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I was walking through the store the other day and I came across the little wreaths/arrangements to put on graves... I am wondering what your thoughts are on the matter. How did this tradition start? Is it just something we do to make ourselves feel better?

I know that Respect is going to come up in this thread at some point and I appreciate the info when it comes to that... but why do we use flowers and wreaths to show that respect? Why do we put flowers on graves when the person is dead. Is it a matter of making the spirit/soul happy?

I would appreciate complete thoughts/answers on this, please stay on subject! Thanks

Partaining to my article on symbolism, even though I did not put any botany attributes within it, I would speculate that the flower is a symbol for life and death...As the flower quickly dies, and death follows, so does the individual. After death, the fower is like an allegory for the rays of "gods" light, or the sun that shines upon the grave, to give this "godlike" love to the passed. A sort of "Religious" metaphor if you will.

In retrospect, flowers are often depicted of love, for family, friends, even lovers...Well, most of all lovers. Thus, my conclusion would be that the show of love would be to give these flowers to loved ones that have passed.

Wow... I never looked at it like that!!! Thank you SoulShroude!!!

In the Jewish tradition you leave a pebble or rock on the headstone. I believe it is to show that you were there, and is more everlasting then flowers. I was also told that your not supposed to leave flowers and the like in an orthodox cemetery, but my grandpa always let me.

I myself...don't use this tradition. I would rather remember the person whom they were walking and talking to me. This may sound insane, but many times a smell or a memory comes back of a loved one who has passed. I thank them and speak to them as they are with me. To me the Graveyard is but a tombstone and dirt...I do believe the spirit of those who have passed over is still with us.

i agree with the above.

i'd rather remeber them for who they were, then to talk, and end things badly

every religion and belifs have many different reason ans things that they do for rememberance or burial. I mean in New Orleans I love the traditional burials with the music and bands ect. going down the street and celebrating the death / birth of moving on to a better place, there are many different INFO on Britanica.com (SP) on line in general it is just what do you want to know ? This info is something you just have to explore and what religions or cultures you wish to check out... There are some native cultures that actually give a sacrafice to the deceased for a better journey to the after world... so any ways just some info and suggestion .... :)

i think it help us remember the person by doing these things that the person liked.

its a matter of decorating the headstone for a few reasons. to make it look nice, to make it stand out for easier spotting, and to keep tabs on the frequency of visits.

HottubMolly: That's a good point...

Mysticwinds: I must say I agree with you on how you handle it all...

WarriorinHell: Thank you for the link information... I'll definetly be checking that out!

I'm so sorry the first name was HottubMolly... my appologies...

LOL ... your welcome I would put up the actual links yet there are so many to choose from LOl that is why I just suggested it cause you may want to look at like 5 - 10 different beliefs on the subject... I will tell you they are very interesting subjects to read up on.... :)

I had to go to a funeral Very recently for one of my close friends. His friends and family put flowers In his coffin and added some other things, things that they all knew he liked in life. Like a packer jersy.

I think it was just a way for him to go knowing that his friends and family will be with him wherever he may be.

in our familywe leave things on the graves like for instance when my sister died i put a tiny tazmanian devil on her grave (her favorite cartoon character) serveral other people put little things we all like thought she liked (we glued them to the grave stone)

Isnt just a sign of love from those still here

Various cultures have made it a tradition to visit the grave of a loved one and clean it, decorate it with flowers or even paint the tomb or headstone with a fresh bright color (as in Mexico with El Dia de los Muertos).

The Victorians of Europe had large celebratory memorial days where they had parades and flowers but the Chinese have done this kind of day for years where the graves are cleaned and decorated with flowers. In most cases, the flowers are just a way to make the grave more beautiful though I'd agree that the origin of this probably does stem from a more pagan - nature - life/death symbolism.

Flowers are a symbol of respect for the dead

i think that people put wreaths on graves as a way to make themselves feel better.i think they put them there as a way to say "yeah,i cared about you so much when you were alive,that im blowing money now to put flowers on your grave."but thats just my opinion.

I wouldn't know ---- I go one time when they are buried -- and never go back again ---- my sisters go all the time and leave things ,,, it makes them feel better ...

This link will show that the custom dates back to the Romans and then some....


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wreath

i view the decoration of a grave as a form of symbolism.

helps us "pay homage" to the dead and all.

i think that the best way to remember loved ones is to keep their memory alive.

When my nephew died a few years ago, it was very hard on us all, he was only 9. We placed a picture of his favorite car, some of his favorite flowers and some of his other favorite things. I think we did it mostly out of love and respect for him, and to let him know that we will always be there for him. I know that sounds weird to say. We also placed a hanging solar lantern by his graveside, so he wouldn't be afraid of the dark.

I think it depends on the culture, religion and the people, for why we do the things we do when loved ones die. For some it makes us feel better and for others we are trying to make the passed loves ones feel "better."

Perhaps it acts as an add to the grieving, as it is said that cemeteries are for the living. I like the pebbles,
it is assuring to know that others have took the time to
visit the grave of a loved one. There is a connection to grief through ritual mourning, part of which is visiting the grave of deceased relatives or friends, some cultures keep altars for the period of mourning. A tomb stone is a type of altar as well.

I encourage people to take their children to observe a relatives plot... before they are confronted with loss, this prepares the child to attend a funeral without the added shock of a new place.

Symbolism is how I beleive it started, but now I think people feel obligated now to do so.

My grandpa gets wildflowers because they were is favorite. He's with me always, but I feel its a nice gesture.

some cultures plant flowers on the graves

Wow... I don't know what to say... Thank you all for giving me such extensive answers... A few I have to pin point:

Darkseleene666: My sincerest regard for your loss. It's interesting that items were put with the person....

Meska: Great idea!

FelixFelix: I didn't know 'the day of the dead' cleaned and painted headstones also. I knew they celebrated the dead... lol.. I guess that would be part of the celebration... The European's and Asian's, whether old days or current, I never realized they had days dedicated also to the cleaning and beautification of graveyards...

BloodLife: Thank you very much for the Wiki link!! I like the way it explains things...

Kontradiction: I agree with you there!

Teamptation101: That was a very sweet jesture. I hope it burns always!

SlaveAngel - Graveyards are important parts of ancestor worship. Both the Romans and the Chinese had strong religious ancestor worship so it was important that the families go to graveyards or 'cities' of the dead in order to commune with those ancestors for prayer or 'advice'. I think that it's a short step from there to making sure the ancestors had offerings and their graves were kept clean and maintained.

I can understand that... Thank you Felix for your kind and intellectual imput. I appreciate it very much!!!!!!

i think its a sign of respect to the departed

There are so many symbolisms for flowers and I googled but are way to many to list here so basically they represent feelings really.

Lilies for one seem to be a favorite for funerals as they have been found to be buried with the deceased in ancient catacombs.

Here is a link to symbolisms in flowers:
http://www.livingartsoriginals.com/infoflowersymbolism.htm

well every memorial day me and my grandmother go to all the graves of our family and we clean the head stones. I have done this with her for years. she brings a bucket of water a scratch pad, tooth brush, washcloth and some kind of stuff that removes the green discoloration on the headstone. The she just buys a cross or wreath and puts it on it. It takes us the whole day because we have to travel like an hour and a half to go to her mothers grave. I don't know about anybody else but I go with her and do it because I loved the people and I love my grandma.

Flowers are beautiful and are for the living grieving humans who will see them.

They may also have been used to mask the smell of decay before embalming and air-conditioning.

Doesn't quite explain the practical use of plastic bouquets.

I believe that it is more of a consonance for ourselves to feel better rather than giving gifts to the dead. it makes us feel better about their death if we give them pretty things.

Personally,I don't believe in burial,For all my relatives have been cremated and there ashe's placed in different locations they enjoyed while alive,But to each their own.

Like you said alot of it is because of respect and alot of it is because they are you rloved ones. But i have seen other things used besides florwes i ahve seen candles being used

Decorations on tombstones, or around graves...Including flowers, pebbles, statues...Lets society know the individual passed was respected, honoured, and or well liked.

Much like the shrines of Zeus in Greece, Armstrong Park for Louie Armstrong in New Olreans, the Great Pyramids at Giza in Egypt, as well as many many other places. These decorations make the audience feel as though these individuals were well recieved, and should be well recieved even after death.

Honour your passed loved ones as you would honour your chosen deity. As they may be with them after they do pass.

Another decoration that's used are those windmill things. No idea what they're called but its supposed to represent the soul that will live forever as the windmill keeps on rotating.

However, having read these answers about respect and such, personally, I am not fussed aboout receiving any sort of flowers, windmills, candles etc. I'm dead. What am I going to do with flowers?

True HeavensRevolution, I'd rather be thought about more frequently when I'm gone than have a monthly potted plant planked on my grave :P

Anyway I wanted to say that trends and traditions are changing and evolving in my part of the world, particularly when funerals occur. Often the diseased (prior to death obviously) and Family members request that limited flowers adorn the grave and that mourners donate money to a charity of their choice as opposed to leaving mountains of flowers on the grave that will die within days.

Personally I think this is an admirable request and one that actually benefits those who are alive and in ‘need’. Alternatively, excess flowers are often distributed to local hospitals and elderly care homes etc so that the living can enjoy their beauty. In my opinion, the ritual of placing flowers on graves serves merely to comfort the family as they are symbolic of love, life, death and are aesthetically pleasing on the eye....may I add there is no harm in that also :)

Respect and to show other people that their not forgotten. Kinda how people put rocks on headstones as well.

I think that the reason we use suck things is more so the living can feel they have said goodbye in a nice manner...

a form of closure...

I think it is because we want 2 give the dead something pleasent 2 leave eath with. Instead of just a creepy headstone. Fort the people who bring the flowers its for a sence of closure and leaving with the thought that we have said propr goodbyes.

Probably, in my opinion, something people started back in ancient times for fallen warriors

i go and care for my grandmothers grave every year in love

I wonder if this is something that started when Egyptians used to leave gold, wine, fruits, honey and bread on the graves of nobility? Through the ages, people would bring, for example, a child's favorite toy, a portrait or sculpture of the deceased, objects of protection... and objects of affection.

I don't know if wreaths and flowers carry further symbolism -- I supposed depending on the origin of the flowers in the wreath, in some cases. It could also be something as simplistic as affordability that lent beauty and sweeter smell than that of a crypt...

I have never been one for tradtions such as this. I was raised that from the earth we came and to the earth we returned. My Ancestors were more into cremation.

i thing its done out of love and respect and to let us living fell better for what we have losted

I think it is for comfort and in the olden days also a symbol or returning to the earth back in the day we burid people and they feed the plants around the greave so it may come back to that I am not sure. I do it for the living as well as the dead so they see they are not forgoten

Thank you to those who took the time to fully read the initial post. On the Respect factor again, there is more to it... for those that pulled information, Thank you for giving me links and such I have enjoyed reading the information... The meanings of the flowers was a great one!

I look forward to seeing more insight... Thank you to everyone who has given thoughtful input!

well if you think about how sad and depressing would a graveyard be without flowers

but really i dont know my family use to put an open beer on my grandfathers grave

true but i think it makes US feel better I know my mom puts flowers on my grandmas grave every year but i dont know i dont go

I can kind of see with that first part, Gord.

I believe thats why some people 'talk' to their dead loves ones at the graveyard.

I have always done it to show my love for those whom have passed. On my grandfathers grave I always leave him well something else as he wasnt very traditional. I dont know how this got started other than lore of showing love and respect for for the dead and our ancestry.

I took a glance at some of the information that was given to me (I'm at work.. lol) Anyway I wanted to say thank you again to those who have put links in to help support an answer.... Thank you to everyone who has given personal traditions and such... I appreciate all the insight!

There are a lot of good explainations as to why various cultures decorate graves as they do. As a part of my culture as a tribally enrolled member of the Three Affliated Tribes, our people were not so concerned with what was put on a grave but more so with what was placed within the grave along with the body. Our people believed it was imperative to the deceased soul and the afterlife, that we place a knife, needle and thread, and a prized blanket (usually hand sewn starquilts or pendletons) with our loved one. The two first items helped the deceased in the afterlife - knives and needles were very important in life so naturally, our people believed they would be as well in the afterlife. The blanket was placed to be given as a gift to the deceased's mother or grandmother - a token of respect, basically.

Of course, traditionally, we didn't bury our people, we placed them on scaffolds. These items then, were simply wrapped up with the body rather than placed in the coffin as is done today.

Another very important detail, was to make sure that the deceased wore their moccasins in death. The moccasins were beaded with symbols regarding family lineage which identified them to their relatives in the afterworld. If the deceased did not have their moccasins
on, than their crossing to the otherside became a precarious and difficult thing which our people often believed could result in displaced spirits. These ancient traditions and beliefs still exist and are practiced still to this day.

i can say that its just maily what wedo for remberance of the the lovedone past i personaly go and hold a coversation with my loved one this has been tought to me by my grandmother i

Vespers: Thank you for that... If I may... What culture is this?

I like the way they do it in japan . its more about honoring and keeping the dead as part of the family . the grave is more of a shrine to honor there lives and to make them as happy as possible in the after life .

SlaveAngel - This is practiced by the Hidatsa, Mandan (Nueta is the name we call ourselves), and Arikira people of the northern plains tribes of which I am a member. These three tribes are now known as the Three Affliated Tribes of the Fort Berthold reservation since they banded together during the smallpox massacre. The number of tribal people who died in this was so huge that these three tribes were nearly wiped out which is why they chose to band together.

Also, thank you for reading. :)

Thank you for responding!!! I'm going to have to see what I can find...

You're welcome btw!!!

I think it originally had a certain meaning behind it, I think, it was once used as a way to appease the soul of the dead. Showing you still love them and respect them.

But for the modern age it is to me a sign of respect and honour you hold for the deceased. Show that they still matter to you.

I think most people do it to show that they still remember and care for the one who passed away...and to let other people, who happen to see the grave, know that the deceased person was, and still is, loved.
Where the tradition started, I have no idea.

After going through the experience of burying my step-mother just over a year ago, I would offer these thoughts to the giving of flowers.

- Something natural and beautiful, which allows those that are grieving to focus on beauty and life. (most times you don't hang out until the flowers rot...)

- For those that knew the deceased or know the family, it is a method of acknowledging the person who has passed. It is awesome to see over 40 bouquets and plants around a memorial. You never notice how many people's lives are touched by one life, and the flowers help in visualizing that.

Besides seeing flowers and wreaths on graves, I also saw actual pictures of the ones on the headstones of the person who died. I think its a tradition of knowing how much you have loved and respected these people and also a way of looking up at them

I think it's a symbol of respect.....the person who passed knows that you loved and respected them, but if your not a close relative...you show your mutaul respect by the laying of flowers. Kind words of respect may have been spoken, but not everyone is privy to that. And what better way to convey your thoughts, but with flowers.

Vespers, the traditions of your culture are lovely and well reading about it, it all seems right proper that people should have those things! I don't think St.Peter would allow me the knife 'tho. Regarding the flowers it is a traditional respect thing, however, some families now limit the amount of flowers and ask for chartiable donations instead.

i believe everyone should be cremated
Graveyards are a waste of space and why should someone be trapped here on Earth

But, since they are here might as well go play in them, i talk to the dead every so often, sometimes go sit and think.... i could give two sh*ts less what happens otherwise to the graves

graves are a way to still feel connected to people who have died it is more for the living

well i never knew where the tradition came from, but i love it, tending to the grave site and laying flowers out of respect, i would love a flower garden grown over my grave

I'm not sure where the tradition came from,but I know my family put writhes and flowers on my brothers grave to show respect for the dead.

One thing I detest about flowers on graves are plastic ones! I wouldn't have them about me whilst living, so why should I want them when I am dead! I wouldn't put them on any grave!

MaraJade, even though you detest everything about things on heeadstones and you don't want there yourself, well then thats fine but do you believe that loveones would do it anyway because the love they had for you? Unless you state it in a WILL then loveones would do it anyway. This is my own opinion and maybe others feel the same way or not.

I think that people put flowers and stuff b/c they are assorted with happiness. They want to have a more happy thought ot the person passing. But than again personally i wudnt want to put that on there b/c flowers just die ne wayz.

Cemeteries actually have rules about what kind of flowers you can leave at graves, if any - real or artificial.

The symbolism of flowers plays into the tradition, as well, by the way. Did you know that a wreath on the door symbolized mourning, that the family was grieving the death of a loved one? It's even mentioned in the old country song, "He Stopped Loving Her Today,": he sings about the wreath placed upon the door, and I asked my dad what he meant. It's not a common practice these days...

Traditions are a spiritual crutch for those without discipline. Those who have discipline (either faith or personal) do not need a crutch such as these.

Traditions give one the temporary power to achieve what canot be done by will alone... it is unfortunate that so much of our society panders to such lack of personal strength and discipline.

I also had the experience of walking a cemetary in a small village in Germany.

Wow. These where the most gorgeous grave sites that I have ever seen. Apparently, family members of the deceased tend the graves on a regular basis. They cut the grass, planted flowers and plants, cleaned the head stone(s), and swept the walk.

It was a sight to see, whether it be from family duty or extreme respect for the one they have lost.

I am native and we use a wreath of feathers to help the spirit to fly to the creator or to make it's journey easier.

My sister and grandmother are the 2 closes people to me who have die in my family and neither have a grave or anything I can go to, I would like to have something but it is only for me I think not them, me thinking about them should be enough!

Flowers are used in many types of situations and in many countries for the grave. The jewish place stones on the grave and some Buddhists put food on the grave because the spirits have a day to eat. Course, those are just two examples.

This is interesting to read about different traditions. I've never thought about it before.
Although, the head stones with actual pictures of the people buried beneith freaks me out.
Has anyone seen them?

Funeral wreaths by many historian's is believed to have been started by the Roman's. The wreath was often associated with the Greek God "Apollo", which symbolize eternity or immortality...

I do understand the practice of leaving the flowers.. but personally do not see the ultimate purpose. The grave merely contains the shell of the person (or what use to be) not the actual soul. The soul is on another plain. However have also heard of the practice of leaving stones in a symbolic gesture. Though I dont do either.. if ever I did feel the need I could build a form of a shrine with stones in rememberance of the person.

I went to my mothers gave on mother's day and planted all the plants that where left for her. she would have like that she used to garden. I know it is more to make my father happy then it has anything to due with mom. she is in the after life just looking down at us but she wants me to take care of him that is my job.

The ancient Egyptians believed that the body wasn't just a shell - it was to be mummified for the ba - or soul - to re-enter it once the person was judged to have lived a good life. The mummy was buried with all that a person would need when alive - even food. And all of the burials had - you guessed it - flowers.

Every culture has their own way of paying respect to their dead. My personal customs are very different. I/we do not believe in burial at all.

There are also many cemeteries that do not allow flowers and those little wreaths because it's more difficult to cut the grass around them and takes longer to maintain the cemetery.

putting flowers, is remembering the people that had died whos bodies are decompoising in the ground rebirth also and expecting new flowers to grow .

I know a man who goes every year on the anniversary of his deciesed wife to "Visit her" I guess. Im not sure if he takes flowers... Im not sure I want to know... I cry every time I think about her... Anywho... sorry.

He goes because he still loves her... I think... And even though he has moved on... kinda... He will always love her. I think they where high school sweethearts.

I think he goes maybe to remind himself of how fragile life... and love really is. Perhaps its that that is the closest he can get to her. My only question is who will his new woman spend eternity with while he is spending it with the afore mentioned 'wife"?

But whatever reason people do it for, the most that can be said is that everyone has a differant reason. some better than others. some do it for love and some for hate. some things we are not ment to understand.

All my deceased family has been cremated, we do not believe or like the thought of being buried. Though my family, excludig myself visit the Cremotoriam with flowers which they place in a vase by a plaque on the wall.
I find it all pointless really. My memories of my late relations are always i my mind and heart. I dont like to thinkof them and cry

When i drive past a cemetary most of the time i see old dead flowers laying about the graves, most of the time they are just lesft there what sign of respect is left from that

I'm with mysticwinds on this one i don't believe in cemeteries i believe the dead are with us always though we can not see them they will forever be a part of us

It was to show love and to cover the smell cuz not always where people Buried "6 FEET UNDER"

in past times it was to cover the smell but as traditions evolve some have kept this one while others leave things that the person would of valued or missed in their life here

Flowers on a grave stone brings at least a little peace to the thought of death...

I believe in a way it is to make us feel better, mainly because we don't want our loved ones grave to look like crap so we decorate it with flowers. Plus it helps us to remember them. We remember what kinda of flowers they liked which helps us remember their reaction when we gave them those flowers. it makes us feel better remembering their face and the joy in their eyes

In what way shadowofmystery?

Can you elaborate on that, I would be very interested to know what you mean by that :)

that was beautiful. and i agree with that because if you dont leave something its almost like you leave a piece of yourself there instead.

it is a waste of time... the person that has died has already moved on... it is jus used to make the people alive feel btr

What I've gathered from my family is you leave flowers on graves to show that you've been there, so no-one can nag you for not remembering to make the grave look nice and pretty, and not neglected.
What a lovely family I come from.

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