relationship. I believe people should do what makes them happy. And to hell with this judgemental world.

Yes I agree with that...
I think that love and happy relation is about having similar opinions and likes......
Yes, maybe todays society is pretty monogamied but In my opinion nowadays we can more and more often see kinds of these "open relations"....We cant judge.

i agree completly,honesty and open-ness with one another keep it going better.but honestly,i have no desire to be with anyone else-i am perfectly happy now

Thanks guys, those are great and your right, if you eliminate the whole concept of cheating, life does become easier and less stressful lol.
And I want to clarify that it's not an everyday thing, it's just if we go out and someone tickles our fancy, we are free to do that which we please. It makes life interesting.

there are still groups of swingers. it was real big in the 70 s as well

largely I think we are taught to be jealous in these instances............
myself I believe strongly in the concept on polygamy.....whether it works in action tho is another story,...

i know a couple people who are and they love it,

it could cut down the divorce rates

I dont think that there's anything stopping people from having relationships like this if they really want to...I'd say the major thing standing in the way is that for it to work, both people would have to be comfortable with the idea of the other sleeping with someone else...and most people who want to be free to sleep with multiple partners...also want to have one partner who is exclusively theirs.
I don't know how it would affect the divorce rate...I somehow doubt it would lower it. It seems that even in open relationships...trust can be betrayed. the "openness" of the relationship sort of assumes that when you sleep with someone outside of the marriage, it's going to be a fling, and you're going to come back home right away all charged up to get in bed with your spouse. Time and time again I've seen friends in open but supposedly stable relationships devastated because their primary lover begins to form a stable relationship with one of the extramarital affair people..and there's still a betrayal, not of sex, but of emotions and time spent.

I"m not saying that open relationships are bad...but I doubt that it's going to become the norm since I think that most people, even if they dont want to be monogamous themselves...expect it from their spouse. and...I dont think that it's a solution to marital problems....at the best, it's fun.

i think swinging is good for the body, but you always got to worry about someone falling for their new fucktoy

It is happening more than we can imagine but it is just done quietly... no talking about it.
Poligamy is in fact perfectly normal. It is normal for humans not to be with one partner for life. Humans change partners usualy every 4 years, and it is a fact that there are more women than men.
So spice all those facts with an opened mind (actualy few of them) and voila...

swing or not to swing

SWING

The question you bring up is interesting and should have a logical answer but there is none. 50 years ago the word Sex was taboo and sleeping around was unheard of. In today’s world having many sexual partners can be dangerous to your health with all of the STD’s floating about. Even with all the knowledge and precautions taken people still tend to have sex without any protection. Here are some stats from CDC (Center for Disease Control) look for yourself and see why people tend to stay with one.

interesting thread yes i believe you live to be free so freely do as you choose or who it doesnt need to be advertised to the world but yes at the end of the night its nice to see someone also sees my wife as beautiful as i do and i know after it all we play have our fun still say i love you to each other it is a strong word but fantasies are just as strong open your mind be free and enjoy now enjoy life

I have to agree with you shadow panther. I also believe that to do something like this, as was suggested in some of the other posts, it does require rules as such. For instance, one of our rules is no friends and no work mates. Another thing that we personally take into account is that we have regular STD checks, because that is important. It is not done within the confounds of our home and both of us know where the other is at any given time, no matter what, and anything 'new' is tried within the relationship first.
LOL
Even freedom comes with rules sometimes ....

Swinging is alot different now than it used to be. It's more out there now, more people are into it than ever. Which means more spread of diseases if you're not careful. A couple needs to be very sure of thier relationship to swing, lots of times jealousy takes over. It can be a dangerous game to play, health wise and emotionally.

very good point Octavia, and I think ppl that swing are usually very sure of themselves and each other......usually that is one of the things that bring them together.

i have no idea

i personally wud not like my partner going off and having sex with other people, but i aint got a partner so i dont know

So I have this really intimate relationship with my hair stylist. I have been going to her for over 15 years. She really knows how to touch and treat me in the proper way.

One day calamity strikes. I have an accident with the weed wacker and my hair is completely messed up. I have a hair disaster and I need her.. But she is on vacation for 2 weeks! What am I to do? Do I continue on for 2 weeks looking like Buckwheat or go to another?

I decide to see another stylist.

I am totally unprepared for what happens next. I am in utter bliss at the touch and performance of my new stylist. I continue to go to her full-time. When my regular stylist returns I drop her cold.

There is no such thing as a tie in being the best towards another.

"Open" relationships never work. Don't jump up and say "We've been together for 3 years!" Come back and proclaim success after being together for 50.

On the subject of marriage... People who are continually trying to redefine a cultural, religious, and historical institution really piss me off. That would be like me trying to change the rules about what it means to be gay. It's just not done.

Personally, I am unable to marry. I have never been involved in an intimate relationship for longer than 6 months. Polygamy has it's allure, but I think it would be more like Cedric in that Bud Light commercial than Johnny Depp in Don Wan Demarco.

Now that was an enlightening post...I think all those willing to go out and "swing"..well you're a hell of alot braver than i am.I have no desire to share my lass with anyone but me(and the sexy nurse in my fantasies lol).
Having said that i would never Betrothe myself to someone who would want to do that either.Sorry guess i am an old fashioned kinda guy but i believe in making the relationship i have work,not bring in more people to complicate it.

Arland, don't be sorry, the whole point of a Thread, to my understanding, is to get what people really think, and this is one of those 'controversial' things that no one really talks about, that was the point behind it, that and I was having problems thinking of a different one.

And Cancer, that was a cool response, and I guess I'm different to everyone. I was married, we had a 'closed' relationship and he decided, a month after our son was born that the local stripper was a good Idea. The thing I think that pissed me off about it the most, was A. he told me all he got was a blow job, because he knew I wouldn't leave him for that (I told him he could .... he smelt something terrible), and B. He didn't tell me the full story until AFTER I filed for divorce because he decided my head had a thing for walls.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I respect your decision to at this point, abstain from marriage, but I also understand your want for the institution. I'm not really trying to redefine the boundries of the institution, I still don't know if I would ever remarry, it's a lot of hassel for a piece of paper.
The way I see things, my partner and I are soul mates, our auras mingle and that's all that really counts. The whole swinging thing is probably a symptom of my sexuality, I'm Bi, and a lot of what we do is actually done together, on the rare occasion, not, but it does work for us at this point, and I guess that's all that matters.

It is a matter of trust and selfconfidence as I see it. As long as you know what is happening, as long as you feel ok about it, and know that he is gonna love you and want you to be the mother of his children, no matter what yiu have done, or what both of you have done, as long as it has no negative effects on the relationship and the way you two look at eachother it is fine by me.
Another tought: It is not more out there, there is no more ppl doing it now, it was done 50 , 100, 1000 years ago but it wasn`t discussed so openly...(if ancient Egiptians had dildos 7000 years ago,why wouldnt they swing? And if it was normal for a knight to get into his stableboy`s pants...etc.)
It still is a taboo...and it is here to be broken!

I don't know if I could do that....of course I do it in my dreams all the time, lol!

For those who don't know what I am talking about when I bring up the Cedric Bud Light commercial, you can view it here.

Its because of religion and the government

ok aftre some thought and reading what others have to input I have further defined my ideas on this...
I agree that trying to change the defining properties on marriage is not part of the question...it is a different question altogether....
but back to the question....people tend to live for variety....if I love the woman I am with and sleep with her every night.....
then very quickly we would likely fall into a bit of a relationship rut....some people use cos play to get past this...some bdsm.....roleplay for others....but for some all it takes to spice things with your partner is the occational night out and one night fling.....i'm not saying it is right or wrong....it's just a possibility....
for me I like the concept of an open relationship.....I lived with a girl for three years in what we called an open relationship....but in fact she never slept with anyone else during and I only did once....it was just that we were allowed to.....it made us both more open to simply joking around and flirting harmlessly with others....there was no fear of jealousy holding us back....

There are 2 types of "open" relationships. Those with commitment and those without. I assume we are discussing open relationships with commitment.

I have never met a couple involved in a successful long-term "open" relationship.

I have met many couples who have been married and monogamous for 50-75 years.

"Open" relationships always break down at some point... Even if it takes 5 or more years.

"Open" relationships without commitment are an entirely different matter. I have been living that way for over 7 years.

ok if i had a partener, they wouldnt need to have sex with anyone but me cuz im pretty sure i could fafill their every need... and if they did have sex with some one else they'de be gone just like that... and yes i do think that it would chance the ratings of the divorses

Not everyone has changed... Some cultures around the world use the same basic principles... One grouup I know of has something were, at a certain age, a female may be courted by a male... If the male wishes to have intercourse with the woman, he may sneak into her house and enjoy... The bad part is that the female still lives with her family, so they are having intercourse infront of the entire family... The male is supposed to be gone by morning, but if not, the family may not look at him until he leaves... Crazy cool...

if u sleep with another person when ur with one person then u msut not love each other in ym book!!! i mean how can u love some one u have had ur most "moments" with and then go out and do ti with another person! +u dont know what the other person has! u never know i think time has changed be these days thats called cheating and i dont think anyone should do that at all its not right! so what "kings did it" WE ARE NOT KINGS WE DONT ACT LIKE THEM becuase if where the kings wife and he had people that did "sexual" things for him he wouldn't be king long!!! ANY MAN CAN CHEAT! IT TAKES A REAL MAN TO STAY WITH A WOMAN!!!

i think i need to have a relationship before i can comment about open one

i have been in an open relationship before.
it's too easy to fall in and out of love with someone if you know you can just leave and sleep with someone else.
and also a lot of people today are so insecure that its nearly impossible for them to not become jealous and depressed.
it's society that has caused those insecurities.
i think being momogomous is a good thing.
i fell in love with the most fantastic man on earth, and i am no longer attracted to women, and i am no longer attracted to any other man.
i think that TRUE love binds your soul. so i don't believe if you TRULY love someone else sleeping with someone else is completely ridiculous, if not impossible.
for me anyway :)

Fast food age indeed.

Why get married if you want to have multiple partners? Why make sex the most important aspect of your relationship?

These are the questions I have whenever this topic comes up amongst my peers and I.

Personally I believe in the ‘to each their own’ approach. However, were I asked by my girl to start swinging, I'd have to wonder why she cant put the same energy that shes going to spend on another, into our* relationship. Apparently I'm not worth it? Perhaps I dont have that certain something she needs? If thats the case, why should I short change myself and become her cuddle #$%&^?

Let us just be flat mates and cut out all the fake sentiments. You don’t love me. You lust for me… sometimes… when you’re not out with another guy lusting for him. I'd rather just remained a friend.

On the other side of the fence, there are a lot of people out there who like the idea of cuckolding (sp?). I suppose if you get two (I suppose the nature of this would actually lead to more than two, no? ~grins~) of these people together (the watcher and the exhibitionist) I'm sure you'd be in for a good time. If thats your thing.

I have to agree with Cancer on this. An open relationship with commitment can and will never work long term... as humans in an effort to see how far we can push we will inevitably push too far.. and once that point has been reached there is no going back.. maybe its a touch that you have never felt before maybe the grass is just suddenly greener on the other side but something snaps and a new person now makes you happier.. I have watched what I thought to be a very happy open marriage deteriorate into a very messy end

If it is divorce rate you are trying to reduce perhaps we need to look at our definition of marriage... back during the turn of the century marriage was a completely different beast... men and women had separate lives outside of their marriage... women were allowed to spend time with their circle of friends and men theirs .. over the years this changed and suddenly we were supposed to be with our spouces always and that other person was supposed to fill our every need... this is just not possible and as a culture we watched our divorce rates climb at a rapid and steady rate...now i am not saying that you should get married and ignore each other ... but every couple needs a certain amount of space whether that is just a night out once a week or separate recreational rooms... I myself have watched my partents who just celebrated their 43 anniversary live happily married by not requiring each other to fill every single one of their needs... my mom has her hobbies and my father his ... these are things that are often done separate...


I think that as a society we place too much importance on finding that perfect person who meets all of your needs and is glued to your hip (kinda like once your married you are no longer just the individual and become the couple) that we have lost sight of what a marriage is ... a companion relationship ... this is your companion for life .. you friend and your confidant ... no where does it say that they have to be your everything...


expectations are what have raised our divorce rates nothing more than that... and as a society when we learn to stop expecting so much perhaps we will find that person we should spend the rest of our lives with

i think if u re able to sleep with smbd else then u re not lovin ur own partner

Lol NME!!!

Anyway...

I think that an open-relationship is another excuse for those who are afraid to live with a partner forever.It's just another excuse for cheating.

Well first of all you don't have to be a jealous and sensitive-emotional person for that type of relationship,and a lot take it for granted and don't say they have a serious relationship but just a person to have sex with.

However it's hard to keep a long-term relationship,cause it's difficult to find a person who doesn't fall for temptation.I am a very loyal person and I get tempted but am strong enough to resit it,but how is it easy to find a man like this?haha! good question!!

As a last comment,I would say everyone is free to do what he wishes,just I agree with a lot of people who said that if you sleep with other people than you don't truly love your partner, again that's my annoying opinion!!!

Let me see if I can get this across right....

First of all, marriage is the commitment of two people, not 3, or 4 etc. The whole point of it is letting your partner know that he/she is so important to you that you are willing to forsake all others, and concentrate on building a life with her/him. It's very hard to build a life with someone when you're busy running around with other sex partners. If your swinging, you haven't commited yourself.

Like Cancer, I have met quite a few couples who have been married 50 + years monogomously. I have yet to meet any swingers who have been together more than 8 years. Relationships are hard enough without bringing other partners into it. I'm really trying to understand why you would even bother getting married if that was a part of your lifestyle...unless you're just in love with the idea of being married.



Would it drop the divorce rate? I don't think so. All the problems would still be there that are in a regular relationship, plus someone else's baggage.


that's just my opinion, though.....

I think the reason people who are so against more than one partner is because of the possiblity of spreading stds. if these diseases were not out there I think people would be more lenient about the idea of have more than one partner. I'm almost positive that it would reduce the rate of divorce.

It would definately cut down the divorce rate! Why do people get divorced? Because of cheating, trust problems, you're not satisfied with your partner anymore, as well as numerous other things. If we still did that, those three things wouldn't be a problem anymore. Divorce Court and Jerry Springer wouldn't exist.
I'm aware there are a bunch of other factors to divorvce, that this would not solve, but I think it would definately cut down the divorce rate.

i've personally been in an "open" relationship. it was eight months of jealousy and heartache. i guess it works in theory, and i'm sure that, in some cases, it would cut down the divorce rate. but i know for a fact that *i* couldn't handle it.

an open relationship is like a one night stand...you don't know who your partners gonna be with the next day...not my thing

Dreams of being a yahoody, quaffing wine from huge cups, and getting on to the bed with my wives' hand-maidens. Imagine doing it with sixty queens, and eighty servant-wives, and young girls without number. Song of Solomon 6:8.

Young girls without number, and what did Solomon do? He sent all the ladies away—He chose only Shulamith, and then had sex that couldn't be beat. Solomon is wise: Solomon didn't share. If you want the best sex, then don't share.

Excellent, Miz! Wonderfully put! So wise you are.

i agree wtih badkitty... i wouldnt have the heart to see someone i love with someone else in that way.. it would break my heart..that or drive me insane.. but if 2 people trust each other enough,love each other,then maybe it may make their relationship stronger until they commit.... but again ....i couldnt do it.....

Lol Nme!!!

yeah what if the person you find in the morning is not so nice like you tought it was the night before cause you were drunk?hahaha!

I have a friend who has been in an open relationship for almost 2 years. However, from what I have seen, he tends to exercise his freedom far more often than she does. She has also recently caught him lying about his activities, and I worry for her health if this continues. Personally, I could never be in an open relationship. I tend to find even casual dating a difficult thing. I like to have stability and know that I am the only one who that person is with. When I'm in a relationship, I give all my caring and effort towards taking care of that person and making him feel loved. I want to have the same thing in return, and that's not possible in an open relationship. There's someone else invading your space, and I am very territorial.

qeh guys...

Cool ... I love this ... Contreversy, and as is my way, I'm gonna create more.
In my humble view ... Solomon was a Prat ... but you r right Miz, Solomon did hold his beloved in high esteem, and for that he should be held in high esteem.

Someone said that True Love binds your soul, yes I do agree with that, I hold heartedly hope that everyone could find a love like that, but unfortunately, not everyone is so lucky.

And yes I agree with Cancer and the many others that have stated that they have met many people who have been happily married for 50 years in a total manogomy. I too have known such couples, it is not unheard of.

It is not my intention to challenge manogomy. And no we are not Kings and I do not expect that we are going to be kings anytime soon, but as for the remark about 'if we had a king like that he'd be gone' ... Have you ever heard of Prince Charles? The Maroccan Dynasty, has had an awful lot of trouble with their playboy princes ... one even has an illegitimate child to which he ignores. But that's beside the point.

No, the muddying of the waters that I promised .....

What if I said that Sex, in truth and in fact, has completely nothing to do with love?

Think about it. Sex is an animal urge that every creature has in order to ensure the survival of that particular species. In saying this (please keep down the howling until I have finished), Sex is different from the romantic term 'Love Making'. That is something that occurs between a couple who truly do love each other.

Sex is just sex people. What do you think a prostitute offers? An everlasting and long living fulling relationship? For the hour that you pay for, maybe, but after that hour you are still alone.

Now doesn't that make you think?

I am not challenging a monogamous relationship, infact, like everything, they have both their good points and their bad points. But hey, you take what you want to out of my comments, I am enjoying reading all the responses.

Yell, scream, beat fists or pull your hair out, but this is my opinion and I do enjoy hearing yours

The difference between love and sex is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. [Dan Rather]

That doesn't mean people are able to separate the two. I look at it as love sex and loveless sex. Loveless sex is fine, but it should be recognized for what it is.

Love sex is unique and cannot be shared outside your partner.

life's pleasures drives us to where we go....

I agree with Cancer. But I also belive that sex should be between a married couple, and you shouldnt have different partners.

I agree actually with all, for it is the same I think as love. For being in love with someone is much differnet than loving someone.

i have been married for 12 years an Cancer is right all the way, me an my wife are here for each other only, there are no other people in are relationship other then my childrin, but i keep them out of all i do on here, there my private life, an are relationship only grows

I myself am very open and have never really been jealous I have been in very interesting situations and loved every minute of it and wish there were more people in my town that were like that I also believe that society brings you up to be jealous and to stay with one partner but I am anti society I believe everyone is beautiful as long as they are happy with them selves and if your not then change what you dont like

I also believe that you can be inlove with more than 1 person

That is a very interesting question, because to me, I have only one, and one only. Granted I am bisexual and enjoy both sexes, if you find that one that gives you everything you every wanted or needed, then stick with them.

i noticed most everyone on here is open to having more than one person in a relationship and if you are happy thats great i dont feel its stops divorce there is no way to stop the everyday problems that happen that usually end a marrige my opinion is i am a very jealous person i dont like sharing and if the person i am with wants to go elsewhere i am not doing something right

By my nature, I can only can only deeply care about one person, everyone and everything else takes a back seat. So sleeping with a few dif ppl would be fine if I wasn't in a relationship, but completly impossible for me if I am

obviously depends on the people involved...their opinions, ideas, etc..if they choose to, then more power to them, its their choice so who are others to judge?

It all depends on the relationship and the people. Me and my Girl are allowed to play with other women, due to, the fact we are so far apart right now.

- Sin

I look at it that i wouldn't want my partner to do be with someone else so i stay loyal to them as well.I don't believe that i need another man or woman to have sex/make love or whatever to my Lady in order to have a better relationship....my .02 cents worth anyway.