The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I was reading another topic, and this question came up.. I've been thinking about it a bit, and decided it just might make a good discussion. Its in 2 parts.

Part 1:
Wether it be a a vampire of fiction, fact, myth, legend.. etc. What would a vampire fear besides the usual stake and sun. Lonliness? Would he eventualy fear that time really wouldnt end for him/her?
**Now - this is hypothetical. Im not asking for 50 responses of "i dont believe in hollywood vampires". (obviously, most of us here do not believe in hollywood stereotyped vampires). **

Part 2:
How do you envision a vampire "feels" about the fear he/she instills in others. Shame, regret, disappointment... would it get old after awhile?

Just a discussion of thoughts and opinions. Maybe hollywood will "take a hint?"

I think that what we are discussing is the fictional vampire, as I read the question. The nemesis of them is as they age i.e. time passes, they tend to become bored. They become depressed and withdrawn. This is what a vamp would fear, "been there done that" does'nt begin to cover it. As for emorse, or guilt, it would depend on the individual, each has their own morality. Lestat seemed to have no guilt or remorse, where as Sonia Blue of "Sunglasses after Dark" fights the beast and only kills othe vampyres who are evil.

hypothetically I think that lonliness would be a key thing for a vampire. Watching all the loved ones come and go as you live on earth. As one fictional vampire I know said"To live alone in this horrible existance you call immorality"

Part 1: Answer,

As for fears, I believe being imprisoned in a coffin under running water may be one...never being able to escape.


Part 2: Answer,
Not being a vampire it's difficult to say how one would feel but I think they would feel respected for the fear they instill and for their power (to a certain degree) over death. As for it getting old, I'm not certain.

1: I would think that one of the worst fears that should be associated with immortality would be knowing that you were going to out live everyone you ever knew and cared about, but NOT knowing how much time you had left with them.

2: Bones hit it on the nose with his response.

1. I think a top fear - would be the inability to commit suicide/self destruction. As time wears on throughout the ages, and there is nothing new to experience the "vampire" would simply wish to end. Which leads to the fear beneath that.. the fear of boredom. When existance ceases to be fullfilling.

2. Perhaps at first a vampire may feel the powertrip over his vicitims. the ability to manipulate as it were where those vampires of myths, etc are able to do. But I think that powertrip and egomania would give way to agitation and/or anger, in that the constantness of it would or could be bothersome or inconvenient after time. Unless wearing a hoodie, we have someone that cannot move around us without causing some level of uneasiness. Unless amongst their own kind, which most are extremely terratorial. Eventualy, I think that agitation would give way to sadness.. and in the end, extreme resentment.

1) I think a fear would be bordom. After you've seen and done everything, nothing would hold any luster anymore.
2) As for the feeling of instilling fear in other people - I think maybe at first there would be a sense guilt. Then of a power trip. My thinking is that would eventually lead to annoyance ("will you stop crying this only takes a minute") to just apathy.

I think that the most prevalent fear would be the out living of all the mortals.
As for the remorse, since they are sentient beings, I think that would all be based on individual ideals of each.

I think that a vampire could be afraid of any number of things. I mean to each their own, and I would think that just like a human they can fear many things and who knows there may be a vampire out there afraid of a spider. I would salso say that they probably feel the same way we do about fears. I just cant imagine that they would feel any different. :)

it would get ould the fear that some strike in others. But some after awhile would get use to the fear for that would be how that dealt with the lonliness.

Part 1:
Wether it be a a vampire of fiction, fact, myth, legend.. etc. What would a vampire fear besides the usual stake and sun. Lonliness? Would he eventualy fear that time really wouldnt end for him/her?

Answer: Yes, I believe vampires woudl fear that, and it's exactly how Anne Rice portrayed some of her vampires, that's why (as mentioned in some of the novels) many vampires killed themselves, Eventually, within the pass of centuries, they found out that there was no point of living forever, knowing that it will come the time when ther would not be anything else to learn, to fight, to enjoy, etc. So yeah, I believe vampires would fear that, wouldn't you?



Part 2:
How do you envision a vampire "feels" about the fear he/she instills in others. Shame, regret, disappointment... would it get old after awhile?

Answer: mmm.. probably yes, they would get used to it, depends on the vampire, just like everything depends on the person.

Based on the lore surrounding the Hollywood Vampires I would have to say that they would fear being alone, seeing all those around them die, and possibly even exhile. I think that overtime this would drive them crazy.

to answear part one I think that after so long just the fact that you where diffrent and where never going to die would be a fear.
part two I would think that after so long they would stop caring at all no regret no sorrow ect ect.

Part1.
Considering for a moment that you refer to people who are real vampires and not the the ones who simply want to be... I would say they have a number of fears. It could be fear of lonliness, as you suggested, or simply not having the same quality of friendship they used to have. Let us not forget the problem of a longer lifespan. For me if a vampire is truely miserable with his/her life all they need is the courage to end it or then again maybe the courage to fix it.
Part 2.
Most vampires probably do experience some type of fear or dread from us humans. I don't think the fault really lies within the vampires but within humans. Anything that is different from us we are usually led to believe is bad or dangerous hence the fear. Once you learn something about them your fear or loathing of them should disappear or lessen. In short, I don't think they intentionally try to instill fear, at least not most of them.

1. a beings fear is bassed on there personality. its all in who they realy are. not who they want to be. possibaly eturnity.

2. do you realy care, when you scare someone. no, you usually laugh. its the same for all vampire.

as for modern day vampires, i do not think being a vampire requires a feeling of loneliness. i have friends that understand me, and family that loves me blindly. i will not outlive anyone as the legend vamp does, but rather lead a quiet but fulfilled life.

I believe that they would fear the impending destruction on earth life as it where but the thing is would the vampire die with the world or continue on living?

Part 2
No never would the feeling of instilling fear into your victims get "old" not for me anyway.

Question 1- I agree that outliving all your friends and family would be awful and the loss of excitement after a long life would be the worst fears.

Question 2- There are some people who just plain like it when they frighten others so I'm sure there would be vampires of the same type while others would be ashamed. I don't think vampirism would change their personality into something that enjoys instilling fear.

1. What to fear. If I could buy immortality with my vampirism, I would fear boredom.

2. Why be overly bugged by the fear that is instilled in others? How others react would lose any real meaning as time goes by.

1. i belive yes they would fear lonleyness but many people fear that even not being a vampire....

2. it would be hard to say but it would probably get old at some point......

I would think that fear of living another day....no not a fear of living another day, but rather the sheer regret of having to live another day in the shadows, without someone to turn as a companion....knowing that even if someone wanted to be turned one minute, they might just as quickly turn on you out of regret and disgust for ruining their lives once they figure out it all isn't cut out to what their idea of living dead meant. Then you'll have one pissed off hungry, regretful and looking to ruin your day vampiress that couldn't care less....not good, not good at all.

Vampires also fear running water like streams and rivers. If they fall into one and die there soul will never go to paidice.

As what vampire feel about how they make otheres feel. It all depends on the vampire/person.

Loneliness at first, which is connected with the fear of immortality. (There is noone to share this with you, only another one like you are)

Of course i cannot tell,I am not a vampire, but i can quess that the biggest fear comes from losing your human life. It´s like if you changed a bird into a fish. You are something else. You were given new powers, but you lost the one was natural to you.

I think it would have to be the immortality. As Rosencrantz says in the Existentialist play, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead by Tom Stoppard:

'Eternity is a terrible thought'.

I agree. This is why Lestat in Anne Rice's vampire chronicles buries himself for an extended period of time, because the idea of eternity and watching the ages pass and die is a maddening thing on the growing vampire's mind. Eternity's kinda like that idea of nothing - it's hard to get ur head around, cos nothing is still something. In the same way, it's hard to imagine having no end; that life could just go on and on forever...*shivers*

At first I think a vampire would feel shame when he is still in "human" mode of thing and feeling, but eventually, his necessity would dictate his desire and thus eventually the things from which he draws pleasure. That is, he might have a sense of conviction over killing to get the sustenance one needs from a human's blood, but as time passed on and he did what he had to do to survive, it would become second nature to him and he would not give it a second thought, giving him a seemingly monstrous image.

Ok first of all, hollywood will never take a "hint" because first, if they did they would make it into a cheesy type of movie, and second, blood sells, just like local news stations and channels blood sells, they will always put murder and death up on the screen whether it be a movie or tv. Now then, in my opinion a vampire will fear lonliness, but only when they have settled down and actually thought about it, which in most cases they don't until it's way too late. Then they either panic and end it, or go into a deep rest until they can later gather their thoughts.

Seems like the main fear would be as everyone has said, lonely, void of any kind of life or challenge. Life without end, what would be the point.Talk about being stuck in a rut. Seems like emotions of any sort would eventually leave as you march on the pointless quest of everyday life without end. That I think would be the greatest fear, for anyone.

Id fear seeing everyone i love die and never being able to meet them after death and let them know that i will always be there for them. I think it owuld come clsoe to every vampire feeling the fear of knowing all their long life, a lot of what they will feel is pain, remorse an withdrawl from everything they once loved. the fera of having to deal with it again and again and not havig anyone to talk to about it.

Personally the only fear I have is that I will lose control over my self and hurt somebody. I can not say what others fear but that’s the only thing that matters, me controlling the darkness within my own essence.

I feel shame and weak, when others fear me I don’t like it so I do every thing I can to make myself a good person, someone that others can respect and not fear.

about their fear of their endless life, i think you're talking about immortality..

i had posted a similar thread on immortality before and almost all of the responses said that they dont believe in immortality because the mortal body has to end and start all over again...

immortality is only shown on hollywood movies for vampires... but if they are really immortal, somehow they would get tired with their life and kill theirselve don't you think?

if im in their position, ill get tired of life eventually and seek peace.... and that is through death

and about the vampire's fear of stakes... i think you're reffering to fictional vampires... there's a very big difference that borders on fictional and real vampires

Well I am taking the questions to be concerning fictional vampires. I would suspect from movies and books I have seen if the vampire was very old then he probably wouldn't have so much fear of such things because he would have learned how to avoid that. I think what I have seen in some movies and such that they are seeking a mate and want to make them immortal to be with them forever. A mortal would die and leave them alone so yes I think it would get lonely and that has been portrayed in books and movies.

Some seem to be shown as blood thristy beasts who only think of man as food and then others feel remorse but cannot resist who and what they are.

Real, fictional, myth, I think lonelyness would weigh heavy on the head of someone that has longer than human life. But fear..............as long as you know human nature and have seen mistakes of the past there should BE no fear.

And as for the fear that people feel......... that would be the aspiration of a cocky immortal, a wise one would take a more reclusive life( so not to draw attention).

I think that vampires may fear their own desires and possible each other. Maybe a fear of never feeling whole always needing more.

As for the second question, I think that it would be more complex. With different circumstanced bringing different feelings. Such as saving women from being raped by draining the attackers blood. I don't think I would feel to bad about that. Its kinda of like no two experiences could be the same. They may be similar which could bring on similar feelings, however there would be a break in those experiences with another completely surprising the vampire. Another thing to take into account would be who was the vampire before he/she was a vampire. A person who was self conscious and was made fun of all of their lives may hold on to that experience and enjoy the hunt for revenge. Anyway, just a thought

being alone...for me that would be the worst.unless u found another like yerself...centuries alone not something i would look forward to.

i would say the lonliness of never being able to keep someone they love by their side for the fact that they are scared of condeming their soul... which i believe wouldnt be a bad thing for me... i guess a vampire would feel dissappointment that this world with its crazy cultures and beliefs would be scared of vampires still... i mean this is the time of sex rock and drugs but yet at the mention of vampires their hearts skip a beat or they just blow it off

Part 1

I think a vampire would fear judgment. Many vampire stories are associated with Christianity, and most vampires are considered evil, that is why they cannot go out in the sunlight, because light is holy and god-sent. I think they would fear hell and the wrath of God, because even vampires may be killed.

Part 2

I think it depends on the vampire we are talking about here. Some myths portray vampires as being animalistic, in which case I think they would view humans as a cheetah would view an antelope: As food. I don't think these vampries would feel any sort of humanistic emotions--guilt, shame etc., over drinking the blood of another.

In the tales where vampires are more human, they might feel some of these emotions. Probably guilt and shame, as you said, over their uncontrollable urge.

1. I would think that the worst fear would be concerning what would happen to him/her if the Earth 'ended." If the Vampire could not die, what would become of them?
2. I think at the beginning of the Vampiric journey would be the most difficult, having to learn to feed. Since the Vampire carries a residue of each person he/she feeds on, and is able to "know" whether the being is good or evil, they wouldn't really worry about the fear they instill in those they kill. On the other hand, if the person had a "pure" spirit, they(vampire) might feel guilt for not letting goodness live. Possibly, they wouldn't care!

i would say, as others already have, that it would be boredom.... lack of challenge. but possible even occasionally there would be a bit of a new challenge... time would take that away too probably.

the second part... possibly the pain of time stealing these pleasures from you... lost of loved ones... but then maybe time would steal away your ability to feel too??? hmmm

You know, thinking on it more... I know I said that I think a vampire could fear everything that we fear and I still think that, but thinking on the lines of the sterotyped vampires.... I think they may fear being discovered.... It could pose a threat.

"I'm going to throw another Theory into the mix. A Vampire could Fear the End of all things. Think about a Vampire that has lived for Hundreds.....possibly Thousands of years. What if all the years that a Vampire lived made them Greedy for more? What if a Vampire feared it all Ending and never being able to Experience life and all its Changes? "

I dunno. In my opinion, wouldnt they already have experienced life (and death) and all the changes that come with it. Especially after said amount of time. Just because they cant do this and that doesnt mean they are totally outcast from the world... just certain aspects of. I dunno, maybe Im talkin about my ass here.

i have to agree that the main fear would be the loneliness of being left on earth alone, and watching loved ones die

I think that the fear that vampires install in others (mostly humans) would get old pretty quick, but there would be some vampires that always got off on the fear they could cause because it is a pretty powerful thing. But on the otherhand, their would be some vampires out there that really don't like the way people feared him/her, and wouldn't want to deal with it, thereby feeling doomed/damned/whatever.
As for a fear that a vampire himself/herself would be most likely to have, I think it would deffinitely be lonlieness and watching all your loved ones die. If you lived forever, you would see so much, or get sick of the world and the hate and crap that's going on and you'd lose so many people.
*nod* Okay, I think that's enough.

personally, i dont think the vampire/vampires would neccesarily get bored with the nightly blood drinking. because, if you think about it, its just like what humans do. you eat three meals a day, every day, for your whole life. so its more of a natural routine for them as well.

pain and fear are illusions of the mind may you all have the strength of the warrior

If I was a vampire there would be a couple of things that I would fear. Being alone for all eternity and Loving someone and not have the feelings shared. I know that those two reasons sound like the same thing but they are different.

"Whether it be a a vampire of fiction, fact, myth, legend.. etc. What would a vampire fear besides the usual stake and sun." (Allgenre)

The only certain method of destroying a vampire is to consume him in fire after decapitation and impalation has taken place.

The vampire cannot cross salt water. Running water, too, he can only pass at the slack or the flood of the tide.

The vampire fears and shrinks from holy things.

Holy water burns him as some biting acid.

He flies from the sign of the Cross and Crucifix.

He hates relics and is conquered by the fragrance of incense and certain herbs and plants, particularly garlic and whitethorn (or buckthorn).

Above all he flies from the Host, the Body of God.

The stake, which must be driven through with one blow, should be of aspen, or maple, or hawthorn or whitethorn.

out living mortals would be a big fear that i would have i would think

I think it is the loneliness they say vampires are solitary creatures but how long can any creature be alone and not feel that pain

i would think that a vampire would have mainly the same fears as humans except for things like not being able to feed, maybe sunlight, and things like that. as for the "curse of eternity" as i like to call it...from what i understand there are very few imortals and i would think that they would not fear living forever or else they would probably just kill themselves.

as for scaring others, i would think that it would go from a since of power to feeling rejected to feeling lonely to finally feeling as if it is just a part of life and that people need to stop judging what they don't understand.

i've found that when people learn of my bieng like a vampire they were curious also they may not like living forever but accept it and they may feel shame but would have to realize that the people are afraid because they don't understand

Ok my take on the subject is that the greatest fear of a vampire is not sun, stake, or loneliness, its acctually that if humans were to get smart and acctually realise that we were really here and not just posing as, and didn't like the thought that we were here and were more powerful than they, we fear we might be used as weapons, that or they would come to exterminate us. that is why most of us are still in hiding. Not oly that but most of us have grown to the point where only long exposures in the sun bother us, so sun is not really a factor. for the second part, I live to instill fear in others wether it be human or my own kind, I live for fear and I thrive on it. I don't think it will ever become uninteresting, At least it hasen't for the past 1300 years I've been alive.

i think they fear all the same thing humans would fear....but some just may have no fear in there body at all

It would depend on the vampire, but I personally thrive on instilling fear in others, particularly those who are wicked or evil. H.P. Lovecraft put it best. "The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear..."

i only put fear in the ones who r evil....i feel when a human has too much power will use it in all the wrong ways so its our job as non or part humans to stop them

This is interesting and I don't think anyone could really answer.

I think everyone is putting a human viewpoint on how they would feel if they suddenly had a 'vampire' ability :

Imagine an ant looking up at a human being and saying 'they must be worried about falling over all the time'. Of course we're not, but from the ant's viewpoint we must be.

Surely that's what we're doing here ... the vampire lifestyle would create a completely different way of thinking and ideas of loneliness etc wouldn't apply - the vampire would accept that relationships come and go, people die and so on.

I don't really think a vampire would feel a great deal about the fear people have of him/her - do you feel bad when an animal scurries out of your path out of fear for you?

Clear as mud huh

I fear not the loneliness,for I am never alone.The regret of murder always follows behind my back.
I fear not the time,for I lost the scent of it.I no longer feel it passing by.
I fear only one thing-absence.
Blood absence.I fear that humans will die and no blood will be left for me and for my kind.

I think a big fear would be to be obsolete. unable to adapt to whatever new age came about. That no matter how old and great and powerful you'd become, you'd still be very confused after a few centuries.

It strikes me that because we all know we're going to die, we fear it but perhaps with a bit of acceptance. We have to acknowledge that our time will come. As we get older, we become more and more ok with the idea of dying. Most people have some belief of the afterlife as well and this tends to help in the process of acceptance.

Now a vampire (if we're talking about the immortal undead) would have the prospect of living forever as long as they avoid the things that CAN kill them. These type of vampire are also 'damned' and wouldn't have the same prospects after death that many people believe awaits them. In the folklore/fiction, they'd be either destroyed forever or damned to 'hell'. One could reason then that they might fear death more than a human would.

One would think one vampire would fear another...

If there are no other nearby vampires, I would think vampires would worry about us mortals (the shear number of us) fucking things up. One can't live forever if the mortals scurry about and destroy the planet.

I would believe they would be on a never ending quest to seek true love, to fill the empty void in there lives.

Some vampires would be, I suppose, but t wouldn't be a never ending search for true love, as once they found their love, they would just turn them, then they would have someone to spend eternity with.

I don't see why there's such an obession with vampiric love in this thread. I can't help but think that after ages upon ages, vampires would just get hardened from their experiences and how mortals are not to be trusted and would just leave it at that.

I dont think any Vampire feels regret for what they do , i think they feed purely for survival and some for eroticism

There was a saying in the Thelemic Order of the Golden Dawn during neophyte initiations:

"Fear not man nor beast nor Gods nor Anything, for fear is failure and the forunner of failure."

It was probably used elsewhere previously.

Part 1:

I think that thinking hypothetically one fear would be to not find that one person to spend eternity with.

Part 2:

I don't think there would be any regrets, because I don't believe you should regret anything you do that pertains to yourself. If you're going to regret it, then you just shouldn't do it.

Even if a vampire were to find a suitable companion to spend eternity with, would said vampire still be able to find happiness in life? I agree fully that boredom would eventually set in, which would surely make living a strain, especially for those who make new lives for themselves every generation.

There are those tales of vampires who live for thousands of years but what would happen to them after tens of thousands.. hundreds of thousands.. millions.. billions?

Fear of being bored and lonely until the end of time. Why would a vampire worry about hurting someone?

well for the first part i think that vampires would fear loniness unless the one they love is one their own.... then that would be pure happiness...

and I dont think vampires are ashamed of the fear they bring... they love it

As for any vamp modern day or hollywood lonliness.Me, I can be in a crowded room of friends and family and be alone and as far as fears I figure pretty much the same as anyone,because they were human once and modern vamps know they are.

I think a vampire would fear most the threat of being discovered. That potential threat could lead to hatred, assault, attack and possibly death. Depending on the vampire and their interactions with human kind, I think some would feel ashamed and guilty that they cause such fear and mistrust in people while others would probably be quite pleased with their effect on them.

being alone would be a great fear. even if you meet some one to be with you, eventually you will out live them.

I do not feel sorry for those i take from because i (usually) only take from those who are close to me. I dont fear lonliness because anyoneone i care for ends up being turned.

Well said. Turning loved ones is the best way to prevent loneliness from setting in.

Having ur immortality stripped from you

and or being alone for centuries on end

If you had your immortality stripped from you, then fear of being alone would be the last of your worries.

Fearing falling asleep and never waking up... If one looses stimuli, one may stop responding.

I think the fear is most definitely loneliness. And not being able to adapt to times.

I think the fear that vampires instill in humans has to be dealt with over time. Something to get used to

This is indeed an interesting question, for it may lead us far more to our inner selfes, reflecting about the feared predators, than we might ever wanted to.
(And yes, who ever feels remembered to the real meaning of the Masquerade by White Wolf may have just catched my thoughts.)


Who could possibly ever understand a vampire? Especially old ones?
Did you ever met elderly people still fit in their minds? One may hardly fully understand them. Or take a war veteran...can you ever feel the crueltyof the war as he/she did?

So, who can claim to ever understand a being wich is said older than this and wich experienced so much more peril, denial, loss and joy than we ever may. Did you ever tried to reflect all your knowledge to get a bigger picture..or lets say, just the meaning of life for you?
How would one think and reflect wich so much more knowledge and maybe wisdom a single human life can ever cumulate?

I fear resignation and regret. I fear to someday not be able to see any sense in all this no more and just going away.. maybe not being able so strikes angst, too. This is horror.


On the other hand:
What does a vampire do with all those memories of killing and hurting, abusing and betraying, dominating and disrespecting?
Does one finally lose all its humanity, moral ans ethics and become just a monster?
Or does one try to keep the good humand being somehow to avoid such destiny?
Or does one become insane in the end, finally cracking under the presure of the conscience? Who again may be able to tell us?


I fear the beast, fear to be overwhelmed by sheer inhumanity and could and in the end just rage like an angry animal but feeling nothing else besides.
But hey, I am young and have lots of time to experience my own truth.
Seeing yourself in this context from outside reveals some interesting insights.

But be aware,
in the end,
we all appall
of our selfs.

To respond to neonate's post, lack of stimuli would indeed be something that would get annoying. If you didn't have anything interesting happen around you for a few centuries or more, you'd probably kill yourself out of sheer boredom.

i think a vampire feels any emotion like every one else...or just nothing at all

i would say lonliness adn the death of those around them. after centuries of living u will eventually need some sort of companionship. watching those ppl die i think would be the worse of it then the realization that lonely is forever.

I cannot speak for all but I can certainly speak for myself were I a fictional vampire of old.
I feel the passage of time now...I can scarcely imagine centuries. I would go insane. Watching everyone around me grow old and die many times over would drive me to madness and I would likely walk into the day and end it all. Loneliness is something I fear and dread now and I cannot imagine that I would feel any different after centuries but perhaps a sort of hardness would come over me and it wouldn't be so bad. I cannot say for sure.

fear is only what you want it to be. you controll what frightens you.

"There is nothing to fear but fear itself" A useful quote to live by..

The vampire of fiction would most definately feel loneliness. He would be immortal, he would meet those he cared for, who cared for him, who might eventually learn his secret, and love him for the beautiful creature he is.

He would experience the pain of watching those he loved age, wither, and fade from existance.

He might eventually take one last walk in the sun, and he, himself will fade, and be with those he loves.

Do i feel guilt about the fear that others might have of me?

I look morbid. I ooze an aura of dominance. But if the people are kind, considerate of others, basically good people, i'd use that dominance to 'help' them, ie, protecting them from harm by intimidating those who would wrong them, and etc. i have done so before, i will do so again..

To those who would wrong others, i would define 'bane' to them.

Part 1:
The lonelyness and the time never ending for the vampire is indeed a fear not the type of fear of dying or being in deeppain or things like that but the fear of not having an end to the path or the journey, the fear of knwoing that no matter what unless killd by an outisde force or person or event they will not be able to see the end and sit one day saying I have accomplish now I can rest in peace and contempt.

Part 2:
At first I am thinking of emotion of impressiveness of worryless and kind of positiveness, then as time goes more of lonelyness, sadness and slowly depression, emptiness of being abandon.