You are how you sleep.19:36 Jul 11 2011
Times Read: 1,523
I was talking with a friend today who struggles with night terrors, and was reminded of what my nights used to be like. They were my secret shame. I never talked about it, but anyone who ever slept with me was aware that I had trouble with normal sleep. I felt like something was wrong with me.
I hated sleeping over at a friend's house. College roommates, relationships, hotel rooms, hospital rooms, campers, tents, summer camp...TERROR that fed on itself because I'd have to sleep. Odd that I would be ashamed of what I couldn't help, but I was.
When I was a teenager, I began having nightmares. They escalated and eventually, my mom sent me to counseling to try to work through the problem. There are a lot of reputable counselors out there, unfortunately, this one was not and we'll leave it at that.
Various medications had varying effects, sometimes eliminating the dreaming, but replacing it with fatigue and hazy days where your feet feel like they're dragging in sand. If you go far enough back in my journal, you'll see some evidence of the bad dreams if you know how to look.
A few years ago, a friend and I thought that what was going on might simply be an issue with the way I was falling asleep. I'm a happy and well-adjusted person and I really didn't think I was working demons out in my sleep. We noticed that I seemed to begin dreaming really fast, almost as soon as my eyes closed. I'd wake up gasping, and would continue this throughout the night.
My dear friend, Liam, is a music person. He doesn't just like music...if you cut him, he bleeds musical notes. He scoured the world and found something that has changed my life - delta waves. They are the waves associated with deep sleep. I listen to interesting and soothing delta wave music when I close my eyes. I "drift down" slowly into sleep in what I believe is a more natural way. I am relaxed in the morning and refreshed. My mind is sharp...well, it's a relative thing, you know.
Sleep can't be underestimated. I trudged through and did my best to stay upbeat, but it's a strain when you're tired and worried about falling asleep. It becomes a vicious circle...I'd fall asleep only when I was exhausted and the more exhausted I was, the faster I'd hit REM and be gasping awake again.
If this is an issue for you, I can suggest some files that might help you. Or you can just google delta waves and sleep. Sometimes our brains need a little help resetting themselves and I love that there are simple, non-invasive approaches we can try.
Thank you again, Liam. For helping me find peaceful sleep again and for so many reasons, I love you.
COMMENTS
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PAGAN
00:09 Aug 01 2011
Where do you find these things? hahaha!
That's so much less uncomfortable in every sense than a tapeworm so I guess I could live with it. Besides, flies wouldn't stick to the tanning lotion. Knowing my luck I'd get locked in... LOL