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8 entries this month
Thoughts for the day...
14:17 Jan 25 2011
Times Read: 994
...Planet Earth is blue, and there's nothing I can do.
Artistic license..07:10 Jan 23 2011
Times Read: 1,027
...before anyone reads anything into this... let me state straight out: this is NOT about a person. It is the cumulation of a lot of feelings and concepts I've had in my head for a while, it might not even be done, but right now I like where it is.
And it is meant to be a song. Not sure how the music should go, but I'm thinking something that has movements.
Always stepping forward
So carefully
While looking far beyond my shoulder
But here I am
And here I stand
With open hands
I wait for your acceptance
Streaming feelings
Digitally
Just hoping that you receive them
And I pray
For anything
Even my release
From your attempts to fool my fears
All you do is fool my fears
Time and time
Will give this mind
Something more than this reason
As you take
Each careful step
While selling hearts like treason
You take another
Hold another
Still always throwing love away
But here I am
With open hands
Watching you walk away
And you sail your ship of comic strips
Across my pool of tears
Just another pool of tears
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Can you show me anything at all?
How far I will fall?
Can I see what this world holds for me?
Can I see anything at all?
Take this time
This time of mine
To drive away the pain
Only time
Can ease the mind
And right the heart again
Cutting ties
Among the lines
The lies are tied unto
Between the lies
Lie hearts and souls
And bodies cut in two
Stepping back I see the slack
Your lines have sagged into
So tell me here
Trapped in this snare
Of lines and lies and broken hearts
Threatening my love once more
Taking back
A night so black
Of death of hearts of love
Just another death of love
Another death of love
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Can you show me anything at all?
How far I will fall?
Can I see what this world holds for me?
Can I see anything at all?
But now I see
So very clearly
Like the stars in the blackest night
I see
Fists turned to pleas
As you sail away on my open seas
So listen now
To the wind
As it rattles through your lines
You can’t tie
Hearts that live
Gracefully through the death of love
And they’ll be free
They will all be free
PRIVATE ENTRY
05:08 Jan 17 2011
Times Read: 1,054
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
Just another Sunday...04:19 Jan 12 2011
Times Read: 1,092
...after the spider had enough of modeling, I had a chance to work with Rachel, and impromptu came up with this...
We were joking that she looked a bit like a punk-pirate, but whatever it was... it was smexy.
Art created... of sorts...21:04 Jan 09 2011
Times Read: 1,136
Morri and I spent the morning and early afternoon creating the art that we love to make. One of our favorite models came in studio for a shoot of her own creation - which I won't give the details of - you can wait for the images.
After Morri created what will undoubtedly be an amazing collection of images, I had a turn to work with the model and in an impromptu set, created something that will hopefully be interesting results... at least.
But I'm sitting here contemplating.... the last few months of my life. I'm way off track.
WAY. Fucking. off... track.
And unfortunately, Morri, being so close to me has taken far too much of the brunt of it.
For that, I cannot apologize to her enough. I can't. I can't make it up to her. I can only work on getting myself back on track and hope she has enough love and patience in her heart to deal with my stupidity.
I believe she does - but everything has limits and at this point, I won't hold it against her if she doesn't.
I need to center myself and get back to where I used to be. Five years ago next month I started a job that had me traveling... it was the first time in my life I was on my own. Endless hours on airplanes, sitting in restaurants alone, sitting in hotel rooms alone... man, it was a lot of time to meditate, dig deep within and without the roots of my mind and my heart and figure out where I wanted to go in my life.
I thought I had it all figured out.
And when I say it is the first I was on my own, I mean it... it's a long story... my path wasn't always the one I wanted. I did a lot of things out of obligation and made some bad decisions... but all of this sudden alone time gave me the chance to sort out so much of it. The chance to see who I need to become and how to get there.
But as always happens in life... and something that I told Morri a long time ago... life can change in a second, so keep an open mind to what can be.
And with the changes... I think I've lost my way.
So what was one of the things I did to meditate and center myself? To learn more of who I am?
I drank... sat alone within myself... and tried to put my feelings into words, creatively.
So that is what I'm doing now...
A Ray of Golden Light
Take a moment to look upon
The darkness, unassuming
Black as pitch, night or day
Vision not resuming
See the nothing that exists
Wavelengths not appearing
Colors hide, refuse to mix
Without control or stearing
Break the darkness with a sound
No vision to be seeing
The ears can ring with every beat
And still there is no being
Synapses fire within the mind
Aching for a guide
A guiding light to cut the dark
Down the path we stride
No blood or tears can show the way
When all vision at best is blurred
Nothing can escape the dark
Before a heart obscured
We reach and grasp for any guide
Between the sky and ground
But we stumble and fall along the way
When none are to be found
And only when all hope is lost
And we’re seeking where we’ve been
We discover this, oft too late
The light sought lies within…
But then again....14:55 Jan 08 2011
Times Read: 1,164
Ticking time tortures tumultuously through this tell tale trickery
Sighs of a tired mind...
14:31 Jan 04 2011
Times Read: 1,198
“And in the end, the love you take
Is equal to the love, you make.”
-- The Beatles
I’ve lived these many years
Seeking all that which I want
Hiding from the constant fears
Where it is in my brain they haunt
But ends draw near and youth seems far
When searching high above
Reaching always for that distant star
I discovered too late that all I need is love
Starting off the New Year right!03:14 Jan 01 2011
Times Read: 1,077
I love having my last journal entry of the year being these awesome pictures Morrigon and I just did. She is the most amazing model... seriously.
There are many more from this set - I already have a bunch more on my
site.
It was a simple concept - Morri was playing with the hair extensions she created and some cool costume ideas. I got to play with light, wind... and of course, a gorgeous woman modeling.
Lucky, I am. :)
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COMMENTS
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ThothLestat
21:57 Jan 25 2011
are you floating in a tin can again?
birra
22:35 Jan 25 2011
Like a lonely anchovy...
ThothLestat
22:49 Jan 25 2011
ha!
Take your pizza pill, Major Tom...
birra
00:45 Jan 26 2011
Oh gawd. Do not want!
I think Pizza should only be consumed in it's original form with plenty of pepperoni grease.